Marital Problems: Apocalyptic
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Poast new message in this thread
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Date: September 4th, 2023 6:48 AM Author: nubile garrison
Basically 1.3 years into marriage and 2 years after living together wife thinks my ADHD/aspie traits that she’s been asking me to work on (and tbh I haven’t been super diligent until recently) are too much and she worries that divorce is only way out
Basically I have until early December to shape up but she doesn’t think it’s likely
Main problem is she wants kids soon and doesn’t feel confident in my ability to cope so is worried that she can’t wait much longer
Here we goooo
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5399306&forum_id=2...id.#46752292) |
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Date: September 4th, 2023 7:12 AM Author: nubile garrison
Was the plan until very recently (yesterday) when she decided to put trying for kids on ice for now due to her concerns. Which, frankly, may be an improvement over “I’d been telling myself that if I didn’t get pregnant by end of year then it’s a sign from god about this marriage” which is one of the very very few utterly batshit things she’s ever said
. But at the same time she feels like her life is on hold now and that she could be running out of time biologically
Which is ridiculous but she is from small redneck Mormon town (not Mormon herself) and most of the people she knew got married and had kids way sooner (like 22 or whatever)
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5399306&forum_id=2...id.#46752333) |
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Date: September 4th, 2023 8:43 AM Author: vivacious boltzmann hospital
At least you are aware. The pain that awaits you will not be anything you’re equipped to deal with. Start seeing a shrink right now, for you. Avoid all marriage counseling. Consider the marriage over. Don’t even try to appease her. Being the “perfect happy husband” will only hurt you if you have some glimmer of hope of salvaging your marriage.
You really need to start focusing all your efforts on yourself and looking better, feeling better. She needs to feel like you don’t care at all. Whatever happens happens. C’est la vie. You should even fire up a dating app and test your chances. Do it in front of her. Laugh, even when it hurts too much to laugh.
If you fall into a depressed mess, she’ll 100% be leaving and thinking she got out before it was too late. Women are idiots.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5399306&forum_id=2...id.#46752549) |
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Date: September 4th, 2023 10:10 AM Author: Sienna School Cafeteria
you're both being selfish.
do it for the board
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5399306&forum_id=2...id.#46752683) |
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Date: September 4th, 2023 7:58 AM Author: nubile garrison
Ty
I’ve been working on that shit with a therapist and actually making good progress which is only reason I have any optimism
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5399306&forum_id=2...id.#46752469)
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Date: September 4th, 2023 7:42 AM Author: Bistre philosopher-king tanning salon
Women initiate power plays post marriage and especially post child
Find someone new
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5399306&forum_id=2...id.#46752423) |
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Date: September 4th, 2023 7:51 AM Author: Bistre philosopher-king tanning salon
It is shocking because they don’t do it consciously. You think you know someone by studying them before marriage , then they turn into nasty nitpicking cunts anyway and you ask yourself if you’re a terrible judge of character
Nope. Women’s brains just change after they get power. Getting out before kids would be a blessing because their power goes way up then (government mandated power because they know they can take you for alimony and child support and sympathy from family/friends). i guess find someone whose parents are still together so she has properly modeled relationships, but expect them to turn into a completely different and worse person once they have power regardless because this world is a Jewish hellscape where the societal incentives are all pushing for shattered families
Or try to make it work because women all suck, shrug
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5399306&forum_id=2...id.#46752445) |
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Date: September 4th, 2023 10:35 AM Author: Bistre philosopher-king tanning salon
these things all shift power dynamics more in favor of men:
1) have kids out of wedlock
2) have kids in a red state
3) have kids with a foreign woman in a foreign country
4) iron clad prenup
5) have kids with a woman whose parents are still married
But even then, uphill battle. I know a couple happy long-term married couples but it is rare
If already married, just suffer I guess
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5399306&forum_id=2...id.#46752768) |
Date: September 4th, 2023 7:53 AM Author: vivacious boltzmann hospital
Friend, she's trying to rationalize (and they can rationalize literally anything) why she's cheating and she's gaslighting you.
pepper thy angus
I'm sorry you're going through this.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5399306&forum_id=2...id.#46752448) |
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Date: September 4th, 2023 8:04 AM Author: Unholy old irish cottage
I just read what you wrote above, "I’d been telling myself that if I didn’t get pregnant by end of year then it’s a sign from god about this marriage” which is one of the very very few utterly batshit things she’s ever said"
And I need to be very clear with you.
Because you need a cold dose of reality.
This isn't batshit. She's telling you that she wants out. It's as rational as can be from a woman's perspective. You only think it's batshit because you are man, you made a vow and commitment and you've done nothing to wrong her, and you are having trouble understanding where this is coming from, given that you are the same person she married 15 months ago.
