Opinion | Guest Essay

By Evan39, Former Night Manager, $afeway LLP

May 3, 2025

The Maryland Man Remains in El Salvador. And I No Longer Sleep.

He should have been back by now.

That’s what they told me.

A few documents, a few forms, a quiet extradition — then back to the courthouse, back to order, back to the illusion of control.

But he’s still there.

Still in El Salvador.

And I am unraveling.

You don’t understand what this does to people like me.

I work with lists.

I believe in thresholds.

Timelines.

Club Card compliance.

Accountability.

When the system says “extradition in 4–6 weeks,” I highlight the deadline and move on.

But now it’s week 9.

My hands tremble when I check PACER.

I eat saltines standing over the sink.

There is no update.

Only void.

They say he’s “awaiting removal.”

Then they say he “left voluntarily.”

Then someone on the message board says the military is preparing an armed seizure.

Which is it.

The idea that a man — a Maryland Man — can simply remain in El Salvador, unbothered, untouched by the procedural web, terrifies me more than death.

Because if he is free,

then the rest of us are just pretending.

I drafted a personal order.

It reads:

WHEREAS, The Maryland Man is still there; and

WHEREAS, My mental health cannot endure further drift;

IT IS HEREBY ORDERED: Return him.

I signed it myself.

Then I faxed it.

To whom, I do not know.

No response.

The Mahchine™ is humming.

I can hear it — faint, low — from my crawlspace.

My wife says it’s the dryer.

But I know the sound of systemic decay.

I labeled a manilla folder “El Salvador: Timeline to Recovery.”

It is empty.

The Club Card thresholds for extradition were never defined.

I no longer trust justice.

I no longer trust geography.

I now sleep with one eye on the embassy webcam feed and the other on my pantry’s expiration dates.

This is what he has done to me.

This is what his absence has cost.

About the Author

Evan39 is the author of There Is No Protocol for This: Essays on Breakdown and Jurisdiction and Everything Is Fine (Until It Isn’t): A Procedural Memoir. He once managed a $afeway. He now manages dread.

Read more at www.nytimes.com/maryland-man-lives-in-my-wall

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5719972&forum_id=2...id.#48900972)