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Good writers: Fix this clunky sentence I can't seem to fix

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car dri...
razzle-dazzle space internal respiration
  04/30/21
"C was seen driving in the X area, with D as a passenge...
Floppy tan coffee pot set
  04/30/21
they do if its an auto case. Contrib or comparative play a ...
Talented Indirect Expression
  04/30/21
Your sentence doesn't even say that A and B saw C and D, jus...
khaki trip sanctuary idiot
  04/30/21
As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car dri...
Ebony Zombie-like Faggot Firefighter Toaster
  05/02/21
Quick fixxx
Hairless Digit Ratio Rehab
  02/25/22
“As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a ...
Insane red cuck
  04/30/21
...
fluffy contagious trailer park
  04/30/21
i thought about breaking it up -- it worse because it puts e...
razzle-dazzle space internal respiration
  04/30/21
Ah m, okay. For some reason I assumed that D was the main pe...
Insane red cuck
  04/30/21
C and D are both involved. I continue to use the term "...
razzle-dazzle space internal respiration
  04/30/21
"at this time" ROFL
Floppy tan coffee pot set
  04/30/21
Need to clarify at some point whether A or B were actually d...
Talented Indirect Expression
  04/30/21
Yeah I just worked with the isolated sentence in question b/...
Insane red cuck
  04/30/21
You can do it in another sentence, but it's going to be impo...
Talented Indirect Expression
  04/30/21
While driving in the X area, A & B passed a car that C w...
blue station
  04/30/21
...
Flushed outnumbered liquid oxygen
  04/30/21
As A and B were driving separately in the X area, they passe...
Shimmering laser beams
  04/30/21
This suggestion isn't meant to be used word for word, just g...
vigorous violent codepig point
  04/30/21
...
razzle-dazzle space internal respiration
  04/30/21
...
autistic excitant dilemma son of senegal
  04/30/21
...
garnet library mexican
  04/30/21
...
aromatic business firm
  04/30/21
Very clear, no ambiguity, reads like 1st order logic, I like...
Sapphire cracking heaven death wish
  05/04/22
As A and B entered the X area, they looked at each other, an...
Fuchsia regret
  04/30/21
...
swashbuckling area tattoo
  04/30/21
...
claret senate
  04/30/21
FRIENDLESS FAGGOT BIRDSHIT A was driving some FAGgOt BIRdshi...
Hyperactive resort boiling water
  04/30/21
...
Titillating locus
  04/30/21
...
vigorous violent codepig point
  04/30/21
...
Glittery nursing home
  04/30/21
...
Bearded house newt
  04/30/21
...
carnelian stage patrolman
  04/30/21
...
autistic excitant dilemma son of senegal
  04/30/21
...
Awkward Boyish Native Sneaky Criminal
  04/30/21
...
Titillating locus
  05/01/21
As A and B were sucking each other’s cocks in the XXX ...
Titillating locus
  04/30/21
i think you nailed it.
fluffy contagious trailer park
  04/30/21
...
fishy marvelous mental disorder
  04/30/21
i hope everyone appreciates the mental illness being perform...
fluffy contagious trailer park
  04/30/21
...
transparent fanboi jew
  04/30/21
A and B passed D and C, who was driving.
azure laughsome den
  04/30/21
...
Big flickering chapel friendly grandma
  04/30/21
sounds like a riddle
Floppy tan coffee pot set
  04/30/21
i hate this crap As A and B were driving in the X area, t...
fantasy-prone mad cow disease corner
  04/30/21
i wish this works and it sounds nice but it seems slightly o...
razzle-dazzle space internal respiration
  04/30/21
As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed by D (who...
fantasy-prone mad cow disease corner
  04/30/21
doesn't it need "D's car"
razzle-dazzle space internal respiration
  04/30/21
it says he was driving, which means an automobile. if y...
fantasy-prone mad cow disease corner
  04/30/21
Why do you need B, assuming A was driving. Don't say B was ...
Talented Indirect Expression
  04/30/21
you have to make it more exciting. keep the reader interest...
purple hairraiser mother
  04/30/21
Were A and B both at the wheel?
bonkers aphrodisiac preventive strike
  04/30/21
turns out it was a tandem bicycle.
fluffy contagious trailer park
  04/30/21
...
Big flickering chapel friendly grandma
  04/30/21
As some faggot and his friend were driving in the restricted...
Glittery nursing home
  04/30/21
The two cars passed in X. In one, A was driving B. In the ot...
Elite Queen Of The Night Half-breed
  04/30/21
star crossed lovers. reads like brokeback mountain
azure laughsome den
  04/30/21
still the best way to do it. He has more than a handful of i...
