Why don't more guys just use escorts/hookers/massage parlors?
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Poast new message in this thread
Date: April 30th, 2018 5:34 PM Author: Cerebral police squad
?
Tons of guys do this.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3964464&forum_id=2#35953177) |
Date: April 30th, 2018 6:09 PM Author: galvanic abode
what they want is to be desired
not simply the act of sex
even if they, or you, would claim otherwise
paying gets a kind of job done, just not THE job
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3964464&forum_id=2#35953376) |
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Date: April 30th, 2018 10:42 PM Author: galvanic abode
I'm not going for being right
just exploring the idea
modern men live within a pretty elaborate framework of expectations - if the need for sex is so high, I just wonder how a lot of men are functioning - I view most men as likely to be unsexed or at least massively undersexed
masturbation is a copout - unless escorts and prostitutes are just expensive jacking off
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3964464&forum_id=2#35955515) |
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Date: April 30th, 2018 10:46 PM Author: Cerebral police squad
Escorts and prostitutes really are essentially expensive but much better jacking off. Jacking off still leaves a guy undersexed. Fucking a whore doesn't. Simple as that.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3964464&forum_id=2#35955548)
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Date: April 30th, 2018 10:41 PM Author: Chrome multi-billionaire
I don't quite get the point you're making, so let me see if I can rephrase it.
Are you saying that your understanding is not that men just want sex period, but that they want sex with some baseline of characteristics? I'd agree, but I'm not sure how that's different from food. It's not like a hungry guy will buy baby food to eat.
But the universe of what guys will take in terms of sex is much broader than what women will take.
So yes I enjoyed fucking my 4.5 fuckbuddy 10 years ago because she had a high drive, really desired me, and would do pretty much anything.
And while I'd PREFER an attractive girl who desired me organically (and would thus want to have sex with her every day), it's hard to have that, especially one with a high drive, and so men will take a lot less
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3964464&forum_id=2#35955506) |
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Date: April 30th, 2018 10:58 PM Author: Cerebral police squad
It is just like with food. Just because you want food doesn't mean you eat all the time. You eat, you're not hungry, then there's a cost/benefit to when you eat, right? The cost and benefit depends on the situation. For example, if I were one of the 20-something year old virgins here I can't imagine not just getting an escort. It would be like not eating for a week and seeing Burger King and being like "nah, not good enough, I demand Morton's". Now, if you're a normal American guy who got laid last night, you're probably not getting an escort tonight because the benefit won't justify the cost. If you're a rich guy in E. Europe or whatever, then you get whores whenever you want because the cost is so low. etc.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3964464&forum_id=2#35955654) |
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Date: April 30th, 2018 11:04 PM Author: galvanic abode
men also pay the ultimate costs in order to have the benefit of being desired by women
I don't disagree with the way you're setting this analysis up, but somewhere in the calculation, wanting to be desired plays a part in the weighing and delays in gratification
NOT a man but I love men and perhaps have a more generous view of this - no one asked for it, but I'm sharing it! sorrrrryyy.
even if you're a 20-something virgin, you still wouldn't pay for lots of sex - you'd likely have it sparingly due to the shitty feelings that would come from having paid sex. and if you have a lot of it, I assume it does permanent damage on the mind (if it's not already so).
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3964464&forum_id=2#35955690) |
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Date: April 30th, 2018 11:10 PM Author: Cerebral police squad
I'm not mad you're conjecturing about men. That's fine - we do it with women all the time (as you correctly pointed out). Just noting that you're not exactly on point here.
I think the cost-benefit to getting a woman organically is just a different equation. Obviously, that has value too. Otherwise, rich men would never get married. It would be much cheaper to just fuck escorts and never worry about losing huge sums of money in divorces. Yet, that isn't what men do. Of course, there's also a social benefit too that needs to be factored in (which explains why you also have married rich men that keep a wife and then fuck escorts on the side).
Anyway, the point I'm getting to is that it is all a cost-benefit analysis and the benefits aren't really the same. For escorts it is just a hot girl who you can cum in. As you say, basically significantly improved masturbation at a monetary cost.
