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My diary (Estrada)
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Date: November 18th, 2009 9:44 PM Author: shimmering bbw During my recent self-imposed exile from XO, I kept a notepad file in which I wrote stuff that I would have posted on XO, had I not been on a self-imposed break from XO. I will post that stuff here. Maybe I'll keep doing it, and make it kind of like my official XOXO blog. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#13303196) |
Date: November 18th, 2009 9:45 PM Author: shimmering bbw Diary of Estrada Glasses Monday, November 16 8:50 PM
It's been four days since I self-exiled myself from XO. I'm halfway home. Just three more days and I will be able to post again. This weekend was nice; I had friends in from out of town again, and spent most of Saturday and Sunday with them. Consequently I didn't do much thinking about the internet or about my job situation. They were non-law friends, so they were helpfully naieve. They don't know how legal recruiting works, so when they find out that I am interviewing as a 3L, they assume this is normal and don't realize that in fact it means that I am TTT and fishing for shiTTTlaw. But we didn't even talk about that for more than a minute.
But they're gone now, and I'm alone again. With my thoughts. Worse yet, I can't release my thoughts on XO, so they bottle up inside of me. I still check XO once or twice a day. But I refuse to post. Even if I see a thread that I am just dying to contribute to. Like that thread on whether or not the Box is a dude. I mean, I'm the biggest skeptic when it comes to XO chicks. I'm pretty sure that Alia, newyork2, BPM, and the lot of them are dudes. But the Box is one of the few for whom we actually have some proof that she isn't a dude. She might be an arrogant attention whore, and she might be ugly (I gchatted with some guy who claimed he saw her facebook account, and claims she's much uglier than in the pics she posts at XO), but she's a she.
On Sunday night, I left a shopping bag in a local restaurant. This afternoon, I decided to go get it. On my way out, I checked my mail. There was a letter from one of the two judges I interviewed with. Thin envelope. I opened the letter to be sure, and, lo and behold, DING! He was sorry to inform me that he was not going to extend me an offer, but said that he wished to see me one day practice in his courtroom.
I was expecting that DING. This was the judge who had told me he was interviewing 11 other people. I wasn't immediately upset by it, or at least that's what I told myself.
As I started walking towards the restaurant to get my bag, though, something hit me. Maybe it was the letter sinking in. Maybe it was the fact that I had interviewed with that government agency almost three weeks ago and still had no response. Maybe it was the grey November sky. But I just got a big bout of depression again, another downward mood swing. It hit me square in the face: I was going to graduate without a job, and if I got LUCKY afterwards I'd be doing a job I absolutely hate for a meager salary.
I got to the restaurant, picked up my bag (they still had it), but it didn't make me feel any better. On my way home, I got a funny feeling in my eye. My body was telling me something: it was time to cry.
Problem 1: I can't cry on campus. Somebody I know might see me. They'll put 1 and 1 together and figure out that I must not have an offer. People will mock me. Even if they don't put 1 and 1 together, they'll assume some other embarrassing thing about me and mock me for it.
Problem 2: I live in a shitty apartment building. It has a single elevator, which makes it better than some of the neighboring TTT's, but it's issue is that it has extremely thin walls. I can always hear what the dude next door is watching on TV or listening to. 1L year I lived next door to a college football fan. 2L year it was a crime drama buff -- I know so many plot points from Law and Order without knowing what the characters look like. This year, I live next to a news junkie. He compulsively switches between CNN, MSNBC, and FOX, trying to make sure that he doesn't miss a single thing that happens or a single opinion that a talking head has. After all, it's not like you can find political news or political commentary on the internet.
The thin walls work both ways, so if I cried in my apartment, news junkie d00d could hear me. And so could random d00ds in the hallway, just passing by. And they'd put 1 and 1 together, and, well...
Then I had an ingenious idea, displaying the time of SHREWD cleverness that got me into this top 3 law school in the first place. I would put on some music, play it really loudly, and drown out all of the other sound coming from my apartment. Then, I would cry, and nobody would hear me. They'd hear the music instead.
I ran home, put down my bag, and opened iTunes. I scrolled through my playlist before picking a song. Actually, I picked the song that preceded the song I wanted, and zoomed to about halfway through. Then I switched into my PJ's and crawled into bed, preparing to empty my tear ducts.