Elite Queen Of The Night Half-breed
  04/30/21
...
Insane red cuck
  04/30/21
Okay? Wow. Hey. Picture this: Cars A and B. Right? Going thr...
claret senate
  04/30/21
...
swashbuckling area tattoo
  04/30/21
A and B, as was their custom from time to time, were engaged...
Irate location place of business
  04/30/21
...
diverse church round eye
  02/22/22
So, we need to talk about A driving around with B. Here's th...
Supple spot windowlicker
  04/30/21
400 km/h, 450 km/h, 500 km/h, 550 km/h; A could feel the for...
Sick buff dingle berry
  04/30/21
Wow
Supple spot windowlicker
  04/30/21
I just copied this from a brief.
Sick buff dingle berry
  04/30/21
...
Bearded house newt
  04/30/21
Your stuff is the only stuff from here I share w my wife. E...
Talented Indirect Expression
  04/30/21
...
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...
Orchid national
  02/22/22
...
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...
Flushed outnumbered liquid oxygen
  04/30/21
titcr.
Big flickering chapel friendly grandma
  04/30/21
180
slimy nudist base genital piercing
  04/30/21
...
autistic excitant dilemma son of senegal
  04/30/21
...
fishy marvelous mental disorder
  04/30/21
holy shit
Orchid national
  04/30/21
attn low attention span poasters read this whole thing pls
autistic excitant dilemma son of senegal
  04/30/21
how
azure laughsome den
  04/30/21
...
Awkward Boyish Native Sneaky Criminal
  06/22/22
...
vigorous violent codepig point
  04/30/21
...
cyan ceo
  04/30/21
...
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...
fishy marvelous mental disorder
  04/30/21
...
cyan ceo
  06/01/21
...
Orchid national
  02/22/22
this is incredible
cyan ceo
  02/22/22
...
Orchid national
  02/25/22
...
stimulating jade gunner
  05/04/22
wow
Startling coldplay fan abode
  06/22/22
...
slimy nudist base genital piercing
  06/22/22
...
Bisexual exhilarant ticket booth
  06/22/22
High | level | legal work
Motley magenta sex offender personal credit line
  04/30/21
...
transparent fanboi jew
  04/30/21
Each of A and B were driving in AREA. They both passed a car...
Grizzly french locale potus
  04/30/21
A and B passed a car driven by C, who was transporting D as ...
Irradiated hateful menage toilet seat
  04/30/21
two people, a & b, drove past c driving with d in his ca...
Comical Doobsian Reading Party
  04/30/21
C and his passenger D were traveling in X area. A overtook a...
Curious Crackhouse People Who Are Hurt
  04/30/21
As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car dri...
Galvanic partner
  04/30/21
Haven’t read any of the replies, so someone else may h...
dashing tanning salon french chef
  04/30/21
This was basically gromjoh's poast above except his was more...
fishy marvelous mental disorder
  04/30/21
...
Orchid national
  04/30/21
...
vigorous violent codepig point
  04/30/21
...
Sick buff dingle berry
  04/30/21
...
Orchid national
  02/22/22
writing MFE's, any resources on improving clunky writing? I ...
Frisky hominid boistinker
  04/30/21
Did you try the hydro hack?
vigorous violent codepig point
  04/30/21
What’s that
Chest-beating Buck-toothed School
  04/30/21
You should drink more water, you're probably dehydrated. Th...
vigorous violent codepig point
  04/30/21
...
autistic excitant dilemma son of senegal
  04/30/21
Just write in the active voice with short simple sentences, ...
yellow macaca
  04/30/21
A and B saw C driving in X
yellow macaca
  04/30/21
andy and brad were driving around brooklyn when they passed ...
histrionic property headpube
  04/30/21
I am gay
insanely creepy peach plaza weed whacker
  04/30/21
great thread
fishy marvelous mental disorder
  04/30/21
Shitty writing is putting too much into one sentence. A and...
Kink-friendly Zippy Karate
  04/30/21
A and C, drivers, were in different cars, driving through ar...
purple hairraiser mother
  04/30/21
...
purple hairraiser mother
  05/02/21
...
purple hairraiser mother
  05/23/21
Where are we on this? Thank
vigorous violent codepig point
  05/02/21
As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car dri...
diverse church round eye
  02/22/22
OP, does this help?
Floppy tan coffee pot set
  02/25/22
i don't think anyone reads shitlaw shitpaper so it doesn't m...
cerebral lime church building
  06/22/22
...
Pet Relief Area
  04/19/26
"and containing D as" -> "in which D was&q...
UN peacekeeper
  04/19/26
Lots of helpful suggestions in this thread but I’m not...
hmmm i think weather is fraudlies
  04/19/26
...
Pet Relief Area
  04/19/26


