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Story of my flexible sigmoidoscopy

This is a note to all of you admits who will have to fill ou...
learning disabled ruby hall internal respiration
  04/07/05
i had one of these last fall. same exact experience, with a...
Charismatic space
  04/07/05
It might be fun with a hot redhead nurse. I'd have her ...
Chestnut frozen pocket flask hell
  04/07/05
P.S.: "The one nurse then put a massive quantity of ...
Chestnut frozen pocket flask hell
  04/07/05
Surprisingly enough, it was a first time. Maybe not the las...
learning disabled ruby hall internal respiration
  04/07/05
the drink is just awful. i dry heaved the whole way through...
Carnelian Giraffe
  04/07/05
I had to take that stuff in high school. It's the worst thi...
Big fear-inspiring immigrant
  12/20/05
this story was hilarious. The worst part for me is that t...
ebony senate
  04/07/05
Well I'm told that a colonoscopy is actually WORSE--it's so ...
learning disabled ruby hall internal respiration
  04/07/05
Yeah. They suck. Although partial sedation is a plus, ...
Comical cuckold rehab
  12/01/05
They are not worse, they are much better (ask Racialist).
topaz dashing azn idea he suggested
  12/01/05
The sigmoidoscopy, you're conscious for everything. Every p...
flushed messiness shrine
  12/01/05
GTO needs to start a new subcategory for stories like this.
Hot know-it-all karate
  04/07/05
It's important to share this stuff so we can all get it out ...
learning disabled ruby hall internal respiration
  04/07/05
Excellent psa. Substitute pizza for the pot roast, and that'...
Cobalt piazza sex offender
  04/07/05
Don't let them get near you with that hose.
learning disabled ruby hall internal respiration
  04/07/05
180
topaz dashing azn idea he suggested
  12/01/05
169. Great story. But you know you wanted it. The do...
Chestnut frozen pocket flask hell
  04/07/05
Yeah I foundm myself wondering how much she gets paid to sti...
learning disabled ruby hall internal respiration
  04/07/05
excellent story. sorry it had to happen to you, though. I ...
rough-skinned public bath knife
  04/07/05
I think that's all it was for me too! But my GP must be afr...
learning disabled ruby hall internal respiration
  04/07/05
...
boyish erotic bawdyhouse
  08/24/05
bump
pea-brained dysfunction meetinghouse
  12/01/05
Most people, at least for colonoscopy (a procedure that exam...
topaz dashing azn idea he suggested
  12/01/05
...
topaz dashing azn idea he suggested
  12/01/05
People aren't anesthetized for sigmoidoscopies. I had a col...
flushed messiness shrine
  12/01/05
That's weird, I figured they'd do the same for both (I guess...
topaz dashing azn idea he suggested
  12/01/05
Link to his story?
flushed messiness shrine
  12/01/05
http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=308610&mc=...
topaz dashing azn idea he suggested
  12/01/05
Yeah, the first time I had bloody stools, there was no pain,...
flushed messiness shrine
  12/01/05
You are bleeding NOW?
topaz dashing azn idea he suggested
  12/01/05
No, but I have to take special care to get extra fiber to ma...
flushed messiness shrine
  12/01/05
Lots of posters with hemmoroids. LOL
topaz dashing azn idea he suggested
  12/01/05
Geez, probably has nothing to do with stress levels and sitt...
flushed messiness shrine
  12/01/05
Yeah, but it's still kind of suprising considering the age g...
topaz dashing azn idea he suggested
  12/01/05
It's not that unusual. This is why physicians who perform l...
Lascivious maroon corner
  12/01/05
Thanks for refreshing this memory. I'd almost forgotten. W...
learning disabled ruby hall internal respiration
  12/01/05
Superb post. Get a colonoscopy next time.
topaz dashing azn idea he suggested
  12/01/05
Hopefully next time will be in 20 years or so.
learning disabled ruby hall internal respiration
  12/01/05
Have you had oral surgery? You know that stuff they give yo...
topaz dashing azn idea he suggested
  12/01/05
Ah.. that is pleasing. I wish I could give myself that stuf...
learning disabled ruby hall internal respiration
  12/01/05
this story had me in tears. sadly, i'll probably be in te...
thriller slate hairy legs
  12/01/05
OP archived.
Sexy Swollen Mexican
  02/13/06
Is this prestigious?
learning disabled ruby hall internal respiration
  02/13/06
ask for conscious sedation next time.
galvanic sable philosopher-king institution
  02/13/06
i'll take two!
electric place of business casino
  03/04/06
This story still makes me laugh my ass off.
pea-brained dysfunction meetinghouse
  03/31/06
Excellent.
spectacular party of the first part fanboi
  03/31/06
Quality. "And you've never had your ego bruised until ...
Cordovan free-loading skinny woman sanctuary
  04/05/06
those were the days...
jet-lagged mildly autistic haunted graveyard wagecucks
  02/15/07
wish me luck. i'll be there wed.
Stimulating fat ankles foreskin
  04/09/07
Date: April 7th, 2005 11:29 AM Author: ƒjackie This is a...
bat shit crazy mad cow disease
  04/13/07
"If you've never done this, it's quite gay."
provocative people who are hurt
  11/06/07
a truer tale has never been told
Federal purple trust fund electric furnace
  05/13/08


