Met great girl, but her parents/siblings are white trash
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Date: February 27th, 2012 11:35 PM Author: Dead cobalt church newt
How much would this be a deal-breaker or turnoff? How much weight should I put on this?
The girl is fine. She's educated, has a good job, is nice, not shrewy but not completely lazy, can talk about intellectual topics and feels comfortable around HYP people and wealthy/successful people. Sometimes she gets a bit uneasy and she feels the need to bring up that she was just some farm girl with uneducated parents when people start talking about their educations or backgrounds, but it's never been an embarrassment. I know that we feel differently about the value of education and how much a child needs (in terms of education and financial investment in that child's future) to succeed.
Her parents and siblings are white trash, for lack of a better term. Basically they're the kinds of people who would get all excited by Santorum's speech about college education being for snobs. They would not be all that out of place in the audience. Dad is a manual laborer. Mom is a stay-at-home wife who mans the phones part-time at the local church. Neither have any education past high school. Her brother went to community college. She is known as the "smart" one of the family and went to the flagship state school. Only one of her relatives (a cousin) went to a 4-year college and it was the land-grant school in her state.
How much of a flag or a dealbreaker is this? What kinds of problems would you see this posing?
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1885291&forum_id=2#20070454) |
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Date: February 27th, 2012 11:49 PM Author: Dead cobalt church newt
Private school as a kid -----> Private university in the USNEWS top 30 (on full scholly, wanted to have fun college experience with good football team and hot CGWBTs) -----> T14 Biglaw.
Parents are educated professionals.
The hair doesn't look that bad. But you can tell it's fake because of the roots. Sometimes she's lax about dyeing it.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1885291&forum_id=2#20070568) |
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Date: February 28th, 2012 12:10 AM Author: Dead cobalt church newt
She's actually somewhat well read. She likes a lot of the shit that's on Oprah's book club and reads a lot of chick books like The Help and Dragon Tattoo. She dabbles in nonfiction as well, and admits to trying to get through some of the classics like Austen or Henry James because she feels like it's good for her.
She's a sucker for sappy love stories, chick comedies and crime shows. She loves How I Met Your Mother and CSI type stuff, but she endures Mad Men/Boardwalk Empire and sat through about 20 minutes of Game of Thrones before leaving the room.
Oh, and she loves American Idol.
But she never developed a fondness for Sex and the City.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1885291&forum_id=2#20070739) |
Date: February 27th, 2012 11:47 PM Author: out-of-control alpha home
are they salt-of-the-earth white trash, or dramatic, ridiculous white trash? the latter white trash can create real problems breh, when they want you to bail out their son because he's "kin" or some shit.
also--how does she feel about them? if she hates or is embrassed by them, it might be ok. otherwise, no.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1885291&forum_id=2#20070553) |
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Date: February 28th, 2012 12:05 AM Author: Swashbuckling Violet Generalized Bond
Them: go fishing with dynamite in local flooded quarry
You: go helicopter fishing in Canadian wilderness
You'll have to try harder
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1885291&forum_id=2#20070682) |
Date: February 28th, 2012 12:34 AM Author: curious irate sneaky criminal puppy
speaking as one who comes from a prole family (as a dude), my opinion is to observe whether they are judging/criticizing/provking YOU and not just her with their conversation. Are they passive aggressive all the time with you? If so, run far and fast. If not, they could be just good-natured proles who are actually pretty fun to be around and not a snob - aka if you're into college football, sports in general, beer, hunting, fishing, off-roading, etc.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1885291&forum_id=2#20070946)
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Date: February 28th, 2012 12:40 AM Author: Dead cobalt church newt
I think it's the latter.
I enjoy college football, sports, beer, fishing, and off-roading (never hunted, though). But I enjoy many more things that I can't bring up in front of her parents because they either can't relate or would think I'm being snobbish.
