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CharlesXII drawing the Battle of Austerlitz on napkins for his date
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Poast new message in this thread
Date: February 4th, 2018 9:20 AM Author: bateful anal house *draws big line on napkin*
"The French forces were arrayed here. As you'll recall from our discussion of the Ulm Campaign over the appetizers, Napoleon had just captured a big chunk of the Austrian army and occupied the Austrian capital of Vienna, but he feigned confusion and weakness in his own ranks by intentionally evacuating the Pratzen heights"
*draws circle, labels it "PRATZEN"*
"Now here on the far right of the Allied lines, guarding the road to Olmutz, was a unit commanded by General Bagration. Remember that name, it's going to come up again later." |
Date: February 4th, 2018 9:21 AM Author: Galvanic flesh site community account (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2в#35319345) |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 9:23 AM Author: marvelous base "Remember that name, it's going to come up again later."
irl howled with laughter at this |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 12:59 PM Author: harsh shitlib (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2в#35320592) |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 4:53 PM Author: Thriller Chapel (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2в#35321896) |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 9:31 PM Author: Green ungodly stock car national security agency (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2в#35324167) |
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Date: February 9th, 2018 5:49 PM Author: Apoplectic Talented Mad-dog Skullcap (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2в#35365446) |
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Date: March 18th, 2018 2:15 PM Author: Thriller Chapel (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2в#35631625) |
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Date: July 8th, 2018 3:25 PM Author: Thriller Chapel (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2в#36385789) |
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Date: July 11th, 2018 10:50 PM Author: Fuchsia Coffee Pot Parlour (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2в#36409516) |
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Date: November 27th, 2020 2:29 PM Author: Cracking Aqua Genital Piercing (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2в#41445928) |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 9:25 AM Author: doobsian bull headed den "Excuse me, waitress? Do you have any more sugar packets? I'll need about 30 of the pink ones and 25 of the blue ones." (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2в#35319358) |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 9:26 AM Author: bateful anal house (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2в#35319361) |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 9:26 AM Author: Umber cuckoldry (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2в#35319365) |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 9:27 AM Author: marvelous base “And 45 pepper shakers and 60 salt. Make that 70 - almost forgot about the artillery backup.” (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2в#35319367) |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 9:29 AM Author: doobsian bull headed den "And can we move these tables together? Yeah -- that one too." (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2в#35319372) |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 9:32 AM Author: marvelous base “the gap between the tables can represent the stream. and two more ice teas” (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2в#35319388) |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 10:00 AM Author: bateful anal house *grabs some more food from the charcuterie plate*
"So this piece of salami is Marshal Lannes." |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 10:01 AM Author: bateful anal house "Oops, how can I forget his marshal's baton!"
*sticks toothpick into salami slice* |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 10:01 AM Author: doobsian bull headed den 180 (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2в#35319550) |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 11:13 AM Author: slate trip rigor rehab (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2в#35319952) |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 12:01 PM Author: Sexy Hunting Ground (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2в#35320246) |
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Date: February 5th, 2018 12:15 AM Author: supple feces mood (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2в#35326200) |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 9:29 AM Author: Hilarious institution stain "Actually, get me 20 pink and 10 yellow ones. May as well distinguish between the Russian and Austrian forces." (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2в#35319373) |
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Date: March 18th, 2018 11:37 AM Author: medicated athletic conference (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2в#35630925) |
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Date: February 6th, 2018 9:15 PM Author: Know-it-all Exciting Dilemma Mediation (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2в#35342427) |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 9:30 AM Author: Galvanic flesh site community account "From our waitress' sour look I presume she is a defender of Holy Roman Emperor Francis II," Charles told his date. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2в#35319379) |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 9:40 AM Author: bateful anal house *Russian busboy furrows brow, mutters about how the Tsar should have listened to Kutuzov* (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2в#35319441) |
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Date: February 5th, 2018 9:40 AM Author: Razzmatazz Maize School Cafeteria Twinkling Uncleanness lmao (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2в#35327926) |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 9:29 AM Author: bateful anal house "OK, you see the distance between my steak your cup of poison? That's about the maximum range of the 12 pound artillery guns used by the IV and V Corps. This is going to be important when we talk about the Allied retreat" (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2в#35319374) |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 9:39 AM Author: bateful anal house two hours into it, a small crowd has gathered
"...so yeah, that's pretty much how the War of the Third Coalition ended, here in the heart of Bohemia. Waitress, Czech please? No pun intended." |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 9:41 AM Author: Galvanic flesh site community account (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2в#35319447) |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 9:42 AM Author: doobsian bull headed den Charles's date discretely pulls out phone and texts "I can't come over tonight Chad, something came up." (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2в#35319453) |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 9:47 AM Author: bateful anal house *Charles signs check, looks at date*
"So, uh, do you want to come back to my place and learn about the Treaty of Pressburg?" |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 10:20 AM Author: filthy big hell pls extend this
make it like that 2nd cousin & biglawyer in the bathtub poast |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 11:18 AM Author: filthy big hell (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2в#35319994) |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 11:54 AM Author: bateful anal house Charles's date is hanging off his arm as they walk to his Arlington, VA apartment, running her fingers through his remaining hair. She can't wait to get him all alone.