Poast new message in this thread





Date: April 7th, 2005 11:29 AM
Author: learning disabled ruby hall internal respiration

This is a note to all of you admits who will have to fill out your medical forms this summer. Be careful what little boxes you check off.

Last summer when I was getting my checkup, I was going through the endless checklist of symptoms, and for some reason I was feeling very thorough. When I got to "blood in stool," I thought hey, a couple times I think I've had a little blood on the TP, or something like that. So I checked the box. This became the subject of a 30 minute discussion with my GP. Once I realized that he was concerned I tried to do damage control, but it was too late. No amount of "it only happened once or twice that I can remember" and "it wasn't very much" made a difference. I walked out of the office with an appointment to see a proctologist and receive something called a flexible sigmoidoscopy.

I received the information on the procedure a week or two before the proctology appointment. It was scheduled for a morning. The last solid food or colored liquid I was allowed to consume was the night before the day before the appointment--no food for 36 hours. In the afternoon the day before, I had to drink an entire bottle of magnesium citrate laxative. It tasted vile, but I figure, what the hell, a good shit wouldn't hurt me. Little did I know the demons of hell that would be shooting out of my ass an hour later. It started with gurgling, then churning, then all out projectile ass-spewing. The walls of the toilet were painted brown. My eyes watered. It lasted for almost two hours. I crawled into bed and went to sleep. The next morning, before the appointment, I had to administer two fleet enemas to myself. If you've never done this, it's quite gay. The instructions on the box have you lay on the floor of your bathroom in the fetal position, then reach around and jam the thing up your ass, then slowly squeeze all the liquid into your rectum. Let it sit for a while, then stand up and "evacuate" in the crapper. I thought the sensation of the liquid entering my anus was upsetting and uncomfortable, and the resulting watery discharge somewhat horrifying. But I had no idea what was coming later that morning.

I arrived at the office and they quickly had me in a gown and in the room where the proceedure would occur. Doctor? Chick. Nurses? Two. Both chicks. I had to lie down on my side, again in the fetal position, facing a television screen. The one nurse then put a massive quantity of KY all over and into my ass. All the while they are telling me something that I can barely hear because my brain is shutting down from the humiliation. Something about bloating or air being injected into my lower GI. Suddenly the doctor approaches and I am violated. It's a tube, probably a half an inch thick, but it felt like fucking King Dong. It has to be thick because the way it works is the end of the tube has a camera, a little jaw for taking tissue samples, a light, a water nozzle, suction, and an air nozzle. The air expands your intestine and then the light makes it all nice and visible, and then the camera puts the image of my insides on the TV four inches from my nose. Wow. Unfortunately, for whatever reason my laxative-enema combination was not administered very well, and the doctor lectured me for about five minutes on this topic while she used the water nozzle and suction to wash away residual poop from my insides. That was quite a show. And you've never had your ego bruised until you've been told that you can't even poop yourself empty right. Once I was nice and clean, she ran the tube up and down, all the while injecting more and more air into me. Eventually the gas pains were getting terrible, but I couldn't fart because she had the works plugged up. I felt like I'd eaten 40 pounds of beans. Finally, after finding nothing other than leftover shit, after 15 minutes of probing, she calls it quits. The second she pulls the tube out, I let out a gigantic fart like you have never fucking heard right at the doctor and the nurses. To their credit they didn't blink an eye. The doctor even said that was normal, and that I could go the adjoining bathroom to clean up and "get comfortable." No amount of time in that bathroom was going to make anything about this situation comfortable.

