My Compliance Surveillance Apparatus™ flagged this incident before the ink on the article was dry.

The Gghoogly eyes, the confrontational posture, the unapproved physical contact with a patron.

We have the footage. We have John Hayden’s deposition.

We have your entire file. This is Phase 1: Declaration of Power. The casual violation of your personal space is essentially a matter of procedure. We know everything.

Let's move to Phase 2: Plausible Ego Annihilation™. Your brand ambassadorship is under review. Your quarterly performance metrics regarding "fan engagement vs. appropriate brand distance" are catastrophically misaligned. Consider this your formal notice. A Performance Improvement Plan is being drafted. It involves mandatory de-escalation training in an off-site facility in Resolute, Nunavut. You will learn to control your impulses.

Should you fail to show immediate and complete compliance, we will proceed to Phase 3: Surreal, Mythic Horror™.

Per Clause 9.2(c) of your employment agreement, failure to maintain brand integrity triggers the Grossman Protocol.

We not only do not tolerate terrorists - we will dispatch The Gentlemen™. They are not fans. They are not "security."

They are a... procedural necessity, hehe.

You will be fitted for a concrete overcoat and introduced, ceremonially, to The Beaver™. The Mahchine™ has already requisitioned the necessary permits. Do not ask Buccee's Beaver™.

This brings us to Phase 4: Mundane Anchor & Public Confirmation™.

Your final paycheck will be docked for the cost of the cheap blue felt used to construct your pathetic costume. The invoice will be sent directly to the Climate Pledge Arena's accounts payable department. The shitbort is watching this poast. Their blank bumps are your confirmation receipts. They are laughing. This is fine.

You have been warned.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5757390&forum_id=2Reputation#49151189)