TIME: YEAR 0 (i want you to be able to follow the timeline without giving actual months/years)

AGE: APPROX. 21

i had my first kiss at 19 and first had sex at 20 (prior to any app account creation). i wish i stayed a virgin until marriage.

i made a tinder for the first time in college (junior or sr yr) and i met one guy from it who was a graduate student. i was legit just awkward and there was zero chemistry. i think he came to visit me while i was working off-campus or something and then we never actually went out. he texted me a year+ later (after i had already graduated/moved) asking me where to buy weed. i was like idk dude.

i didn't keep using the app because they're pointless on a college campus and my one experience was just lol.

SECOND GUY I MET FROM AN APP:

TIME: YEAR 1.5

AGE: 22

when i was at home over the summer immediately following graduation, i was bored out of my mind and made a tinder account. iirc i didn't even know other apps existed at the time (maybe i'd heard of their names but nothing more). i spent a day or two swiping. i actually matched with boner police at that point and a few other guys. boner police and i actually exchanged numbers. this was about 2.5 years before we ever met irl and started dating.

a guy i matched with around the same time happened to ask me out first, so i met up with him. i didn't have a car. he picked me up. i was very insecure and i hate making guys feel bad. i'm very different now. we went to a local park and he clearly thought i was out of his league (he kept saying that) and at some point he went in to kiss me and i remember feeling dread. he was 3-4 years older than i was. i feel bad because i felt too guilty to not just go along with things. so basically we started dating. eventually he professed his love to me and i remember saying it back knowing i was lying because i felt too guilty to not verbally reciprocate his feelings. so we dated for maybe two months before i moved out of my parents' house. i sometimes still feel guilty thinking about it because i think i crushed his soul when i dumped him without caring. i don't think i even officially dumped him. i remember going to nyc that summer and being so happy to get away from him and trying to irk him so that he would break up with me. i was too emotionally immature to understand what an awful thing to do that is. he begged for me back and texted me periodically for months/ years and i would say something like, "please stop texting me because i don't want to lead you on." he texted me (just with my name) at some point while i was dating BP and i just blocked him. i still had bp's # in my phone and had him as a contact on snapchat but we just viewed each other's stories for a few years until we started dating.

THIRD GUY I MET FROM AN APP:

TIME: YEAR 3.5

AGE: ~24.3

i hadn't used apps in years at this point. i just thought of them as stupid and fake an unnecessary. i was in a really bad relationship that i still dont really talk about much because it messed me up mentally for a while. i was extremely depressed, living in piles of my own filth. i could go on but i don't want to document in detail how mentally ill i was during this era in case i regret doing so later on. i still had never had a real boyfriend at this point. i made a tinder account because i was finally starting to feel like myself again. i would get dressed up (well, dressed up for me) and take an uber downtown (not in boston at this point) and go to a bookstore or mass or get lunch by myself then come home to my garbage bin room. mentally, the grip of my last "relationship" was lessening. i felt a glimmer of self-worth dating-wise for the first time in a while but had zero friends, so i downloaded tinder for the first time in years. i pretty much instantly matched with this chad who worked at apple while also in graduate school at oxford or cambridge (i forget which, and yea i knew his full name and could validate the info). he was staying in town for a friend's wedding. we went out for drinks and watched this live band then he drove me home. he kissed me and could tell i wanted to get out and leave the car but he made me promise that i'd see him the next day and go further with him. i was like, "haha sure," but when he texted me the next night, i told him i was already in bed (i was) and we never met up.

i was so lonely at that point in my life. i was also the cause of all my own problems. i'm not a lesbian but i think i set my tinder to look for girls for a few hours and had a few quick, courteous exchanges with some of them but i never met up with anyone. i saw chatter online (not on here) about seeking arrangement and i made an account out of curiosity. it was insta-banned and the email (of course i'd use an alt email for this stuff) said it was flagged because it was assumed to be a fake account. i never cared enough to bother reactivating my account or use the website again. i remember it really bothered boner police when i told him i made an SA acct for kicks at one point.

