do it this way:

"Hey, I know this really cool bar down near X street. Let's go and get a drink."

If the mood is good she'll agree. Up touching at bar. Kiss. Take her home.

EDIT: if she's illegal just invite her to your apartment for some wine.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1169012&forum_id=2#13595356)

"hey, i'm absolutely frozen. let's go back to my place and have some wine. I picked up this interesting bottle last week."

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1169012&forum_id=2#13595360)

Btw, tytyty for all the help. I'm really nervous about this.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1169012&forum_id=2#13595364)

Also what happens if she's a virgin? Is it really going to be bloody?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1169012&forum_id=2#13595371)

Also, it makes it hotter if she's in pain or bleeds, so I wouldn't be worried about that.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1169012&forum_id=2#13595374)

if she's a virgin there may or may not be blood. keep a towel handy.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1169012&forum_id=2#13595376)

Also, make sure you go really slow. Sex is not actually like porn, you can't just ram that shit in.

As far as how I would work this, it'd be skating -> hot chocolate at my place (which is immaculately clean; has a new air freshener open; set to 74 F; has a bathroom scrubbed to surgical suite levels with a clean neatly folded hand towel, hand soap, and good toilet paper) -> movie on couch (you have something gender-neutral and not romancy by the DVD player, and a nice clean blanket on the couch for when she inevitably bitches about being cold) -> making out.

You can tell that she wants to fuck if she does the "butt lift" when you play around with her fly, to allow you to remove her pants.

Whatever you do, go slow and have your place prepared. It might be better to just lay ground work and plan to get laid at a later date.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1169012&forum_id=2#14010054)

If she drinks, just flirt, sit close, put arm around her, stroke her hand, hair, etc. Do any of the combination of above and then just lean close. If she has half a social clue she'll move in to kiss you.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1169012&forum_id=2#13595369)

In platonic contexts, I seem to be able to keep things light and playful, but I'm anticipating turning into a stuttering awkward robot now that there's the promise of sex. This is helping a lot with my positive visualization exercises, so it's greatly appreciated.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1169012&forum_id=2#13595373)

Is it true you're supposed rub girls with a warm cloth after sex? Or at least that they like it? It sounds vaguely creepy to me, but I've heard this said before.

Also cunnilingus. I've read up a little on it, but how is it actually done? Do you just sort of feel around for a clit and then rub it?

Yeah, maybe I'm overthinking this shit.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1169012&forum_id=2#13595383)

Cunnilingus is up to you. I never do it, so I am not the one to ask about technique. All I can say is, if you smell anything unpleasant at all do not do it.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1169012&forum_id=2#13595391)

2. rub her cunt

3. slip it in

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1169012&forum_id=2#13595351)

(EDIT: Never mind, first question was answered above)

Also, what if she doesn't drink? I don't know whether she does or not.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1169012&forum_id=2#13595362)

When I think back to when I was in your postion and was reading elaborate pickup artist manuals obsessively I have to laugh a little bit...

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1169012&forum_id=2#13595384)

This update is long because I overanalyze shit.

Shortly after posting, I called her up to arrange where we'd meet (I said I would pick her up). Turned out she was running errands and asked if we could postpone. When I offered to meet up at her dorm, she said the ice rink would be "on her way". I said OK, fine, see you there. Pretty much expected to get blown off. I almost logged back on to ask for some last-minute advice, but decided to just head out like I said I would.

To my pleasant surprise, she actually showed up there a little earlier than originally planned. I was on the edge of the rink, talking to some random guy about Christmas (he thinks Obama is ruining the economy), so I didn't see her until she was almost on the ice. Got rid of random guy and skated over to her just in time to help her off the platform.

We held hands and skated for a bit. I was a little relieved to find I was better than her, which meant she kept leaning into me for support. We looped arm in arm, as I coached her on skating. Even though the air was dry, her hair looked so silky and wonderful, I almost wanted to bury my nose in it. She kept looking up at me and laughing. I don't know why, I just started laughing back. At one point, we neared the wall and she looked up at me and sort of moved her face in close. I just about went for the kiss, but I was super-nervous in front of all those people. Yes, looking back on it, I probably should have just gone for it. Who cares what strangers think, right? But in the moment, I panicked and just started talking about Kant(!--wtf, idk, fml).