A few minutes later I had my clothes on and I was in the doctor's office. She again reminded me that I didn't do a good job of preparing (thanks), but thought that this was consistent with the symptom of blood on TP, and it was probably all due to chronic constipation. I said "I poop just fine, thanks," but she wasn't interested. She loaded me up with an armful of papers on what foods have fiber and what foods don't and she kicked me out the door.

It wasn't over. At this point I was starving. I went home and ate a huge pile of leftover pot roast from earlier in the week. I ate and ate and ate. Probably 3 pounds of the stuff, including vegetables and gravy. Turns out, something went wrong in the pot roast cooling and storage. Or maybe my body dind't react well. My body totally rejected it. I crapped and crapped for days after that, and it took almost a week before my guts were working right again.

So... all of you admits--be very very careful about what boxes you check when you get your physicals.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=161789&forum_id=2#2507118)





Date: April 7th, 2005 11:32 AM
Author: Charismatic space

i had one of these last fall. same exact experience, with a hot redhead nurse. only my girlfriend gave me the enemas, which was hilarious.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=161789&forum_id=2#2507133)





Date: April 7th, 2005 11:43 AM
Author: Chestnut frozen pocket flask hell

It might be fun with a hot redhead nurse.

I'd have her milk my prostate when I was done.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=161789&forum_id=2#2507201)





Date: April 7th, 2005 11:37 AM
Author: Chestnut frozen pocket flask hell

P.S.:

"The one nurse then put a massive quantity of KY all over and into my ass... Suddenly the doctor approaches and I am violated."

Don't pretend this was the first time this happened to you.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=161789&forum_id=2#2507170)





Date: April 7th, 2005 11:48 AM
Author: learning disabled ruby hall internal respiration

Surprisingly enough, it was a first time. Maybe not the last...

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=161789&forum_id=2#2507220)





Date: April 7th, 2005 11:39 AM
Author: Carnelian Giraffe

the drink is just awful. i dry heaved the whole way through.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=161789&forum_id=2#2507183)





Date: December 20th, 2005 4:02 PM
Author: Big fear-inspiring immigrant

I had to take that stuff in high school. It's the worst thing I've ever tasted.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=161789&forum_id=2#4620601)





Date: April 7th, 2005 11:40 AM
Author: ebony senate

this story was hilarious.

The worst part for me is that there is a history of colon cancer in my family, so I probably have to get one of these sooner rather than later.

I fear that day.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=161789&forum_id=2#2507187)





Date: April 7th, 2005 11:49 AM
Author: learning disabled ruby hall internal respiration

Well I'm told that a colonoscopy is actually WORSE--it's so invasive that they have to partially sedate you. Jesus Christ.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=161789&forum_id=2#2507221)





Date: December 1st, 2005 10:36 PM
Author: Comical cuckold rehab

Yeah.

They suck.

Although partial sedation is a plus, not a minus.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=161789&forum_id=2#4434827)





Date: December 1st, 2005 10:39 PM
Author: topaz dashing azn idea he suggested

They are not worse, they are much better (ask Racialist).

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=161789&forum_id=2#4434867)





Date: December 1st, 2005 10:41 PM
Author: flushed messiness shrine

The sigmoidoscopy, you're conscious for everything. Every poke, prod, and twist. The colonoscopy takes a bit more preparation, but you are out of it and remember nothing. No discomfort, except for the gas you fart in the recovery room, and that's it. And that's only bad if you don't like shifting onto your side to fart.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=161789&forum_id=2#4434895)





Date: April 7th, 2005 11:46 AM
Author: Hot know-it-all karate

GTO needs to start a new subcategory for stories like this.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=161789&forum_id=2#2507210)





Date: April 7th, 2005 11:49 AM
Author: learning disabled ruby hall internal respiration

It's important to share this stuff so we can all get it out in the open.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=161789&forum_id=2#2507223)





Date: April 7th, 2005 11:53 AM
Author: Cobalt piazza sex offender

Excellent psa. Substitute pizza for the pot roast, and that's my story to the T.