That's when my chosen song came on.
"I HOPPED OFF THE PLANE AT LAX, WITH A DREAM AND MY CARDIGAN..."
By the time the Jay-Z song came on, I noticed a problem. No tears were coming. I was thinking about all of my problems; I was thinking about all of my lost potential; I was thinking about all of the shiTTT that I was going to be forced to eat over the next ten years. But my eyes remained dry.
I guess it's impossible to cry to Miley Cyrus. Her songs are just too damn upbeat. Oh well. I guess I'll just take the teenage girl approach: write an angst-ridden diary and post it to the internet. |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 9:58 PM Author: Slimy sexy kitchen tank You have to stop doing this man. No one wants to read your sob stories. No one cares. Get a fucking hold of yourself and have some dignity. Telling us how you try to cry to Miley Cyrus songs - where's your self respect? Just get the fuck off this board now. Your problem is that you're one of these spoiled kids who needs tons and tons of attention all the time. Stop posting. Get a hold of yourself. Life is tough. Be a man. |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 9:59 PM Author: shimmering bbw What did you get on your LSAT reading comprehension section, ten wrong? I was UNABLE to cry to Miley Cyrus. htfh. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#13303384) |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 10:00 PM Author: Slimy sexy kitchen tank "how you try to cry" dumbass. This is why you have no job loser. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#13303404) |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 10:02 PM Author: shimmering bbw nuh-uh you edited that in (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#13303421) |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 10:03 PM Author: Slimy sexy kitchen tank haha, no I didn't. God you're pathetic.
I feel sorry for your dick. Having to go around attached to you while all the other dicks are attached to men. |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 10:37 PM Author: Marvelous set nowag He is pathetic, nothing is more contemptuous than a grown man spouting "poor-me" all day.
He doesn't even have debt, I can't believe people here feel sorry for him. |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 11:01 PM Author: shimmering bbw I can't believe people keep latching on to this "he doesn't even have debt thing". It's meaningless and does nothing to improve my situation. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#13304103) |
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Date: December 14th, 2009 5:23 PM Author: Abusive mexican coffee pot rofl 180 (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#13549649) |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 9:48 PM Author: shimmering bbw Diary of Estrada Glasses Tuesday, November 17 12:08 AM
Can't sleep. Want to pour my heart out to somebody (again, for the millionth time) but my self-imposed exile from XO prevents this. I went on Omegel to try to find an anonymous confidant, but all I found were people from Korea who couldn't string a sentence together and, of course, the ubiquitous person who disconnects as soon as he discovers that you're not an underaged girl.
I checked Facebook recently and it was a mistake. I saw a status update from a friend of mine who is more successful than I am. He went to art school and now works in a jewelry store. I know tons of people like these. Friends of mine who went into acting, into improv, into art history, etc. All of them share two things in common. First, I always looked down on them because I thought I would make way more money than them. Second, they all make way more money than I do. Even if they make $25,000 per year.
I also saw a status update from this annoying girl that I went to high school with. She is rich and just posted a picture of herself at a charity ball. She used to brag about her trust fund in high school, and now it allows her to live a life of leisure, hanging out at high-class parties with her sorority sisters. I am going to defriend her after I finish writing this post; I can't stand to see such happiness while I am here suffering.
I realized too late that the reason all of my friends were going into shitty humanities was because they had trust funds and could afford to do so. I felt less guilty majoring in my useless humanities degree when I saw all my friends doing it. They're OK now; their families largely still have their money. But I am out on the street with a soon-to-be-useless JD, and I don't have any other credential on which to start my life over.
