WTF just happened? [pensive]
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Poast new message in this thread
Date: November 25th, 2005 3:07 PM Author: dashing senate
I honestly don't remember anything after 11:00 last night, and I wasn't drinking, but there are some fucking insane posts dated 2, 3 am that no one but me could have written.
This is fucked up. I'm sorry.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=305712&forum_id=2#4379625) |
Date: November 25th, 2005 3:10 PM Author: Swashbuckling Church Building Marketing Idea
severe mental illness happened.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=305712&forum_id=2#4379640) |
Date: November 25th, 2005 3:11 PM Author: Plum big filthpig
awesome
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=305712&forum_id=2#4379651) |
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Date: November 25th, 2005 3:29 PM Author: dashing senate
That could be a way to describe it. I honestly don't remember anything that happened between about 10-11 pm yesterday and 1 pm this afternoon, when I woke up still exhausted.
This is why I always BCC myself on emails. I hate these blank spots where I do crazy shit, and I just hope I haven't done anything too damaging.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=305712&forum_id=2#4379762) |
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Date: November 25th, 2005 3:38 PM Author: dashing senate
I sort of remembered stuff after I read it, in that I knew only I could have written it, but only in bits and pieces, as if it were a dream or something. I sorta wish it were.
I'm going in to see someone next Friday about the depressive issues; I've had them since 16, they disappeared from Feb. to early October, then got really bad recently. I've never been so depressed as to literally lose memory.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=305712&forum_id=2#4379818) |
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Date: November 25th, 2005 3:52 PM Author: dashing senate
It's interesting that you say that, because the term "blue-blooded" has always connoted weakness. It's odd that on XO it's used as a positive, because almost nowhere else in the English-speaking world is it a compliment.
(Originally, sangre azul was a reference to the pale skin of the wealthy in southern Europe; pallor was a sign of status and with pale skin blue veins are visible. When it transported to English-speaking countries, it was associated with hemophilia and, in the US, the tendency of wealthy WASP types toward frigidity, haughtiness, extreme aloofness-- the opposite of red-bloodedness-- which does lead to an increased likelihood of mental illness... and here I am.)
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=305712&forum_id=2#4379909) |
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Date: November 25th, 2005 3:46 PM Author: citrine multi-colored volcanic crater
Yeah, I guess I have a relative who ignored weird symptoms for a long time, and found out it was something serious.
I'm sure that pensive doesn't have anything wrong, but that's not the kind of thing you fuck around with.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=305712&forum_id=2#4379859) |
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Date: November 25th, 2005 4:01 PM Author: Motley snowy forum
oh ok I see. thanks guys
Now I have another tumor to worry about
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=305712&forum_id=2#4379986) |
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Date: November 25th, 2005 3:48 PM Author: dashing senate
It can happen. Depression destroys all sorts of cognitive abilities. Over the long term, it can actually cause neural atrophy.
I would guess that I'm at an IQ level 20-25 points below baseline. In my first year of graduate school, this is really not a good thing, especially since I'm surrounded by people as smart as I am (and therefore much smarter when I'm like this). I can't focus, my intellectual thought is limited, and my sense of time is totally out of whack.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=305712&forum_id=2#4379875) |
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Date: November 25th, 2005 3:39 PM Author: dashing senate
Haha let me check.
All clear.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=305712&forum_id=2#4379822) |
Date: November 25th, 2005 3:50 PM Author: Motley snowy forum
Yikes, that's scary. In all sincerity, I hope you get this checked out. If it were me I'd be in a hypochondriac fit right now.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=305712&forum_id=2#4379892) |
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Date: November 25th, 2005 3:53 PM Author: dashing senate
As I read over the shit, I can sort of remember typing it, and I'm clear on that I was up ridiculously late. I just would have no memory of what I wrote except by reading it the day after.
