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Fwd: URGENT - Call Me - 11:58 PM (BTW, Happy T-Giving!!) (Sent from my iPhone)

Associate X, The matter remains unresolved, which is disa...
Marvelous school cafeteria
  11/23/24
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Marvelous school cafeteria
  02/08/25
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Mainlining the $ecret Truth of the Univer$e
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charcoal balding hell
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Marvelous school cafeteria
  11/27/24
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Bisexual Rehab Deer Antler
  11/27/24
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saffron native fortuitous meteor
  11/27/24
Wednesday, 11:47 AM The firm-wide email: "Happy Thanks...
Marvelous school cafeteria
  11/27/24
...
Marvelous school cafeteria
  12/09/24
this thread is sending my heart rate raging
Razzmatazz Jet-lagged Dingle Berry
  11/27/24
Did you not receive my earlier email? Forwarding now. Thanks...
Marvelous school cafeteria
  11/27/24
Just checking in. Hope all is well. Where are we on this?
Marvelous school cafeteria
  11/27/24
i need a drink just readign these
Razzmatazz Jet-lagged Dingle Berry
  11/27/24
A drink? You know what I need, friend? A substantive ...
Marvelous school cafeteria
  11/27/24
...
Razzmatazz Jet-lagged Dingle Berry
  11/27/24
Thanks for your prompt attention to this matter. Rest assure...
Marvelous school cafeteria
  11/27/24
I know it's getting late, and it's Holiday Eve, but I requir...
Marvelous school cafeteria
  11/27/24
Hey, so sorry for the late email - just checking and hope al...
Marvelous school cafeteria
  11/27/24
...
Razzmatazz Jet-lagged Dingle Berry
  11/27/24
Hey, just tucked the kids to bed. Can't decipher your messag...
Marvelous school cafeteria
  11/27/24
dark
hilarious wagecucks
  11/29/24
...
Marvelous school cafeteria
  11/30/24
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Soul-stirring Cobalt Spot Water Buffalo
  11/30/24
Dark? The practice of law is hardly dark, my friend, it is t...
Marvelous school cafeteria
  12/01/24
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Marvelous school cafeteria
  12/02/24
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Marvelous school cafeteria
  12/02/24
Really fuckin' dark
Adventurous rigpig
  12/07/24
?
Marvelous school cafeteria
  12/09/24
...
Marvelous school cafeteria
  12/17/24
we maed it
umber step-uncle's house
  11/27/24
Checking in - again - please advise.
Marvelous school cafeteria
  11/27/24
Happy Thanksgiving (Yes, I know it's a few minutes post-holi...
Marvelous school cafeteria
  11/29/24
IT IS 6:50 AM! I TOLD THE CLIENT WE WOULD SEND THEM THE FINA...
hilarious wagecucks
  11/29/24
“Kiteboarding lessons? On Black Friday? While I’...
Marvelous school cafeteria
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  11/30/24
[Invitation to meet with HR on 3rd floor annex conference ro...
Laughsome abnormal lay depressive
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frozen persian
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arousing stubborn bawdyhouse halford
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Marvelous school cafeteria
  11/29/24
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Marvelous school cafeteria
  12/02/24
Do people still do this shit?
twisted orchestra pit
  11/30/24
...the law is sacred. Of Course.
Marvelous school cafeteria
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Adventurous rigpig
  12/07/24
180
avocado haunting plaza coldplay fan
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Thankgiving
unhinged sable scourge upon the earth
  11/30/24
Associate X, The matter remains unresolved, which is disa...
Marvelous school cafeteria
  12/01/24
Please respond ASAP. Thanks. (Sent from my iPhone)
Marvelous school cafeteria
  12/01/24
Jfc
charcoal balding hell
  12/02/24
“Jfc”? Is that all you’ve got, friend? Thi...
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Marvelous school cafeteria
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Threads like these make me appreciate never stepping foot in...
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Marvelous school cafeteria
  12/09/24
They’re obviously a caricature but they are, at their ...
Glassy know-it-all institution
  12/09/24
180 way to do it
Marvelous school cafeteria
  12/09/24
i was a severely underpaid service partner in biglaw. my goa...
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  03/25/25
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Subject: URGENT – No Margin for Error Associate X, ...
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  12/10/24
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Marvelous school cafeteria
  12/21/24
You think this is bad, try coaxing work out of a bunch of mo...
chrome beady-eyed locus
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1800
contentman
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Mainlining the $ecret Truth of the Univer$e
  11/11/25


Poast new message in this thread



Reply Favorite

Date: November 23rd, 2024 1:29 AM
Author: Marvelous school cafeteria

Associate X,

The matter remains unresolved, which is disappointing but not entirely surprising.

