It all started on Jan 3rd, 2008 with the Iowa caucuses, proceeded with continual primary pwnage, climaxing with his selfoutage and resolving itself with dual defeats- prop 8 in CA and President-elect Obama

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=905345&forum_id=2#10589320)

March 3, 2008: Developed severe panic disorder, out of the blue, probably triggered by a horrible 5-week flu that I had at the time and-- stupidly, being a type-A hedge-fund trader-- tried to work through. I was sick for almost two months, and only took 3 days off work, until I was fired.

Early April: Develop blockage in my throat and lungs that makes breathing difficult (and produces panic attacks). I am also vomiting on a daily basis. Thinking it might be throat cancer, get it checked out. It turns out that it's a solidified mass of dried phlegm and dead bacteria.

April 24, 2008: Lost 6-figure hedge fund job, largely (if not entirely) because of health problems and their "effect on morale".

June 12, 2008: Girlfriend leaves for another part of the country. We knew this would happen, and that it was the right thing for her, but she had promised to hold off her move till September, and pushed it forward to take some summer courses.

June 19, 2008: Girlfriend and I break up, the day after my 25. birthday. This was inevitable. I resented her for the move and was sexually immobilized by the panic attacks, so we'd been essentially brother and sister for 3 months. (Between the move in Feb, the panic attacks, and my singlehood, I've been celibate for almost a year.) It's not like she wronged me, and we're still good friends because she is an amazingly good person.

June 22, 2008: Huge fight with my dad, who wanted me to marry ex-GF and felt I had blown my life's best shot. However, he gets over it pretty quick. Last panic attack (thank God) occurs on this date. Now that I've developed a rigorous meditation practice, they don't come anymore. I've trained my mind well enough that I don't fear them, and once you stop fearing PAs, they stop coming.

July 28, 2008: I return from Mexico to find myself the butt of a malicious "mail prank". It appears that someone called the post office saying that I was the only person in my building. Because the Williamsburg post office is incompetent, they shut down mail to all other tenants, no verification required. When I return from MX, no one in the building has gotten mail for a week and half my building hates me. I was also the subject of a federal investigation for a mail prank, though eventually acquitted when it became clear that I wasn't responsible (and had no idea what was going on).

It turned out that my ex had called 1.5 months before to say that I was the only person in the *apartment*, in order to put an end to the dead letters as well as have her mail forwarded, and they mistook her for saying I was the only man in the *building*. Of course, there was no record of time-of-call or even the gender of the caller. I had to figure out on my own what happened.

October 2008: Life's back together. New and much better job. However, we need VC funding. The collapse of the economy, and the 25-50% reduction in series-A valuations, are not phenomena I'm happy about.

Fall 2008: No flu, but two serious colds. This is only surprising and noteworthy because, usually, I almost never get sick. I might miss a day of work/school every 5 years.

December 17, 2008: Good friend from previous company is fired without cause. It's shocking, because he's incredibly talented. The guy was fucking good and would have been among one of the last people I'd get rid of. The upshot of this is that I introduce him to the founder of my startup and they hit it off extremely well. As for the firing, I also suspect this is part of a slow-bleed layoff at the HF and that there'll be much more talent being let go, potentially available for hiring as my startup's star rises.

December 18, 2008: First "relationship" after recently-lost 2-year one turns out to be a lie, a fling, that folds up and fails badly after 2 weeks. Instant, marked change in girl's personality. Strong bet that she's bipolar and that our "intimacy" was just an expression of her manic phase. It doesn't help that I'm slightly bipolar and my shitty hypomanic judgment got me waaaaay too emotionally involved too quick.

The first half of the year was brutal. The second half has been great-- best time of my life, actually. I have a great job and, although I've had no relationships yet, have dated 20+ women, many beautiful, and many wanting to pursue subsequent dates. (I'm taking my time and being extremely picky.) But I still think I win for the most interesting bad-2008 story, if not the worst.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=905345&forum_id=2#10589425)

When I had my worst panic attack (March 10) I was erroneously dumped in the Psych Ward of a ghetto ER for 7 hours. (I could sue that hospital down to its fucking taint-hair.) It was an utterly terrible experience, but I got to see how incredibly awful psychiatric treatment can be for the unfortunate. Having a rash of health problems at 24 is a great way to learn an incredible amount quickly about how fucked up our society is (in all ways, not just the payment/insurance system) when it comes to matters of health.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=905345&forum_id=2#10589448)

I told the ER nurse that I wanted a series of heart and lung tests. I said "I'm pretty sure this is just a severe panic attack, but I want <list of tests>, NOW." They only heard "panic attack" and dumped me in the psych ward. Incompetent fuckers. I knew that, if it was a panic attack, there was nothing they could do. I just wanted to be sure.

Locked up for 7 hours. One man was brought in by 6 police officers, because he was on PCP and violent. Aside from that, I didn't notice any crackheads or serious druggies, except for the woman who threw a fit because she didn't get any Xanax. Most of the people in the waiting room (which was tiny and crowded) were pretty nice, although some were clearly mentally ill. Half of them were having severe panic attacks, which is what the bulk of psychiatric ER visits are.