But, to her surprise, there are two dudes in the apartment. It's mance rayder and bob woodward pu. And they're wearing britches.
"I think the best way to learn about the Treaty of Pressburg is to reenact the negotiations", Charles said. "I've invited my friends over to serve as the Austrian foreign minister Count von Cobenzl and Emperor Francis"
He then puts a three corner hat on his shocked date. "You will be playing Napoleon. Remember the crushing victory you just won, and consider what kind of concessions you can extract. If you need help, I will be role playing your foreign minister Charles Maurice de Talleyrand but lets see how much you can do on your own" |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 11:55 AM Author: doobsian bull headed den 18000000000 (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2в#35320213) |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 10:18 AM Author: filthy big hell Krampus and Mance, how do you know so much about this battle? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2в#35319607) |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 10:31 AM Author: Deranged Curious Address How do you not? The first half of War & Peace leads up to Austerlitz? Every Russian school boy knows every detail (and half the girls). Bagration is more famous in Russia than Sherman is in the US. Nigger was so famous they named a WW2 offensive after him 130 years later. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2в#35319670) |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 10:35 AM Author: bateful anal house lol it's literally one of the most famous battles in world history. it is widely considered Napoleon's greatest victory. Robert E. Lee sought to imitate it during the Civil War, and arguably did at Chancellorsville (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2в#35319688) |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 10:36 AM Author: filthy big hell but how do you know so much about the details
high school history class? |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 10:37 AM Author: Deranged Curious Address He's not a Yankee retard. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2в#35319715) |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 10:38 AM Author: bateful anal house lol no. I re-read the Battle of Austerlitz wikipedia article every few years to remind myself of the details. Same with the Battle of Jena-Auerstadt and a few others.
Also General Bagration, as ARE Reptile pointed out, is famous because in WWII the Red Army named a major anti-Nazi operation for him. When CharlesXII tells his date to remember the name Bagration, he's setting up a storyarc where he keeps seeing this girl and keeps lecturing her on Russian military history until at least the Eastern Front of World War II |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 11:14 AM Author: slate trip rigor rehab (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2в#35319958) |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 4:55 PM Author: Thriller Chapel (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2в#35321921) |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 4:57 PM Author: Hilarious institution stain Don't forget Bagration's pivotal role at the Battle of Borodino. We can buy some pie for dessert and use the slices to represent the fleches while a bowl of ice cream can be the Great Redoubt. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2в#35321941) |
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Date: October 10th, 2018 8:12 AM Author: Buck-toothed Soul-stirring Hairy Legs Old Irish Cottage (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2в#36996572) |
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Date: February 5th, 2018 12:18 AM Author: supple feces mood Next level. I’m such a dipshit (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2в#35326223) |
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Date: February 5th, 2018 10:45 AM Author: Beady-eyed pontificating location Wheels within wheels (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2в#35328396) |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 12:50 PM Author: Hilarious institution stain Lee's pursuit of an Austerlitz-style victory possibly lost the South the war, imo. Technology had rendered such "win the war in one day" shock victories impractical. Even in his big win at Chancellorsville Lee's army was hopelessly blown out by the end and the Union Army was both intact and ready for additional offensive action if it had been ordered. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2в#35320508) |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 12:52 PM Author: bateful anal house Lee needed to defeat Union morale, not the Union army. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2в#35320523) |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 1:01 PM Author: Gay candlestick maker immigrant CR.