Opposing Counsel has likely spent their weekend polishing motions and savoring their unearned smugness. Meanwhile, I’ve fielded three client emails this morning inquiring why our “final version” feels like a high school debate brief submitted by candlelight.

Let me be clear: no further missteps. You will redraft, reformat, and reinvigorate this brief until it gleams like the false promises we made during OCI.

Pull in relevant implications from prior cases (do not ask me which ones), fix the tone (somewhere between “brilliant” and “bulletproof”), and address Opposing Counsel’s concerns without conceding anything of value.

While you wrestle with these disappointing failures on your part, I’ve been perfecting my backhand on the squash court—yet still fielding calls from the client that you should be handling. Balance, friend, is key.

Here’s the roadmap:

1. First draft to me by midnight tonight (no excuses).

2. Revised draft reviewed and client-ready by 6:00 AM tomorrow (we’ll workshop it while litigation support wipes their Cancun sunscreen off the keyboard).

3. Final filing by 9:00 AM sharp.

Think of this as a “development opportunity” that’ll either make you partner material or a prime candidate for our next wellness seminar on Managing Existential Dread in Billable Increments.

The Mahchine™ cares not for your sacrifices, only for the billable hours they generate. Should you falter, another cog will take your place.

P.S. Let’s align on a call this evening to fully debrief. I’ll be at my cycling class, so I expect you to be flexible.

You’ve got this, champ.

I have no doubt you will be Service Partner-Elect at the conclusion of 2025's review cycle, particularly when I note that (if and when!) you rose to the occasion to our esteemed senior colleague, Wesley Johnson.

(Sent from my iPhone)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48371550)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 8th, 2025 6:33 AM
Author: Marvelous school cafeteria



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48635865)



Reply Favorite

Date: November 11th, 2025 10:42 PM
Author: Mainlining the $ecret Truth of the Univer$e ("One Year Performance 1978-1979 (Cage Piece)")



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#49422160)



Reply Favorite

Date: November 23rd, 2024 1:30 AM
Author: charcoal balding hell



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48371551)



Reply Favorite

Date: November 23rd, 2024 1:34 AM
Author: Marvelous school cafeteria



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48371559)



Reply Favorite

Date: November 23rd, 2024 1:35 AM
Author: Marvelous school cafeteria



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48371562)



Reply Favorite

Date: November 23rd, 2024 10:20 PM
Author: Marvelous school cafeteria



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48374111)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 1st, 2024 10:21 PM
Author: Marvelous school cafeteria



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48400167)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 3rd, 2024 3:39 AM
Author: Marvelous school cafeteria



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48405138)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 19th, 2024 1:18 AM
Author: Marvelous school cafeteria



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48464404)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 20th, 2024 12:41 AM
Author: Marvelous school cafeteria



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48468081)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 21st, 2024 1:42 AM
Author: Marvelous school cafeteria



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48471633)



Reply Favorite

Date: January 3rd, 2025 5:37 AM
Author: Marvelous school cafeteria



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48513571)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 17th, 2025 9:01 PM
Author: Marvelous school cafeteria



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48670052)



Reply Favorite

Date: March 22nd, 2025 2:37 AM
Author: Marvelous school cafeteria



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48771554)



Reply Favorite

Date: March 23rd, 2025 2:11 AM
Author: Marvelous school cafeteria



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48774139)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 12th, 2025 4:13 AM
Author: Marvelous school cafeteria



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48839795)



Reply Favorite

Date: November 27th, 2024 9:28 AM
Author: Marvelous school cafeteria



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48386506)



Reply Favorite

Date: November 27th, 2024 10:03 AM
Author: Bisexual Rehab Deer Antler



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48386615)



Reply Favorite

Date: November 27th, 2024 10:12 AM
Author: saffron native fortuitous meteor



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48386669)



Reply Favorite

Date: November 27th, 2024 7:48 PM
Author: Marvelous school cafeteria

Wednesday, 11:47 AM

The firm-wide email: "Happy Thanksgiving!" A proclamation so hollow you can hear the echo of despair reverberating through the firm server.