Join the fight against anal probing. Huzzah!

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=161789&forum_id=2#2507240)





Date: April 7th, 2005 3:46 PM
Author: learning disabled ruby hall internal respiration

Don't let them get near you with that hose.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=161789&forum_id=2#2508786)





Date: December 1st, 2005 3:13 AM
Author: topaz dashing azn idea he suggested

180

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=161789&forum_id=2#4427487)





Date: April 7th, 2005 11:36 AM
Author: Chestnut frozen pocket flask hell

169.

Great story. But you know you wanted it.

The doctor sounds like a cunt. I'm glad you farted in her face.

Medicine has got to be the grossest profession.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=161789&forum_id=2#2507156)





Date: April 7th, 2005 11:51 AM
Author: learning disabled ruby hall internal respiration

Yeah I foundm myself wondering how much she gets paid to stick thing up people's asses all day. My insurance company got charged close to $2000 for it--and it took a total of 20 minutes including set up and clean up. I saw the next guy walking into the room only 5 inutes or so after I was done.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=161789&forum_id=2#2507229)





Date: April 7th, 2005 11:40 AM
Author: rough-skinned public bath knife

excellent story. sorry it had to happen to you, though. I get the old bloody TP when i shit at work too often...the TP here sort of blows.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=161789&forum_id=2#2507189)





Date: April 7th, 2005 11:52 AM
Author: learning disabled ruby hall internal respiration

I think that's all it was for me too! But my GP must be afraid of lawsuits. Fucking lawyers.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=161789&forum_id=2#2507233)





Date: August 24th, 2005 12:49 AM
Author: boyish erotic bawdyhouse



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=161789&forum_id=2#3664575)





Date: December 1st, 2005 3:07 AM
Author: pea-brained dysfunction meetinghouse

bump

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=161789&forum_id=2#4427450)





Date: December 1st, 2005 5:35 AM
Author: topaz dashing azn idea he suggested

Most people, at least for colonoscopy (a procedure that examines the entire colon, and not just the descending colon), are drugged so that they don't remember the procedure. It's unfortunate you have a TTT doctor.

Also, $2,000 seems excessive.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=161789&forum_id=2#4427853)





Date: December 1st, 2005 10:12 PM
Author: topaz dashing azn idea he suggested



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=161789&forum_id=2#4434525)





Date: December 1st, 2005 10:18 PM
Author: flushed messiness shrine

People aren't anesthetized for sigmoidoscopies. I had a colonoscopy, which wasn't bad, and then a sigmoidoscopy. The next time the doctor told me to get a sigmoidoscopy, I requested that it be a colonoscopy.



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=161789&forum_id=2#4434617)





Date: December 1st, 2005 10:22 PM
Author: topaz dashing azn idea he suggested

That's weird, I figured they'd do the same for both (I guess the colonoscopy is a longer, deeper procedure, so that makes sense). Tell Starscream to go to the doctor, he was bleeding a few days ago and hasn't taken a dump in two days.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=161789&forum_id=2#4434674)





Date: December 1st, 2005 10:24 PM
Author: flushed messiness shrine

Link to his story?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=161789&forum_id=2#4434700)





Date: December 1st, 2005 10:26 PM
Author: topaz dashing azn idea he suggested

http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=308610&mc=26&forum_id=2

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=161789&forum_id=2#4434725)





Date: December 1st, 2005 10:29 PM
Author: flushed messiness shrine

Yeah, the first time I had bloody stools, there was no pain, but it looked as though I shat cranberry juice.

After that, I would get a bit of blood due to 'roids, but it's still worth checking out. I've got a doctor's apt tomorrow to check out everything, just to see whether it could be from an ulcer or something.

If it's a fissure/tear, it's no biggie. If it's from 'roids, it's a risk you run. If you have been getting drunk and taking it in the ass from a black gay, then you, my friend, have the gaids.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=161789&forum_id=2#4434759)





Date: December 1st, 2005 10:31 PM
Author: topaz dashing azn idea he suggested

You are bleeding NOW?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=161789&forum_id=2#4434773)





Date: December 1st, 2005 10:32 PM
Author: flushed messiness shrine

No, but I have to take special care to get extra fiber to make sure that I don't irritate the 'roids. With large shits, you're more likely to create small fissures, especially if you have 'roids.