Just a few short years ago, I was full of promise. Now what a wreck I am. I've gone from having the golden ticket to life to having zero long-term prospects. |
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Date: December 14th, 2009 5:40 PM Author: coral out-of-control toilet seat this is precisely why i didn't major in humanities. your parents did you a disservice by sending you to a school full of trust-fund babies if you weren't getting one. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#13549790) |
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Date: November 30th, 2011 2:48 AM Author: Orange mediation (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#19469918) |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 9:51 PM Author: unholy henna kitty parlor it's ok dood. let it all out. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#13303276) |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 9:52 PM Author: shimmering bbw The fact that I found out today about my DING! spares you guys from having to read all of the "ohmigod will I get the offer or not!!" entries I made. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#13303293) |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 9:53 PM Author: unholy henna kitty parlor sorry to hear that, man. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#13303304) |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 9:52 PM Author: Galvanic Degenerate Public Bath *pats you on the back in the most non-homo, ALPHA way possible*
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Date: November 18th, 2009 9:55 PM Author: shimmering bbw tyft (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#13303333) |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 10:03 PM Author: smoky cuckold whorehouse I really feel for you. I am just worried that you are making your situation worse by being so negative. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#13303450) |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 10:06 PM Author: shimmering bbw This is weak flame. You should drop the "think positively" line of flame and invest the resources in some of your better flames. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#13303479) |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 10:09 PM Author: smoky cuckold whorehouse Look. Shit happens in life. The only way to get through it and survive is to (1) stay positive and (2) do the next right thing. I get it...you're fucked. Guess what? So am I. I've been freaking the fuck out too. But at the end of the day I know that if I don't pick myself up I am going to be even more fucked. And, yes, I realize I have no reason to be positive and I may appear dellusional. BUT I also know that if I go around negative and defeated I am not going to get anywhere and I am going to make my situation worse. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#13303511) |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 10:10 PM Author: Galvanic Degenerate Public Bath hawt (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#13303523) |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 10:11 PM Author: shimmering bbw It's a delusion to think that I have anything other than shiTTT-eating ahead in my life. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#13303540) |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 10:14 PM Author: smoky cuckold whorehouse You need professional help
EDIT: No, you don't need professional help because all you would do is whine to the therapist who would probably not be able to tell you the truth. Here is the truth: You need to pick yourself up and stop being whiny. Really. |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 10:14 PM Author: shimmering bbw No. There is no plausible scenario in which I do anything other than shiTTTeat after I graduate. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#13303590) |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 10:15 PM Author: Galvanic Degenerate Public Bath dude has a point (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#13303603) |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 10:18 PM Author: smoky cuckold whorehouse fine. Maybe you will work in a shit firm for a little while. Your life is not over. Your career has not ended. You go to a top law school. Trust me, I get how bad the legal market sucks. I get that most of us will not get to practice law. Explore other options. Figure something out. Worse things have happened to people. People have gone through WAY bigger setbacks and survived. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#13303645) |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 10:18 PM Author: shimmering bbw These things are all possible, but I just don't see a path. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#13303657) |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 10:20 PM Author: smoky cuckold whorehouse Here is the point: You will not see the path as long as you keep up this doom and gloom mentality. Once you force yourself to be a little more optimistic you can sit down and start figuring out a strategy. But right now your attitude is limiting you. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#13303683) |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 10:21 PM Author: shimmering bbw Maybe. Or maybe I've already been optimistic and creative and tried to figure stuff out, but realized that it was all impossible? Hrm? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#13303700) |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 10:16 PM Author: Slimy sexy kitchen tank You do realize, that with your crybaby attitude, you were never going to succeed at anything that wasn't purely academic , right? Nobody likes people like you. Powerful people hate people like you. You were always destined to eat shit and your fall has merely been accelerated by ITE. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#13303614) |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 10:17 PM Author: shimmering bbw You make two assumptions. First, that this is my true personality and not just a selective funneling of certain aspects of my personality into an acceptable place. Second, that even if this is truly me, that I can't successfully mask it outside of XO. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#13303639) |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 10:21 PM Author: Slimy sexy kitchen tank It takes a certain type of person to megapost about his depression and crying-attempts on XO. You are not merely a normal person, letting out a side of you that is not unlike hidden sides that other normal people have. You are easily in the top 1% of pussies. Even if you think that you are masking this in real life, I guarantee you that you are not. I've run into "living in quiet desperation but trying to hide it in public" types before and you're not hard to spot. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#13303699) |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 10:19 PM Author: smoky cuckold whorehouse Seriously, 100% credited. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#13303664) |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 10:21 PM Author: Carmine shrine take another hiatus and this time grow a sack and go the full time. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#13303697) |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 10:24 PM Author: spruce aromatic corn cake Get some fucking perspective you entitled piece of shit.
Feeling sorry for yourself that your hard work amounted to less than what you thought it would is fine.