Poast new message in this thread



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:48 AM
Author: razzle-dazzle space internal respiration

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car driven by C and containing D as a passenger.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376133)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:57 AM
Author: Floppy tan coffee pot set

"C was seen driving in the X area, with D as a passenger, by both A and B."

(no one gives a fuck whether A and B were driving or doing a standing 69 at the time they saw these faggots)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376836)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 12:01 PM
Author: Talented Indirect Expression

they do if its an auto case. Contrib or comparative play a role potentially. Better to keep it clean.



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376873)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 2:10 PM
Author: khaki trip sanctuary idiot

Your sentence doesn't even say that A and B saw C and D, just that they passed them.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42377665)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 2nd, 2021 12:40 PM
Author: Ebony Zombie-like Faggot Firefighter Toaster

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car driven by C which contained D as a passenger.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42386999)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 25th, 2022 1:42 PM
Author: Hairless Digit Ratio Rehab
Subject: Quick fixxx

As A and B were driving in X, they passed a car driven by C containing D as a passenger.

EDIT: LMAO at the date

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#44032731)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:52 AM
Author: Insane red cuck

“As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car driven by C. D was a passenger in C’s car at the time.”

Would break up the sentences. Your original sentence isn’t terrible though.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376145)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:53 AM
Author: fluffy contagious trailer park



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376148)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:55 AM
Author: razzle-dazzle space internal respiration

i thought about breaking it up -- it worse because it puts emphasis on "D was a passenger in C’s car at this time" -- which is a minor detail.

it doesn't really matter whether C or D is the driver.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376159)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:56 AM
Author: Insane red cuck

Ah m, okay. For some reason I assumed that D was the main person.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376166)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:03 AM
Author: razzle-dazzle space internal respiration

C and D are both involved. I continue to use the term "C's car" for clarity

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376201)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:51 AM
Author: Floppy tan coffee pot set

"at this time"

ROFL

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376807)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:54 AM
Author: Talented Indirect Expression

Need to clarify at some point whether A or B were actually driving. Or were they in two separate cars, both of which passed C.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376155)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:55 AM
Author: Insane red cuck

Yeah I just worked with the isolated sentence in question b/c I didn’t know what the surrounding sentences are like.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376160)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:04 AM
Author: Talented Indirect Expression

You can do it in another sentence, but it's going to be important to be clear who was driving in the passing car.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376205)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:55 AM
Author: blue station

While driving in the X area, A & B passed a car that C was driving with a passenger, D.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376157)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:57 AM
Author: Flushed outnumbered liquid oxygen



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376168)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:58 AM
Author: Shimmering laser beams

As A and B were driving separately in the X area, they passed a car driven by C which contained D as a passenger.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376174)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:59 AM
Author: vigorous violent codepig point

This suggestion isn't meant to be used word for word, just generally to give you the right idea on how to handle this sort of thing, please develop as part of an exercise in your own development as a lawyer. Really need to break this into clauses that explain everything.