I had them a little bit of blood about 2 months ago, and the doctor just wanted to check a few things.

Namely, whether I got the gay.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=161789&forum_id=2#4434788)





Date: December 1st, 2005 10:35 PM
Author: topaz dashing azn idea he suggested

Lots of posters with hemmoroids. LOL

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=161789&forum_id=2#4434820)





Date: December 1st, 2005 10:37 PM
Author: flushed messiness shrine

Geez, probably has nothing to do with stress levels and sitting all day...

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=161789&forum_id=2#4434846)





Date: December 1st, 2005 10:40 PM
Author: topaz dashing azn idea he suggested

Yeah, but it's still kind of suprising considering the age group.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=161789&forum_id=2#4434871)





Date: December 1st, 2005 10:27 PM
Author: Lascivious maroon corner

It's not that unusual. This is why physicians who perform lots of procedures like gastroenterologists and cardiologists make BIZZANK.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=161789&forum_id=2#4434739)





Date: December 1st, 2005 10:24 PM
Author: learning disabled ruby hall internal respiration

Thanks for refreshing this memory. I'd almost forgotten. Well not really.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=161789&forum_id=2#4434698)





Date: December 1st, 2005 10:27 PM
Author: topaz dashing azn idea he suggested

Superb post. Get a colonoscopy next time.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=161789&forum_id=2#4434731)





Date: December 1st, 2005 10:28 PM
Author: learning disabled ruby hall internal respiration

Hopefully next time will be in 20 years or so.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=161789&forum_id=2#4434743)





Date: December 1st, 2005 10:30 PM
Author: topaz dashing azn idea he suggested

Have you had oral surgery? You know that stuff they give you? That's the same thing they use for colonoscopy.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=161789&forum_id=2#4434761)





Date: December 1st, 2005 10:30 PM
Author: learning disabled ruby hall internal respiration

Ah.. that is pleasing. I wish I could give myself that stuff during class sometimes.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=161789&forum_id=2#4434770)





Date: December 1st, 2005 10:36 PM
Author: thriller slate hairy legs

this story had me in tears.

sadly, i'll probably be in tears again when i have to go through this form of rape.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=161789&forum_id=2#4434824)





Date: February 13th, 2006 11:35 AM
Author: Sexy Swollen Mexican
Subject: OP archived.

Date: April 7th, 2005 11:29 AM

Author: ƒjackie

This is a note to all of you admits who will have to fill out your medical forms this summer. Be careful what little boxes you check off.

Last summer when I was getting my checkup, I was going through the endless checklist of symptoms, and for some reason I was feeling very thorough. When I got to "blood in stool," I thought hey, a couple times I think I've had a little blood on the TP, or something like that. So I checked the box. This became the subject of a 30 minute discussion with my GP. Once I realized that he was concerned I tried to do damage control, but it was too late. No amount of "it only happened once or twice that I can remember" and "it wasn't very much" made a difference. I walked out of the office with an appointment to see a proctologist and receive something called a flexible sigmoidoscopy.

I received the information on the procedure a week or two before the proctology appointment. It was scheduled for a morning. The last solid food or colored liquid I was allowed to consume was the night before the day before the appointment--no food for 36 hours. In the afternoon the day before, I had to drink an entire bottle of magnesium citrate laxative. It tasted vile, but I figure, what the hell, a good shit wouldn't hurt me. Little did I know the demons of hell that would be shooting out of my ass an hour later. It started with gurgling, then churning, then all out projectile ass-spewing. The walls of the toilet were painted brown. My eyes watered. It lasted for almost two hours. I crawled into bed and went to sleep. The next morning, before the appointment, I had to administer two fleet enemas to myself. If you've never done this, it's quite gay. The instructions on the box have you lay on the floor of your bathroom in the fetal position, then reach around and jam the thing up your ass, then slowly squeeze all the liquid into your rectum. Let it sit for a while, then stand up and "evacuate" in the crapper. I thought the sensation of the liquid entering my anus was upsetting and uncomfortable, and the resulting watery discharge somewhat horrifying. But I had no idea what was coming later that morning.