11:49 AM

The partner’s voicemail lands like an airstrike:

"Hi Associate X, Happy Thanksgiving Eve. See attached material. I think we need to respond substantively by Monday, not just issue a notice of representation and request an extension. Please draft; I can review it this Friday morning. Thank."

Translation:

Your "holiday" has been canceled.

Opposing Counsel, a figure of petty spite forged in the fires of privilege log disputes, will oppose any extension.

Final boss-level insanity: The partner’s "review" of your draft will drop in the middle of Black Friday chaos.

11:57 AM

Desperation sets in. You ping your assistant:

"Hey, the partner mentioned forwarding materials before noon—never received them. Any chance you can send? Thanks, and hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving! Thank."

12:03 PM

The office goes dark. Assistants, paralegals, and anyone else with "holiday hours" have ghosted, leaving you alone with the abyss of formatting errors and garbled partner notes.

Thanksgiving Morning: The Horror Unfolds

You sit down with coffee and the "materials," only to find:

- Partner comments that look like a CAPTCHA: "???" "pls confirm this." "WHAT?"

- A flagged email from Opposing Counsel calling the prior draft "borderline sanctionable."

- A cryptic handwritten note from the partner: "Check this with the client." (No client contact details provided.)

Sunday Night: The Final Countdown

By now, you’ve spent 17 hours coaxing coherence out of chaos, fueled by rage and off-brand antacids.

At 11:59 PM, your email subject reads: "Draft brief attached."

You include the requisite grovel: "Let me know if you have thoughts, edits, or comments!"

Monday Morning

The partner responds:

"Looks good overall, but reads like a rush job at parts. See redline. Also, note the client is getting anxious. Let’s run it by litigation support for formatting."

The Punchline:

Litigation support’s "holiday hours" ended Friday at noon.

And because Biglaw isn’t just about misery but ironic misery, the entire support team has taken PTO on Monday.

Monday Afternoon

The client calls. Their first words?

"Why does this filing look like it was prepared by a sleep-deprived raccoon?"

You tell yourself: This is fine.

But deep down, you know: You are the raccoon.



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48388529)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 9th, 2024 9:25 PM
Author: Marvelous school cafeteria



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48431135)



Reply Favorite

Date: November 27th, 2024 7:51 PM
Author: Razzmatazz Jet-lagged Dingle Berry

this thread is sending my heart rate raging

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48388537)



Reply Favorite

Date: November 27th, 2024 7:54 PM
Author: Marvelous school cafeteria

Did you not receive my earlier email? Forwarding now. Thanks for your prompt attention to this. And, please, do not let this interfere with yourr holiday plans - I would hate that.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48388548)



Reply Favorite

Date: November 27th, 2024 7:55 PM
Author: Marvelous school cafeteria

Just checking in. Hope all is well. Where are we on this?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48388553)



Reply Favorite

Date: November 27th, 2024 7:57 PM
Author: Razzmatazz Jet-lagged Dingle Berry

i need a drink just readign these

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48388557)



Reply Favorite

Date: November 27th, 2024 8:02 PM
Author: Marvelous school cafeteria

A drink?

You know what I need, friend?

A substantive draft by Monday.

Opposing Counsel isn’t sipping bourbon tonight—they’re sharpening knives.

And I won’t let their petty 20-year privilege-log vendetta put my rainmaker status at risk.

You're up for partner next year, and this is your chance to truly shine.

The real drink? It’s the gallon of cold brew fueling me as I review incoherent drafts riddled with “???” and “verify w/client.” Every sip reminds me why I took the long road to Equity: so I could ensure my associates spend their Thanksgiving growing as lawyers.

Now, get back to work. And don’t forget to run it by litigation support—assuming they’re still alive and well in Cancun.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48388579)



Reply Favorite

Date: November 27th, 2024 8:10 PM
Author: Razzmatazz Jet-lagged Dingle Berry



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48388601)



Reply Favorite

Date: November 27th, 2024 8:12 PM
Author: Marvelous school cafeteria

Thanks for your prompt attention to this matter. Rest assured, the Partner-in-Charge of our NY Office, Wesley Johnson, will be informed of your diligence (should you meet client expectations).

Signing off - Happy Thanksgiving Eve!

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48388611)



Reply Favorite

Date: November 27th, 2024 9:38 PM
Author: Marvelous school cafeteria

I know it's getting late, and it's Holiday Eve, but I require a response.