He needed to take DC. The south controlling DC and setting their capital there would have changed the war completely and likely would have resulted in foreign intervention. |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 1:11 PM Author: Hilarious institution stain Yes, and frankly the best way to do that was for the Union army to pitch itself into meatgrinder offensive actions that killed thousands and failed to win big victories. Lee could not shatter the Army of the Potomac in the field, and his efforts to do so only lowered the lifespan of his army. The low point of Union morale was arguably in mid-1864, when we know they were close to victory but when actual onlookers just saw huge battles killing thousands of men with no clear outcome. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2в#35320662) |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 12:59 PM Author: Gay candlestick maker immigrant It wasnt technology that changed warfare, it was the mass mobilization of the population. Armies could be thoroughly routed, but the State can survive.
The Russians were the first to learn this and make the most out of it. |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 1:01 PM Author: bateful anal house Mass mobilization was revolutionary France's big innovation bro...the Conscription Act was a big milestone. Every citizen a soldier!! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2в#35320604) |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 1:03 PM Author: Gay candlestick maker immigrant Sorry, meant to say they learned this lesson the best after Napoleon used mass mobilization so effectively. Cr. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2в#35320615) |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 1:14 PM Author: Hilarious institution stain Mass mobilization itself is a technological shift, though. I'm referring to the effect of the railroad and steamship just as much as I'm referring to rifled muskets. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2в#35320688) |
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Date: February 5th, 2018 10:47 AM Author: Beady-eyed pontificating location And food and materiel production, etc. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2в#35328416) |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 10:28 AM Author: Deranged Curious Address I wish Tindersloot was up for this kind of conversation, but alas.... (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2в#35319656) |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 10:36 AM Author: bateful anal house "OMG Becky, his war game piece for Napoleon was a slice of Italian bread with honey smeared on top, because Napoleon was from Corsica and had honeybees on his imperial crest!"
"I know - he's so smart AND creative!" |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 11:16 AM Author: boyish onyx crackhouse Identifying Vienna as the Austrian capital was a helpful detail imho given one of the datelab stories last year (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2в#35319980) |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 1:37 PM Author: Hilarious institution stain Angela looked at the directions on her phone again.
"Arrive at 2:30 pm, sharp. I only have 3 hours and we need to make every moment count."
Make every moment count? What was THAT supposed to mean, Angela thought. Was Charles thinking of...no, no, he'd made it very clear how he felt about those activities. Still, after she protested that she wanted some alone time together, he'd agreed that none of his strange lawyer friends would be around this time.
She stepped up to his apartment door and gave a knock.
"Come in, it's unlocked."
As she stepped in, Angela found herself confronted by a map...a very large map, with strange blue and red blocks on it.
https://cf.geekdo-images.com/images/pic298083_lg.jpg
"Howdy, Angela, great to see you. You mentioned wanting some alone time, so I thought we could follow-up on last week's discussion with a head-to-head board game."
Board game?, thought Angela. Charles had mentioned an interest in them, but this didn't look anything like Catan or Pandemic or even Risk.
"This," Charles said with unconcealed enthusiasm, "is Napoleon's Triumph. It's a board game specifically on the Battle of Austerlitz, and is the masterwork of Rachel Simmons."
"A girl made this?"
"Well, he was Bowen Simmons at the time, but transitioned to being a woman around 2014. Very strange, but the game is excellent. Since you were Napoleon last time, I figured I'd reverse things now and let you be the Allies. You enjoy numerical superiority, but are more limited in movement and are under pressure to attack the French."
"...Oh. But I was hoping since we're alone we might have a chance to-"
Charles interrupted her by handing her a 12-page pamphlet.
"These are the rules. You'll want to give them a close read while I prep dinner. They aren't long compared to most wargame rulesets but they're pretty dense. It'll all make sense when we start playing, trust me."
"This is splendid, Charles, really," Angela said. "But before we start, I thought maybe you'd like some wine. I brought one of the bottles I won at the church raffle!"
