Date: November 10th, 2017 9:56 PM Author: Lake organic girlfriend mexican
I hope this is flame WLMAS. Because if this is the only place you can come for advice, a board full of people who hate you, you must really be in a terrible place IRL. explains a lot about your behavior on here tbh
Date: November 10th, 2017 9:59 PM Author: honey-headed cracking church building
You need help. Not sure if AA is the answer, but regardless, you need help, and there is no shame in it whatsoever. I would consider seeing a psychiatrist or therapist of some kind and discussing it openly and looking at your options. Again, nothing wrong with doing that either.
Drinking at work is a pretty obvious sign that you need help and are not in control. You can conquer this with the right help, though.
Date: November 10th, 2017 10:10 PM Author: odious coldplay fan
they do and--to reiterate--this can be life or death.
I doubt it in your case but who fucking cares what I think is likely based on your self report? just talk to the doctor and be sure he knows you've done serious drinking literally every single day
Date: November 10th, 2017 10:25 PM Author: autistic vivacious partner
MODS.
brother -- you are me. i still struggle to read any kind of message without alcohol. that's just how i'm made. without alcohol, i'd never be able to do it.
Date: November 10th, 2017 10:15 PM Author: odious coldplay fan
once youre under medical supervision you should seriously consider your other treatment options, counseling, etc. since this appears to be out of hand. if you don't know where else to go you can find a meeting and ask them for some suggestions. Show up to the meeting early and stay late--one on one conversations happen before and after meetings.
Date: November 10th, 2017 10:23 PM Author: autistic vivacious partner
i speak from experience friend.
when it got bad, i would (have to) drink mid-day in law. it honestly made me 10x better.
people don't understand that when you reach a certain point, it's medicinal. though also, it relieves the crushing anxiety some of us are naturally born with and honestly is a performance enhancer.
i don't want to out self, but i've also given some extraordinarily high level presentations where i drank beforehand and got commended as them being some of the best a really, really high level audience had seen.
it gets you in the end.
with me, it was someone seeing me drink a beer at lunch. they reported it to HR, who went apeshit and started going after me.
Date: November 10th, 2017 11:01 PM Author: fragrant address
I have seen this a few times. Particularly female attorneys, for some unfathomable reason, just fucking love to get people in trouble. The tattle-tale hall monitor mentality blows me mind. The people I have known who went down for reasons like drinking on the job were all narced on by women. Men tend to let people make their choices and let events take their own course. I would never, ever want to be the one to bust somebody for this sort of thing and it would have to be truly dire circumstances for me to even consider it.
Date: November 10th, 2017 10:33 PM Author: autistic vivacious partner
a black woman lawyer trying to get ahead. it worked. she got promoted. i got grilled endlessly until i knew they were going to fire me, so i resigned so i wouldn't have to tell future employers i got fired.
btw, i was a good lawyer. hated it. but believe it or not, i was good. no one would say otherwise. i was well liked by almost every lawyer i dealt with.
EDIT: to be fair, a white woman lawyer reported to the court she smelled booze on my breath once one morning. sure she did from the night before. but that set off the end for me. the black woman lawyer then reported the beer at lunch and i was done. i think you have to be pretty low to not talk to the person first before you snitch on that shit.
Date: November 10th, 2017 11:04 PM Author: fragrant address
What kind of lawyer were you where you were going to court this often but it was a scenario where women are freaking out that you smell like alcohol? That shit doesn't happen in scrappy state jurisdictions. Half the lawyers in there smell like liquor or their raunchy coffee breath and farty little courtroom attire combine with the aroma of defendants to mask all else.
Date: November 11th, 2017 12:05 AM Author: fragrant address
You hated that? Those seem like some of the only fun jobs that aren't complete fuck-off mommy-jobs.
But LOL man you shouldn't be drinking during working hours if you're repping clients in court and making decisions for dumbs. You might feel fucking 180 and believe you're better after three TORPEDOS but there are good reasons for others to get upset about that. Not lecturing at all and I'm sure you understand.
Date: November 11th, 2017 12:08 AM Author: fragrant address
So prosecutor then. Why not just do solo crime defense once you had to leave? Make a website, do a handful of DUIs every month, take some sex cases here and there, maek it.
Date: November 11th, 2017 12:57 AM Author: fragrant address
May not have been the job. IME these people are some of the happiest lawyers you will ever meet. I am sure you dealt with plenty of them. And let's be blunt, other than the hassle of a lot of hearings and dealing with your dirtbag clients, it's usually pretty easy work if you're familiar with the jurisdiction.
It's just a thought. It seems like one of the few ways to be a lawyer but really have a lot of time and energy to pursue other things you're interested in.