"even if you're a 20-something virgin, you still wouldn't pay for lots of sex - you'd likely have it sparingly due to the shitty feelings that would come from having paid sex"
No, I don't think I'd have any shitty feelings that would come from it. Why would I? The primary impediment to doing it all the time would be lack of money. If I had the cash and no good alternatives then sure, I'd do it all the time.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3964464&forum_id=2#35955723) |
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Date: April 30th, 2018 11:13 PM Author: galvanic abode
I typically run away by now, so thank you for sticking with me
the way you're approaching this makes a huge assumption about men in general and is only applied to access
what about libido
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3964464&forum_id=2#35955736) |
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Date: April 30th, 2018 11:25 PM Author: galvanic abode
being really desired is 180
would any part of you distrust an 8 who desired you at the level of a 4.5
not suggesting you aren't an 8 or above yourself
but it would be kind of monumental to get a chick who was both super hot and super into you (and worked for it)
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3964464&forum_id=2#35955829) |
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Date: April 30th, 2018 11:42 PM Author: Chrome multi-billionaire
Where the woman is more than 1 point less attractive?
Off the top of my head only one guy, and he's not that financially successful and is a bit of a beta.
I presume you have the same experience, but in UMC circles I think we both find that the couple is usually equally matched in terms of attractiveness or the chick is 1 MAYBE 2 points higher.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3964464&forum_id=2#35956040) |
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Date: May 1st, 2018 10:35 AM Author: Provocative depressive home
Great subthread. I think the reason you're overvaluing the "desired" aspect of the free sex (which is understandable because you're a chick), is you're viewing it as a necessary condition like chicks tend to, when for guys it's not even a sufficient condition. For chicks being desired is usually critical, along with feeling like the person doing the desiring is worthy of the privilege of viewing you in that way, and without both of those aspects it's harder to be in the mood (i.e. wet). So you're actually not excited for the physical sensation if you're not feeling "sexy" i.e. attractive and happy to have the person you're about to fuck noticing.
For guys it's more like getting access is goal and when a girl desires you that makes you feel good and strokes your ego like an earnest and somewhat vulnerable complement does, but it also means easier and regular access. And the equivalent of being wet is merely "will I get hard once I have access?" which is a calculation a guy has already made when everyone still had their clothes on and they first met. In other words, girls hold the guy responsible for how a guy makes them feel in order to allow access. A guy just listens to his dick. He and his dick assume responsibility for determining if his dick will work a priori, and if he decides it will and then it's time to fuck and he can't perform, then a guy typically feels ashamed and responsible and betrayed by his dick.
So it's a simple BATNA calculation for a lot of guys and every guy has a number that is his "dick works" threshold--roughly a subjective 5, sometimes a little less or more, and only the truly high T will get down to below 3. If you have access to a 6 it's not a thought in your head that you would assume the criminal/physical violence and health risks and pay the cost to fuck a prostitute. But if all you have access to is 1.5s or worse, and they're still female humans, that means you won't just walk up and say "let's fuck" and have much success, whether or not money is changing hands. As a guy, you still have to go through the motions of seduction and listening to her complaints about her friends and job or whatever and the whole time you dick is saying to you "What are you doing? I'm not on board with this. Get out. Abort. Find a chick I can work with."
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3964464&forum_id=2#35957754) |
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Date: May 1st, 2018 12:03 PM Author: galvanic abode
both men and women want to feel desired, I agree that women may need it more
you are correct to distinguish between the types of desire and how desire functions, because that's certainly true from what I have read - I've read a couple of books on the subject, The Heart of Desire (Resnick - female author) and Intimacy & Desire (Schnarch - male author)
I didn't go into that above because I wasn't even getting a pass on the fact that desire is a factor, so what was the point of pushing it even further
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3964464&forum_id=2#35958456) |
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Date: April 30th, 2018 10:47 PM Author: galvanic abode
do you point that out to men who poast about women shit as if they are experts
I'm providing a positive reframe here
isn't there a chance that sex with a person, not sex with oneself, is not only a physical release but also an emotional one
it's kind of unfair to men to remove desire from the equation
it likely hurts those men who aren't on autopilot all the time just for the fuck
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3964464&forum_id=2#35955559) |
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Date: April 30th, 2018 11:17 PM Author: Idiotic Deep Orchestra Pit Gay Wizard
here is the thing that's related to this.
