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“You’re the right girl, but wrong kind of asian”
| .,.,...,.,,.,.,:..;..:.,.,,,,.,;.,.,.:.:.,:.::,. | 10/03/25 |
| staring solemnly at your 263-game steam backlog | 10/03/25 |
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Date: October 3rd, 2025 8:12 PM Author: .,.,...,.,,.,.,:..;..:.,.,,,,.,;.,.,.:.:.,:.::,. So I got married 3 months ago to the most wonderful man ever. He’s kind, honest, smart, attractive and polite. I love him with all my heart. But something he said last night kinda triggered my insecurities. We were watching this JDrama, and he was repeating the phrases and expressions of what the characters were saying. He told me that he wants to learn Japanese. I said okay. That was the end of it. But I just suddenly remembered everything that my exes told me.
For context, I’m Filipino and my husband is Mexican.
Before him, I had 3 exes. The first one, I dated for two years. It was clear that he hated me. He prefers my East Asian friend because she’s prettier and more thin than me. He keeps telling me that he finds East Asian people people attractive and would make good wives. After we broke up, he made a move on my friend and she thankfully called him out for being creepy.
The second one I dated for 3 months, was obsessed with anime. He told me off the bat that he prefers dating East or Southeast asian women. When we ended the relationship, he mentioned an that while I’m “perfect”, we look so much alike and we have the exact same values because he’s Mexican and I’m Filipino. He said that the relationship would work out and would be perfect if I was Japanese.
The third one was okay. We were only seeing each other for 3 weeks. Like the other guy, he was also obsessed with anime. On the second week of dating, I noticed that he only surrounds himself with East and Southeast Asian people, and he is weirdly obsessed with everything from Japan including food, cars, clothes, movies, etc. He’s from South Asia. He has a “girl bestfriend” from Japan that I didn’t need to worry about. When we ended the relationship, I saw him 2 weeks later with that “girl bestfriend”, they were making out. I said hey, and he admitted that after ending it with me, they got together because she “knows him well” and she knows his “preferences”. I asked what that is, he said she’s Japanese and I’m not.
I mean, I still went on some dates with a few men who weren’t like that but those three just stuck with me the most.
I feel insecure because I didn’t know what I was doing wrong. The three of them just stated that they prefer another kind of Asian. Like was my ethnicity not good enough?
When I met my husband, he admitted that he was flirting with an East Asian woman before he met me and finds them attractive. I almost left him that day to avoid men who fetishize East Asian women, but he quickly said that yes he finds them attractive but he’s not actively seeking them and doesn’t have a race preference.
I’m working on my insecurities, and I have been honest with my husband about that, but that little thing he said about learning the language made just made me think again that maybe I’m not good enough and he’ll realize eventually that I’m not the kind of woman he likes. I told him about that this morning, he assured me that it was just a comment about learning the language, he’s not trading me for anything because he likes me as me.
This weird feeling is still brewing inside me and I can’t help but go back to what those 3 men had told me before. “You’re the right girl, but wrong kind of asian”. |
Date: October 3rd, 2025 8:19 PM Author: staring solemnly at your 263-game steam backlog "When I met my husband, he admitted that he was flirting with an East Asian woman before he met me and finds them attractive. I almost left him that day to avoid men who fetishize East Asian women, but he quickly said that yes he finds them attractive but he’s not actively seeking them and doesn’t have a race preference."
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