Date: November 10th, 2017 11:05 PM Author: autistic vivacious partner
it's badddddd. I don't put much into the Myers Briggs thing, but has there ever been a woman who is a P? They are all judgmental as fuck, and just looking for reasons to fuck people over for not strictly following some rule in their minds. Everything is an affront.
Work performance means fuck all.
I actually think that's what it's about. They want rule following to supplant work performance.
An employee of mine ordered a beer at lunch once. I wasn't pleased but he was good at his job so I didn't care. Plus at the time I went home and drank a pitcher of margaritas every night so who was I to judge.
Date: November 10th, 2017 10:54 PM Author: autistic vivacious partner
for me, i had to go to this horrible lawyers' AA group at first. which i guess for some people works. for me, it made me want to drink way more. it was horribly depressing. they were all older. holding hands and chanting out of a book. they had killed people in DUIs. i couldn't take it. it's like telling someone they have to join a religious cult.
and they were looking for ways to fire me in the meantime, regardless. it was one of many bad times in my recent years.
for me, i need to get away from the shaming and people giving me shit about drinking. they don't get that. they think talking about it makes it better. actually, talking about it makes them feel better, and they don't care that it is a huge trigger for me. i'm really sensitive to external emotions. probably 100th percentile. most people have no idea.
Date: November 10th, 2017 11:03 PM Author: autistic vivacious partner
it's not feasible. it might be for some really broken older lawyers at their last straw. who probably have religion in their lives. but it's a scam. and it's utter BS they make you do that if you are caught having a beer at lunch, and alcohol on your breath one morning.
Date: November 10th, 2017 11:06 PM Author: fragrant address
Forcing people to do treatment really seems like it's more about shaming and labeling than it is true recovery. Any intelligent person knows that most 'treatment' is scammy and a waste for people with normal intelligence.
Date: November 10th, 2017 11:09 PM Author: autistic vivacious partner
people are dumb. they either want to feel superior, or just don't get what people in bad times are going through. i think it's closer to scarlet letter.
Date: November 10th, 2017 11:17 PM Author: autistic vivacious partner
boom was right. it's all a scam. more importantly, so much of it is other people trying to feel better about themselves, when god knows what they have in their closets.
Date: November 10th, 2017 11:16 PM Author: autistic vivacious partner
So I recently had to quit a job that was in the other career I had that was somewhat related to law, but not law. A friend said she'd get my resume to the opposite office of the government law I once did. But I know the HR woman from my prior gov job would shut it down, because I know she stopped me from getting a good job already. Which is why I stopped putting it on my resume.
FTGE.
So, basically, my advice to all, is be a Puritan in a lib culture.
Date: November 11th, 2017 12:12 AM Author: fragrant address
I have to tell you brother, you're carrying some toxic and conflicted baggage over whatever happened. You fucked up, they treated you poorly, probably all parties detached with some bitterness. Do whatever you have to do to exorcise this shit from your mind because it will do nothing for you moving forward.
Date: November 11th, 2017 12:23 AM Author: autistic vivacious partner
if you knew it all, you'd be pretty sympathetic.
i've had some really bad experiences. the gov't one was fine, except for what i talked about. the latest one, they couldn't blame on me one cent. that was all GC wringing you to fucking death. i did NOTHING wrong. i've read no one lasts more than 6 months. and two people quit in their first week, just from my small team, not flame. it's death. pure hell. i had nothing to do with quitting the most recent job other than the job being untenable. i'd been sober here for a long time. the job killed me and when i couldn't take it anymore i quit & went back.
i'll take responsibility for the other one, despite i don't think the issue then was handled well whatsoever.
Date: November 11th, 2017 12:28 AM Author: fragrant address
I wasn't referring to the other jobs. I forgot that you have been struggling with bouncing around to all these different jobs.
But I would argue, based on your comments here and elsewhere, that you're carrying some kind of latent anger or disappointment that's fucking you over and clouding your judgment to some degree. Pure speculation, I know, but historically I am pretty good at identifying this kind of thing.
Date: November 11th, 2017 12:39 AM Author: autistic vivacious partner
I've had some bad ones -- and, to me, that's on them. They want pure GC slaves. And I refuse.
But your greater point is still valid. I do have latent anger and disappointment. Mostly that people (family & friends) expect me to go through these horrible jobs just for status, not knowing anything about what they entail or ever having had to do them personally.
That bothers me. Their disapproving glances when I quit -- like something's wrong; you should do better -- when they don't know the reality.
And that hurts.
They think I'm a genius. I'm dumber than a Seattle Supermarket clerk.
Really, though, it's just not the field for me. I need to have creativity and freedom. I don't care about money. I come from a very creative, funny family. Staring at computer screens for 11 hours a day is suicidal.