BONER POLICE

TIME: YEAR 4

AGE: ~24.6

there was this guy i'd been seeing for over a year at that point who was 13 years my senior and was charismatic but just used me. it was dec. 1 and snowstorming and he picked me up drunk after he had already gone out. we drove to his place and i was so nervous because he was clearly drunk and the road conditions were bad. we got to the house and i basically broke down crying about lots of things and how i feel like a guilty hypocrite for going to church and having sex. then i ordered an uber and sprinted out the door crying and i haven't seen him since nor do i want to. "hold on loosely" was playing on the radio in the uber when i got in the car.

i went to confession the next day. i had kind of an epiphany-- i was optimistic and excited for the future. i had a cool gig lined up in boston i couldn't wait to start and i was thinking about applying to jobs for the first time (i was still in grad school at this point). it was a great night spent by myself. i remember cooking the first meal i'd ever cooked and exactly what i was wearing.

a few days later, i was sitting on my bed and i saw a snapchat message from boner police. it was the first time we had privately messaged since year 1.5. he was clearly drunk and roaming around boston. we started texting from there and he said he wanted to go out with me the next day. i was so used to being treated like shit by guys that i was so flattered he was going to drive an hour to see ME and take ME out. we dated for a bit over a year and a half. i learned what romantic love is like. he showed me that there are guys who will treat me well and love me.

my dad is an amazing father who loves me more than anything and has been my #1 supporter for my entire life. for that reason, i have no idea why i let guys treat me like shit and use me for so long. maybe it's because dating/sex was a taboo topic in my house growing up. like i never had "the talk" with my parents and neither of them ever talked to me about boys.

i know the writing quality in this post is abhorrent since i'm not trying

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5196262&forum_id=2#45204540)

All in all, I'm satisfied with her and she was a very generous lover, but she wouldn't even let me put my finger in her ass in the shower, which didn't surprise me.

I get to the bed and get her to do 69, it's really easy to get her to do things like this because her English is so good. She seemed to really enjoy me going down on her and reciprocated with lots of BLS, DT, etc.

The pussy wasn't great, but definitely decent, and I'm spoiled by really small girls like the last girl I saw was Pink at Asian Stars.

The surprising thing was she let me get two rounds off, and I need a lot of encouragement, which usually isn't forthcoming. I think she's definitely worth the a visit I just wouldn't expect Greek.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5196262&forum_id=2#45204555)

What's the catch? You should not expect any kissing. You might be able to steal a few.

It always starts with a massage, which is pretty decent. At a certain point I start talking about how pretty she is and she sort curls up to me like a cat and I start kissing her neck. I enjoy kissing all over her little body.

She gets on top for a while and I fuck her some but she does get fatigued. This is a tiny girl. For whatever reason I'm not finishing very fast today so she finishes with a handjob and a lot of flourish (playing with my ass, putting her pussy my face to lick, etc.)

I enjoy the raw sensuality of this woman. Sure, a lot of studio girls will let you get away with more, but this one is sexier than most of the Asian providers in town. Definitely worth a visit, I think she contrasts nicely with the studio girls I see most of the time.

And you know, the massage isn't terrible.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5196262&forum_id=2#45204569)

I get to the apartment and this is the tiniest girl I've ever seen. She doesn't speak any English, but is pretty nice. Seems intimidated by my height, I can't imagine what it's like being that small and doing this job. Her rate is $280/hr, I give her $300 and she seems very grateful. I'm used to girls being complete cunts after paying $600.

After the shower, she does the standard BBBJ, then puts it in raw without any discussion. Rides on top for about 10 minutes before I blow a load into her tiny little pussy. She get's off and cleans all the semen out of her pussy for a few minutes. It's only been 15 minutes. She lays next to me and I start to talk but she says she doesn't speak English. After a minute she asks if I want a massage and gives me one of the best massages I've had. Usually these Asian girls attempts at massages are weak, but this girl is good.

She lets me put it in for another round, I can get it up, but I feel kinda guilty and I need the wind fully at my back to finish a second time.

So here's my thoughts about BBFS: if the girl's got a tight grippy pussy, which about 80% of Asian women do, it's not really worth it. If her pussy is loose as fuck, BBFS is worth it.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5196262&forum_id=2#45204574)

what a stud.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5196262&forum_id=2#45204576)

As much as I love the k-girls I like some variety. I like all types of women: Korean, Vietnamese, Thai, Chinese, even Filipinas. So I have to book this girl, spent so much time looking at her ad. Her website has a lot of claims, surprisingly some are true. Personally, I was expecting her to be hotter and lying about the Computer Science thing. She's not on the level of VivianeQ, but would be solid on the roster of Asian Stars. (She's Chinese though)

She does the whole screening and deposit thing. Not a fan, but you know fear of missing out. The deposit made me super uncomfortable, and I feel like she would've taken it if anything had gone sideways.

