It was a brilliantly done movie, don't get me wrong.

But I was LIVID.

I never saw it as anything aside from the selfishness of a person who wanted someone else to exist, at any cost. She didn't care what her daughter had to go through or what her husband would have to go through or what her own parents as grandparents would have to go through.... She didn't care about their pain or their trauma.

She wanted a kid and fuck every one else, including the kid. Who she knew would get cancer and still said "yeah, this is a great idea!" me crying in empath.

I wrote a post somewhere else, recently, that talked about this issue a bit more in depth. Here's what I had written:

There is a difference between:

loving and caring about someone else's existence AND

loving and enjoying them spending their time & existence near oneself.

(The two can definitely overlap and exist together. Of course. Human issues are grey and not just black and white.)

But in separate forms:

if one loves a person, and has their best interests at heart, one will do what's best for them even if it no longer/ does not ever, include oneself. It may not be a pleasant or easy thing for one to do, but it's definitely a good thing, if one loves that person.

If one loves and enjoys spending their time near that other person (i.e. one enjoys how it makes them feel) one is far more likely to make choices that will bring that person closer to oneself, even if doing so isn't necessarily the best choice for oneself or that person.

Biological parents are a great example of this.

They say they love their children.

Some folks suggest parents don't love their kids. Which can be and is absolutely true in some cases, of course. But I think it's more complex than that.

It's a matter of, what they really love, is having the children.

They enjoy their children being around.

They enjoy having a relationship with their children.

They enjoy owning a human or directing their life.

They enjoy control, or having a being to dress up, snuggle, spend time with. Etc.

Generally speaking, if someone genuinely & deeply cares for another person's quality of existence, they would not knowingly subject them even to the risk of suffering, or the actuality of it, if they just as easily had a choice not to, or a choice to prevent it.

Creating a human being on purpose-- in a world where one knows suffering is not only a small risk but a guarantee--that is NOT an act based on love definition #1 ("I have this person's best interests at heart, and I will do what's best For Them even if it no longer/ does not include me").

Rather, it is love based on definition #2 ("I expect to/ do love how this relationship, connection, and experience makes me feel, and it must include me").

This is the problem.

Intentional biological parenting (aka not as a result of abuse or non choice of the parents) is more about "I will love spending time with this being, even at their expense/ cost", than "if it were better for this being to not exist to begin with, I would be okay with that, because it would be best for them".

It is love of how an experience with someone will make you feel, versus loving that person themself. And inevitably, it becomes a care for self over care for another person.

It's selfish and ignorant at best. Cruelty and abusive at worst.

Louise is one of the most extreme examples of this phenomenon, that I have ever encountered. Certainly in media.

She is confirmed 100% that this child will suffer and die young and she still wants her daughter to exist, more than she wants her daughter not to suffer.

And that is disgusting. Cruel. Abysmal. I literally run out of words to describe the kind of human one would have to be, to do that.

Louise needs a rescue dog, and a therapist. Mostly a therapist. She does Not Need a child. Or, better put, a child would deserve better than her.

Anyone who would knowingly inflict trauma on their kid-- while being fully aware that not every person is capable mentally or emotionally in dealing with the amount of suffering life brings, and there is no guarantee of sunny personality or joyful disposition, or their life containing an abundance of joy --I just.

I've run out of words.

I empathize with you realizing a character from a favorite film isn't as great as you initially thought. That's genuinely hard. But also, I appreciate that you are now in a position to realize her harm. To think critically. That's awesome.

Thank you for sharing, and for creating a space for folks to share.

https://www.reddit.com/r/movies/comments/npdk24/so_i_rewatched_arrival_2016_one_of_my_all_time/

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4846799&forum_id=2в#42551975)