ITT: Examples of BIGLAW Beta Gotcha!
| mildly autistic casino | 07/07/13 | | Magical Haunting Headpube | 07/08/13 | | Curious outnumbered center mexican | 07/06/20 | | self-centered dilemma telephone | 07/07/13 | | mildly autistic casino | 07/07/13 | | swollen judgmental hospital hissy fit | 07/08/13 | | histrionic codepig striped hyena | 07/08/13 | | Lavender Zombie-like Voyeur | 07/08/13 | | swashbuckling sanctuary | 07/08/13 | | razzle nibblets roommate | 03/16/17 | | mildly autistic casino | 07/08/13 | | hyperactive bull headed turdskin parlour | 07/08/13 | | Chrome Vibrant Corner | 07/09/13 | | Brindle diverse home idiot | 07/09/13 | | Yapping Peach Trailer Park | 05/31/14 | | Beady-eyed fuchsia stead faggotry | 06/25/17 | | balding principal's office | 03/18/17 | | Lavender Zombie-like Voyeur | 07/08/13 | | Indigo Vivacious Cuckold | 07/08/13 | | Bat-shit-crazy psychic | 07/08/13 | | red cracking whorehouse | 07/08/13 | | Startled business firm trust fund | 07/09/13 | | impertinent shrine | 05/31/14 | | Yapping Peach Trailer Park | 07/08/13 | | pungent sable gas station | 07/08/13 | | citrine nursing home ape | 07/08/13 | | mildly autistic casino | 07/08/13 | | nudist abusive hall karate | 05/31/14 | | razzle nibblets roommate | 03/16/17 | | Dashing boltzmann | 05/31/14 | | Hyperventilating orchestra pit | 07/08/13 | | mildly autistic casino | 07/08/13 | | Appetizing insanely creepy legend | 07/10/13 | | razzle nibblets roommate | 03/16/17 | | pungent sable gas station | 07/08/13 | | flushed pontificating kitty pit | 07/08/13 | | mildly autistic casino | 07/08/13 | | charismatic genital piercing | 07/08/13 | | swashbuckling sanctuary | 07/08/13 | | red cracking whorehouse | 07/08/13 | | Curious outnumbered center mexican | 08/22/20 | | Dashing boltzmann | 07/08/13 | | pungent sable gas station | 07/09/13 | | mildly autistic casino | 07/08/13 | | Ruddy Exciting National Security Agency Stage | 07/10/13 | | Magenta Circlehead School | 07/10/13 | | Curious outnumbered center mexican | 08/22/20 | | flushed pontificating kitty pit | 07/08/13 | | Hyperventilating orchestra pit | 07/09/13 | | Lascivious Honey-headed Property Cuckoldry | 07/09/13 | | maniacal lay halford | 03/16/17 | | navy ceo | 06/25/17 | | Adulterous spot | 06/02/14 | | razzle nibblets roommate | 03/16/17 | | Dashing boltzmann | 07/08/13 | | swashbuckling sanctuary | 07/08/13 | | Dashing boltzmann | 07/08/13 | | mildly autistic casino | 07/08/13 | | passionate community account range | 06/27/17 | | titillating ocher death wish | 07/09/13 | | Mauve House-broken Parlor Double Fault | 07/09/13 | | Chrome Vibrant Corner | 07/09/13 | | cobalt theatre | 07/09/13 | | splenetic therapy | 06/02/14 | | garnet fanboi ladyboy | 07/09/13 | | Dashing boltzmann | 07/09/13 | | razzmatazz flickering resort | 07/09/13 | | pungent sable gas station | 07/09/13 | | Nighttime disturbing cruise ship incel | 07/09/13 | | Primrose Trip Market | 07/09/13 | | Iridescent angry quadroon | 07/09/13 | | Twisted Coldplay Fan | 05/30/14 | | Obsidian Stimulating Rehab | 07/09/13 | | Obsidian Stimulating Rehab | 07/09/13 | | Coral underhanded locus | 07/09/13 | | Dashing boltzmann | 07/09/13 | | Coral underhanded locus | 07/09/13 | | pungent sable gas station | 07/09/13 | | Coral underhanded locus | 07/09/13 | | Magenta Circlehead School | 07/10/13 | | free-loading native persian | 07/16/13 | | razzmatazz flickering resort | 07/09/13 | | Dashing boltzmann | 07/09/13 | | flushed pontificating kitty pit | 07/09/13 | | razzmatazz flickering resort | 07/09/13 | | Indecent Ivory Space | 05/31/14 | | pungent sable gas station | 07/09/13 | | Autistic pocket