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How do I (white guy) tell my direct report (black guy) I can't recommend him for
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Date: December 6th, 2025 8:07 AM Author: '"'"''"'"'''"''" a promotion without being called a RACIST?
Going to keep this kind of vague. This guy is chill, gets work done on time, is more than competent, etc., but he has shitty communication skills. He's leading the project he's on, so he's expected to plan things out, communicate well with other people on his project, give detailed updates to relevant people, etc., but he's quiet as fuck to the point where two people on his project have told me he's too damn quiet. He might be autistic.
I meet with him twice a month and he has a lot to say in our discussions, but his team is telling me he needs to communicate better. He wants a promotion, and I thought I was building a solid case for him to get promoted eventually, but now I'm learning he doesn't have the communication skills needed to get promoted.
How do I tell him he needs to work on his communication skills without getting BLACKED? Thanks. |
Date: December 6th, 2025 8:12 AM Author: Reinhard Heydrich Uunona (✅🍑) tell him “not yet” rather than “not” “work on this a little and I’ve got you next time around” and document everything — everything |
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Date: December 6th, 2025 11:54 AM Author: Kenneth Play (emotional girth) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5806912&forum_id=2)#49488409) |
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Date: December 6th, 2025 8:23 AM Author: cucumbers present it as a skill that can be difficult to develop rather than a performance concern. don't make him think it's a serious criticism on the path to a PIP; he's still getting shit done apparently, so reinforce that fact. e.g., "you're doing x, y, and z very well, so i'm confident you can get a promotion eventually. one common challenge people have in moving up the ladder is communication. i can help you work on that if you'd like." maybe make up a story about how you had challenges with communicating things earlier in your career.
basically just treat him nicely and don't make him think you're thinking of firing him, otherwise things can go south really quickly. |
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Date: December 6th, 2025 8:43 AM Author: cucumbers also, maybe don't blame him for the problem. perhaps it's a broader issue on his team or project. or he simply may not fully understand the expectations around communication in his role. etc. basically, don't be an asshole, and things should go fine. do whatever allows you to look at yourself in the mirror and sleep well at night. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5806912&forum_id=2)#49488048) |
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Date: December 6th, 2025 9:04 AM Author: '"'"''"'"'''"''" Thanks, this is helpful. I think he's just inexperienced being in a more visible role, and that combined with his quiet nature bring up the communication concerns. He's doing everything else well, and the project is not behind schedule or anything. I'll figure out a way to present it as a skill that takes time to develop rather than a criticism. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5806912&forum_id=2)#49488078) |
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Date: December 6th, 2025 8:51 AM Author: Pumonymous Nigga, you need to be more articulate. No more of dat shucking and jiving, you get it, boy? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5806912&forum_id=2)#49488063) |
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Date: December 7th, 2025 11:30 AM Author: Buck Broken (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5806912&forum_id=2)#49491186) |
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Date: December 6th, 2025 8:59 AM Author: ...,...,...,...,...,...,...,..., "but he's quiet as fuck to the point where two people on his project have told me he's too damn quiet. He might be autistic."
Wow, quiet = autistic?
Is he actually failing to communicate, or is he just quiet? I know many quiet people who outperform the loud ones. They definitely waste less time on pointless banter.
If he's getting work done, look deeper. They might be ganging up on him, pretty common these days in toxic work environments. If you were confident in him and now you're flipping because of gossip, you might be the one who needs a demotion. |
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Date: December 6th, 2025 9:09 AM Author: '"'"''"'"'''"''" His performance is fine -- meets deadlines, gets things moving, etc. It's just that he's in a more visible role now that requires more communication on his part. And this is his first time in such a role, so I think he just needs more experience with it.
I don't think they're ganging up on him. And it's actually three people who've told me he's very quiet. The third isn't on his team, but meets with his team once a week or other week.
I'm still confident in him getting work done, and I'm confident he can develop better communication skills. I'm not going to present it as a performance issue, but rather a skill to develop for a more stronger case for promotion.