She was in a 3 star in Richardson, which was maybe a bit disappointing at the price point. I gotta say, when I saw her, I was not impressed. Of the many things she claims on her website, the part about being a model seems the most suspect.

The shower was terrible, took about 5 minutes to fuck with crappy soap they give you and I just went out naked and started kissing her. She doesn't seem to really like kissing, but I do it anyways. It's not forbidden.

Then she asks me what I liked, and I explained that I wanted her to lick my ass. She refuses. I alway think it's interesting when escorts ask me what I like, I tell them, and they're not happy.

She doesn't try to suck my dick with a condom or anything but it wasn't particularly memorable.

She actually has a really tight pussy. (Similar to the situation with Yuna at Asian Stars) I've experience A LOT of pussies and hers was definitely up there. She says a lot of things like "put your huge white cock into my tiny Asian pussy."

Honestly, it wasn't a terrible experience. You can kiss her and she'll suck you without a condom. For half the price it would've been awesome. If you want to explore the racial dynamics of WMAF with a college educated 26 year old, Lucy will do it for $600/hr.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5196262&forum_id=2#45204607)

Anyway at 7:30 PM I start looking for an address thinking I was going to Farmer’s Branch again, but alas, was ghosted. I guess she got worn out! I was wondering what the experience would be like.

So today I had a light schedule at work and had time for some nonsense so I text again requesting an appointment and they give me an early one. I really prefer appointments in the evening, but willing to give this a shot. I’m not really in a position to be picky, apparently.

I get to the door and she’s pretty decent looking. Definitely seems to be 20. I think she speaks English but doesn’t like talking to tricks. Seemed like a really good BBBJ, but it’s been a long time (well 2-3 months) since I had an uncovered blowjob. Allows some DFK which was nice.

Now the pussy. This is the tightest pussy I’ve ever experienced. I think it’s honestly vaginismus. She actually declined my offer to finish in her mouth so I just kind of thrusted away for a bit. My penis is about 7-8 inches long, depending on how fat I am, and about 6 inches in circumference. I could get it about half way in.

I’m not going to lie I came pretty quick.

I wonder how she's liking America.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5196262&forum_id=2#45204632)

around the same time (this isn't an app story or any relationship i referred to/mentioned in the OP) during the summer before i met bp (i met him in dec), an online friend of mine set me up with a guy he knew in my area. the guy was fine financially because he was an national grid lineman but he was also a full-blown heroin addict and used steroids. i have never done heroin and never saw him use it. we never had sex but he was very obsessive and controlling and would try to forcefully say he was coming over to pick me up/see me/talk to me sometimes and i'd have to threaten that i'd call the police if he came over. because he was an addict, if i was over his place hanging out/watching tv at night, he'd try to forcefully kick me out so he could drop me off + pick up heroin. if i refused to go and curled up in a ball on his couch, he would throw books and tables and crash things. i was scared for my safety but have never talked to anyone about it and i've never wrote about it until now. he would even take things from inside and go outside and throw them. i wouldnt have sex with him and that messed him up too. one time i left a tank top at his house and he called me crying saying that he had it around his arm and was shooting up because he knew i didn't want him to do the drugs. until recently, it was my thing to never erase texts but he said so many awful disturbing things to me that i eventually did erase everything because i didn't want the stuff to show up when i searched my messages. we talked sexually on text but never had it. there was a period where i would spend most afternoons at his house and sleep over. he told me some story that his mom's boyfriend raped him as a kid and no one believed him and he had to get some surgery and threatened me if i ever told anyone. i forget at what point i cut things off entirely. when we first met, he would buy hundreds of dollars worth of supplements and vitamins etc and get stuff mailed to my house. there were times when he'd call me from some detox/hospital facility and say that he almost died, which i believe. he also injected insulin and stuff. i wonder if he's still alive. you wouldn't be able to tell by looking at him.

