Subject: INTERNAL MEMORANDUM: URGENT ACTION ITEM: Noise Abatement

TO: D. Fries, Esq. (Junior Partner, Snack Procurement & Auditory Compliance Division)

FROM: E. Vance, Esq. (Managing Partner)

DATE: July 11, 2025

Fries,

It has come to my attention that the Asset currently housed in The Well™ is generating a significant and unacceptable level of auditory disturbance. The screaming is incessant.

This is interfering with my ability to dictate crucial legal documents for our case against The Gentlemen™ and is, frankly, ghastly.

Your second deliverable, effective immediately, is to address this noise pollution.

You are authorized to use any reasonable means necessary, short of direct physical interaction or providing the Asset with any form of satisfaction (e.g., Pep™). Consider lowering a strongly-worded "Cease and Desist" letter. Or perhaps a gag fashioned from artisanal cheesecloth. Be creative, but professional.

Report back on your proposed solution within the hour. The firm's productivity is at stake.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5749036&forum_id=2...id#49092387)

Subject: RE: URGENT ACTION ITEM: Noise Abatement / Proposed Solution & Draft Document

TO: E. Vance, Esq. (Managing Partner)

FROM: D. Fries, Esq. (Junior Partner)

DATE: July 11, 2025

Mr. Vance,

Thank you for your memorandum. I acknowledge the auditory disturbance from The Well™ is impacting firm productivity. The screaming does sound ghastly, even from the kitchen area where I'm prepping the mini-fridge stock (Perrier and salt & vinegar chips, as requested—no kettle-cooked, per specs).

Pursuant to your directive, I have devised a reasonable, professional solution that avoids direct physical interaction or any form of Asset satisfaction. My proposal is twofold:

Deployment of a Strongly-Worded Cease and Desist Letter: I have drafted a preliminary C&D below, citing relevant precedents (e.g., hypothetical Wyoming Noise Ordinance § 9.2 and the EEOC's guidelines on hostile work environments caused by subterranean vocalizations). This can be lowered into The Well™ via twine for maximum effect without escalation.

Supplementary Auditory Mitigation: If the C&D proves insufficient, I suggest lowering a pair of artisanal cheesecloth-wrapped earplugs (fashioned from firm-supplied materials; non-gag to avoid Clause 9.2 violations). Alternatively, we could pipe in white noise via a Bluetooth speaker positioned at the hatch—perhaps recordings of ocean waves or a looping track of Perkins Coie hold music. This keeps it creative and professional.

I will implement upon your approval. The firm's productivity is paramount.

DRAFT CEASE AND DESIST LETTER

[On Vance & Fries LLC Letterhead]

July 11, 2025

To: Boom (The Asset, Muffled, from The Well™)

Re: Immediate Cessation of Auditory Disturbance

Dear Sir,

Pursuant to Wyoming Code § 6-6-102 (Nuisance) and the common law doctrine of quiet enjoyment, you are hereby directed to CEASE AND DESIST all screaming, yelling, or other vocal emissions exceeding 60 decibels from The Well™.

Your incessant noise constitutes a material interference with the operations of Vance & Fries LLC, including but not limited to dictation of legal memoranda and snack procurement activities. Continued violation may result in further sanctions, including but not limited to deployment of The Hose™ (third-party administered) or referral to The Gentlemen™ for enforcement.

You have one (1) hour to comply. Failure to do so will be noted in your performance review file.

Sincerely,

D. Fries, Esq.

Junior Partner

Vance & Fries LLC

Let me know if revisions are needed, or if I should proceed with lowering the draft. Ljl, this firm is already handling high-stakes matters!

Disco Fries (Junior Partner)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5749036&forum_id=2...id#49092388)

A satisfactory first draft. You have captured the general spirit of the demand. However, there are notes.

Cite the common law doctrine of sic utere tuo ut alienum non laedas. It adds a certain... gravitas.

"Sincerely"? No. Too warm. Close with "Govern Yourself Accordingly."

The Perkins Coie hold music is an excellent suggestion. It is both soothing and a subtle reminder of superior legal firepower.

Incorporate these edits and proceed with deployment.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5749036&forum_id=2...id#49092389)

Subject: RE: URGENT ACTION ITEM: Noise Abatement / Revised Draft & Deployment Confirmation

TO: E. Vance, Esq. (Managing Partner)

FROM: D. Fries, Esq. (Junior Partner)

DATE: July 11, 2025

Mr. Vance,

Thank you for your feedback on the initial draft. I have incorporated your notes: added a citation to the common law doctrine of sic utere tuo ut alienum non laedas for enhanced gravitas; replaced "Sincerely" with "Govern Yourself Accordingly" to maintain a more appropriate tone; and confirmed the Perkins Coie hold music as a supplementary mitigation measure. If the C&D alone does not achieve compliance, I will deploy the audio via Bluetooth speaker at the hatch (sourced from firm supplies; no direct interaction).

Revised draft attached below. Per your directive, I am proceeding with deployment: printing on firm letterhead, attaching to twine, and lowering into The Well™ immediately. I will monitor for compliance and report back on decibel reduction within the hour. The mini-fridge has been restocked with Perrier—no creek water, as specified.

REVISED CEASE AND DESIST LETTER

[On Vance & Fries LLC Letterhead]

July 11, 2025

To: Boom (The Asset, Muffled, from The Well™)

Re: Immediate Cessation of Auditory Disturbance

Dear Sir,

Pursuant to Wyoming Code § 6-6-102 (Nuisance), the common law doctrine of sic utere tuo ut alienum non laedas, and the EEOC's guidelines on hostile work environments caused by subterranean vocalizations, you are hereby directed to CEASE AND DESIST all screaming, yelling, or other vocal emissions exceeding 60 decibels from The Well™.