flask | 07/10/13 | | cobalt theatre | 07/10/13 | | snowy useless brakes volcanic crater | 07/10/13 | | cobalt theatre | 07/10/13 | | Autistic pocket flask | 07/10/13 | | razzmatazz flickering resort | 07/10/13 | | nudist abusive hall karate | 05/31/14 | | Magenta Circlehead School | 07/10/13 | | Autistic pocket flask | 07/10/13 | | razzmatazz flickering resort | 07/10/13 | | Autistic pocket flask | 07/10/13 | | razzmatazz flickering resort | 07/10/13 | | Supple brunch french chef | 05/31/14 | | Milky library gay wizard | 05/30/14 | | Embarrassed To The Bone Temple | 05/31/14 | | Twisted Coldplay Fan | 05/31/14 | | Zippy Lemon Party Of The First Part People Who Are Hurt | 05/31/14 | | fragrant pale organic girlfriend bawdyhouse | 06/02/14 | | Embarrassed To The Bone Temple | 05/31/14 | | Bat-shit-crazy psychic | 05/31/14 | | nudist abusive hall karate | 05/31/14 | | nudist abusive hall karate | 06/27/17 | | nudist abusive hall karate | 05/31/14 | | sickened university | 05/31/14 | | copper public bath police squad | 05/31/14 | | mildly autistic casino | 05/31/14 | | Transparent violent degenerate | 06/01/14 | | mildly autistic casino | 06/01/14 | | flushed pontificating kitty pit | 06/01/14 | | Bisexual Disgusting Office | 06/01/14 | | Transparent violent degenerate | 06/02/14 | | useless racy lodge | 06/02/14 | | razzle nibblets roommate | 03/16/17 | | Supple brunch french chef | 05/31/14 | | fantasy-prone fat ankles | 05/31/14 | | Bat-shit-crazy psychic | 05/31/14 | | Bisexual Disgusting Office | 06/01/14 | | useless racy lodge | 06/02/14 | | Galvanic den | 06/01/14 | | flushed pontificating kitty pit | 06/01/14 | | Bisexual Disgusting Office | 06/01/14 | | Cerebral Gaped Garrison Macaca | 06/01/14 | | Cerebral Gaped Garrison Macaca | 06/01/14 | | coiffed painfully honest selfie | 06/01/14 | | flushed pontificating kitty pit | 03/16/17 | | godawful theater stage prole | 06/02/14 | | Bateful Doctorate | 03/16/17 | | boyish abode yarmulke | 03/16/17 | | effete meetinghouse | 03/16/17 | | 180 violet chapel becky | 03/16/17 | | Curious outnumbered center mexican | 03/18/17 | | razzle nibblets roommate | 03/19/17 | | Curious outnumbered center mexican | 06/25/17 | | Curious outnumbered center mexican | 03/18/17 | | Curious outnumbered center mexican | 03/18/17 | | Contagious drunken jewess state | 03/19/17 | | bespoke church building | 06/27/17 |
Poast new message in this thread
Date: July 7th, 2013 11:24 PM Author: mildly autistic casino Subject: Beta Gotcha!
In response to today's Biglaw thread, ITT we discuss every partner's favorite game:
Partner sends group of associates a draft of a brief that he claims is in "near final" form and asks them to "glance" over it to make sure there are no major problems. Associates respond with "looks good" and maybe a few small typos (abbreviate case names, un-italicize commas, etc.).
Somehow partner comes to realize that one of the case citations misconstrues the case, and sends the group an email about how he is "troubled by the fact that no one managed to catch this very fundamental error. In the future, please be more careful."
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#23565558) |
Date: July 8th, 2013 12:02 AM Author: Lavender Zombie-like Voyeur
*sends email outlining 450 changes he would like to document*
*could have just made the changes in 1/3rd the time*
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#23565885) |
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Date: May 31st, 2014 2:23 PM Author: nudist abusive hall karate
"We're trying to keep the bill down, so let's just focus on X for now and not spend too much time."