I arrived at the office and they quickly had me in a gown and in the room where the proceedure would occur. Doctor? Chick. Nurses? Two. Both chicks. I had to lie down on my side, again in the fetal position, facing a television screen. The one nurse then put a massive quantity of KY all over and into my ass. All the while they are telling me something that I can barely hear because my brain is shutting down from the humiliation. Something about bloating or air being injected into my lower GI. Suddenly the doctor approaches and I am violated. It's a tube, probably a half an inch thick, but it felt like fucking King Dong. It has to be thick because the way it works is the end of the tube has a camera, a little jaw for taking tissue samples, a light, a water nozzle, suction, and an air nozzle. The air expands your intestine and then the light makes it all nice and visible, and then the camera puts the image of my insides on the TV four inches from my nose. Wow. Unfortunately, for whatever reason my laxative-enema combination was not administered very well, and the doctor lectured me for about five minutes on this topic while she used the water nozzle and suction to wash away residual poop from my insides. That was quite a show. And you've never had your ego bruised until you've been told that you can't even poop yourself empty right. Once I was nice and clean, she ran the tube up and down, all the while injecting more and more air into me. Eventually the gas pains were getting terrible, but I couldn't fart because she had the works plugged up. I felt like I'd eaten 40 pounds of beans. Finally, after finding nothing other than leftover shit, after 15 minutes of probing, she calls it quits. The second she pulls the tube out, I let out a gigantic fart like you have never fucking heard right at the doctor and the nurses. To their credit they didn't blink an eye. The doctor even said that was normal, and that I could go the adjoining bathroom to clean up and "get comfortable." No amount of time in that bathroom was going to make anything about this situation comfortable.

A few minutes later I had my clothes on and I was in the doctor's office. She again reminded me that I didn't do a good job of preparing (thanks), but thought that this was consistent with the symptom of blood on TP, and it was probably all due to chronic constipation. I said "I poop just fine, thanks," but she wasn't interested. She loaded me up with an armful of papers on what foods have fiber and what foods don't and she kicked me out the door.

It wasn't over. At this point I was starving. I went home and ate a huge pile of leftover pot roast from earlier in the week. I ate and ate and ate. Probably 3 pounds of the stuff, including vegetables and gravy. Turns out, something went wrong in the pot roast cooling and storage. Or maybe my body dind't react well. My body totally rejected it. I crapped and crapped for days after that, and it took almost a week before my guts were working right again.

So... all of you admits--be very very careful about what boxes you check when you get your physicals.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=161789&forum_id=2#2507118)



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=161789&forum_id=2#5073916)





Date: February 13th, 2006 1:20 PM
Author: learning disabled ruby hall internal respiration

Is this prestigious?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=161789&forum_id=2#5074740)





Date: February 13th, 2006 1:25 PM
Author: galvanic sable philosopher-king institution

ask for conscious sedation next time.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=161789&forum_id=2#5074777)





Date: March 4th, 2006 6:42 AM
Author: electric place of business casino

i'll take two!

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=161789&forum_id=2#5243463)





Date: March 31st, 2006 11:49 AM
Author: pea-brained dysfunction meetinghouse

This story still makes me laugh my ass off.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=161789&forum_id=2#5475079)





Date: March 31st, 2006 12:31 PM
Author: spectacular party of the first part fanboi

Excellent.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=161789&forum_id=2#5475349)





Date: April 5th, 2006 10:20 AM
Author: Cordovan free-loading skinny woman sanctuary

Quality. "And you've never had your ego bruised until you've been told that you can't even poop yourself empty right."

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=161789&forum_id=2#5517500)





Date: February 15th, 2007 9:33 PM
Author: jet-lagged mildly autistic haunted graveyard wagecucks

those were the days...

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=161789&forum_id=2#7611874)





Date: April 9th, 2007 2:23 AM
Author: Stimulating fat ankles foreskin

wish me luck. i'll be there wed.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=161789&forum_id=2#7899329)





Date: April 13th, 2007 2:06 AM
Author: bat shit crazy mad cow disease

Date: April 7th, 2005 11:29 AM

Author: ƒjackie

This is a note to all of you admits who will have to fill out your medical forms this summer. Be careful what little boxes you check off.