The worst thing about the room was that there was a blaring TV, literally at 90-100 decibels, right above our heads. Most of our pop culture is intensely negative (you don't notice this until you develop a panic disorder; you become used to it and tune it out) and a blaring TV is not what these people needed, since panic attacks are feedback loops of intense negative thoughts, and the mean-spiritedness that pervades American mass culture can easily set such loops off.

The other nasty thing about panic attacks in a waiting room like that is the possibility of chain panic. People having these attacks can set each other off, as watching someone suffer makes a anxiety/panic worse. I was fine after an hour or so, but I remember watching the other panickers set each other off.

It was a completely horrible experience, but I'm very glad I had it. It was a lesson in empathy, and it also taught me just how fucked up this society is on matters of health, especially psychological health. For example, I'd never noticed how negative and debased American pop culture was until that point.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=905345&forum_id=2#10590092)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=905345&forum_id=2#10590106)

Author: #1=(flame . #1# ) (pensive)

February 2008: Girlfriend freaks out over centipedes in apartment and literally forces me to move. She and realtor pressure me into (stupidly) signing an agreement to vacate on March 1. The new apartment turns out to be fine, but has the same house centipedes. We also get mail addressed to a dead person-- a woman who died in her 30s and whose husband subsequently broke the lease and left town.

March 3, 2008: Developed severe panic disorder, out of the blue, probably triggered by a horrible 5-week flu that I had at the time and-- stupidly, being a type-A hedge-fund trader-- tried to work through. I was sick for almost two months, and only took 3 days off work, until I was fired.

Early April: Develop blockage in my throat and lungs that makes breathing difficult (and produces panic attacks). I am also vomiting on a daily basis. Thinking it might be throat cancer, get it checked out. It turns out that it's a solidified mass of dried phlegm and dead bacteria.

April 24, 2008: Lost 6-figure hedge fund job, largely (if not entirely) because of health problems and their "effect on morale".

June 12, 2008: Girlfriend leaves for another part of the country. We knew this would happen, and that it was the right thing for her, but she had promised to hold off her move till September, and pushed it forward to take some summer courses.

June 19, 2008: Girlfriend and I break up, the day after my 25. birthday. This was inevitable. I resented her for the move and was sexually immobilized by the panic attacks, so we'd been essentially brother and sister for 3 months. (Between the move in Feb, the panic attacks, and my singlehood, I've been celibate for almost a year.) It's not like she wronged me, and we're still good friends because she is an amazingly good person.

June 22, 2008: Huge fight with my dad, who wanted me to marry ex-GF and felt I had blown my life's best shot. However, he gets over it pretty quick. Last panic attack (thank God) occurs on this date. Now that I've developed a rigorous meditation practice, they don't come anymore. I've trained my mind well enough that I don't fear them, and once you stop fearing PAs, they stop coming.

July 28, 2008: I return from Mexico to find myself the butt of a malicious "mail prank". It appears that someone called the post office saying that I was the only person in my building. Because the Williamsburg post office is incompetent, they shut down mail to all other tenants, no verification required. When I return from MX, no one in the building has gotten mail for a week and half my building hates me. I was also the subject of a federal investigation for a mail prank, though eventually acquitted when it became clear that I wasn't responsible (and had no idea what was going on).

It turned out that my ex had called 1.5 months before to say that I was the only person in the *apartment*, in order to put an end to the dead letters as well as have her mail forwarded, and they mistook her for saying I was the only man in the *building*. Of course, there was no record of time-of-call or even the gender of the caller. I had to figure out on my own what happened.

October 2008: Life's back together. New and much better job. However, we need VC funding. The collapse of the economy, and the 25-50% reduction in series-A valuations, are not phenomena I'm happy about.

Fall 2008: No flu, but two serious colds. This is only surprising and noteworthy because, usually, I almost never get sick. I might miss a day of work/school every 5 years.

December 17, 2008: Good friend from previous company is fired without cause. It's shocking, because he's incredibly talented. The guy was fucking good and would have been among one of the last people I'd get rid of. The upshot of this is that I introduce him to the founder of my startup and they hit it off extremely well. As for the firing, I also suspect this is part of a slow-bleed layoff at the HF and that there'll be much more talent being let go, potentially available for hiring as my startup's star rises.

December 18, 2008: First "relationship" after recently-lost 2-year one turns out to be a lie, a fling, that folds up and fails badly after 2 weeks. Instant, marked change in girl's personality. Strong bet that she's bipolar and that our "intimacy" was just an expression of her manic phase. It doesn't help that I'm slightly bipolar and my shitty hypomanic judgment got me waaaaay too emotionally involved too quick.

The first half of the year was brutal. The second half has been great-- best time of my life, actually. I have a great job and, although I've had no relationships yet, have dated 20+ women, many beautiful, and many wanting to pursue subsequent dates. (I'm taking my time and being extremely picky.) But I still think I win for the most interesting bad-2008 story, if not the worst.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=905345&forum_id=2#10589551)

Author: I Heart Whokebe\'s

I fuck toilets.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=905345&forum_id=2#10589564)

BlueSmoke also.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=905345&forum_id=2#10589654)