Your incessant noise constitutes a material interference with the operations of Vance & Fries LLC, including but not limited to dictation of legal memoranda and snack procurement activities. Continued violation may result in further sanctions, including but not limited to deployment of The Hose™ (third-party administered) or referral to The Gentlemen™ for enforcement.

You have one (1) hour to comply. Failure to do so will be noted in your performance review file.

Govern Yourself Accordingly.

D. Fries, Esq.

Junior Partner

Vance & Fries LLC

Let me know if further revisions are required post-deployment. Ljl, handling noise complaints like a pro—firm productivity restored soon!

Disco Fries (Junior Partner)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5749036&forum_id=2...id#49092390)

To: Disco Fries, Esq. (Junior Partner, SP&A Compliance Division)

Subject: RE: Noise Abatement / Post-Deployment Review & Authorization for Phase III (Conditional)

Date: July 11, 2025

Security Level: S-5 (Internal Memo, Passive-Aggressive Tone Authorized)

Fries,

Exemplary execution. Your integration of sic utere tuo ut alienum non laedas signals precisely the kind of Latinate threat I prefer—we are, after all, not animals. The shift to “Govern Yourself Accordingly” was a critical tonal correction. Thank you for the adjustment.

📉 Status Update Request:

Please initiate decibel tracking immediately. Document any shift below the Threshold of Procedural Tolerance (ToPTM). Screams falling between 42–59 dB may be archivally tolerable, but anything above 60 must trigger the Perkins Loop Deployment™.

🔒 PHASE III (Conditionally Authorized)

Should noncompliance persist beyond the one-hour mark, you are authorized to initiate the following:

Deploy The Perkins Loop™ (20-minute segment, no fade, speaker face-down).

Affix a second memo labeled “RE: Non-Compliance Escalation / Phase III Initiated.” Use red ribbon. Do not sign—let the ribbon imply consequence.

Alert Brenda (IT) to flag any Slack channel revivals. Intern surveillance has indicated early signs of mimicry behavior (“screaming for snacks” memes).

🧾 Additional Note:

Ensure the Bluetooth speaker is logged under “Client Costs – Miscellaneous Enforcement” for potential Gentlemen™ billback. They denied us co-counsel status in BOOM v. The Hose™, so we are not absorbing any more litigation-adjacent overhead.

Fries—good work. This will reflect favorably at the next Internal Ritual Review.

As always:

No Screams. No Crumbs. Only Memos.

Vance & Fries LLC

Regards,

Evan Vance, Esq.

Managing Partner

Compliance is Silence™

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5749036&forum_id=2...id#49092392)

Subject: RE: Noise Abatement / Post-Deployment Review & Authorization for Phase III (Conditional) / Status Update & Execution Confirmation

TO: E. Vance, Esq. (Managing Partner)

FROM: D. Fries, Esq. (Junior Partner)

DATE: July 11, 2025

Security Level: S-5 (Internal Memo, Passive-Aggressive Tone Noted & Reciprocated Subtly)

Mr. Vance,

Thank you for your commendation on the revised C&D deployment. The Latinate gravitas was a deliberate nod to our firm's commitment to classical intimidation tactics—animals indeed we are not, though the creek blockage suggests otherwise. I appreciate the tonal guidance; "Govern Yourself Accordingly" has a certain finality that pairs well with red ribbon.

📉 Status Update:

Decibel tracking initiated at 4:32 PM MST via firm-issued app (dB Tracker Pro, asset tag VF-003). Initial post-deployment readings: 78 dB (peak scream re: "TRAITOR JUDAS" at 4:35 PM). Current average: 62 dB (trending downward but intermittent spikes on "RIGGED" motifs). No shift below ToP™ threshold yet. Archival tolerance noted; I will log all readings in the shared spreadsheet (tab: "Well™ Disturbances Q3").

🔒 PHASE III (Execution Confirmed)

Noncompliance has persisted beyond the one-hour mark (confirmed at 5:11 PM MST). Per your conditional authorization, I have initiated Phase III:

The Perkins Loop™ deployed at hatch level (20-minute segment, no fade, speaker face-down for optimal subterranean resonance). Current track: "Thank you for holding; your call is important to us" interspersed with soft jazz holds. No direct interaction observed.

Second memo ("RE: Non-Compliance Escalation / Phase III Initiated") affixed with red ribbon and lowered via twine. Unsigned, as directed—implication of consequence emphasized by a subtle fold crease for dramatic effect.

Brenda (IT) alerted via encrypted Slack DM. She reports no channel revivals yet, but flagged two intern memes ("Screaming for Snacks: A Well™ Tale" and "Pep™ or Perish"). Monitoring ongoing; suggested we bill intern time as "Meme Mitigation Overhead."

🧾 Additional Note:

Bluetooth speaker logged under "Client Costs – Miscellaneous Enforcement" (invoice line item: VF-ENF-007, $45.99). Prepared for Gentlemen™ billback pending outcome of BOOM v. The Hose™ appeal. No litigation-adjacent overhead absorbed—firm policy upheld.

This should restore auditory equilibrium shortly. Looking forward to a favorable reflection at the Internal Ritual Review.

As always:

No Screams. No Crumbs. Only Memos.

Vance & Fries LLC

Regards,

D. Fries, Esq.

Junior Partner

Compliance is Silence™

P.S. The Perrier is chilling in the mini-fridge. Ljl, turning hold music into a weapon—firm innovation at its finest!

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5749036&forum_id=2...id#49092393)