this is the sort of thing that i never told boner police because he always reacted very strongly and poorly to even a mention of guys in the past. i'm not sure how you're supposed to date someone without knowing these things about them, though.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5196262&forum_id=2#45204714)

Author: .,.,.,,.,,..,,,.,.,....,,,,.,,..,.,.,.,.

what i was going to write earlier when i talked about being in an especially deep depression for a while was the full extent of the filth i lived in. i lived in a house with two other people but they knew to leave me alone. i would only eat takeout and delivery in my room and never take out the trash. i remember the horror of seeing an actual maggot (or other type of bug) infestation in my rug at some point. at first i thought i was hallucinating when i saw movement then the reality hit that there were actually bugs.

around the same time (this isn't an app story or any relationship i referred to/mentioned in the OP) during the summer before i met bp (i met him in dec), an online friend of mine set me up with a guy he knew in my area. the guy was fine financially because he was an national grid lineman but he was also a full-blown heroin addict and used steroids. i have never done heroin and never saw him use it. we never had sex but he was very obsessive and controlling and would try to forcefully say he was coming over to pick me up/see me/talk to me sometimes and i'd have to threaten that i'd call the police if he came over. because he was an addict, if i was over his place hanging out/watching tv at night, he'd try to forcefully kick me out so he could drop me off + pick up heroin. if i refused to go and curled up in a ball on his couch, he would throw books and tables and crash things. i was scared for my safety but have never talked to anyone about it and i've never wrote about it until now. he would even take things from inside and go outside and throw them. i wouldnt have sex with him and that messed him up too. one time i left a tank top at his house and he called me crying saying that he had it around his arm and was shooting up because he knew i didn't want him to do the drugs. until recently, it was my thing to never erase texts but he said so many awful disturbing things to me that i eventually did erase everything because i didn't want the stuff to show up when i searched my messages. we talked sexually on text but never had it. there was a period where i would spend most afternoons at his house and sleep over. he told me some story that his mom's boyfriend raped him as a kid and no one believed him and he had to get some surgery and threatened me if i ever told anyone. i forget at what point i cut things off entirely. when we first met, he would buy hundreds of dollars worth of supplements and vitamins etc and get stuff mailed to my house. there were times when he'd call me from some detox/hospital facility and say that he almost died, which i believe. he also injected insulin and stuff. i wonder if he's still alive. you wouldn't be able to tell by looking at him.

this is the sort of thing that i never told boner police because he always reacted very strongly and poorly to even a mention of guys in the past. i'm not sure how you're supposed to date someone without knowing these things about them, though.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5196262&forum_id=2#45204714)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5196262&forum_id=2#45204779)

F8 B8 S10 A10+ Please treat her well and keep her around. She was described to me as an ingenue. I think that’s a perfect description.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5196262&forum_id=2#45204752)

Overall, sila is a 8 in the looks department, but the experience was no higher than a 6. I'm quite frankly shocked that her reviews on eroticreview are so high.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5196262&forum_id=2#45204776)

1. Whom*

2. Yes.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5196262&forum_id=2#45205110)

and you're such an annoying loser, dude. why would i ever care at all if you think i'm an attention whore? you can think it all you want. you can ignore me if you want and stop giving me attention.

"b-but look at how nasty you're being! let me lecture you on faith!"

yeah, nice try. i'm not that easily manipulated i have irl spiritual advisors. your character is very clear from the way you treat me on here. fucking loser

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5196262&forum_id=2#45205128)

You profess to be Catholic, but you cant keep yourself from slutting it up constantly. What part of wait for marriage, sex is only for procreation is hard to understand?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5196262&forum_id=2#45204813)

i wish him nothing but peace and happiness at this point, but SH is a textbook narcissist. i'm not a big psychology person and general refrain from attaching labels like "npd" or "bpd" etc. to people, but he is a narcissist (and thus also a sociopath by definition). i fully let go of all that stuff because that's the only thing i can do. i simply do not care.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5196262&forum_id=2#45204818)

to think you'd fuck all those losers, yet think you're better than me =(

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5196262&forum_id=2#45205095)

"Ich liebe dich, mich reizt deine schöne Gestalt;

Und bist du nicht willig, so brauch' ich Gewalt."

https://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5169719&mc=26&forum_id=2

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5196262&forum_id=2#45205130)