"That's great, but alcohol is poison." |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 2:16 PM Author: Impertinent becky XO is the only beacon of light in a bleak world. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2в#35321019) |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 5:04 PM Author: provocative library main people "I think that Napoleon’s Triumph adapts well to team play. While I know that many gamers have difficulty in finding even one opponent, I do hope that folks will be able at some point to give this entertaining option a try." (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2в#35321976) |
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Date: February 5th, 2018 12:27 AM Author: Sexy Hunting Ground It is a tense moment. Desperate to impress the last good single man, Angela makes her move.
"Angela, there's at least three problems here. You can't declare a guard attack if your path is obstructed and, even if it wasn't, the attack LEADING units must be guard infantry units. But the larger issue is that move would be massively suboptimal even if it was legal." |
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Date: March 18th, 2018 11:37 AM Author: Ruddy tanning salon The fucking kicker kills me. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2в#35630923) |
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Date: March 29th, 2018 1:54 PM Author: sickened hospital probably the best post in one of the best threads in recent memory (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2в#35717279) |
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Date: October 10th, 2018 8:14 AM Author: Buck-toothed Soul-stirring Hairy Legs Old Irish Cottage (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2в#36996578) |
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Date: February 4th, 2018 9:24 PM Author: Thriller Chapel Keep coming back to this thread — 180s all around (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2в#35324077) |
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Date: February 5th, 2018 12:35 AM Author: Fear-inspiring Ivory Place Of Business Will CharlesXII ever find a woman like this? Or will his genes just be brutally culled from the gene pool?
I was a less extreme version of this as a kid, overflowing with random historical knowledge and looking for someone to share it with. I wish someone at some point had grabbed me by the shoulders, shaken me, and told me at least to try to be cool. |
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Date: February 5th, 2018 12:37 AM Author: bateful anal house to be fair, I wouldn't have been capable of making this thread and many of the detailed posts within it if there wasn't a little CharlesXII inside of me (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2в#35326377) |
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Date: February 5th, 2018 12:51 AM Author: Hilarious institution stain I will never be cool in a million years. At best I can be interesting, impressive, and a good person to the best of my ability. If the end result of that is being culled, then so be it. I've had a good life so far. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2в#35326477) |
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Date: February 5th, 2018 8:05 AM Author: Fear-inspiring Ivory Place Of Business Dude, a brilliant guy like you has a responsibility to procreate.
I think a lot about Jesus's parable of the servants who were given the talents. I expect that one day God will call upon me to explain what I did with what he gave me, and I hope I have a good answer to give him. Part of that is ensuring that my genes continue. I don't have any kids, and it might look to some like I had no path to having any, but I'm moving in that direction in my own circuitous way. Hopefully you are too. |
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Date: February 5th, 2018 9:29 AM Author: Sexy Hunting Ground I'm going to call flame on this one. If God wants specific men to reproduce, he should either make those people taller and with full heads of hair or rewire women so those aren't the two things they care about most. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2в#35327863) |
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Date: February 5th, 2018 9:36 AM Author: Fear-inspiring Ivory Place Of Business (bitter incel rage watching Idiocracy) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2в#35327905) |
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Date: February 5th, 2018 12:03 PM Author: Sexy Hunting Ground Flame, I've never seen Idiocracy. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2в#35328977) |
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Date: February 5th, 2018 12:24 PM Author: bateful anal house To be fair, I've seen lots of dorky board game loving guys like Charles find, marry, and mate with blue haired nerd girls. Some were even bald. Charles's religious scruples are likely the bigger obstacle.
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Date: February 5th, 2018 1:07 PM Author: Sexy Hunting Ground This is extremely rare. Any girl nerdy enough to play board games is constantly in social situations where the gender ratio is 10-15:1 and, as all girls do, has access to Chad on demand from her phone. Wifeing somebody with so many options is the dating equivalent of nabbing a SCOTUS clerkship. Sure, it happens because SOMEBODY has to get it, but it ain't gonna be you. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2в#35329504) |
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Date: February 5th, 2018 1:48 PM Author: provocative library main people doesn't mean the wife has to be into board games. does your wife poast? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2в#35329884) |
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Date: February 5th, 2018 2:35 PM Author: Hilarious institution stain TBH the only shared interest I actually desire in a chick is reading non-trashy books (and they don't have to be the same books I read). (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3881872&forum_id=2в#35330260) |
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https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2019/11/russia-napoleon-scholar-confesses-dismembering-young-lover-191110145909187.html |
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