I also am a bit of a snob. It pains me to say that I don't feel comfortable around her family and have been entertaining thoughts of whether or not I can do better.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1885291&forum_id=2#20070993) |
Date: February 28th, 2012 12:56 AM Author: Peach Temple
stop at "met a great girl"
fuck the rest. everybody else's family can be a pain in the ass. I am sure my family is my girl's pain in the ass and it's vice versa sometimes.
ride it out.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1885291&forum_id=2#20072129) |
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Date: February 28th, 2012 1:23 AM Author: alcoholic lay
Please go on.
I actually once got into a heap of trouble when I described the kids on my 8th grade bus stop as "white trash"
but they were.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1885291&forum_id=2#20072282) |
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Date: February 28th, 2012 1:42 AM Author: buff piazza
I wouldn't worry too much about it, since her immediate family is decent.
My dad is a foster child. His foster parents are real good people, middle-class Midwestern stock. They had two natural daughters and one adopted son. The adopted son spent decades in prison for drug possession, he's going to marry a single mom with an autistic child next month. My uncle is surprisingly not trashy, really has his head screwed on right after prison. One natural daughter was a little slow; her son joined the Army at 18, married a trashy 16 yo, who popped out a little one promptly. As he was coming home from deployment in Afghanistan, he updated his FB status/location. Fifteen minutes after his location read Home, he posted Akon's "I Just Had Sex."
Lots of variation in two generations.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1885291&forum_id=2#20072363) |
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Date: February 28th, 2012 1:46 AM Author: Dead cobalt church newt
I hope.
I also know that she's by far the person from the poorest background that I interact with outside of the copy room people and secretaries, and a couple of athletes from my university who grew up in the 'hood and didn't make it to the pros, but got decent jobs through AA or some shit.
I have none of those kinds of people on my FB feed. The worst is probably one girl who went to a SUNY and does Bejeweled Blitz. Most of my FB friends are the types who post "intellectual" articles or semi-professional photos that they took of their travels around some third world country. And girls who post pics of bottles of veuve or moet from their Iphones and make updates about fashion week parties or something like I'M GOING TO THE OSCARS YAY. Or they don't poast any updates at all.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1885291&forum_id=2#20072380) |
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Date: February 28th, 2012 1:50 PM Author: charismatic point prole
Let this play out. It may be an issue in the future, but at least give it more of a shot.
Future in-laws will not be perfect. These folks may ave flaws (depending on one's views) but thay are still togther. That's better than finding some "classy" professional who comes from a split marriage (that will definitely screw up her head) or where her parents are still together but there's no love between them and mom's on prescription meds all the time.
Just tell this girl that she has nothing to apologize for and that she should stop making the class thing an issue. Reverse snobbery can be just as bad as the real thing.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1885291&forum_id=2#20074829) |
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Date: February 28th, 2012 10:02 PM Author: Dead cobalt church newt
Reverse snobbery is worse in my experience.
I agree with your part about her parents being together. She doesn't have part of the "crazy" that some UMC or upper class chicks have where you can tell that their daddy didn't hug them enough.
I guess I have nothing to lose by having fun with this chick in the meantime, and if the differences get too much to bear I can cut her loose.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1885291&forum_id=2#20079525) |
Date: February 28th, 2012 1:57 AM Author: unhinged vibrant hall hissy fit
Prole genes often exhibit themselves in odd, epistatic patterns. Your kids could be very prole, or just weird prole-bourg hybrids.
Class differences will probably break you up sooner or later. She'll be constantly trying to establish dominance to prove to herself that you're not her superior.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1885291&forum_id=2#20072437) |
Date: February 28th, 2012 8:01 AM Author: abnormal insanely creepy native tattoo
There are a couple of things going on here. OP not being able to relate to his GF's parents and upbringing and thinking that differences in attitudes and values might split them up eventually, and OP thinking that the girl isn't good enough for him despite trying to convince himself of her positive qualities.