I also woke up distinctly remembering I had done something stupid the night before. XO was my first guess, and I was right.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=305712&forum_id=2#4379919) |
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Date: November 25th, 2005 6:10 PM Author: Harsh crackhouse
titcr.
i've woken up unable to walk.
twice.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=305712&forum_id=2#4380691)
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Date: November 25th, 2005 3:56 PM Author: Cordovan awkward resort
I literally forgot how old I was last night. 18 or 19? I had to count up from my birthday to be sure. I'm 19.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=305712&forum_id=2#4379944) |
Date: November 25th, 2005 3:57 PM Author: Exciting pisswyrm chapel
Whatever it is, I hope it leads to an early and painful death.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=305712&forum_id=2#4379952) |
Date: November 25th, 2005 4:02 PM Author: abusive metal double fault
link to odd posts?
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=305712&forum_id=2#4379995) |
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Date: November 25th, 2005 4:07 PM Author: dashing senate
Hm. What's also alarming to me is the timestamps, the fact that I was in these stupid arguments for so long.
When I get into these XO flamewars, I'm usually in the worst mental state. When I'm in a decent mental state, I usually avoid XO because it's not good for me. I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with the board, but a very sick part of me is attracted to it because of all the bullshit status posturing, schticking, and incivility.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=305712&forum_id=2#4380018) |
Date: November 25th, 2005 4:13 PM Author: Well-lubricated fluffy meetinghouse
drugs
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=305712&forum_id=2#4380046) |
Date: November 25th, 2005 4:26 PM Author: Curious Cyan Library Fat Ankles
aids?
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=305712&forum_id=2#4380125) |
Date: November 25th, 2005 5:38 PM Author: Maniacal big-titted national security agency piazza
i'd imagine that depression is a decent catalyst for art, but i'm not sure how well it comports with mathematical analysis. i'd go see a doc about it-- the winter can be be pretty depressing in the midwest.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=305712&forum_id=2#4380530) |
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Date: November 25th, 2005 5:48 PM Author: dashing senate
Re depression and art: That's a myth, though a widely-circulated one. It's true that a lot of great art comes out of suffering-- mourning, tragedy-- but pain and grief are common for normal people. Depression-- the disease, not the passing mood everyone gets-- actually reduces creativity, which improves once the disease is treated (unless reduced creativity is one of the SSRI mindfucks, which is another thing to worry about). Much of why this misconception exists is that depression tends to be comorbid with high intelligence and creativity; though in truth depression diminishes those traits. On the other hand, manic-depression (bipolar disorder) can enhance creativity in some people. In my experience and observation, the gains are minor. I've never been manic, but I've had hypomania and while it produces a lot of energy (and sleep loss) very little actual work gets done and so the creative gains are useless.
I'm getting checked out this Friday; I called in on Nov. 15 when I realized the problem wouldn't "fix itself", and that was the earliest they could schedule me. I hope I can hold out until then. I'm not suicidal, but it's tough to get work done with this condition.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=305712&forum_id=2#4380566) |
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Date: November 25th, 2005 6:09 PM Author: Maniacal big-titted national security agency piazza
"That's a myth, though a widely-circulated one."
I was thinking of bipolar disorder when I wrote the post above. But if a more general depression hinders rather than spurs creativity, that does surprise me, at least in terms of my own creative output (I would argue that the even for normal people, pain and grief tends to accentuate and heighten their capacity for creative output as well). Perhaps I am bipolar.
Interesting that you brought up the SSRI thing-- I was going to partly base the rationale of my argument off of a lack of seratonin vs. a normal level of seratonin. Of course, normal serotonin =/= excess serotonin, and it's too simplistic to reduce the capacity for creative output off of one brain chemical. I'd be curious to see why depression reduces creativity, however.
Good luck with the appointment and I hope that everything works out well. I do admit to being curious what it would be like, however, if you came back as a completely different poster/schtick.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=305712&forum_id=2#4380676) |
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Date: November 25th, 2005 6:19 PM Author: dashing senate
Since I've often used "pensive" as a euphemism for "depressed", I'd have to change the name. :)
I believe that pain and grief accentuate creativity, but those aren't the same thing as depression. Sad moods happen to everyone and are relatively healthy and normal.