Last summer when I was getting my checkup, I was going through the endless checklist of symptoms, and for some reason I was feeling very thorough. When I got to "blood in stool," I thought hey, a couple times I think I've had a little blood on the TP, or something like that. So I checked the box. This became the subject of a 30 minute discussion with my GP. Once I realized that he was concerned I tried to do damage control, but it was too late. No amount of "it only happened once or twice that I can remember" and "it wasn't very much" made a difference. I walked out of the office with an appointment to see a proctologist and receive something called a flexible sigmoidoscopy.

I received the information on the procedure a week or two before the proctology appointment. It was scheduled for a morning. The last solid food or colored liquid I was allowed to consume was the night before the day before the appointment--no food for 36 hours. In the afternoon the day before, I had to drink an entire bottle of magnesium citrate laxative. It tasted vile, but I figure, what the hell, a good shit wouldn't hurt me. Little did I know the demons of hell that would be shooting out of my ass an hour later. It started with gurgling, then churning, then all out projectile ass-spewing. The walls of the toilet were painted brown. My eyes watered. It lasted for almost two hours. I crawled into bed and went to sleep. The next morning, before the appointment, I had to administer two fleet enemas to myself. If you've never done this, it's quite gay. The instructions on the box have you lay on the floor of your bathroom in the fetal position, then reach around and jam the thing up your ass, then slowly squeeze all the liquid into your rectum. Let it sit for a while, then stand up and "evacuate" in the crapper. I thought the sensation of the liquid entering my anus was upsetting and uncomfortable, and the resulting watery discharge somewhat horrifying. But I had no idea what was coming later that morning.

I arrived at the office and they quickly had me in a gown and in the room where the proceedure would occur. Doctor? Chick. Nurses? Two. Both chicks. I had to lie down on my side, again in the fetal position, facing a television screen. The one nurse then put a massive quantity of KY all over and into my ass. All the while they are telling me something that I can barely hear because my brain is shutting down from the humiliation. Something about bloating or air being injected into my lower GI. Suddenly the doctor approaches and I am violated. It's a tube, probably a half an inch thick, but it felt like fucking King Dong. It has to be thick because the way it works is the end of the tube has a camera, a little jaw for taking tissue samples, a light, a water nozzle, suction, and an air nozzle. The air expands your intestine and then the light makes it all nice and visible, and then the camera puts the image of my insides on the TV four inches from my nose. Wow. Unfortunately, for whatever reason my laxative-enema combination was not administered very well, and the doctor lectured me for about five minutes on this topic while she used the water nozzle and suction to wash away residual poop from my insides. That was quite a show. And you've never had your ego bruised until you've been told that you can't even poop yourself empty right. Once I was nice and clean, she ran the tube up and down, all the while injecting more and more air into me. Eventually the gas pains were getting terrible, but I couldn't fart because she had the works plugged up. I felt like I'd eaten 40 pounds of beans. Finally, after finding nothing other than leftover shit, after 15 minutes of probing, she calls it quits. The second she pulls the tube out, I let out a gigantic fart like you have never fucking heard right at the doctor and the nurses. To their credit they didn't blink an eye. The doctor even said that was normal, and that I could go the adjoining bathroom to clean up and "get comfortable." No amount of time in that bathroom was going to make anything about this situation comfortable.

A few minutes later I had my clothes on and I was in the doctor's office. She again reminded me that I didn't do a good job of preparing (thanks), but thought that this was consistent with the symptom of blood on TP, and it was probably all due to chronic constipation. I said "I poop just fine, thanks," but she wasn't interested. She loaded me up with an armful of papers on what foods have fiber and what foods don't and she kicked me out the door.

It wasn't over. At this point I was starving. I went home and ate a huge pile of leftover pot roast from earlier in the week. I ate and ate and ate. Probably 3 pounds of the stuff, including vegetables and gravy. Turns out, something went wrong in the pot roast cooling and storage. Or maybe my body dind't react well. My body totally rejected it. I crapped and crapped for days after that, and it took almost a week before my guts were working right again.

So... all of you admits--be very very careful about what boxes you check when you get your physicals.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=161789&forum_id=2#2507118)



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=161789&forum_id=2#7923270)





Date: November 6th, 2007 5:18 PM
Author: provocative people who are hurt

"If you've never done this, it's quite gay."

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=161789&forum_id=2#8861293)





Date: May 13th, 2008 9:41 PM
Author: Federal purple trust fund electric furnace

a truer tale has never been told

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=161789&forum_id=2#9779938)