Both are valid in their own ways. We all have our superficialities and snobberies. Part of what makes two people right for one another are their flaws, including their prejudices and superficialities. If the girl's main flaw is that she's insecure around higher SES people and feels the need to prove she's not inferior, and the OP's flaw is that he can't relate to people of lower SES and might even look down on some of their choices or habits, the relationship will fail.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1885291&forum_id=2#20073114) |
Date: February 28th, 2012 1:22 PM Author: Confused university potus
This is a tough one bro. But you need to think less in terms of social class and more in terms of how these people truly are as people, regardless of class.
Are they nice people, or are they mean-spirited? Are they actually dumb, like unbearable-to-be-around dumb, or are they just average but your perception of said averageness is exaggerated by you looking at it thru the "white trash" lens?
I mean, you talk about how she is a great girl, so right off the bat I'm sure they are not beyond-redemption-awful people if they produced her.
Also, don't get caught up in grass-is-greener mentality with respect to your comfort level being around them and making conversation. What is the alternative? Find a girl from the upper echelons of society and constantly be nervous and intimidated around her waspy rich parents? In either situation you will find something that isn't ideal.
My wife is from blue-collar background, and we live in the same town as her parents. We have dinner over there every Sunday, and over time it has become one of the places where I am most comfortable. You'd be surprised how things turn out when you get to know people. Although, tbf, my girl's family could never be described as white trash, so it is certainly not the same as what you are going through.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1885291&forum_id=2#20074586) |
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Date: February 28th, 2012 9:46 PM Author: Dead cobalt church newt
"What is the alternative? Find a girl from the upper echelons of society and constantly be nervous and intimidated around her waspy rich parents?"
I agree it's ideal if my GF came from upper-middle class stock just like me, but I've dated one or two girls from high net worth families and have never felt nervous or intimidated. I don't know what kind of aspie pansy feels uncomfortable around "waspy rich" people. I find that I have much more in common with people who come from this background than people who come from my girl's background. We went to the similar schools, played the same sports, travel to similar kinds of places, and like/dislike similar kinds of things. I don't have to worry about coming across as snobby or unrelatable, and there's a much larger values overlap.
The girl's parents seemed nice. I am just wondering what major class differences can do to a relationship. The girl is probably one of the only people I know who grew up in a legit poor background.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1885291&forum_id=2#20079362) |
Date: February 28th, 2012 1:50 PM Author: alcoholic lay
Seriously, bitches and faggots are supposed to care about societal status.
Men are supposed to not care for such things.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1885291&forum_id=2#20074828) |
Date: February 28th, 2012 3:01 PM Author: Beady-eyed forum
who gives a fuck about her background if you really like her?
her parents are still together...thats all you need to know.
perhaps you will be admonished on this shit board...but you will be happy and they will still be virgins
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1885291&forum_id=2#20075285) |
Date: February 28th, 2012 3:32 PM Author: mint thriller theater wrinkle
lol, is this flame? if not, you need to get over it and stop seeing people as lower than you as long as they are nice, decent people.
i think it's awesome that my bf comes from total white trash south since his stories of his upbringing are hilarious and it makes the fact that he got outta there even more admirable (none of his extended family has left the state).
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1885291&forum_id=2#20075502) |
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Date: February 29th, 2012 2:56 AM Author: mint thriller theater wrinkle
i don't think there's anything wrong with it b/c peopel can't change what they feel and if the class thing bothers you, it just does. but given that your thread title says that she is a "great girl," i would assume she has some great qualities that make her long term partner material. i don't know if you appreciate those attributes that make her a "great girl" (which i assume is more than just looks) enough in light of the class issues.
i actually think my culture/class clashes w/ my bf are similar to yours on lots of things. an immigrant background is very different from prole white trash background (also growing up in NYC is very different from anywhere else). my background is well educated from good families who were only poor in the u.s. due to being immigrants. his dad was in the air force who married his mom at age 18, education was not emphasized, red lobster and olive garden were fancy and all his female cousins got pregnant before finishing HS. he also went to his state school and lives and dies by it.