Acting and feeling like you do is pathetic. |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 10:25 PM Author: shimmering bbw I have perspective, that's the problem. I see the full extent of my fucked-over-ness. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#13303747) |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 10:25 PM Author: Carmine shrine then i guess share it with people who care because you have crossed the line around here. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#13303755) |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 10:27 PM Author: shimmering bbw I reach out to the internet for compassion and all I get is hate. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#13303771) |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 10:29 PM Author: Carmine shrine dude do you not realize that a large percentage of people are vastly more fucked than you are, myself likely included? it is SO hard to feel sympathetic towards your useless sob stories. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#13303807) |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 10:29 PM Author: spruce aromatic corn cake Why would anyone show you compassion when all you show to anyone who anything good in life nothing but resentment? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#13303809) |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 10:31 PM Author: shimmering bbw That's not true. I show a lot of compassion to people like SHOCK and I've never resented anybody here. In fact I've even developed a strong relationship with KOR and KOREA, despite the fact that the're flashing big faced hundreds while I'm unemployed. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#13303825) |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 10:29 PM Author: spruce aromatic corn cake You do not have perspective.
You are not fucked in any meaningful way compared to 99% of the people in the world.
The way you feel about yourself and the bitterness and resentment you express towards other show that you are, by themselves, proof of your lack of perspective.
Oh no you have some debt. Fuck you. People fought in world war two. People a lot smarter then your pathetic ass had to raise families during the great depression. |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 10:29 PM Author: shimmering bbw Not true I don't have any debt. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#13303811) |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 10:33 PM Author: cerebral balding locale "Oh no you have some debt."
no he doesn't. that's what's so insane about this |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 10:34 PM Author: shimmering bbw Fat lot of good that does me. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#13303860) |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 10:36 PM Author: spruce aromatic corn cake So fuck you then.
Go be a beach bum if you want. If you don't do something else.
If nothing else go kill yourself.
Your only problem is the human condition, if that's too much for you end it. What reason other than the generic frailty of the human condition is there that people should feel sorry for you. |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 10:38 PM Author: shimmering bbw My problems include:
(1) inability to reach my full potential/expectations (2) inability to obtain employment (3) inability to provide for self and enjoy fruits of life (because of #2) (4) lack of prestige |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 10:39 PM Author: Marvelous set nowag You are a grade A bitch, seriously shut the fuck up.
I hope you are flame. |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 10:39 PM Author: shimmering bbw What is this myth that says as long as you don't have debt you are A-OK? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#13303922) |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 10:42 PM Author: Marvelous set nowag Grow some balls and figure something out.
No degree entitles you to anything. You should feel fortunate to have a decent head on your shoulders and not be shackled by debt.
The average american grows up in some wretched ghetto, appalachia, the ozark mountains etc etc.
Your attitude is terribly unbecoming. You will never be successful if you don't change your mentality. |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 10:51 PM Author: shimmering bbw This is so easy to say if you're not in my situation. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#13304030) |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 10:54 PM Author: smoky cuckold whorehouse I get it. I have no debt but I feel terrible because I feel like I have let my family down since they invested in my education. That said, it will be much harder (if not impossible) for you to get out of this situation if you don't change your attitude (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#13304046) |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 10:57 PM Author: shimmering bbw Yeah, underachievement is pain. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#13304068) |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 10:29 PM Author: Slimy sexy kitchen tank Everybody needs to start ignoring this Estrada piece of shit starting now. He just wants us to say that he'll be okay so that he can argue with us that it's hopeless and then we can reassure him some more.
He reminds me of girls who constantly talk about how fat they look. Do they look somewhat fat? Sure. Do they mainly just want to hear "awwww, you're not fat at all"? Yes. We need to ferberize this piece of shit and ween him off the attention he craves. |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 10:30 PM Author: Carmine shrine hear hear. if only the entire interwebz can follow along. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#13303819) |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 10:34 PM Author: Slimy sexy kitchen tank I notice the baby has responded to my post, but I will not respond to him. He will be weened off the attention. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#13303859) |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 10:31 PM Author: shimmering bbw Not true. If that's all I wanted, I could get it from OCS.