I'm just trying to figure out how to play this game very delicately because he's black and I'm white; otherwise, I wouldn't be extra cautious about all of this. |
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Date: December 6th, 2025 9:20 AM Author: cucumbers breh i think you're overthinking this and/or kind of paranoid. yes, black people and other URMs have extra protections as employees, but they're not all hunting for the right moment to play the race card. just fucking treat it as an area for improvement without being an asshole. and don't ever mention race in discussions with him or anyone at work. you should be fine. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5806912&forum_id=2)#49488090) |
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Date: December 7th, 2025 11:28 AM Author: ...,...,...,...,...,...,...,..., So not babbling enough is now a performance issue. Did they at least state which thrilling subjects he’s expected to entertain them with, a list of approved small-talk topics, or whether they prefer weather updates or celebrity gossip?
Let me guess. They miss the hour-long corporate monologues from the last boss, and this guy isn’t filling the shoes? |
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Date: December 7th, 2025 11:45 AM Author: Gefilte Fish Vindaloo This is a well understood thing that most people equate quantity of communication with quality of communication.
Some companies try to get around this by e.g. going around the table on any topic starting with the most junior person so that meetings don't devolve into performative communication where everyone is fighting to ask basic questions or state remedial points just to give the impression of communication. In most cases though someone who speaks early and often (even if adding zero value) will be seen as a better leader, more competent, more valuable to the company, etc. than someone who only chimes in when there's a problem to solve.
Note this is also why you end up with a lot of people in middle management roles who have no idea how to actually do things except performatively engage in work.
All this said there are also people who are just so incapable of speaking that it is a big hinderance to their job. |
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Date: December 7th, 2025 12:44 PM Author: ...,...,...,...,...,...,...,..., “Well understood,” and “most people equate” sums it up. I think back to the hours I threw away at my last two companies in useless meetings while people with awful performance climbed upward simply by rambling endlessly.
Somehow, those are the desired “skills”, not “hitting targets”, lmao. |
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Date: December 7th, 2025 11:30 AM Author: Buck Broken (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5806912&forum_id=2)#49491188) |
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Date: December 6th, 2025 9:05 AM Author: black abyss (definite and ineradicable gauge of its upward moving) If he’s getting work done he is absolutely invaluable in this labor market. Get him an extra percent bump in pay and lead with that when you tell him he can’t yet get promoted. Tell him he’s a “rockstar.” Smile gratuitously. Ask him if he has any friends who are hard workers because the firm can always use some diligent folks in the bullpen. Make him feel like a valued member of the team. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5806912&forum_id=2)#49488079) |
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Date: December 6th, 2025 9:11 AM Author: my dog has shot fewer people than Dick Cheney (let us rid ourselves of the fiction that low oil prices are good) you can try not being a fagg0t, for one … (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5806912&forum_id=2)#49488084) |
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Date: December 6th, 2025 9:26 AM Author: fulano Just have him do these projects by himself and they'll get done in time. Are any of these team members genetic females btw. If so the lack of communication is them refusing to listen |
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Date: December 6th, 2025 10:06 AM Author: Reinhard Heydrich Uunona (✅🍑) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5806912&forum_id=2)#49488170) |
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Date: December 7th, 2025 11:32 AM Author: Buck Broken (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5806912&forum_id=2)#49491190) |
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Date: December 6th, 2025 10:11 AM Author: Diane Rehm talking dirty (🐿️ ) Does he have sand? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5806912&forum_id=2)#49488193) |
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Date: December 6th, 2025 10:19 AM Author: Risten Have him imagine a hypothetical where he's not quiet (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5806912&forum_id=2)#49488212) |
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Date: December 7th, 2025 11:32 AM Author: Buck Broken Share your screen on teams and use this to hype him up
https://youtu.be/cFdxPGoSubA?si=YEhhhog5P0aWnk1V |
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Date: December 7th, 2025 11:35 AM Author: spaceport2525 What sort of Project is he Leading? Are the people complaining Men or Women? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5806912&forum_id=2)#49491203) |
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Date: December 7th, 2025 11:38 AM Author: Buck Broken I had a 180 black boss at my first corporate job who would randomly go on hour+ monologues with zero cohesion just ranting about how the job market is rough and we are very lucky into talking about Michael Jordan and the bulls and teamwork and that he encourages workplace dating in his department (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5806912&forum_id=2)#49491212) |
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Date: December 7th, 2025 11:43 AM Author: ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, being 'too quiet' isnt a problem. Lack of constructive dialogue with team, lack of clarification on project or performance expectations, lack of initiative or leadership support are actual real problems that you can address and work on for that 'next time' promotion. hope this helps. |