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car driven by C and containing D as a passenger.

WHEREAS A, B, C, and D are human persons domiciled in Jurisdiction Y

WHEREAS X is a certain area in Jurisdiction Y

WHEREAS A, B, and C are legally authorized to operate motor vehicles ("cars" and each individual such vehicle a "car")

WHEREAS on that certain date, A, B, and C were operating cars.

WHEREAS on that certain date, D was a passenger in the car operated by C.

Now, therefore be it resolved, on that certain date, the aforementioned cars traversed on intersecting paths in Area X.

[I assume by "passed" you mean "passed" as in "they passed by each other while headed in different directions," revise if you mean they were going the same way and A/B's cars passed/overtook C's car.]

Please handle and recirculate, thanks.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376176)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:03 AM
Author: razzle-dazzle space internal respiration



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376203)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:45 AM
Author: autistic excitant dilemma son of senegal



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376392)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:08 AM
Author: garnet library mexican



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376526)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:25 AM
Author: aromatic business firm



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376657)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 4th, 2022 12:40 PM
Author: Sapphire cracking heaven death wish

Very clear, no ambiguity, reads like 1st order logic, I like it.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#44453959)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:59 AM
Author: Fuchsia regret

As A and B entered the X area, they looked at each other, and although none of them said a word, they understood each other perfectly. It was X area after all. Are there any Xs around, they wondered? They passed a beaten-up vehicle with ridiculous oversized chromed wheels with C as a driver and D as a passenger. X's! - thought A and B. C and D did not think anything. They were high.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376178)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:36 AM
Author: swashbuckling area tattoo



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376332)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:37 AM
Author: claret senate



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376340)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:59 AM
Author: Hyperactive resort boiling water

FRIENDLESS FAGGOT BIRDSHIT A was driving some FAGgOt BIRdshit car alone(some other NIFmGGA was drivomg alone in another car) they passed ALPHA TURD C , who has MANY DRINKING BUDDIES, SO NATURALLY HAD A PASSENGER (most likely an AZNgirl getting wet for MAMMOTH TURDCOCK)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376183)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:00 AM
Author: Titillating locus



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376187)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:01 AM
Author: vigorous violent codepig point



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376195)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:18 AM
Author: Glittery nursing home



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376249)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:47 AM
Author: Bearded house newt



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376406)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:36 AM
Author: carnelian stage patrolman



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376713)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:37 AM
Author: autistic excitant dilemma son of senegal



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376724)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 12:32 PM
Author: Awkward Boyish Native Sneaky Criminal



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42377057)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 1st, 2021 12:19 AM
Author: Titillating locus



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42380818)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:59 AM
Author: Titillating locus

As A and B were sucking each other’s cocks in the XXX area, C drove by with D cumming in his ass.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376184)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:00 AM
Author: fluffy contagious trailer park

i think you nailed it.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376191)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 3:36 PM
Author: fishy marvelous mental disorder



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42378174)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:00 AM
Author: fluffy contagious trailer park

i hope everyone appreciates the mental illness being performed right now.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376189)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:28 AM
Author: transparent fanboi jew



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376669)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:01 AM
Author: azure laughsome den

A and B passed D and C, who was driving.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376194)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:37 AM
Author: Big flickering chapel friendly grandma



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376341)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:52 AM
Author: Floppy tan coffee pot set

sounds like a riddle

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376816)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:01 AM
Author: fantasy-prone mad cow disease corner

i hate this crap

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed by D driving with C.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376197)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:05 AM
Author: razzle-dazzle space internal respiration

i wish this works and it sounds nice but it seems slightly off

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376206)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:06 AM
Author: fantasy-prone mad cow disease corner

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed by D (who was driving with C).

This is it

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376211)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:07 AM
Author: razzle-dazzle space internal respiration

doesn't it need "D's car"

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376216)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:42 AM
Author: fantasy-prone mad cow disease corner

it says he was driving, which means an automobile.

if you think specifying what kind of automobile is a key detail then can add that

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376370)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:05 AM
Author: Talented Indirect Expression

Why do you need B, assuming A was driving. Don't say B was driving. Ever. If he wasnt.