This marriage is over. Sorry you are going to have to deal with this. But it's over. Don't keep digging. Don't hold out hope that she will come around. Don't change who you are for her. It will never be enough. She will only find other things to be upset about. And God Forbid, if you introduce kids into this, she will foist that responsibility onto you and you will be stuck. You think it sucks now, stick it out for 2-3 more years and bring a newborn into it. Your life will be utter misery and if you are not willing to walk away now, you will not be willing to walk away while your kid(s) are young. Which means that you are looking a shitty home life until your early 50's.
Again, I am sorry that this is happening but your marriage is over.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5399306&forum_id=2...id.#46752487) |
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Date: September 4th, 2023 8:06 AM Author: nubile garrison
Thanks
I’m still in a bit of a denial phase but I appreciate the breakdown and a part of me feels the above is CR
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5399306&forum_id=2...id.#46752491)
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Date: September 4th, 2023 8:19 AM Author: Unholy old irish cottage
"I need to talk to you, about our marriage. You said that I need to make changes by December, and there's so much of me that really wants to make this work. But I can't ignore the reality of our relationship, which is that you are, already, extremely unhappy. This is supposed to be the easy part of the marriage, you know, the honeymoon phase. But you are already talking about ultimatums and signs from God. I can't fundamentally change who I am, and to tell you that I will try would only create a situation where you feel obligated to stick around and give it another chance. This is fair to anyone, not to you, not to me, and especially not to any kids that we might try to have. I love you, and it breaks my heart that we are already here, but the reality is, this marriage isn't going to work. We need to accept that fact now before it gets any worse."
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5399306&forum_id=2...id.#46752522) |
Date: September 4th, 2023 8:21 AM Author: Naked Magical Native
i mean, is being vaguely aspie and ADHD really irreconcilable differences...? taken at face value, that doesn't make any sense. she fell in love with and married a nerdy guy who is aspie and "ADHD" (whatever that means). nothing has changed since then, unless you are leaving something out
if you love her and want to be with her, then push through her resistance. start by asking her what the real problem is. you can't magically change being aspie, and she's smart enough to know that, so there's something else going on here
the actually worrisome part is that she wouldn't be talking about divorce if she didn't already have another guy in mind :-\ do you know who it is?
btw don't listen to these trolls who are saying your marriage is already over, jfc lol
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5399306&forum_id=2...id.#46752526) |
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Date: September 4th, 2023 8:37 AM Author: Naked Magical Native
saw this in the other thread: http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5399314&forum_id=2#46752335
she just wants you to be more attractive, lol. this doesn't have to do with being "aspie" or "ADHD" at all. she literally just wants you to be a more attractive and alpha and high status man, in every sense. which is reasonable and doable
lift weights for the posture, be more disciplined with the wardrobe and ask her for her advice on it, bring her to social circles where you're seen as high status, be more physically assertive and affectionate when you're with her in the evenings and she needs attention. and stop going to "therapy" jfc. how could a woman ever take a man who goes to "therapy" seriously
you should have put this in this original post btw. this entire thread and everyone's comments in it are rendered completely irrelevant by this new information
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5399306&forum_id=2...id.#46752543) |
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Date: September 4th, 2023 2:14 PM Author: clear dragon kitchen
No this is missing the point. "The dishes" and "housework" are not the issue. Women, especially religious or ex Mormon women, will gladly do the chores if their husband is a stud who hosts BBQs and brings home the bacon. The "ADHD" issue is likewise spurious.
He needs to get in shape, stop being an awkward dork, stop dressing like his mom dressed him in 8th grade, maintain basic grooming standards, be someone that other men respect in social gatherings, etc.
The real issue is that she is embarrassed of him in public. Solution for OP: stop being embarrassing and beta. Stop making snarky backbiting comments like an effeminate soiboi redditor.
Even if the marriage ends, this is necessary for future relationships. Even geeky introverted girls who seem like a better match want a man to be assertive and masculine and capable.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5399306&forum_id=2...id.#46753457) |
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Date: September 4th, 2023 9:25 AM Author: misunderstood hairy legs
Yeah, had in-law in similar situation although they had kids. Crazy wife’s parents had multiple marriages etc. She kicked him out (with a TRO, unlike dirte he didn’t go to jail lol), and then basically tried to demand he be “nicer” to her otherwise marriage was over.
Anyway, he held his ground mostly, and I guess she realized that she didn’t want her parents fucked up life / be a single mom (I’m guessing her mom was cheering on the divorce, which may have been a red flag) and they reconciled.
That being said he now maeks 7 figures so maybe try doing that as well
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5399306&forum_id=2...id.#46752612) |
Date: September 4th, 2023 8:25 AM Author: Trip mad-dog skullcap
Lol don't start taking your addy at night so you can do the dishes and listen to her bray about her day
She just sounds like an are country tart who's getting too big for her britches
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5399306&forum_id=2...id.#46752532) |
Date: September 4th, 2023 9:48 AM Author: Navy passionate brunch athletic conference
ADD meds are horrible in relationships. No one wants to live with some chatty Cathy one minute and somber low energy dweeb the next. You’re like 40 stop taking the drugs.