strippers who bang customers generally are picky. if you ask "outcall?" and they give you the digits, they are doing 2 things. 1) engaging in a business transaction and 2) saying "you're bangable".
that's enough in most cases.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3964464&forum_id=2#35955762) |
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Date: May 1st, 2018 12:38 PM Author: Filthy Site Sweet Tailpipe
you're a nice person but you have demonstrated on XO many times that you have kind of a childish, naive view of male psychology and sexuality. recall your 'creepy' debacle.
the huge, vast, overriding majority of cisgender heteronormative men really don't care about being the object of desire. getting laid is getting laid. is it nice if women are into you? hell yes, but primarily as a means to an end. i can't think of a single psychologically normal guy i have ever known that seemed to prize this to any extent.
women learn from an early age that their self-esteem should revolve around male attention. men just don't have the same social conditioning.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3964464&forum_id=2#35958708) |
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Date: May 1st, 2018 9:57 AM Author: stimulating property volcanic crater
for one, it's illegal. for the average guy unaware of random websites and who doesn't follow pornstars on instagram or whatever, they have no real way of finding them. cruising the streets is not a real option. to those in the know, it's not hard but still requires an element of shady dealing. just like purchasing drugs, it's not hard for the initiated but for your typical law abiding, horny john, it's quite foreign to them.
there's also the constant threat of getting caught up in some sting operation and being one of the unlucky johns who's face gets put on blast after the police raid happened the same day you decided to get your rub and tug.
i think there are plenty of guys who are okay with dropping $100-300 on happy endings and sex but the risk and effort in obtaining it just doesn't pencil out.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3964464&forum_id=2#35957563) |
Date: May 1st, 2018 3:16 PM Author: buff bawdyhouse tank
And i think the women itt are looking at it wrong. Yes guys want to be desired but it doesnt mean they wouldnt pay some money for some easy sex every couple of weeks. If you have the money sometimes spending it is better than trying to put in effort for sex with a broad that probably won’t lead anywhere else
Plus it’s more guilt free than tricking someone you have no interest in outside of sex
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3964464&forum_id=2#35960183) |
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Date: May 1st, 2018 3:22 PM Author: Chrome multi-billionaire
Also, the women who will tend to really desire a guy right off the bat tend to be lower-value women. That is part of what CAC and BS are missing.
I can go out and bang a chubby 4 who will be REALLY into me and will do anything I want in bed. And yeah, the sex can be great with those chicks.
But it takes a lot more work as you say to get a better looking chick in bed. If I want, I can plop down $700 for an hour and have an 8.5 in bed banging me no questions asked.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3964464&forum_id=2#35960226) |
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Date: May 1st, 2018 3:33 PM Author: galvanic abode
I also think you guys have this weird tendency to believe that because you're men you automatically know all men
like, four of you on the internet are men talking about this
how many times IRL have you been sitting with more than a single dude and talked about desire and the threshold of being undersexed that your friends would have to meet in order to pay for sex
I'm open to the idea that this comes up more than I am imagining
I'd be happy to hear it
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3964464&forum_id=2#35960317) |
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Date: May 1st, 2018 3:44 PM Author: Chrome multi-billionaire
I'm having a really hard time understanding what the issue is here, and I'm not saying that to be snarky either, just that I can't follow how we are necessarily in disagreement.