As A was driving, they passed ...

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376208)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:06 AM
Author: purple hairraiser mother

you have to make it more exciting. keep the reader interested.

"Where did this take place? In X. And what happened in X? A and B were together in a car. And what did that car do? Why it passed by another car, a car driven by C. And was C alone in that second car? No, no C was not. C was with D. That's right. A and B passed C and D. It's all true."

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376212)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:08 AM
Author: bonkers aphrodisiac preventive strike

Were A and B both at the wheel?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376217)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:13 AM
Author: fluffy contagious trailer park

turns out it was a tandem bicycle.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376233)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:20 AM
Author: Big flickering chapel friendly grandma



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376607)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:18 AM
Author: Glittery nursing home

As some faggot and his friend were driving in the restricted area, they passed a car driven by a nigger and containing some other faggot as a passenger. Regards, I hope this helps.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376246)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:26 AM
Author: Elite Queen Of The Night Half-breed

The two cars passed in X. In one, A was driving B. In the other, C was driving D.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376290)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:29 AM
Author: azure laughsome den

star crossed lovers. reads like brokeback mountain

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376306)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:31 AM
Author: Elite Queen Of The Night Half-breed

still the best way to do it. He has more than a handful of items to hit: location, two cars, who was each driver and who was each passenger, that they passed.

This does it and leaves no uncertainty at all

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376317)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:34 AM
Author: Insane red cuck



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376330)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:35 AM
Author: claret senate

Okay? Wow. Hey. Picture this: Cars A and B. Right? Going through section X. *makes large "X" using forearms* And boom! Right there, they pass car C. *makes "C" using hand* A car which, at the time, was containing D *unzips pants* as a passenger. *pulls cock out of fly* Any questions?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376331)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:37 AM
Author: swashbuckling area tattoo



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376336)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:40 AM
Author: Irate location place of business

A and B, as was their custom from time to time, were engaged in that most fanciful of modern hobbies, navigation of modern paved roads in a device propelled by an internal combustion engine, whence, they happened to pass by and through the X area. It was delightful that time of year and a welcome respite from their usual tiresome surroundings. And, as fate or chance, or even perhaps the Muses had it, another fellow engaged in the very same hobby happened by. Of course, known to them, and combustion engine navigators the State over, twas C along with D. Both were fair fellows and known to A and B. As custom would insist they happened both to notice and acknowledge each other, hobbyists in the same pursuit as they were.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376358)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 22nd, 2022 10:09 AM
Author: diverse church round eye



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#44008930)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 10:44 AM
Author: Supple spot windowlicker

So, we need to talk about A driving around with B. Here's the thing: they were in X area, and what's problematic is they passed by C—yes, THAT C. C had a passenger at the time, D. Here's why that's not okay.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376389)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:45 AM
Author: Sick buff dingle berry