And everyone saying fuck her for asking you to do dishes is not in touch with todays reality. You aren’t going to change what millennial women expect and you have to simply accept doing some things you think a man shouldn’t have to do (dishes, diapers, etc.)
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5399306&forum_id=2...id.#46752649) |
Date: September 4th, 2023 10:13 AM Author: diverse spruce church filthpig
It's almost as people follow a script when they marry, sometimes having little connection with their own preference, and so marry for vanity or practicality or lust.
And yet the God who has knocked on our door a thousand times, and who has and will descend into the deepest recesses of our depraved humanity to find us again, asks only that we be honest with ourselves and with our partner about who we are and who they are.
Man fears this form of relation, a relation of duty not to a person but to the person behind all people, because it is a commitment not to desire but freedom. Yet only in freedom can desire be fulfilled. Only in freedom, in a love for the eternal, is there a possibility of true love of a person.
MPA look deep into who you are. Have you been honest with her about who you are? Have you been honest with yourself? Why did you marry her? Was it because of who she was?
I do not condone divorce except for cases of abuse. But you must both look deeply at each other. You must look to God, to find the innocent child of God in each other. You must look squarely without concern for sex or passion, but with courage, at who you both are before God.
Ask him to show you, and do this together. Lead your wife to this. Experience it with her. Do not relent to divorce. Love your wife for who she is. If you don't know who she is, now is the time to find out. And you cannot be afraid of what you find. Only then will she find who you are, and will you both find yourselves in marriage under God.
You are made strong in Christ and your marriage will stand or fall on your willingness to find your wife in him too.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5399306&forum_id=2...id.#46752694) |
Date: September 4th, 2023 10:21 AM Author: bipolar lay crotch
absolutely do NOT impregnate. You will love your child more than anything you can comprehend right now, and your wife will exploit this. you will lose decades.
do NOT impregnate at all costs
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5399306&forum_id=2...id.#46752717) |
Date: September 4th, 2023 10:54 AM Author: Sienna School Cafeteria
you're a bitch.
first step to solving the problem is to identify it.
she and everything you've said in this thread about specifics has nothing to do with it.
start at the beginning. it's the very best place to start.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5399306&forum_id=2...id.#46752808) |
Date: September 4th, 2023 1:38 PM Author: ocher hell
brother literally no one on this website can offer you any advice and I mean that from the bottom of my heart. None of us know you despite how much we might act like we do.
To the extent that you're just looking for a listening or mildly sympathetic ear this website is fine, provided you don't also mind being called gay and retarded. To the extent that you're looking for a path out no one here can even hazard a guess.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5399306&forum_id=2...id.#46753302) |
Date: September 4th, 2023 3:54 PM Author: Olive mexican cruise ship
Women are insane.
Just do something nice for her, and she will chill out.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5399306&forum_id=2...id.#46753808) |
Date: September 4th, 2023 5:07 PM Author: Swashbuckling doobsian internal respiration people who are hurt
First, it’s probably best not to make a divorce decision based on the boards advice.
Second, have you both gone to see your pastor and talked about this? What’s your prayer life like? You need to pray first, then go seek advice from a Christian advisor.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5399306&forum_id=2...id.#46754058) |
Date: September 4th, 2023 9:42 PM Author: sable weed whacker therapy
i could link you my trite marriage advice -- http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4118025&forum_id=2#37123292 -- but frankly it may be an issue of selection and nothing in that poast should be news for you anyway. in any case, letting her control things with ultimatums is untenable, and you should never give her the relational control of being more willing to walk away.
I hope it works out for you brother
do you find the ADHD medication to be detrimental to you personality? what specific behaviors have so upset her?
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5399306&forum_id=2...id.#46754988) |
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Date: September 10th, 2023 9:49 AM Author: vivacious boltzmann hospital
It’s too late MPA.
If she’s not with someone else, she’s already moved on mentally.
Anything you do from this point forward that you think will help your marriage, will likely tank it further. Keep lifting for you, not for her.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5399306&forum_id=2...id.#46778337) |
Date: September 9th, 2023 8:59 AM Author: flickering odious corn cake den
If your calling this apocalyptic you haven't been reading the marriage threads here the past decade
Best of luck to you though. Maybe Propose Anal?
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5399306&forum_id=2...id.#46774514) |
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Date: May 11th, 2025 9:08 PM Author: nubile garrison
yeah it's me
idk we tried 'therapy' for about 6 months and didn't get anywhere
i have a 180 life now and a 180 gf and am thriving and she's on the other side of the country
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5399306&forum_id=2...id.#48922612) |
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