(three days later)
"How did you not realize we also had to address Y? This is sloppy and incomplete work. I expect a better product ready for me to review by 9:00 am."
(three weeks later)
"Can you resend that doc? I'm ready to review now."
*kills self*
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#25662485) |
Date: July 8th, 2013 11:00 AM Author: Hyperventilating orchestra pit
Beta Gotcha is a good name for this. Of course it's not just work stuff, it's any casual conversation as well.
- Always looking for some smarmy point to make, ideally one that finds some tiny flaw in a word that the other person uttered. As soon as the point is made, become visibly overwhelmed with smug self-satisfaction and make an exit if possible.
- Come into an interaction with a prepared quip like "well double check everything, given your track record on this project!" This remark in your pocket is like a raging boner (clitoral erection if female) and uttering it is an exciting orgasmic release.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#23567414) |
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Date: July 8th, 2013 11:38 PM Author: mildly autistic casino
yeah, don't know where the poster in the other thread got it from, but it is amazing.
"well double check everything, given your track record on this project!"
i lol'd.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#23572603) |
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Date: July 10th, 2013 10:06 AM Author: Appetizing insanely creepy legend Subject: So fucking many...
- Nasty senior associate bitch with "mentoring" responsibilities during corporate leadership event. Question: "So you have talked a lot today about motivating junior employees and letting them understand the impact of their work. Could you talk instead about letting them know you don't like them or their work." Admittedly, one partner made a visible fucking gasp.
- Same person also marshaled several secretaries to give unsolicited reviews to people through the formal partnership feedback process, which repeated the same stock criticisms over and over again (the fucking admins were dumb enough to cut and paste her suggestions).
- Finding "errors" in work that are material disagreements of fact within the firm and that may demonstrate little to no knowledge of what the fuck your subordinates do day-to-day, and then seeking a "definitive" answer from some alpha as fuck associate with zero relationship to the question at hand to avoid discussing the matter like an adult.
- Partners insinuating their vacations to St. Lucia etc. are really business in order to make associates feel they are always working, when in reality the business consisted of one round of golf with another partner for leisure.
- Demanding the details of your national holiday / long weekend activities when no one at the firm worked. Proceeds to mention you take a lot of vacation if you say you spent like a night in the Hamptons with your parents (reality: took two real days off in my first two years).
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#23581745) |
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Date: March 16th, 2017 4:04 PM Author: razzle nibblets roommate
- Nasty senior associate bitch with "mentoring" responsibilities during corporate leadership event. Question: "So you have talked a lot today about motivating junior employees and letting them understand the impact of their work. Could you talk instead about letting them know you don't like them or their work." Admittedly, one partner made a visible fucking gasp.
LOL. Expound, brother.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#32845292) |
Date: July 8th, 2013 11:04 AM Author: pungent sable gas station
My favorite...
Partner: Send me just a very brief memo/rough draft on X and we'll see if we want to look into this further. Don't spend too much on it.
Me: *Slaps something together in a few hours.*
Partner comes into office 2 hrs later, shuts door, red ink ALL over my memo: This kind of thing really fucking pisses me off. It's like you didn't even read your own work. There are typos and awkward sentences. And it's not very extensive, either. Please do an extensive re-write of this.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#23567435) |
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Date: July 8th, 2013 11:39 PM Author: flushed pontificating kitty pit
lololol 180
or the recent variation I encountered:
"Draw up X. Just copy and paste from Y. No changes. It's the same thing."
The next morning:
"What the fuck is this. I can't tell any difference between X and Y. Where is your creativity? Where is the nuance?"
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#23572605) |
Date: July 8th, 2013 11:41 PM Author: flushed pontificating kitty pit
*sends partner draft of a document 2-3 weeks before due date*
*gives partner frequent email and in-person reminders to review the document*
*partner emails at 3 PM on the day the document is due: "I see a typo." It is a 60 page document. There is no further guidance given. Nothing shows up on spellcheck, grammar check, and proofreads by 2 other associates*
*it is a single semicolon that he believes COULD have been a comma, found after 2 hours and 13 emails back and forth*
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#23572637) |
Date: July 8th, 2013 11:46 PM Author: Dashing boltzmann
The one that drives me bonkers is when I come to a point where I can do X or Y and both seem pretty good. I think really hard about it and I research the upsides and downsides to both and the I make a decision and choose one way that I think best fits our situation. I literally agonize over what's best.