Date: November 11th, 2017 1:02 AM Author: fragrant address
That's all reasonable but I sense that you are digging too hard on the 'being a lawyer is not for me' angle. You may be right and I don't know you at all, but it seems like you're working overtime to convince yourself that you can't practice law.
I'm not saying being a lawyer is so great. If you have some resentment over moving away from the profession and you were good at it, however, you may want to examine why you're invested in the idea that it doesn't suit you.
Date: November 11th, 2017 1:07 AM Author: autistic vivacious partner
I get your psychological angle -- trust me -- I'm pretty good at that myself. And there's a sense of truth in it. But you can't discount the fact that I'm just not a person who is cut out to be, as one moniker puts it, a corporate slave. That concept kills me. I'll work 40 hours. with a lunch. I won't work 60 without one. And I'm not going to feel bad about it, even though my family is trying to make me.
Date: November 11th, 2017 10:00 AM Author: mind-boggling orchestra pit
Yes, you should go and talk with someone who volunteers to be a sponsor at the end. Maybe it's for you, maybe it's not, but you clearly need to take a break. If you can't you should try committing to it for 90 days.
Date: November 18th, 2017 10:50 AM Author: Startled heady generalized bond parlor
Take it from a guy who has lived it:
You need to start tapering down your drinking and may need to go to AA - at least once to see what it is like so you have a reference point going forward about if you truly have a problem with drinking.
For me it went --> Drinking that ramped up in High School then into College it started to spiral out of control then got totally out of control because of burn-out and depression that turned into full blown alcoholism after I graduated.
THEN I put my life at risk being a fucking retard and only THEN I finally got my wake up call to get sober.
First I cut the hard stuff out. Hard booze is the enemy to alcoholics for a variety of reasons. Most "functioning" alcoholics I know are either late stage into Vodka OR they are beer/wine and have some semblance of functionality.
Your brain goes through a series of bargaining patterns with the addiction, so one of the "hacks" to get sober or at least get out of the hole is that I gave myself permission to keep drinking and said I was gonna stop drinking hard booze and switched to wine and beer.
Then I gradually tapered down from 2 bottles of wine or so a day, to one. Then to a six pack of beer, then to only like three or so a day and then went cold turkey.
From there I relapsed a few more times after between one month and three months of sobriety each try but it was worth it - a lot of people need a relapse to get sober in order to answer their "question" with booze.
Now I'm coming up on my third year sober and don't regret it.
Date: November 18th, 2017 11:05 AM Author: Startled heady generalized bond parlor
It makes sense for a lot of reasons and has been done for centuries if not millennia.
If your not seeking medical advice to detox (which you should absolutely 100% do if you are drinking super hard), a gradual taper down is the safest way to do it.
It took me a few weeks to "taper" my drinking into "normal alcoholism" levels, which I stayed at for a month or so until I decided it was time to keep tapering down. I did this as an emergency provision to really get me out of my worst hole/worst binge. My life was so fucking dark at that point that I probably was drinking 14-20 drinks a day at my lowest point, every day, for a couple of months or so. Just total misery. If I went cold turkey I would have been really really screwed.
On the flip side, it also psychologically gives you the slightest bit of control back and that allows you to build a position of strength against the disease going forward as you keep tapering and eventually go cold Turkey.
If you do a taper well and have the control, you can probably be ready to give cold turkey a shot after like two or three months of gradual consumption reduction.
Remember though - you are not just "Switching to Beer" - because the alcoholic brain is going to want you to hit your regular intake level - so it could be 12 beers instead of having four or six shots or whatever which is still a problem. T
he major advantage in this situation is you are using progressively weaker types of alcohol to reduce the average chemical saturation in the brain and re-calibrating the alcoholic brain to lower "normal" levels of booze - eventually to the point where you stand a chance at giving sobriety a shot
Date: November 18th, 2017 11:26 AM Author: cerise site
They want me to do some intensive outpatient shit that will involve detox and some drug that makes you puke if you drink. I told them I couldn’t commit to something like that while I got end of quarter shit at work to deal with, so they said at least stop drinking liquor
They want me to do some intensive outpatient shit that will involve detox and some drug that makes you puke if you drink. I told them I couldn’t commit to something like that while I got end of quarter shit at work to deal with, so they said at least stop drinking liquor
Date: November 18th, 2017 11:38 AM Author: very tactful soul-stirring roommate
Long time AA member here. I realized I was an alcoholic because I got this bottomless pit feeling when drinking that I felt like I needed to fill with all the booze I could find, and I regularly ended up changing my mind and getting drunk at times I originally planned not to. I decided to quit when the occurring and impending consequences got scarier than losing my main coping mechanism and source of fun. I tried all the moderation and other treatment options without success.