400 km/h, 450 km/h, 500 km/h, 550 km/h; A could feel the force of the acceleration pressing him against the sport bucket seats of his Turbo Allegra Mk. 2, their soft, well-sourced alcantara cosseting his tightly leather chapped legs, the micromechanical motors within instantaneously adjusting to each minor perturbation in the vehicle's three-axis orientation to keep him perfectly balanced, its SWIFT systems scanning kilometers ahead of them in real-time and predictively modulating the various electromagnetic and anti-kinetic shielding systems in order to protect their passage as they rocketed upward toward the gateway to area X--area X, the Sacred Seat of Cybernetic Heaven, its secrets whispering to the hovels of his birthplace below, beckoning brave boys with the Siren Song: "Come, Unlock Our Treasurehosue of Wonder or Die Trying"; "It's a goddamn marvel--" that was B, his copilot jockey, in the seat beside him--he'd always liked the tech stuff, engineered things were his jig and jive and the natural knack he'd expressed for them had been evident since his Fourth Year when he'd spontaneously programmed a molecular excavator during off time while the rest of the class was at the playground; he and B had been practicing for this for over three years, secretive sessions when the sensor rings slipped from alignment every third week on Sunday for maintena--"we have a fucking BOGEY at 3 o'clock HIGH!" B screamed, interrupting his meditation on the past--the systems of the Allegra were fast, but B was faster and he'd spotted the incoming a split second before the computerized indication of the same: "Warning, SWIFT has detected an intrusion in the third--" he cut off the computer; he knew what he needed to know: C was moving to intercept them in his Outrigger, accompanied by D; they'd planned for this eventuality, both the conflict itself and the psychology of facing your own brother and cousin 45 kilometers up in the air, each precise maneuver tiptoeing on the razor thin edge between life and death, a minute miscalculation capable of throwing you off the wrong side into a fiery midair death--there was something poignant about it, the notion that he could die up here in an instant and to his friends and family in the warrens of Bressville below, toiling through their daily tasks with no comprehension of the enormous aerial pageantry above them, his life could blot out with no greater signifier than a vanishing spot of light in the sky; he banished the thought of this and other things as he shouted in the cockpit "let's smoke these fuckers" and pushed down hard on the throttle, the frame of the Allegra bending, straining, complying with the command as they soared to meet the enemy head on, he and B laughing aloud at the thrill of it all.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376393)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:47 AM
Author: Supple spot windowlicker

Wow

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376411)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:49 AM
Author: Sick buff dingle berry

I just copied this from a brief.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376419)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:15 AM
Author: Bearded house newt



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376574)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:54 AM
Author: Talented Indirect Expression

Your stuff is the only stuff from here I share w my wife. Every time, I explain that "It's just lawyers--we get bored at work--yeah, I know, that's what makes it funny--"

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376824)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 1:21 PM
Author: slimy nudist base genital piercing



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42377415)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 22nd, 2022 10:00 AM
Author: Orchid national



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#44008886)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 22nd, 2022 9:32 AM
Author: Startling coldplay fan abode



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#44722509)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:51 AM
Author: Flushed outnumbered liquid oxygen



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376432)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:05 AM
Author: Big flickering chapel friendly grandma

titcr.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376504)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:10 AM
Author: slimy nudist base genital piercing

180

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376531)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:18 AM
Author: autistic excitant dilemma son of senegal



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376589)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:23 AM
Author: fishy marvelous mental disorder



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376641)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:24 AM
Author: Orchid national

holy shit

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376648)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:34 AM
Author: autistic excitant dilemma son of senegal

attn low attention span poasters read this whole thing pls

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376708)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 1:13 PM
Author: azure laughsome den

how

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42377366)



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Date: June 22nd, 2022 9:36 AM
Author: Awkward Boyish Native Sneaky Criminal



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#44722527)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:35 AM
Author: vigorous violent codepig point



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376711)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 12:00 PM
Author: cyan ceo



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376866)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 12:01 PM
Author: walnut dog poop



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376872)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 3:27 PM
Author: fishy marvelous mental disorder



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42378128)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 1st, 2021 9:20 PM
Author: cyan ceo



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42558237)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 22nd, 2022 10:00 AM
Author: Orchid national



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#44008882)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 22nd, 2022 10:05 AM
Author: cyan ceo

this is incredible

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#44008910)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 25th, 2022 1:39 PM
Author: Orchid national



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#44032706)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 4th, 2022 12:31 PM
Author: stimulating jade gunner



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#44453902)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 22nd, 2022 9:31 AM
Author: Startling coldplay fan abode

wow

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#44722507)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 22nd, 2022 9:34 AM
Author: slimy nudist base genital piercing



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#44722517)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 22nd, 2022 9:44 AM
Author: Bisexual exhilarant ticket booth



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#44722548)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:49 AM
Author: Motley magenta sex offender personal credit line

High | level | legal work

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376422)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:28 AM
Author: transparent fanboi jew



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376672)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:55 AM
Author: Grizzly french locale potus

Each of A and B were driving in AREA. They both passed a car driven by C with D as a passenger.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376456)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:05 AM
Author: Irradiated hateful menage toilet seat