our tastes in a lot of things will always be fundamentally different. he talks all the time about how he just enjoys being a simple country boy, drinking his beer and fishing in the swamp in a wifebeater. a few months ago when we were in napa staying in a house with a bunch of my friends, he wanted to play a drinking game called edward 40 hands where you duct tape 40s to your hands and i was somewhat annoyed that he was pushing drinking 40s when we were in napa having an "adult" wine country getaway.
but at the end of the day, fighting over the presets b/c he wants to listen to his country stations is not anywhere close to being a dealbreaker because he is a wonderful person who is very smart, funny, truly cares for me and would make a great dad. that the class thing bother you ultimately more than the attributes that make her a "great girl" in your mind makes you seem pretty superficial.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1885291&forum_id=2#20082004) |
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Date: February 29th, 2012 5:31 AM Author: 180 embarrassed to the bone chapel multi-billionaire
you seem very superficial. opera IS boring.
private schooling is about status striving not education.
why do you care that she hasn't eaten sushi? many non proles didn't grow up eating out a lot.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1885291&forum_id=2#20082126) |
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Date: February 28th, 2012 10:19 PM Author: abnormal insanely creepy native tattoo
AA benefits wealthy minorities. It's white LMC people who get shafted by AA the most.
My overall circle has a few people from LMC backgrounds but all of them have spent most of their life after high school around upper-middle class or upper class professionals. They are poised, socially confident and you can't tell what their background is unless they tell you. If the OP's girl is like this (which it sounds like she's not) it's not a problem. The OP's crew sound a lot like my crew. Don't give a shit about background if someone can blend in, but not if someone can't.
I've been exposed to diversity, but the kind of diversity I've been exposed to is much more along ethnic or international lines than along socioeconomic lines. I have more Facebook friends from Mongolia than I have Facebook friends from lower-middle class backgrounds.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1885291&forum_id=2#20079706) |
Date: February 29th, 2012 12:33 AM Author: abnormal insanely creepy native tattoo
How openly opinionated is she? One trait that separates the prole chicks from decent, well-behaved girls who happen to come from lower middle class families is willingness to offer unsolicited yet uninformed opinions about anything from politics (often social issues) to entertainment to fuck all what else.
In general, the way I distinguish between classy chicks and not classy chicks is how much and often they express opinions on topics with which one could reasonably disagree. Money comes and goes, but form and class stay. Expressing strong opinions in public is one of the hallmarks of a low-class chick, regardless of SES.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1885291&forum_id=2#20081213) |
Date: February 29th, 2012 5:33 PM Author: aphrodisiac laser beams dog poop
As far as I can tell from this thread, which is admittedly not much, I'd say she's a lot better relationship material than you.
You've pointed to, literally, no short comings of hers. Rather she seems like an awesome person who if anything should be credited for her background.
Her immediate family seems decent and hard working and proud of her success.
She has some relatives who did bad shit. I have suicides and criminals in my extended family as well. Has zero bearing that I can perceive on my immediate family, which is above reproach.
You, on the hand, seem to have trash family and friends who just happen to have money. Your sister can't befriend her let alone think of her as a sister because she'll always suspect she's gold digging? NEWSFLASH if your sister won't befriend your wife because of some inchoate, baseless suspicion of gold digging it's your sister who is trash.
Your friends keep telling you (without pointing to ANY behavior that might establish suspicion) that she's probably a social climber. NEWSFLASH your friends are trash.
You continue to say how awesome this girl is, but oh noes look what my friends think. NEWSFLASH -- you're the social climber. You can't be comfortable around people who you admit are basically decent and you share interests with? Who don't seem to have tremendous influence on the girl? Who you may have to tolerate a couple times a year?
For this you're having reservations about a girl who is otherwise perfect?
NEWSFLASH -- you are an insufferable faggot who should look back at your performance in this thread and feel ashamed.
I can't even fathom how you wrote that sentence about your sister without realizing which family was trash.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1885291&forum_id=2#20084827) |
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