I come here to blow off steam, but also to get advice. Believe it or not I've gotten some good advice and help from XO before. |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 10:34 PM Author: razzmatazz box office philosopher-king yeah, look where its gotten you so far (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#13303874) |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 10:35 PM Author: shimmering bbw Well yeah, it's all been dead ends, but it's better than what I get from OCS. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#13303882) |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 10:36 PM Author: Slimy sexy kitchen tank no, you can't reply to his messages anymore. You have to stop. Sure, he'll cry louder in the short-term, but it'll be quieter in the long-term. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#13303893) |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 10:37 PM Author: Bat shit crazy stock car incel DON'T KNOW HOW WE GOT BY WITHOUT YOU MAN (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#13303904) |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 10:44 PM Author: Carmine shrine lol (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#13303952) |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 10:55 PM Author: Swashbuckling sepia indirect expression I know how you feel. I've gotten worse over the past few weeks as the door closes on more opportunities. I'm down to just a few leads. I was lucky to find a non-honors fed. gov. program that I think I have a pretty good shot at. It's not well publicized and I believe the deadline for it is over. Other than that I don't like my chances for employment.
I too will have no debt but I'd trade my situation for debt and a career. |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 10:58 PM Author: shimmering bbw "I too will have no debt but I'd trade my situation for debt and a career."
Absolutely. I have no long-term prospect for survival. |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 11:04 PM Author: Contagious chartreuse university marketing idea Subject: hang a shingle you have serious synergies available via the H bomb. If you are resourceful, there has got to be a way to market this. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#13304131) |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 11:09 PM Author: shimmering bbw This is the last resort. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#13304190) |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 11:04 PM Author: Swashbuckling sepia indirect expression Survival is a bit of an exaggeration. But I would be really fucking depressed if I had to live off the fruits of my parent's labor. My parents were born poor and have done very well. It's just sad that I can't even launch a career. Still the people here are right. We've got to cast a wide net and develop an entrepreneurial attitude. The economy is fucked and there are few stable careers left anymore. Even our Biglaw peers are getting fucked left and right. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#13304135) |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 11:06 PM Author: shimmering bbw This is exactly my situation. Parents were born proles and became successful to the extent that they could pay for my LS and college out of pocket, but not to the extent that they have enough wealth for me to live off after they die. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#13304157) |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 11:08 PM Author: Contagious chartreuse university marketing idea hey then, get some perspective things could really be a lot worse. you wallowed, now you should get up and move on (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#13304172) |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 11:11 PM Author: shimmering bbw I would give my right arm to be able to go back in time six months and tell my parents "put everything on Bank of America and sell at $18". We'd become multi-millionaires and I'd never have to work a day in my life again or worry about anything. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#13304209) |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 11:08 PM Author: Marvelous set nowag Do you have any friends with this attitude? Serious question. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#13304173) |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 11:09 PM Author: shimmering bbw Yeah I have friends. I don't act this way around them. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#13304187) |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 11:10 PM Author: spruce aromatic corn cake The visceral hatred I feel to you, while justified, disturbs me about myself.
I guarantee that, unless this is entirely flame (in which case it's really good), IRL people can see right through you and hate you with a similar passion.
You are everything that is wrong with the world. Take some responsibility for yourself. It is no one's responsibility to have a job waiting for you when you graduate. Figure out something useful to do for people in this world and you'll be paid because it's actually valued. It's that simple.
People like you shouldn't be pitied, they should be shamed. |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 11:11 PM Author: shimmering bbw What makes you think I'm not trying? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#13304219) |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 11:13 PM Author: Contagious chartreuse university marketing idea just stop thinking that way, just dont let yourself do it (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#13304239) |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 11:15 PM Author: shimmering bbw I spend more time thinking up things to do than I do posting (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#13304258) |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 11:17 PM Author: spruce aromatic corn cake I'm not telling you what you've done.
I'm giving you a prescription for what ails you.
You're at H now? Join an immigration clinic and help some families that are getting torn apart. Just throw yourself into learning a useful field and then just keep doing as much as you can to learn more and help people out. Do it for free.
You'll learn something, you'll get perspective, and if you have any talent eventually you'll have a job. Where you go from there is up to you.
Obviously immigration is just an example. Find something where good hardworking people need lawyers and help them. It doesn't matter what it is. All this applies for other clinics and shit, but you sir, need to do what I suggested rather than just blindly trying to find what practice area will launch you to big law. More for your soul than for anything else.
