Rating poasters based on their writing talent and ability
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Poast new message in this thread
Date: May 24th, 2026 12:42 PM Author: OldHLSDude
A true story as related by my barber:
“He was just a big ol’ pet,” said Charlie while he shaved my neck. “That big old black snake lived over in the yard at the hotel for years. Why, people would pet him and feed him. You could pick him up and carry him around on your shoulders and he just loved it. But I reckon he got restless, and one day he decided to move down the street to Miss Mabel’s house, next door to mine. Miss Mabel didn’t care for him one bit, and when he laid on her front porch all day one day Miss Mabel nearly wet her pants because she was afraid to go in her own house to use the bathroom until he got cold late in the day and finally moved.
“So Miss Mabel called me,” Charlie said while snipping his scissors over my eyebrows, “and asked me if I could come down and get that snake and take him somewhere else. So I went down, picked him up and took him back to the hotel. Well, it wasn’t a day before he was back at Miss Mabel’s and I had to go get him again. Well, this time I took him across the main highway and dumped him in the woods. I thought he’d never make it back across the road, but in two days Miss Mabel was on the phone with me again.
“This went on for most of the summer,” Charlie said, stirring up a storm of talcum power around my neck, “and I was starting to get tired of that big old black snake. So one afternoon I was mowing my yard on my riding lawn mower when my wife calls out to me, ‘Charlie, come over here and pick up this big old limb before you run over it with the mower.’ So I go over there on the mower and see right away it’s not no limb, but that big old snake. I don’t know what come over me. It was like a red haze over my eyes. I was so mad at that damned snake. I had wasted seemed like half the summer picking him up and hauling him around, so I ran over him with the mower. I never knew a snake was so full of guts. That lawn mower slit him open down the belly just like a surgeon would have done. Blood and snake guts got all over my mower deck, and I had to clean it up later, and it spit his big ol’ black skin out all in one piece without a mark on it, except for the long slice up his belly, of course.
“Charlie,” I asked, “Did you save the skin?”
“No,” he said, “I didn’t want any reminder of that snake. All he did was cause me trouble. I just throwed it over the fence into Miss Mabel’s yard. I never heard nothin’ about that. I guess even Miss Mabel can tell a live snake from a dead one.
“Now don’t go telling anybody this story,” Charlie said. “This here is a college town, and these folks are probably all opposed to killing snakes. I’d sure hate to lose business over that damned snake.”
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5868673&forum_id=2...id.#49898241)
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