Very few mental illnesses introduce new emotions; what most of them do is limit emotional range. The problem with depression seems to be as much about its prohibitive effect on the good emotions (energetic, happy, optimistic) as about the negative feelings it causes. I'm not sad, down, or upset right now-- pretty neutral, in fact-- but I haven't felt great (or even good) about life for a month, and that's a problem, because if I can't feel that unfettered goodness, my reward system gets all fucked up, my motivations flag and I start behaving in ways I shouldn't.
Depression kills creativity because it erodes confidence, and also leads to indecision, paralysis, and anxiety. Normal emotions of grief don't have these effects, but a long-term depressive disorder does.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=305712&forum_id=2#4380725) |
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Date: November 25th, 2005 6:28 PM Author: Harsh crackhouse
i second this
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=305712&forum_id=2#4380756) |
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Date: November 25th, 2005 10:08 PM Author: Diverse psychic
"The Joe Caltech hate is a schtick."
The fuck it is.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=305712&forum_id=2#4382616) |
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Date: November 25th, 2005 10:51 PM Author: dashing senate
Aside from the Rhodes, which has a prestigious history, you're wrong. Anyway, once I get my head fixed I'll devour both you and him alive... that is, if I still care to be posting on XO.
Also, his board prestige is actually because of the number of people who suck his cock, and nothing else.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=305712&forum_id=2#4382995) |
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Date: November 25th, 2005 10:58 PM Author: Diverse psychic
His done numerous things outside of Rhodes - he won some presidential scholarship in HS, his company has won some award, he cowrote UYS, I read somewhere he was picked for some honor at Caltech - and that's just the shit I know about off the top of my head and I pay very little attention to Joe.
You made up a card game no one gives a shit about.
You lose and no amount of whining about depression will change this.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=305712&forum_id=2#4383044)
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Date: November 25th, 2005 11:28 PM Author: dashing senate
Writing an SAT test-prep book is not an accomplishment. Nor is PoopMe.
His 3.8 at Caltech and high GPA at the Mich masters program, those are accomplishments.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=305712&forum_id=2#4383318) |
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Date: November 25th, 2005 11:02 PM Author: Twinkling Gas Station Death Wish
Let's take a look at Joe's accomplishments:
-- Caltech undergrad w/ 3.8+ GPA
-- Michigan master's degree
-- self-made millionaire, owning a business that's won multiple entrepreneurial competitions, been featured in Fortune, CNN, and other media outlets
-- published author of a book that had multiple printings
Oh yeah, and THE FUCKING RHODES SCHOLARSHIP.
I don't see how you can say with a straight face that this guy isn't successful.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=305712&forum_id=2#4383072) |
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Date: November 25th, 2005 11:15 PM Author: dashing senate
The book and PrepMe are TTT loser-fucker disasters, and I highly doubt that he's a millionare from that shit.
Yeah, I've already conceded that his degrees are quite impressive.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=305712&forum_id=2#4383170) |
Date: November 25th, 2005 10:01 PM Author: Diverse psychic
Oh shut up, pensive. Talk about some hypochondria. It's called forgetting.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=305712&forum_id=2#4382553) |
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Date: November 25th, 2005 10:05 PM Author: Diverse psychic
Mine? You mean Madame Cunt's. I am painfully normal.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=305712&forum_id=2#4382582)
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Date: November 25th, 2005 10:07 PM Author: Hyperactive Silver Gaming Laptop
...aside from the cutting.
But you do have a point.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=305712&forum_id=2#4382599) |
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Date: November 25th, 2005 11:27 PM Author: dashing senate
Nah, I've had a problem before that, off and on for 6 years. I was just good at hiding it.
I probably have to end the schtick now that the cat's out, which is annoying because schtick is fun.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=305712&forum_id=2#4383309) |
Date: November 27th, 2005 7:03 PM Author: Exhilarant cruise ship
Well, at least you can be sure it's not syphilis.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=305712&forum_id=2#4396998) |
Date: April 8th, 2007 7:08 PM Author: Brindle Contagious Temple
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=305712&forum_id=2#7896418) |
Date: April 8th, 2007 9:51 PM Author: Orange philosopher-king
It's funny how pensive was able to feign a mass nervous breakdown of five XO posters at one time.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=305712&forum_id=2#7897339) |
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