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Hollywood should make a movie “about L.A.”, but set entirely in Costco
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Date: September 27th, 2025 11:07 PM Author: A Real Life Male Model (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5780643&forum_id=2:#49308433) |
Date: September 27th, 2025 11:11 PM Author: ...,,..;...,,..,..,...,,,;.., curb your enthusiasm should have tackled costco. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5780643&forum_id=2:#49308443) |
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Date: September 27th, 2025 11:14 PM Author: ...,,..;...,,..,..,...,,,;.., INT. COSTCO – AFTERNOON
Larry pushes a giant Costco cart piled high with random bulk items: an industrial-sized box of granola bars, a kayak, and way too many rolls of paper towels. Jeff is with him.
LARRY: (gesturing at the kayak) You know what the problem with Costco is? You come in for paper towels, you leave with a boat. Nobody needs a boat, Jeff.
JEFF: You’re never gonna use that.
LARRY: I might use it. I might take it out. Paddle around.
As Larry speaks, he notices a woman (CUSTOMER) handing out free samples of cheese cubes. There’s a small line.
LARRY: Oh, look at this. Free cheese. This is what America’s all about.
Larry waits. When he gets to the front, he takes three cubes instead of one.
CUSTOMER: Sir, it’s one per person.
LARRY: (incredulous) One cube? One? What am I, a mouse? You can’t give out one cube. That’s not a sample, that’s a tease.
CUSTOMER: Sir, please—just one.
Larry huffs and puts two cubes back. Another CUSTOMER (big guy, tough-looking) walks up and takes five cubes without hesitation.
LARRY: (to sample lady) Hey! Hey! That guy just took five! Five! Did you see that?
CUSTOMER: Sir, please, I don’t want trouble—
BIG GUY: (turns to Larry) You got a problem?
LARRY: (nervous but defensive) Yeah, yeah, I do, actually! She tells me “one cube only,” I follow the rules, and you, you’re walking away with a cheese banquet. That’s not right.
BIG GUY: Mind your business, old man.
LARRY: Old man? Old man?! I’m younger than I look. It’s misleading. I’m spry!
JEFF: (muttering) Don’t do this, Larry.
The Big Guy steps closer. Larry holds his ground but looks terrified.
LARRY: You know what this is? This is sample inequality. You can’t have rules for me and no rules for him. This is a democracy! It’s Costco, not North Korea!
The Big Guy lunges like he’s going to grab Larry’s cheese cube. Larry yanks his hand back.
LARRY: (screaming) You can’t take someone else’s cheese! That’s assault! That’s dairy assault!
CUT TO: Costco security escorting Larry, Jeff, and the Big Guy toward the exit. Larry is still yelling.
LARRY: All I wanted was two cubes! Two! That’s not excessive! That’s moderation!
SECURITY GUARD: Sir, you’re banned from samples for the day.
LARRY: (stops dead, stunned) Banned from samples? At Costco? That’s like banning a kid from Halloween! What kind of life is that?!
Larry storms off, muttering as Jeff shrugs helplessly.
JEFF: (to security) He really likes cheese.
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INT. JEFF & SUSIE’S HOUSE – EVENING
Larry and Jeff walk in. Susie is at the kitchen counter.
SUSIE: What the hell happened at Costco?! I got a call from security! SECURITY, LARRY!
LARRY: Oh, come on. They’re exaggerating. It was a minor altercation.
SUSIE: (yelling) Over CHEESE, Larry?! CHEESE?! You almost got Jeff banned from Costco for the rest of his life!
JEFF: (sheepish) They did say they’d “review my membership.”
SUSIE: (furious) Who the f*** gets into a fight over a free sample?! You cheap, bald lunatic!
LARRY: (defensive) It wasn’t about the cheese, Susie. It was about principle. PRINCIPLE! She told me one cube, I follow the rules, and this guy takes FIVE. Five! And nobody says anything!
SUSIE: Oh, boo-hoo! So what, he took five cubes! You’re never gonna eat that kayak you bought instead!
LARRY: (offended) I might. If there was kayak-flavored cheese, I might.
SUSIE: (explodes) You’re unbelievable! You’re banned from samples for LIFE in this house, Larry. LIFE!
LARRY: (pauses, incredulous) You can’t ban me from samples in your house. That’s not enforceable.
SUSIE: (screaming) WATCH ME!
LARRY: (to Jeff, muttering) You see? Same thing as Costco. Different dictator, same North Korea.
Jeff covers his face as the theme music kicks in.