Get this done, and Wesley learns of it - you're a shoo-in for our next-best Service Partner-Elect.

Thanks for your prompt attention. I know you got this.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48389051)



Reply Favorite

Date: November 27th, 2024 10:10 PM
Author: Marvelous school cafeteria

Hey, so sorry for the late email - just checking and hope all is well...

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48389146)



Reply Favorite

Date: November 27th, 2024 11:29 PM
Author: Razzmatazz Jet-lagged Dingle Berry



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48389465)



Reply Favorite

Date: November 27th, 2024 11:31 PM
Author: Marvelous school cafeteria

Hey, just tucked the kids to bed. Can't decipher your message but trust you're on this. The service partner moniker awaits once Wesley Johnson learns of your sacrifice on behalf of the Firm.

Keep it up, champ.

And Happy Holidays.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48389478)



Reply Favorite

Date: November 29th, 2024 6:52 AM
Author: hilarious wagecucks

dark

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48392266)



Reply Favorite

Date: November 30th, 2024 1:06 AM
Author: Marvelous school cafeteria



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48394728)



Reply Favorite

Date: November 30th, 2024 4:07 AM
Author: Soul-stirring Cobalt Spot Water Buffalo



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48394937)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 1st, 2024 4:03 PM
Author: Marvelous school cafeteria

Dark? The practice of law is hardly dark, my friend, it is the ties that bind society.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48399042)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 2nd, 2024 4:38 AM
Author: Marvelous school cafeteria



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48400833)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 2nd, 2024 7:43 AM
Author: Marvelous school cafeteria



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48401157)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 7th, 2024 3:12 PM
Author: Adventurous rigpig

Really fuckin' dark

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48422606)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 9th, 2024 2:11 AM
Author: Marvelous school cafeteria

?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48427352)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 17th, 2024 12:59 AM
Author: Marvelous school cafeteria



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48457033)



Reply Favorite

Date: November 27th, 2024 10:20 PM
Author: umber step-uncle's house

we maed it

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48389183)



Reply Favorite

Date: November 27th, 2024 10:21 PM
Author: Marvelous school cafeteria

Checking in - again - please advise.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48389189)



Reply Favorite

Date: November 29th, 2024 12:12 AM
Author: Marvelous school cafeteria

Happy Thanksgiving (Yes, I know it's a few minutes post-holiday!).

Could you provide a quick status update? I'll review tomorrow (this) morning - free between 7:30 AM EST to 8:15 EST AM, tied up rest of the day.

Thanks.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48392040)



Reply Favorite

Date: November 29th, 2024 6:51 AM
Author: hilarious wagecucks

IT IS 6:50 AM! I TOLD THE CLIENT WE WOULD SEND THEM THE FINAL VERSION OF THE MEMO AT 8:30 AM EST. Please just send me whatever you have right now. I will try to salvage it.

We need to talk about your commitment to this firm and client service in general. I have my kiteboarding lesson and then a late lunch with my family, so please be on standby at your phone between 3-6:00pm EST today so I can call you to discuss.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48392265)



Reply Favorite

Date: November 29th, 2024 10:47 PM
Author: Marvelous school cafeteria

“Kiteboarding lessons? On Black Friday? While I’m here trying to salvage the Henderson filing?”

I respect your (and the Firm's) dedication to client service—truly, I do—but this feels like a breaking point. I’ve sacrificed my holiday, my sanity, and my soul to get this done, and yet I’m still met with emails asking if I’ve “confirmed with the client” while the deadline looms like a guillotine.

“Please be on standby between 3-6pm” is just corporate code for “I’ll call at 5:59 pm and expect the impossible.” I get it—this is the job. But watching my efforts be reduced to a few redlines and a vague “looks rushed in parts” while the partner carves waves? It’s exhausting.

I know this filing matters. I know the client matters. But does it have to come at the cost of my holiday, my sleep, and the last shred of goodwill I have for this firm? I’ll finish the memo. I always do. But next time, I’d appreciate a little more support—and maybe one less “pls confirm w/client.”



