KRAMER: Globohomo. It's the unholy alliance between global capitalism and woke leftists.

JERRY: Oh shut up, that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

KRAMER: Jerry, they're trying to indoctrinate our kids!

JERRY: You don't have kids!

[laughter]

ELAINE: They tried to indoctrinate me once.

JERRY: You?

ELAINE: Me.

JERRY: Well, what happened?

ELAINE: Let's just say I refused to participate in mandatory DEI training and got canceled.

[laughter]

KRAMER: You know my friend Bob Sacamano? He says January 6th was a false flag operation. False flag!

GEORGE: January 6th? What was that even about, anyway?

ELAINE: They attacked the Capitol, George.

GEORGE: Big deal.

[laughter]

JERRY: Oh great, look who's here.

NEWMAN: Hello Jerry.

JERRY: Hello Newman.

[laughter]

NEWMAN: It is my duty as a United States postal worker to inform you that you are under investigation for seditious acts against the government.

JERRY: What are you talking about?

NEWMAN: Did you or did you not browse an alt-right website on your phone last week?

JERRY: I really don't know what you're talking about.

NEWMAN: We have a record of it right here, take a look.

JERRY: Okay, maybe I did. What are you going to do about it?

NEWMAN: There, uh, will be a small fine.

[laughter]

GEORGE: What do you even do, Newman?

NEWMAN: I work for the United States Postal Service.

GEORGE: I know, but when do you actually work?

NEWMAN: Are you making a threat against a federal employee?

KRAMER: See, George? They're coming for you, too!

NEWMAN: I would advise both of you to cease and desist before you violate section 158(b) of the United States Code, a direct threat against a federal employee.

ELAINE: What are you gonna do, Newman? Put him in post office jail?

[laughter]

NEWMAN: This is no laughing matter.

[JERRY and GEORGE and KRAMER are taken into custody by the FBI the next day and sent to Supermax West, a federal prison outside Denver where they are currently awaiting trial on charges of treason and sedition.]

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5247424&forum_id=2...id.#45586537)

Evan's still got it.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5247424&forum_id=2...id.#45587333)

[JERRY looks at the way GEORGE is eating is lunch, filled with disgust.]

JERRY, exasperated: What are you doing?

GEORGE: What?

JERRY: Who eats peas like this?

GEORGE: What do you mean?

JERRY: You have a fork. You could use that to stab the peas. You have a spoon. You could use that to scoop the peas. And yet here you are, scooping with a fork!

GEORGE: The spoon picks up too many!

*beat*

GEORGE gestures over to a an elderly man in glasses, pacing around slowly, clearly confused.

GEORGE: So uh, who's the new fish?

JERRY, impatient: "New fish?"

GEORGE: Yeah, you know, a new inmate.

JERRY: *beat* I know what 'new fish' means. Why are you talking like that?

GEORGE: Like what?

JERRY: That. Like you're in The Wire. *pause, derisively* New fish.

GEORGE, lowering his voice: You, uh, think he's one of ours?

JERRY: One of ours?

GEORGE: Yeah, one of ours.

JERRY: Whose 'ours'?

GEORGE: Ours 'ours'.

JERRY: And who is ours?

GEORGE: You know. Insurrectionists.

JERRY, flummoxed: Oh my God. George, for the last time, you sending me a link that says 'check this out' and sending me a video of some blonde woman who happened to be speaking a language that neither of us speaks, and you commenting 'Wherever you go, I will follow' beneath the video does not make us insurrectionists.

GEORGE: You liked the comment!

JERRY: I WAS TRYING TO DELETE IT!

Guard, in the distance: "QUIET!"

*beat*

GEORGE, lowering his voice: So, do you think he was there?

JERRY: Yeah, I guess so. I think everyone here was except us.

GEORGE, excited: Oh man! Should I go meet him? How do I look?

JERRY: How, do, you, look?

GEORGE, apprehensively: Yeah, I feel like this jumpsuit makes me look short and kind of round.

JERRY, sneering: Yeah, that's what's doing it.

GEORGE: Should I go say hello?

JERRY: *beat* Do you think he can hear you?

GEORGE: He's a hero to our cause!

JERRY: To our CAUSE?

GEORGE: Yes!