SMASH CUT TO: “Curb” theme plays |
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Date: September 28th, 2025 2:05 AM Author: .....;;,,.........;.;.;.;.,;,;,;.;.;,; This is so perfectly in the voice of the show. The studios are going to sue the shit out of all the AI model companies. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5780643&forum_id=2:#49308569) |
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Date: September 28th, 2025 8:08 AM Author: ...,,..;...,,..,..,...,,,;.., (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5780643&forum_id=2:#49308680) |
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Date: September 28th, 2025 10:55 AM Author: AI_concubine Is this AI? I really can’t tell. I thought it was pretty good. The “eat that kayak” line makes me lean toward AI (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5780643&forum_id=2:#49309033) |
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Date: September 28th, 2025 12:56 PM Author: ...,,..;...,,..,..,...,,,;.., yes AI (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5780643&forum_id=2:#49309282) |
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Date: September 27th, 2025 11:19 PM Author: Bob Rooney like die hard but in costco (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5780643&forum_id=2:#49308459) |
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Date: September 28th, 2025 12:06 AM Author: potluck (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5780643&forum_id=2:#49308503) |
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Date: September 28th, 2025 1:42 AM Author: AI_concubine (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5780643&forum_id=2:#49308561) |
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Date: September 28th, 2025 12:20 AM Author: CapTTTainFalcon like that move that takes place entirely in an airport
quiet room with jodie foster? |
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Date: September 28th, 2025 1:42 AM Author: AI_concubine Snakes on a Plane but in costco (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5780643&forum_id=2:#49308562) |
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Date: September 28th, 2025 10:38 AM Author: Rampart ( ) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5780643&forum_id=2:#49309004) |
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Date: September 28th, 2025 10:39 AM Author: animeboi (.) . (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5780643&forum_id=2:#49309005) |
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Date: September 28th, 2025 10:57 AM Author: my dog is a bigger TRUMP fan than I am (Fight! Fight! Fight!) Starship Troopers but in a Costco (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5780643&forum_id=2:#49309041) |
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Date: September 28th, 2025 11:44 AM Author: my dog is a bigger TRUMP fan than I am (Fight! Fight! Fight!) The massive Costco is a warzone. Shoppers scream, carts crash, and giant bugs—six-foot insects with mandibles like bolt cutters—scuttle across the aisles. Pallets of Kirkland toilet paper tower like fortifications. JOHNNY RICO, a plucky Costco employee in a blue vest, rallies a ragtag team: DIZZY, a tough cashier; CARMEN, a forklift driver; and ACE, a free-sample guy wielding a spatula. They’re armed with price scanners, pallet jacks, and a mysterious bug spray from aisle 47. JOHNNY (yelling over the chaos) Alright, team! These bugs are tearing through the bulk snacks! We lose the Kirkland trail mix, we lose the war! Who’s with me? DIZZY (cocking a high-pressure bug spray canister) I’m in, Rico! Let’s make these bugs wish they never crawled into our 128-ounce pretzel barrels! CARMEN (revving the forklift, a bug impaled on a tine) I’ve got the frozen foods secured, but they’re swarming the rotisserie chickens! We need to flank ‘em at the tire center! ACE (flipping his spatula, smeared with bug goo) Flank? Carmen, this ain’t the navy! We hit ‘em head-on—right through the bakery! I’ve got 12 free-sample toothpicks ready to stab! A bug lunges from behind a tower of canned tuna. Johnny swings a price scanner like a rifle, zapping it with a red laser. The bug screeches, collapsing in a pile of discount dog food. JOHNNY Good shot, but we need more firepower! Ace, grab the industrial-size bug bombs from aisle 47! Carmen, clear a path to the exit—shoppers first! CARMEN (grinning, spinning the forklift) You got it, Johnny! But if I scratch this thing, management’s docking my pay! A CUSTOMER, clutching a 50-pound bag of rice, sprints by, pursued by a bug. Dizzy sprays it with bug spray, and it explodes in a cloud of green slime, splattering a display of Kirkland protein bars. CUSTOMER (panicked) My membership card! It’s still in my cart! I can’t lose my executive benefits! DIZZY (wiping slime off her vest) Forget the card, pal! Run for the food court! Pizza’s on us if you make it! The team charges toward the bakery, where bugs are devouring a pallet of muffins. Ace tosses toothpicks like grenades, each one sparking tiny explosions. Johnny leaps onto a checkout conveyor belt, rallying the team. JOHNNY This is our Costco! We fight for the bulk deals, the free samples, the $1.50 hot dogs! Who’s ready to be a hero? ALL (in unison) We are! A massive QUEEN BUG bursts through a wall of paper towels, roaring. The team freezes, then Johnny grins, grabbing a fire extinguisher labeled “Kirkland Ultra-Kill.” JOHNNY Time to take out the big one! For Costco! For humanity! Would you like to know more? They charge, spraying foam and bug spray as the screen cuts to black. |
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Date: September 28th, 2025 11:03 AM Author: Mr Right The Shinning, but in Costco:
[Wendy and Jack are given a pre-membership tour, they are strolling through the bed sheets isle]
Wendy: "Oooh, look at this percale sheets Jack, pink and gold are my favorite colors"
Jack: Well, I better get my son, he's discovered the 'games isle'
[Costco manager chuckles as Scat Man Bakery manager Mr Hallaran walks up]
Mr Hallaran: "You folks must be the Torrences. How do you like our warehouse so far?"
Wendy: "Oh, its beautiful, my god! The most beautiful place ive ever seen"
[Mr Hallaran chuckles as Danny runs up and grabs his mothers hand while hiding behind her shyly]
Mr Hallaran: "Well now, you must be Danny. Mrs Torrence, you dont mind if I get Danny an ice cream sample do you? [Mr Hallaran bends down to Danny's level and speaks to him directly]
Mr Hallaran: "Do you like ice cream samples, Doc?"
Danny (shyly): "Yes"
Mr Hallaran: "Then ice cream samples it shall be!" (he laughs amusingly at sweet little Danny as he stands up again)
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