After about two hours of skating, I noticed she was starting to look a little bored. I remembered the whole thing about hot chocolate and conversation, which is what I did next. I told a few jokes, and she laughed, but the vibe between us had definitely been killed by my shyness earlier. I decided to just go for the kiss, but she wasn't looking at that point and I ended up falling over her, off the bench. She helped me back up (literally, some douche stopped and laughed at me; if it was one of you guys, fuck you). I sort of brushed her hand, or her glove actually, and then moved to push the hair from her face and while I was doing this, I saw her eyes and leaned in and this time she knew and we kissed. It wasn't that great, because I forgot my chapstick and my teeth sort of hit her gums at first, so we broke off kissing, but then I kissed her again and this time it was better and I thought, "This is it. This is the first kiss of my life. You. You are the first kiss of my life. You." That sounds really cheesy, but that's exactly what I was thinking. Come to think of it, that probably meant it was a terrible kiss because I couldn't focus on her; all I could think was you, you, you. And then her name, ringing in my head.

Anyway after that, I said, "Look, I had a lot of fun with you this evening. My friend got me a special bottle of wine [I named the label, pathetically acquired after an afternoon practicing], and I've been saving it for a special occasion. What do you say?" And then she said she didn't drink, so I used the xoxo line about the juice box and she laughed and nodded in this cute way. We packed up our skates and started walking over to my place. I'm thinking, "Score!" and other assorted football metaphors.

On the way over, we run into two of her friends who are in a crowd with other people. They were going for a late night coffee to watch one of their poet friends do a recital and invited us along. One of the girls, whom I shall call Fatty McBitch, was especially pushy. When I politely but firmly said we had other plans, she started doing this mock-horror shit about how I was "luring" her friend back to my cave, together with an insulting nickname she has for me. I wanted to say something nasty to her, but couldn't think of anything that wouldn't leave me looking spiteful. So McBitch is dragging my date away, saying, "You CANNOT miss this, [name of "poet"] will be SO upset."

I couldn't decide whether to call it a night or tag along. I even wondered if maybe my date had called her friends when I went to the bathroom (back at the rink), because it all seemed so coincidental. On the other hand, she looked genuinely annoyed at McBitch. Being a social retard, I decided it couldn't hurt if I just went along. So I made nice with McBitch and pretended I gave a fuck about this poet.

We get to the coffee bar and there are all these trustafarian hipsters hanging around, looking half-stoned and philosophical. McBitch sits in the corner with my date, while this pretentious grad student starts quizzing me on poetry. I'm rapidly dreaming up ways to kill various people in the room, but I still notice my date sort of looking over at me. So I pretend to be engrossed in what he's saying, only to make funny faces when he looks away. Date is eating up this act. When McBitch goes the bathroom, she comes over and sits by me, apologizing for the detour. I'm encouraged by the word "detour", so I say it's cool and she introduces me to some of the people there. Grad Student comes back over and asks Date, "So is this your boyfriend?" I was trying to think of a line. Before I could, she said, "No, still single." He kept hitting on her, shit like, "How is such a beautiful girl still single?" Well, it pissed me off, but I just calmed down, played it cool and started talking to another girl. Grad Student chats up Date a bit more and keeps touching her arm, much to my chagrin. Then one of his colleagues (or professor? couldn't tell) interrupts.

I jump right back in and ask Date how she knows Poet (who has a small crowd around her, waiting for recital). She explains and I let slip that Grad Student is obviously into her. Tried to sound calm and confident, like it was no big deal, guys at my high school did this all the time, right? So I start talking about how he's this really smart guy and all the things he knows about poetry. I said, "Yeah, I know I was making fun of him earlier, but that wasn't really fair. He is super-smart." Then I insinuated that she would have to meet his intellectual standards or he wouldn't respect her. Don't know how that went over. It was a bit catty, but she didn't talk to Grad Student the rest of the night.

The real positive glow from ice-skating earlier was almost completely gone, though. I didn't know if there'd be anything left by the time this thing was over. But I couldn't think of any good transition out.

Poet is up now. I don't know if I was just pissed because she was ruining my date, but I thought she sucked. Without going into too much detail, let me just say that I don't want to hear about yeast infections. Not in tetrameter. But I congratulate her anyway and talk about how the poem moved me [more like moved my bowels]. The next guy gets up, and now I'm seriously bored, wondering how long this shit goes on.