That said, if you work passionately at something meaningful for a bit there will be a million jobs or clerkships that become available.
I doubt I'll respond more to your insipid whining. |
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Date: November 18th, 2009 11:20 PM Author: shimmering bbw What kind of things do clinics do? What kind of doors do they open up? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#13304338) |
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Date: November 19th, 2009 12:13 AM Author: shimmering bbw Diary of Estrada Glasses Wednesday, November 18 1:20 PM
My life is pretty miserable right now. But guess what: it's only going to get worse from here on out! Soon, I will lose the cachet of being a student at one of the top schools in the world, of living near the campus of one of the top schools in the world, of being a carefree student in general. Via the pupa of the graduation robes, I will transform into a simple unemployed d00d living in his parents house. The least prestigious thing you can be. And with every year that passes and number that gets added to my age, this will get less and less prestigious.
And it will go on for a while. As I explained above, there are in fact few reasons for shiTTTlaw to hire me, and BigLaw and MidLaw is already out of the picture. That ship sailed, and I got thrown overboard. So I'll be angling (probably unsuccessfully) for shiTTTlaw. Or will I? In my current depressive state, I in fact have very little desire to fish for shiTTTlaw. I don't really like law; it's just something I wanted to get into because I thought if I got into a good school and got median grades there, somebody would pay me $160k. I don't really see the point of trying so hard to get shiTTTlaw: to spend hours per day trying to land a job where I will do work that I hate while being paid pennies for it. But I don't have any superior options. My undergraduate degree is worthless and a JD is not transferable to other things.
This brings up a fundamental question: what do I have left to live for? Or, in XO/JDU terms, why don't I just killself?
Looking at my life from an objective perspective, there is a very strong argument you can make in favor of the notion that I should killself. But the weird thing is, I feel zero desire to kill self. Zilch. Nada. No lo quiero. No want.
Why?
I'm not sure I have an answer to this question. Here are a few possibilities:
(1) I'm not religious. I don't believe that there is an afterlife. Thus, if I killself, there will be no paradise with 72 virgins waiting for me. I won't even get to be reborn as an anteater or something awesome. As long as I'm still alive -- even though my life is completely miserable -- I can still enjoy SOME pleasures. I can still troll and flame XO, I can still watch amusing videos on YouTube, I can still have friends, etc. Once I'm dead, I won't be able to feel any of these pleasures.
(2) It will advertise the fact that I am a failure. The moment I killself and people learn about it, people will jump to the conclusion that I either couldn't cut it or that I was mentally unstable. Either of these conclusions will quickly lead them to think that I was a failure, a loser at life. This is clearly true -- I have failed at life and will be a loser for the rest of my days. But its not advertised right now. So long as I just keep crawling through shiTTTlife, at least some people I know will still think I am successful, or at least not be aware of the fact that I am a loser. Killingself will immediately destroy this situation.
(3) There is a nonzero chance I will merely be maimed and not killed. I don't want to spend the rest of my life as a vegetable and see my parents hard-earned money bleed away on long term care.
When I started this entry, I thought there would be more than three reasons, but those are the only three that I can think of. They're enough, though. Love me or hate me, I'm going to be around for a while longer -- at least if I have anything to say about it. |
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Date: November 30th, 2011 2:45 PM Author: Orange mediation (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#19471778) |
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Date: November 20th, 2009 2:27 AM Author: shimmering bbw Diary of Estrada Glasses Tuesday, November 17 12:24 AM
A lot of you think I'm flame or that I'm irrational and respond to my posts by saying "You go to HYS! You'll find something!". Well, I wish you guys were right, but you're not. Here are the Top 10 reasons why I am unemployable, even for shiTTTlaw, which is my last remaining "hope":
(1) I have no previous job experience or skills from before law school; I went straight through and my only experience are my two legal summer jobs.
(2) I have no litigation experience. I have written memos about issues that are being litigated, but my work in BigLaw over the summer (and my work for a state government agency the year before) never included any drafting of motions or going to court or the other day-to-day drugery of shiTTTlaw. It was all research. Which I don't think shiTTTlaw does much of.
(3) Two words: flight risk.