Then I give to the partner and he's like, "Why would you do X when Y is clearly the right answer. You need to THINK about these things before you do them."
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#23572686)
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Date: July 9th, 2013 1:37 AM Author: titillating ocher death wish
Not the same thing, but this one always bugs me.
*Weekend email, I'm away from computer.*
*Partner or sr assoc emails about a conference call - "Send an outlook invite as soon as possible."
WTF, you are in Outlook sending the email, why the fuck can you not just take the 30 seconds and send out the invite? Should I also wash your hands for you when you use the bathroom? Can I expect an email asking me to open your door when it's time for you to get lunch?
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#23573457) |
Date: July 9th, 2013 1:45 AM Author: garnet fanboi ladyboy
One time one of our clients called me (low level associate) freaking out about something and wanting a conference call with partner asap. Apparently partner wasn't answering his calls or emails. I tried him several different ways, by text, email, phone, etc. Nothing. Finally he shows up 2 hours later and I ask where he was. He tells me he was having a "long lunch" with some hot young girl he's seeing. I then tell him what's up with the client.
He gets on the phone and it goes like this:
Partner: Hey, Client, sorry about the delay getting back to you
Client: Where the hell were you all day?
Partner: I'm sorry, i told [Dginobili Unchained] I was at a charity event earlier, but he must have forgot to tell you that. [complete horseshit btw]
me: X_X
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#23573505) |
Date: July 9th, 2013 9:21 AM Author: Coral underhanded locus
It drives me up the wall when you ask a partner a general timeframe to turn something around and they reply with something like "oh no rush at all, I don't want to ruin your weekend or anything. I'm not some Monster!" Partner chuckles and tells you midday Monday is fine, even though its Friday afternoon and he just gave you 20 hours worth of shit to do.
I have one partner who can't figure out how attachments work. He sent me something to change, no document attached. I email him back saying its not attached and instead of just attaching it he send me and email saying it must be something with my computer, call it support. 30 min later partner emails you again, with the doc attached this time, and then says "we are already behind the ball here so I'm going to need this back in [some unreasonable timeframe]. "
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#23574175)
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Date: May 31st, 2014 2:16 PM Author: nudist abusive hall karate
Honestly, I do just to avoid the type of shit you described.
I just finished getting yelled at for copying and pasting some summaries into another summary. Counsel told me to do so. Partner yelled at me for doing so.
LOVE THIS JOB LOVE IT
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#25662465) |
Date: May 31st, 2014 12:19 AM Author: Embarrassed To The Bone Temple
Not gotcha, but infuriating. One junior partner at our firm always has tight deadlines on his projects. "Need this tomorrow" type shit. All the time, it means people work all weekend or work on holidays.
Invariably, the dude will come up to you 3 weeks after you sent him the completed work on the "I need this tomorrow" assignment, and he'll ask if you've finished it yet.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#25660406) |
Date: May 31st, 2014 2:12 PM Author: nudist abusive hall karate
I left at 8:30 pm once after hearing nothing from the deal team for a few hours. Wasn't supposed to close that week - we had about two weeks until closing. Nothing frantic that day. Just a normal day at the office.
The senior associate (crazy person trying to make partner) called me 5 or 6 times that night after I left to ASK ME IF I HAD MADE ONE CHANGE. Senior could have just opened the document on the system to check. But no. Senior called 5-6 times instead.
Senior never left a voicemail because that would have meant i would receive an email telling me about the voicemail and I would have figured out senior was looking for me. Senior never sent an email for the same reason. Just called, let it ring, then hung up. 5 or 6 times.
Then the next day senior sent me an email, copying the partner, saying "I called you [x] times last night. Were you still in the office with [other team member] and I?"
Lol.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#25662444) |
Date: May 31st, 2014 4:22 PM Author: fantasy-prone fat ankles
Partner asks me to file a motion in an area I'm totally unfamiliar with, and I let him know that fact. He says they are desperate and also need it ASAP, and I can just rely on two samples that he sends me. He also tells me that to keep costs down I can't do any research, and that the cases in the samples should be fine.
He calls me multiple times that day checking up on my progress. I heavily rely on the two samples, never directly copying but following the format, rewording things and relying on the same case law (which I do look at to make sure it's not obviously bad/unhelpful).