I start absent-mindedly doddling on one of those feedback pads they have near the comment box. Date leans over to see what I'm doing. I pretend to really be concentrating on this picture of a stoned-out trustafarian. She sort of giggles. Then I do a caricature of Jabba the Hutt. My date nods in McBitch's direction to confirm, so I nod and she actually laughs. I passed the pen to her. She sketched a picture of a coffee cup and a fruit basket. It was really good, and I wrote, "Wow, you're quite an artist!" next to a smiley face. Then she sketches a picture of two skaters, very realistic. The girl can draw. So I draw two sticks figures skating, one holding the American flag, with an arrow saying "ME", and the other falling on her ass, with an arrow saying "YOU". She slaps my shoulder and then smiles. We keep doing this, drawing back and forth to each other. Her hand rests on my thigh and she whispers in my ear, "It's getting late." I nod, thinking, "Well, whatever. At least I got a kiss."

Then she says, "You still owe me that juice box." And my heart stopped for a bit, until I finally managed to say, "Let's go."

We snuck out from the coffee shop, with Date only stopping to give Poet a hug. As we walked back to my place, my hand moved down from her shoulder down her spine to the small of her back near this soft hollow between her waist and hips. Her hair smelled so good, even after all this time. When we got to the stairwell, I couldn't help myself anymore. I kissed her forehead, then her lips. She held my face in her soft hands, as I kissed down her neck. I picked her up (using the wall for leverage) and carried her to the door.

When we got inside, I poured us a glass each. She didn't want to watch a movie. I wasn't quite sure what to do at this point. We talked some more about a lot of things. I know it's completely stupid and probably love goggles or something, but she impressed me with her naive and earnest idealism. She wants to volunteer after college, make-the-world-a-better-place stuff. I don't know if she believed any of the stuff she said, but it was all worth believing.

After awhile things went really quiet. I had no idea what to do, I only knew I wanted this girl beside me, forever if possible. And so I went in for another kiss. This time I knew better what I was doing. We were calm, and I could really focus on the taste of her lips and the trace of my tongue. Then she said, "I want you, I want you" in this heavy whisper and almost at the same moment, my fingers pulled out the top button of her blouse and jumped to the next and the next and the next. Then I saw the lace across her breasts rising and falling and the strap sliding half-down her shoulder. I wanted to shout for joy, but she leaped forward and pressed her chest against my chest so I could feel the swell of her breathing and her hips grinding against the bulge in my crotch. My shirt came off and then my pants were unzipped and she reached for me through the opening of my boxers, lowering her head and the silky wonderful hair I had loved all evening spilled across my stomach. I didn't know what to do with a woman in this situation. Like a moron, I patted her head, saying, "Oh Jesus" over and over again, half-thinking my soul would go to hell for blasphemy and half-hoping it would.

She looked up at me and smiled, stroking my cock. I guided her hand up and down the shaft, right through to the release. Because I'd masturbated earlier in the evening, it wasn't a lot, but it still got all over my boxers. I asked her to help me wipe off. After we came back from the bathroom, I took her into my bedroom and we made out some more, until I got her out of her clothes, sliding the panties down her legs and throwing them onto the bedpost. She lay back and I spread her legs.

Since she gave me the blowjob, I decided to head south. That was pretty embarrassing, since I couldn't find her clit and she ended up rubbing herself off, while I got a condom and some lube. She did smell good, though, so maybe next time. When I got on top of her, I asked, "This your first time?" because she seemed really unsure and she kissed me again and said it was. I went inside, but sort of bumped into the wrong hole and had to go lower. Even through the condom I couldn't believe how incredible it felt. What surprised me most was how warm and tight it was and how the vaginal muscles pulsed even when I did nothing. It makes sense, sure, but I still wasn't prepared. When I got to her hymen, I pushed pretty hard and her face did scrunch up in this shockingly arousing way. She gripped me really tight at that point and despite my best efforts, I came again. There was a little smear of blood, but not much, so we cleaned it with a towel.

Because it went by so quickly, I went back down and tried fingering her for a bit. My fingers kept slipping around inside. I tried spreading them, but that didn't do anything. As I was pulling them out, she said I touched a part that felt kind of good. I tried it again and we found out it was toward the top of her vagina. It was rough and kind of spongy, but it was inside, so I wasn't sure if that was the clitoris. I pushed around it some more. When I got the right pressure, she really started moaning. I rubbed around, feeling some fluid there. I pretty much stopped at kissing her pussy lips because I could still smell some blood. As I kept stroking, she flushed really red and bit the pillow in a scream, so I assumed it was an orgasm.