JERRY: And what cause is that?

GEORGE: Liberation!

JERRY: Liberation from what?

GEORGE: From this prison!

JERRY: So what does that make him, our lawyer? *beat* Hero to our cause. Focus on scooping, pea-brain.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5247424&forum_id=2...id.#48042005)

How did I miss this xoxogold?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5247424&forum_id=2...id.#48042348)

Kramer: Huh? Well, it symbolizes our persecution.

George: Then...shouldn't YOU be wearing the bucket?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5247424&forum_id=2...id.#45587274)

KRAMER: Oh, well.. I decided I'm not gonna do it.

JERRY: (Sarcastically) Really? What a shock. So, when do I get my dinner?

KRAMER: There's no dinner. The bet's off. I'm not gonna do it.

JERRY: Yes. I know you're not gonna do it. That's why I bet.

KRAMER: There's not bet if I'm not doing it.

JERRY: That's the bet! That you're not doing it!

KRAMER: Yeah, well, I could do it. I don't want to do it.

JERRY: We didn't bet on if you wanted to. We bet on if it would be done.

KRAMER: And it could be done.

JERRY: Well, of course it could be done! Anything could be done! But it only is done if it's done. Show me election being overturned! The bet was that Biden wouldn't be president!

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5247424&forum_id=2...id.#45587285)

Jerry: Jamarius. You haven’t met Jamarius. What the heck kind of name is Jamarius anyway? It’s like you’re saying “hey. I mean, hey…would ya marry us?”

Kramer: Throw his ass out. He's a nigger! He's a nigger! He's a nigger! A nigger, look, there's a nigger!

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5247424&forum_id=2...id.#45587430)

Write the script for a Seinfeld episode where Kramer joins the Alt Right.

[The episode opens in Jerry's apartment. Jerry and George are sitting on the couch, talking.]

Jerry: So, what have you been up to lately?

George: Not much. Just the same old thing.

[Kramer enters, wearing a T-shirt with the Alt Right logo on it.]

Kramer: Hey, guys.

Jerry: Hey, Kramer. What's with the shirt?

Kramer: I just got back from a meeting with the Alt Right. They invited me to join, and I said yes.

Jerry: What?! Why would you do that?

Kramer: I don't know. I thought it would be fun.

George: Fun? Have you lost your mind? Do you know anything about the Alt Right?

Kramer: Yeah, I read some stuff online. Really interesting stuff.

Jerry: That's a bad idea, Kramer.

Kramer: Come on, it can't be that bad.

Jerry: Trust me, it is.

[Jerry and George try to convince Kramer to leave the Alt Right, but Kramer is determined to stay. Later, Kramer arrives at an Alt Right rally. There are racist chants and banners as far as the eye can see. Kramer is horrified and quickly leaves. He goes back to Jerry's apartment.]

Kramer: I can't believe I almost became one of them.

George: We told you so.

Kramer: Yeah, I know. I'm sorry.

Jerry: Don't worry about it. Just be more careful next time.

[They all laugh and the scene ends.]

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5247424&forum_id=2...id.#45622303)

Jerry: What? You actually stocked your fridge?

Kramer: Don't be silly, you're still shopping for three [pulls out various items from Jerry's fridge and leaves them on the counter, takes big bite from an apple]

George: What did you do?

Kramer: I joined the Alt-Right.

George: the Alt-Right?

Kramer: the Alt-Right!

Elaine: I once dated an Alt-Righter. They're all crazy. Even worse than the communists.

Kramer: No, no you got it all wrong. You've fallen for the propaganda.

Jerry: Really, the Alt-Right?

Kramer: Well they had a free breakfast. And if I come back tomorrow I think I'll get a lunch too.

Jerry: You know they want to overthrow the Government?

Kramer: Just the current Government, they were fine with the last one.

George: You're not going to try to overthrow the Government? I can't testify at your trial. The last time I testified I almost committed perjury.

Jerry: It's not perjury if you believe it to be true.

Elaine: Does that work?

Jerry: Maybe not, but it sounds good.

Kramer: so you really think the Alt-Right is a bad idea?

Jerry: I thought Alt-Rock was a bad idea.

[End Scene]

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5247424&forum_id=2...id.#45622677)