A and B passed a car driven by C, who was transporting D as a passenger, as they drove through the X area.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376505)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:07 AM
Author: Comical Doobsian Reading Party

two people, a & b, drove past c driving with d in his car.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376517)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:13 AM
Author: Curious Crackhouse People Who Are Hurt

C and his passenger D were traveling in X area. A overtook and passed them. B overtook and passed them too.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376555)



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Date: April 30th, 2021 11:19 AM
Author: Galvanic partner

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car driven by C, which contained D as a passenger.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376600)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:24 AM
Author: dashing tanning salon french chef

Haven’t read any of the replies, so someone else may have made the same suggestion, but I’d go with:

While driving in the X area, A & B passed a car containing C (driver) and D (passenger).

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376651)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:27 AM
Author: fishy marvelous mental disorder

This was basically gromjoh's poast above except his was more concise.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376665)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:34 AM
Author: Orchid national



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376704)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:40 AM
Author: vigorous violent codepig point



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376736)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 2:08 PM
Author: Sick buff dingle berry



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42377648)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 22nd, 2022 10:01 AM
Author: Orchid national



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#44008887)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:33 AM
Author: Frisky hominid boistinker

writing MFE's, any resources on improving clunky writing? I recently jumped from GOV to tech

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376695)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:33 AM
Author: vigorous violent codepig point

Did you try the hydro hack?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376699)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:40 AM
Author: Chest-beating Buck-toothed School

What’s that

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376738)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:41 AM
Author: vigorous violent codepig point

You should drink more water, you're probably dehydrated. This will, among other things, improve cognitive function and therefore improve your writing. While you're at it also check your posture I bet you're slouching right now.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376746)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:49 AM
Author: autistic excitant dilemma son of senegal



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42376800)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 1:17 PM
Author: yellow macaca

Just write in the active voice with short simple sentences, subject verb object. Not hard

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42377389)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 1:16 PM
Author: yellow macaca

A and B saw C driving in X

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42377381)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 1:28 PM
Author: histrionic property headpube

andy and brad were driving around brooklyn when they passed carl and dave in their car.

this doesn't define who is driving and who is riding though.



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42377449)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 1:38 PM
Author: insanely creepy peach plaza weed whacker

I am gay

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42377484)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 3:36 PM
Author: fishy marvelous mental disorder

great thread

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42378176)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 3:39 PM
Author: Kink-friendly Zippy Karate

Shitty writing is putting too much into one sentence.

A and B were driving in the X area. [query: are they both driving separate cars?] C driving D passed them.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42378186)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 8:29 PM
Author: purple hairraiser mother

A and C, drivers, were in different cars, driving through area X, and with them were B and D, passengers; B was with A while D was with C; A and B passed by C and D.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42379691)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 2nd, 2021 12:50 PM
Author: purple hairraiser mother



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42387061)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 23rd, 2021 3:44 PM
Author: purple hairraiser mother



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42509184)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 2nd, 2021 12:36 PM
Author: vigorous violent codepig point

Where are we on this? Thank

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#42386977)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 22nd, 2022 10:06 AM
Author: diverse church round eye

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car driven by C in which D was a passenger.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#44008916)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 25th, 2022 1:44 PM
Author: Floppy tan coffee pot set

OP, does this help?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#44032743)



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Date: June 22nd, 2022 9:32 AM
Author: cerebral lime church building

i don't think anyone reads shitlaw shitpaper so it doesn't matter. aren't state court judges borderline retarded?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#44722512)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 19th, 2026 12:23 PM
Author: Pet Relief Area



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#49827186)



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Date: April 19th, 2026 12:42 PM
Author: UN peacekeeper

"and containing D as" -> "in which D was", otherwise fine

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#49827205)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 19th, 2026 1:15 PM
Author: hmmm i think weather is fraudlies

Lots of helpful suggestions in this thread but I’m not sure we’ve got it figured out just yet. Let’s put a pin in it and move on. OP: what’s the next sentence?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#49827228)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 19th, 2026 2:57 PM
Author: Pet Relief Area



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2...id#49827363)