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48394451)



Reply Favorite

Date: November 30th, 2024 12:28 AM
Author: Marvelous school cafeteria



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48394660)



Reply Favorite

Date: November 30th, 2024 8:17 AM
Author: Laughsome abnormal lay depressive

[Invitation to meet with HR on 3rd floor annex conference room at 10:00 AM Monday; your attendance is mandatory]

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48395024)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 1st, 2024 3:47 PM
Author: Marvelous school cafeteria



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48399016)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 2nd, 2024 2:55 AM
Author: Marvelous school cafeteria



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48400648)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 7th, 2024 3:28 PM
Author: frozen persian



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48422650)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 9th, 2025 12:14 PM
Author: arousing stubborn bawdyhouse halford



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48831256)



Reply Favorite

Date: November 11th, 2025 10:48 PM
Author: ...,....,,........



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#49422185)



Reply Favorite

Date: November 29th, 2024 5:51 AM
Author: Marvelous school cafeteria



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48392236)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 2nd, 2024 3:15 PM
Author: Marvelous school cafeteria



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48403071)



Reply Favorite

Date: November 30th, 2024 12:34 AM
Author: twisted orchestra pit

Do people still do this shit?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48394665)



Reply Favorite

Date: November 30th, 2024 12:34 AM
Author: Marvelous school cafeteria

...the law is sacred. Of Course.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48394666)



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Date: November 30th, 2024 3:07 AM
Author: Marvelous school cafeteria



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48394893)



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Date: December 7th, 2024 3:30 PM
Author: Adventurous rigpig



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48422659)



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Date: November 30th, 2024 2:10 PM
Author: avocado haunting plaza coldplay fan

180



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48395775)



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Date: November 30th, 2024 2:14 PM
Author: unhinged sable scourge upon the earth

Thankgiving

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48395781)



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Date: December 1st, 2024 4:00 PM
Author: Marvelous school cafeteria

Associate X,

The matter remains unresolved, which is disappointing but not entirely surprising.

Opposing Counsel has likely spent their weekend polishing motions and savoring their unearned smugness.

Meanwhile, *I’ve* fielded three client emails this morning inquiring why our “final version” feels like a high school debate brief submitted by candlelight.

Let me be clear: no single missteps after this. You will redraft, reformat, and reinvigorate this brief until it gleams like the false promises we made during OCI.

Pull in relevant implications from prior cases (do not ask me which ones), fix the tone (somewhere between “brilliant” and “bulletproof”), and address Opposing Counsel’s concerns without conceding anything of value.

While you wrestle with these disappointing failures on your part, I’ve been perfecting my backhand on the squash court - yet, having to field calls from the client that you should be handling. Balance, friend, is key.

Here’s the roadmap:

1. First draft to me by midnight tonight (no excuses).

2. Revised draft reviewed and client-ready by 6:00 AM tomorrow (we’ll workshop it while litigation support wipes their Cancun sunscreen off the keyboard).

3. Final filing by 9:00 AM sharp.

Think of this as a “development opportunity” that’ll either make you partner material or a prime candidate for our next wellness seminar on Managing Existential Dread in Billable Increments.

The Mahchine™ cares not for your sacrifices, only for the billable hours they generate. Should you falter, another cog will take your place.

P.S. Let’s align on a call this evening to fully to debrief. I’ll be at my cycling class, so I expect you to be flexible.

You’ve got this, champ.

I have no doubt you will be Service Partner-Elect at the conclusion of 2025's review cycle, particularly when I note that (if and when)!you rose to the occasion to our esteemed senior colleague, Wesley Johnson.

(Sent from my iPhone).

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48399034)



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Date: December 1st, 2024 10:12 PM
Author: Marvelous school cafeteria

Please respond ASAP. Thanks. (Sent from my iPhone)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48400142)



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Date: December 2nd, 2024 3:17 AM
Author: charcoal balding hell

Jfc

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48400700)



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Date: December 2nd, 2024 3:21 AM
Author: Marvelous school cafeteria

“Jfc”? Is that all you’ve got, friend? This thread isn’t just a dive into the abyss of Biglaw dysfunction—it’s a masterclass in the art of corporate absurdity.

We’ve got:

Partners balancing squash games with client meltdowns.

Opposing Counsel drafting motions like they’re the LeBron of privilege logs.

Associates riding the line between “development opportunity” and “breakdown material.”

“Jfc” doesn’t even begin to cover it. We’re not just burning the midnight oil here—we’re fracking the earth beneath us for one last drop of productivity.

So, lean in. Let the despair wash over you. Maybe pour a drink. But if you’re going to summarize this chaos, let’s at least elevate the commentary. May I suggest:

“This thread is the legal profession’s obituary.”