Again, I climb back on top of her and go back inside. She was super-sensitive this time, and it took awhile before I could even push back in all the way. This time I tried to go for long strokes--in, stop, kiss her nipples, slowly out. It must have been comical watching this mechanical loop, but it was the only way I could stay focused on the task at hand. I aimed for the spot where I'd fingered her, which was really hard since I had to concentrate on figuring out where I was at any given time. Plus I kept bumping into bone, which hurt my penis a lot. If I went a little too fast, she would tell me it hurt, so I had to slow down. But that was torture because her vagina would squeeze around me just then, like it was trying to milk me before I pulled out. When I finally scraped against the rough patch again, her eyes got really wide and then half-shuttered, while her arms flung back against the pillow. I couldn't believe I could ever make someone feel so good, that my body could do this for her. She started calling out my name over and over and I said hers too back and then I said, I love you to her again and again and she said yes, yes and then my name and I went over the edge and fell into her breasts and felt her fingers tugging at my hair.

After I rolled off her, we lit cigarettes and smoked in bed. I don't smoke and neither does she, but I heard this was one of life's little pleasures and decided to try it. It was OK. She liked it. She told me I was getting her into all these bad habits: alcohol, sex, cigarettes. I told her to watch out, because I planned to snort cocaine all day tomorrow. She laughed. We talked, and I was sort of incredulous that a naked woman was sitting and smoking and talking with me in my bed. After the cigarette, I started dozing off, even though I tried listening to her. Finally, she fell asleep and I turned off the light.

This morning, I woke up and I still couldn't believe she was there, naked in the daylight, her head on my chest and her body clinging to mine. I cooked her breakfast (scrambled eggs; I'm not a chef). We had sex again this morning, dropped by her place to pick up a change of clothes, and then went for a walk in the park. I wanted to tell her I love her and that I would love her for the rest of my life, but instead I said, "Let's do this again sometime." She's heading back home, but we're going to get together for New Year's Eve. I want to do something special for her.

Thanks so much, xoxo. This is the happiest day of my life. You really did help.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1169012&forum_id=2#13606173)

u get it wet or not

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1169012&forum_id=2#13606176)

it's so much text i was just skimming

that part about the cigarettes is definitely far fetched

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1169012&forum_id=2#13606365)

but i, like everyone else, want this to be real and i want to be young again and have it happen to me somehow

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1169012&forum_id=2#13606395)

This is my favorite post ever in the history of this board. I am moved. I take back every 180 I have ever given and award each to you, good sir.

It's also depressing as fuck that I will never experience something like this again in my life. Oh memories.

edit: not that I believe this whole thing happened.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1169012&forum_id=2#13606302)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1169012&forum_id=2#13606357)

she leaned back on her arms her hands locked about her knees

youve never done that have you

what done what

that what I have what I did

yes yes lots of times with lots of girls

then I was crying her hand touched me again and I was crying against her damp blouse

Actually, I'm going to pretend this was all real and actually happened, because it was damn entertaining. *Hat tip*

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1169012&forum_id=2#13606404)

*0 results*

*leaves thread*

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1169012&forum_id=2#13606721)

1. slow down champ. you have never had your penis touched by a woman. I would seriously advise you to become slightly comfortable being naked w this girl before you start awkwardly trying to bone this chick and going down in flames. if you somehow do end up with her touching your dick just let it be known that you enjoy it. if shes blowing you tell her it is great and to keep going. also tell her if your about to come. same thing goes for handjobs.

only gun for sex if you are somehow not nervous. its generally much better if you're comfortable.

2. cunnilingus. maybe a little advanced for a first date. if your hands end up on her vagina then gently stroke it all about where its wet. focus more on the top. try to spread the top open w your fingers in a v to open up the clit. just having it exposed drives many girls wild.

if you really want to go down on her: spread the top open to expose the clit. move/flick your tongue up and down on it at varying speeds. occasionally venture around the rest of the vag and come back. pay attention to how she responds and modify your strat on the fly.

3. this all comes w experience mang. take your time. after a few nights making out with this chick you'll be much more in tune with how to actually make moves into sexy territory.

finally: I hope this is not flame. if it is then fucking bravo bc it is we'll crafted.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1169012&forum_id=2#13606589)

I tore it up and burned it over the spittoon. I make it a rule never to keep a scrap of paper bearing a woman's hand, and I never write them at all.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1169012&forum_id=2#13606691)