1. Men want sex all the time
2. Men want to have sex with as hot a girl as possible
3. Men want to be desired by the girl having sex with them
4. It's easier to have a less attractive girl desire you as opposed to a more attractive one, especially right off the bat
--------------------------------------------------
Taking those 4 statements as true, men ideally want to fuck a hot girl who desires them, and often
But it's hard to get hot girls to desire you AND fuck you, so often men will trade organic desire for hotness --> hookers
Some hookers also put on a good show re desire, and if you're a good looking guy certainly some hookers will find you attractive and will be into the sex. Why do you think "GFE" escorts are so popular? They make a guy feel desired, usually by a much hotter girl than the guy can normally fuck.
Also, many men are in marriages and other relationships where they have a woman who perhaps desires them but usually at the very least loves them, but the bedroom is dead for whatever reason. In those cases men are looking for sex more than desire or love --> hookers
Finally some men just don't want deal with all the BS of finding a chick and perhaps her becoming clingy or whatever after sex --> hookers
men also sometimes want to have sex with a specific chick. Like, if I want an Asian chick with big fake tits, it's MUCH easier for me to go the hooker route. If I want a threesome, again hookers are way easier.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3964464&forum_id=2#35960388) |
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Date: May 1st, 2018 3:58 PM Author: galvanic abode
you make it sound so simple
the OP wanted to know why more men don't hire hookers/escorts/etc.
my thought is that it's because when you pay for sex, you likely don't feel the same kind of desire as if you were able to have sex with a woman who was choosing you for free
the idea that a man can still feel desired while he is with a hooker/escort is sensible - I'm assuming getting into the actual act can feel great
even if you feel desired in the moment and even though the desire may be shallow, it's still enough to render the sex more complete
it doesn't eradicate my idea, which is that whatever percent of men who completely bypass paid sex is likely because they'd rather wait to have sex that makes them feel desired
I need to be done with this thread - you guys must think I'm an idiot lol
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3964464&forum_id=2#35960513) |
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Date: May 2nd, 2018 1:14 AM Author: Filthy Site Sweet Tailpipe
your idea isn't invalid but as it applies to the question in the OP, it's a small portion of guys.
many, many more guys are just too afraid, turned off by the degenerate nature of it, uptight about the woman's promiscuity or gutter nature, tightwads who won't spring for the level of hooker that's worth fucking, and many other reasons.
guys opting out of using hookers because of 'needing to feel desired' in order to have a truly enjoyable sexual experience is a small minority.
sex isn't nearly as psychological for men. like everyone else told you, most men describe their sex drive as more of a functional urge. you're assuming it's the more stereotypically feminine construct where proper psychological context is maybe the most important thing.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3964464&forum_id=2#35964139) |
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Date: May 1st, 2018 3:46 PM Author: Cerebral police squad
A lot of this is cultural. The US is unusually anti-prostitution. In Europe and Asia it is absolutely NBD and guys absolutely just talk about it with other bros.
But even in the US, you just have to check out the actual numbers involved: https://www.havocscope.com/prostitution-revenue-by-country/
So it isn't "just a few guys", it is an over $14 billion/year industry.
That said, of course it isn't everyone for a bunch of reasons (including that this requires significant disposable income).
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3964464&forum_id=2#35960406) |
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Date: May 1st, 2018 3:29 PM Author: galvanic abode
what part of me saying that sex just for the sake of sex isn't all of it and that desire is a part of it (and likely why there isn't much more use of escorts/prostitutes, etc.) is me not acknowledging the points you dudes are making, or me looking at it wrong
the inability to see and accept both may just be the thing where I am a woman poasting and I make no sense/you guys hate my guts
but I am pretty sure if twins poasted some shit about wanting to be desired you'd be like 180 180 180 real men want love in the post #metoo era
sex just for sex is definitely predominant - and it's clear that men value it just for the sake of it much more than women do
but I'd argue that wanting to be desired is one of the greater **barriers** men MIGHT (again, I'm just gleaning here) experience when deciding "hmm am I just gonna jack off more for a while until sex that makes me feel desired comes along" or "hmm there are hookers, I have money, time for some hooker sex to just get the sex box checked off"
the idea that in other countries prostitution is legal and therefore it's more common for men to use the services is interesting to me - I just don't know much about it
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3964464&forum_id=2#35960289) |
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