(4) The legal industry loves to have people sorted by the outside. Elite law firms let the grading system at schools sort candidates for them; law schools let the LSAT sort people for them. I bet shiTTTlaw also uses a version of the sorting principle. Just like Sullivan & Cromwell assumes that a person with a 3.3 GPA is not good enough to cut it for them, a shiTTTlaw firm is going to assume that an YHS student without an offer is not good enough to cut it for anyone. They're going to conclude that no matter how shrewd my cover letter or sincere my interview is, there MUST be something wrong with me.
(5) shiTTTlaw must be hurting because of ITE too
(6) my transcript is filled with M&A, Corporations, Secured Transactions, and other transactional classes. It is blindingly clear to any litigation firm or department that I had zero interest in them until being no-offered. Too late now.
(7) I'm not the only YHSCCN student to be no-offered, ya'know. A lot of them have more relevant experience, better grades, and perhaps even a more charming personality than I do. If shiTTTlaw does want to hire T6 cast-offs, they'll get through all of those before they get to me.
(8) Outside of shiTTTlaw, I guess there are "public interest law" jobs. But I've never felt strongly about any political cause and they are going to DING me when I cannot demonstrate any evidence of interest in what they do.
(9) I don't think I have cover letter writing skillz. I thought I was pretty good, and my CSO person said I had a strong CL, but I got zero results from my mass-mailing. My only positive result (a callback that I never heard back from) was from 3L OCI, which doesn't require cover letters.
(10) I don't think I even know HOW to find shitlaw firms to apply to. I have no connections in this industry at all. OCS just tells me to "network" and find alums. Guess what, no alums in shiTTTlaw. If there are they're probably not reporting themselves. What do they want me to do, send my resume to every single firm in the m-h directory?
Fuck my life. I have no marketable skills and no future. |
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Date: November 20th, 2009 2:29 AM Author: cerebral balding locale i told you what to do retard (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#13316796) |
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Date: November 20th, 2009 2:36 AM Author: shimmering bbw The professor thing? I wrote that entry before you said that. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#13316855) |
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Date: November 20th, 2009 2:36 AM Author: cerebral balding locale the rest of it too (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#13316859) |
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Date: November 20th, 2009 2:38 AM Author: shimmering bbw Your advice was appreciated. But I wrote these entries like a week ago. Check the dates on them, dude. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#13316870) |
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Date: November 20th, 2009 2:46 AM Author: cerebral balding locale forgive me for only looking at the date you posted them here (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#13316922) |
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Date: November 20th, 2009 2:50 AM Author: shimmering bbw Apology accepted (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#13316945) |
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Date: November 30th, 2011 2:49 PM Author: Orange mediation (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#19471803) |
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Date: December 14th, 2009 5:25 PM Author: odious hot gaming laptop LOLOL. you're a good writer... that's a marketable skill. maybe. not really. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#13549664) |
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Date: December 14th, 2009 5:27 PM Author: shimmering bbw It's definitely marketable, the market for it just happens to suck. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#13549674) |
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Date: December 14th, 2009 5:31 PM Author: Abusive mexican coffee pot be a weed lawyer like that chick out in LA.
HLS WEED LAWYER: from the highest law school in america (lay proles won't know) comes the highest lawyer in [your city] |
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Date: December 14th, 2009 5:37 PM Author: rose stead haha, i agree with you. kinda enjoyed reading the diary entries, actually. estrada, ignore the haters. please keep writing diary entries. i think i would enjoy reading diary entries by you no matter what the content: whining, day dreaming, making up stories, even happy upbeat stuff. i particularly enjoyed the "being reborn as something awesome, like an anteater" bit. chuckled to that one. |
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Date: December 14th, 2009 5:56 PM Author: shimmering bbw subtle UC Irvine trolling (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#13549922) |
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Date: December 14th, 2009 5:55 PM Author: sooty stag film lol flame (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#13549908) |
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Date: November 30th, 2011 2:45 AM Author: Orange mediation (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#19469911) |
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Date: November 30th, 2011 2:37 PM Author: Orange mediation (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#19471740) |
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Date: November 30th, 2011 2:41 PM Author: Orange mediation (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#19471766) |
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Date: November 30th, 2011 9:07 PM Author: Orange mediation (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1141721&forum_id=2#19474781) |