Turn it in early the next morning. I get a call and get yelled at for not doing research, because the cases cited in the brief I sent were not directly on-point or otherwise "not good enough." He says that I relied too much on the samples and that I was "basically plagiarizing" and he'd be ashamed if the motion got highlighted by the ALR or something, asking me how it would look for the firm. (WTF?) Someone else was tasked with redrafting the "urgent" motion, and that associate asked me for the samples sent by the partner!
Weeks later, on a separate matter and in a meeting in front of other associates, I got chewed out for this event. It was bizarre but I just stared and pretended I was just a character in a really boring movie.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#25663025) |
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Date: June 1st, 2014 11:28 PM Author: Bisexual Disgusting Office
Your mistake was to rely on this poor advice of "just use the template and do minimal research". That is always code for "let me tell you what NOT to do so you can get screwed later".
Your job was to say "ok" then research the heck out of that area as much as you could using Google or free legal research sources, or CLE (doesnt your firm subscribe to free online CLE??!). Then spend 5 hours carefully crafting an analytical memo that went beyond what was asked for in your assignment.
Thats why they are paying you the big bucks. *smh*
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#25670808) |
Date: June 1st, 2014 1:53 PM Author: Galvanic den
I work with a partner on a memo that takes about three days to research and write. He calls me to say it is great, he has no changes, and I did an excellent job. He's not in my practice group and I don't normally work with him, and I am pleasantly surprised by the experience. I don't work with him again because I'm tied up on other projects.
Six months later, I have my annual review. Everything is going fine, until they get to this partner's evaluation. Says that I clearly don't meet the firm's standards, and gives a bunch of specific examples of projects that I never worked on. He clearly had confused me with another associate. I email and call him to clarify, and he never gets back to me. So I have this terrible evaluation in my file, and he can't bother to admit that he screwed up.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#25667756) |
Date: June 1st, 2014 2:11 PM Author: Cerebral Gaped Garrison Macaca
midlevel shrew - gives me assignment friday night - she felt bad about it, it was unavoidable. she told me to find all communications b/t counsel and client regarding two memos. i ask, "what about the 3rd memo." she says - don't worry about that, we'll treat it as a separate project.
yesterday - knock out the assignment, make clear i'm only doing it for the two memos, ie, "i found 20 docs for memo 1 and 25 for memo 2."
today - did you do it for the 3rd memo?
i respond - no, you told me that was a separate project.
she - sends super bitchy email that makes zero sense about how the interaction was.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#25667850)
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Date: June 1st, 2014 2:59 PM Author: Cerebral Gaped Garrison Macaca
UPDATE:
we don't even have the emails from the time frame she wanted me to look at.
WHAT A STUPID SHREW.
i am discount double-checking around my apartment right now.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#25668064) |
Date: June 2nd, 2014 2:39 PM Author: godawful theater stage prole
At my old firm:
Partner: *calls me* CCSpecial. I am sending you a director questionnaire (about 30 pages, with 15 or so just full of dense paragraphs). I just need you to swap names. Makes sure there are no dangling headers, etc.
Me: Ok. Got it.
Partner: Let me be clear. Don't spend too much time on this.
Me: Ok. Cool. *Does as instructed. Annihilates orphans and widows. Swaps names. Confirms company name from secretary of state website, etc.*
Partner: *reviews the document* *Calls me to his office.*
CCSpecial. Now, I know I said don't spend too much time on this and simply swap names, but you should have caught these mistakes. Why are we citing regulations of the australian securities and investments commission and FSA? This is stuff you should have caught.
Me: I thought it was good. This is the same document you used previously with X client and Y client? And with the same client, just different prospective directors.
Partner: Other people's mistakes don't excuse your mistakes. This is ridiculous. Now, review the document again.
Edit: I guess it really isn't a gotcha. Just a pain in the ass moment.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#25673774) |
Date: March 16th, 2017 6:17 PM Author: 180 violet chapel becky
BIGLAW is a PYRAMID SCHEME for a fucking reason. You make hours? You get 4-5 years. Enough to pay off loans and make a little $. Then you leave. Or, if you "win" you get to stay. LOL.
The entire point is to CYA. Partners are sociopaths. Everyone is CYAing. You would/will/do, too. You fuck over the young. Boomers ruined it all.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#32846326) |
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