Good evening. As you may be aware, the Firm has lost contact with the DC office
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Date: January 8th, 2018 2:10 AM Author: contagious topaz toaster
as of 11:00 a.m. Eastern Time late Monday morning. Similar losses of communication were experienced with the Boston, Philadelphia, Roanoke, and New York offices between Sunday afternoon and Sunday evening. Based on circumstances I am not at immediate liberty to disclose, it is our assumption that these offices have been wholly compromised with complete loss of life.
In response to these events, the Global Committee of the Firm met this afternoon and, in a unanimous vote, authorized the execution of the Kansas Protocols. More details on this will follow over the remainder of today and tomorrow. For now, we ask that you return to your offices and continue billing. But make no mistake: this bloodtide is swiftly rolling westward.
Thanks all and have a great and productive week. And please help yourself to a croissant on your way out.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3852834&forum_id=2#35107207) |
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Date: January 8th, 2018 2:37 AM Author: contagious topaz toaster
*pulls you aside after meeting*
{hushed tone} "There's a rumor going around that there's still some life in those offices--senior partners who managed to get to the safe rooms. And, more importantly, petabytes of client data."
'If what they're saying is true ... there's no way they'll be able to'
"Maybe. But I also hear that *they've* been reactivated."
'Who are 'they?''
"Deal Team Six. The real deal."
'No shit?'
"Yeah. And they're supposedly launching tonight."
{across the wide sweep of the conference room's windows overlooking the city, a lance of V-22s in formation suddenly ascend into view then disappear again as they make their way to the firm's roof}
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3852834&forum_id=2#35107274) |
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Date: January 9th, 2018 11:32 PM Author: contagious topaz toaster
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kCHNrZ1SlDM
{the Ospreys, silhouetted against a setting sun, move in slow formation over the burning ruins of Roanoke, their fat blades slicing through the smoke-filled air; five craft, five bays, each hanging open, ready to unleash violent cargo}
"Gentlemen, you know why you are here. Down there, in that rubble-strewn jewel of the fair state of Virginia, are your colleagues, cowering in fear, separated by mere inches of safe room steel from whatever ungodly horde has been unleashed on our land to cleanse us in retribution for our sins." {the men eye him steadily as they make final preparations to their guns and gear}
"More importantly, you know who you are. You carry the weight of manifest greatness. You are no mere unit of the law. You bear the name, in all its traditions, finery, and awesome expectation, of the deadliest team of lawyers ever assembled. In this time of crisis, the Global Committee of the Firm has seen fit to reconstitute our Deal Team Six." {the Ospreys slow as they approach the site of the Firm's Roanoke office; it looms tall over the rest of the cityscape, a defiant glass shard; fire flares around its base; windows are shattered; a tattered banner hangs mid-building: "Situation Hopeless; Transfer All Dial-Ins"}
"Law students will sing of this day. Law review articles will celebrate the deeds of courage you shall perform. Courts of law across the land will cite your actions as the Ultimate Precedent of Men. Now, let's kill these bastards and rescue our colleagues. Roll out!" {the men cheer in unison as they rise to parachute out onto the burning building below}
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3852834&forum_id=2#35122066) |
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Date: January 10th, 2018 8:55 AM Author: contagious topaz toaster
{Int.} "Where were you when they arrived?"
{Subj.} 'Some of us had managed to escape the office through an underground tunnel connecting to another building across the street. We'd been climbing as high as we could for safety; we'd just reached the rooftop.'
{Int.} "And what did you see?"
{Subj.} 'We saw them descending from the sky. We were there at the start.'
{Int.} "What did they look like?"
{Subj.} 'You could see little points of light flaring up on their hands and feet as they parachuted down--like there were tiny jets on them that they were using to control the descent. It was starting to get dark, so they sort of twinkled against the sky.'
{Int.} "Where were--"
{Subj.} 'Oh! And I remember their outfits! At first, they appeared to be in standard, firm-issue Brooks Brothers Golden Fleece Fitzgerald Cut Two Piece Navy suits. But, as they got closer, we could make out how much bulkier they looked--like they were wearing suits of armor.'
{Int.} "The exosuits."
{Subj.} 'Yes, exactly. In fact, I was at the Purge War Museum a few weeks ago with my grandson, and they have one on display that you can go right up and touch--it's huge. Apparently, the model of the suit was called 'the Lawbringer.''
{Int.} "Yes. Tell me, how did you feel when you saw them?'
{Subj.} 'How did I feel? Well, I'll tell you--' {pausing} 'up until that moment, the situation had been pretty dire. I think all of us up on that roof had had to come to terms with the reality that we might be facing death. But when we saw Deal Team Six--' {pausing; eyes glistening; clearing throat} 'when we saw them, they gave us hope.'
**Purge War Memorial Library, Washington, D.C.** **Archive Index 463.706.333** **Interview Index 86.215.2** **Topical Index: Roanoke Extraction** **Interviewee: Percino, John T.** **Interviewer: Archivist # 455** **Location: New York, New York** **Date: February 10, 2032**
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3852834&forum_id=2#35123298) |
Date: January 8th, 2018 2:51 AM Author: Charismatic university
*begins to panic, furtively looking around*
"How can you all be so calm? Don't you realize? Don't you see? The leadership...it's gone! We're going to die. All of us."
*frantically begins to jam papers into his briefcase*
"I'm getting outta here. Clients be damned. I'm not going to die for these deals."
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3852834&forum_id=2#35107305) |
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Date: January 8th, 2018 7:56 AM Author: contagious topaz toaster
{a knock on your office door}
"Come"
{the door swings open}
"in."
'Going somewhere, Knave?'
"Yeah. Way the hell away from here. I'm not going to die for these deals."
'Knave, I don't think you understand. We've activated the Kansas Protocols. Everything is being locked down. There's no getting out.'
"I'm packing my bag, walking out the front door, and going to get my wife and kids. And then we're getting out of here. We have a cabin up north. Somewhere remote. It'll be safer there."
'Sit down. You're not going anywhere.'
"I have a family to think about!"
'Don't lecture me about family! Laura and the girls are out there too, Knave. It doesn't matter. We're not leaving. There's no choice. You want to worry about 'family?' Worry about me, and your assistant, and the paralegals, and that snot-nosed senior associate on your Benters matter. Worry about the Firm. We're your fucking family now. Now get back to billing. And unpack that fucking logo bag you look like a ponce.'
{closes door}
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3852834&forum_id=2#35107742) |
Date: January 8th, 2018 8:37 AM Author: idiotic den
"Well," you think to yourself, "I might as well try to bill a few hours before they initiate NBC containment protocols. I hate that bulky suit."
You login to your Lenovo billing station and pull up the document management system.
"Computer, access the Project Cupcake Master Purchase Agreement."
Your Lenovo whirls and then, its mechanical voice belying the gravity of the situation: "Error. Project Cupcake not found. Containment fences breached."
You drop your soggy remaining half-croissant. "Mother of God."
A tremendous roar, followed by a chorus of hopeless screams, bellows three floors below.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3852834&forum_id=2#35107830) |
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