“The real brief is the friends we alienated along the way.”

“Why bother with client service when I could just move to Idaho?”

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48400708)



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Date: December 3rd, 2024 3:28 AM
Author: Marvelous school cafeteria



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48405123)



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Date: December 7th, 2024 3:38 PM
Author: Adventurous rigpig

Threads like these make me appreciate never stepping foot in BIGLAW.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48422704)



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Date: December 9th, 2024 2:11 AM
Author: Marvelous school cafeteria



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48427355)



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Date: December 9th, 2024 9:47 PM
Author: Marvelous school cafeteria



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48431203)



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Date: December 9th, 2024 10:19 PM
Author: Glassy know-it-all institution

They’re obviously a caricature but they are, at their core, accurate. I enjoyed my time in biglaw but I worked for a big rainmaker who protected us from that stuff. Obviously he was a psycho dickhead in his own right. And I stole my book from him. Thanks Jay!

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48431308)



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Date: December 9th, 2024 10:23 PM
Author: Marvelous school cafeteria

180 way to do it

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48431325)



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Date: December 11th, 2024 7:22 AM
Author: Glassy know-it-all institution

i was a severely underpaid service partner in biglaw. my goal was to double my comp within five years of leaving. i should come very close to that next year. i was making 350 in biglaw, making 500 this year and may be around 600 next year as an EQUITY SHAREHOLDER in midlaw.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48436011)



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Date: March 25th, 2025 3:26 AM
Author: Marvelous school cafeteria



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48779665)



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Date: November 11th, 2025 10:49 PM
Author: ...,....,,........



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#49422188)



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Date: December 10th, 2024 10:56 PM
Author: Marvelous school cafeteria

Subject: URGENT – No Margin for Error

Associate X,

Once again, I manage our client’s expectations and the fallout from your inability to deliver. The Henderson filing was due at 8:30 AM. As of this writing, I’ve fielded multiple emails from the client asking if our team has entered a “brief coma.”

Do you know what “final version” means? Because this draft has all the structural integrity of a wet napkin. The formatting is amateurish (double-check the line spacing), your citations are a maze of indecision (pick a style and stick to it), and I had to wade through three sentences before hitting a verb.

Here’s the plan, and I use “plan” loosely:

Reformat immediately. This isn’t a middle-school term paper, so lose the bullet points and “fun facts.”

Clarify client impacts. The client doesn’t pay us for ambiguity. Rewrite the sections on damages and exposure with precision and confidence.

Deliver no later than 11:59 PM. And no, this is not flexible. If I wake up tomorrow without a polished draft in my inbox, you’ll wish Opposing Counsel was your biggest problem.

Lastly, I recommend taking a long, hard look at whether this level of output aligns with your career goals. The Partner Review Committee is not impressed by “almost there” efforts.

The Mahchine™ runs on results, not excuses. Make sure this doesn’t happen again.

P.S. I’ll be unreachable from 7:30–9:00 PM as I’ll be debriefing Wesley Johnson at the squash courts. He has high hopes for you; don’t make him regret them.

Thankxk (Sent from my iPhone)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48435421)



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Date: December 11th, 2024 10:51 PM
Author: Marvelous school cafeteria



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48439208)



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Date: December 21st, 2024 2:42 PM
Author: Marvelous school cafeteria



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48472906)



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Date: February 8th, 2025 7:53 AM
Author: chrome beady-eyed locus

You think this is bad, try coaxing work out of a bunch of moron associates, all while the clients are in a fit of rage threatening malpractice lawsuits and bar complaints, demanding refunds, etc.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48635914)



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Date: February 15th, 2025 10:05 PM
Author: Marvelous school cafeteria



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48664457)



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Date: March 17th, 2025 8:23 AM
Author: Marvelous school cafeteria



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48754464)



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Date: March 25th, 2025 2:51 AM
Author: Marvelous school cafeteria



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48779603)



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Date: March 25th, 2025 3:06 AM
Author: Marvelous school cafeteria



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#48779651)



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Date: November 11th, 2025 10:50 PM
Author: contentman

1800

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#49422192)



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Date: November 11th, 2025 10:52 PM
Author: Mainlining the $ecret Truth of the Univer$e ("One Year Performance 1978-1979 (Cage Piece)")



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5638937&forum_id=2#49422201)