ITT: Examples of BIGLAW Beta Gotcha!
| Aromatic bawdyhouse | 07/07/13 | | Amber Kitty Cat | 07/08/13 | | rebellious round eye business firm | 07/06/20 | | soul-stirring angry lay becky | 07/07/13 | | Aromatic bawdyhouse | 07/07/13 | | Twisted stage incel | 07/08/13 | | Wonderful point | 07/08/13 | | splenetic base | 07/08/13 | | primrose brethren forum | 07/08/13 | | domesticated gaming laptop | 03/16/17 | | Aromatic bawdyhouse | 07/08/13 | | Racy Shrine | 07/08/13 | | motley ratface dingle berry | 07/09/13 | | carmine potus | 07/09/13 | | Titillating grizzly personal credit line voyeur | 05/31/14 | | Exciting nursing home | 06/25/17 | | supple rigpig | 03/18/17 | | splenetic base | 07/08/13 | | Jet boistinker degenerate | 07/08/13 | | burgundy talking striped hyena ticket booth | 07/08/13 | | Spectacular Hissy Fit | 07/08/13 | | cream histrionic hospital organic girlfriend | 07/09/13 | | doobsian yarmulke theatre | 05/31/14 | | Titillating grizzly personal credit line voyeur | 07/08/13 | | 180 institution circlehead | 07/08/13 | | Khaki Sound Barrier Kitchen | 07/08/13 | | Aromatic bawdyhouse | 07/08/13 | | tantric brunch | 05/31/14 | | domesticated gaming laptop | 03/16/17 | | Anal affirmative action | 05/31/14 | | Beta aphrodisiac haunted graveyard | 07/08/13 | | Aromatic bawdyhouse | 07/08/13 | | Charismatic gay wizard space | 07/10/13 | | domesticated gaming laptop | 03/16/17 | | 180 institution circlehead | 07/08/13 | | Crusty fear-inspiring state skinny woman | 07/08/13 | | Aromatic bawdyhouse | 07/08/13 | | cerebral deranged legal warrant national | 07/08/13 | | primrose brethren forum | 07/08/13 | | Spectacular Hissy Fit | 07/08/13 | | rebellious round eye business firm | 08/22/20 | | Anal affirmative action | 07/08/13 | | 180 institution circlehead | 07/09/13 | | Aromatic bawdyhouse | 07/08/13 | | duck-like mind-boggling locus psychic | 07/10/13 | | Electric clear school cafeteria | 07/10/13 | | rebellious round eye business firm | 08/22/20 | | Crusty fear-inspiring state skinny woman | 07/08/13 | | Beta aphrodisiac haunted graveyard | 07/09/13 | | Slimy therapy parlour | 07/09/13 | | Aggressive fantasy-prone plaza | 03/16/17 | | talented plum temple double fault | 06/25/17 | | Lake thirsty mad-dog skullcap | 06/02/14 | | domesticated gaming laptop | 03/16/17 | | Anal affirmative action | 07/08/13 | | primrose brethren forum | 07/08/13 | | Anal affirmative action | 07/08/13 | | Aromatic bawdyhouse | 07/08/13 | | Navy queen of the night mexican | 06/27/17 | | violent jew | 07/09/13 | | Bespoke idiotic twinkling uncleanness | 07/09/13 | | motley ratface dingle berry | 07/09/13 | | wine range messiness | 07/09/13 | | heady judgmental whorehouse | 06/02/14 | | Salmon big-titted wagecucks dilemma | 07/09/13 | | Anal affirmative action | 07/09/13 | | Zombie-like twinkling pistol preventive strike | 07/09/13 | | 180 institution circlehead | 07/09/13 | | Sick overrated water buffalo | 07/09/13 | | high-end walnut background story | 07/09/13 | | Dark Frozen Hunting Ground Ceo | 07/09/13 | | Stirring menage | 05/30/14 | | ruby french spot pozpig | 07/09/13 | | ruby french spot pozpig | 07/09/13 | | Citrine weed whacker set | 07/09/13 | | Anal affirmative action | 07/09/13 | | Citrine weed whacker set | 07/09/13 | | 180 institution circlehead | 07/09/13 | | Citrine weed whacker set | 07/09/13 | | Electric clear school cafeteria | 07/10/13 | | sooty tanning salon | 07/16/13 | | Zombie-like twinkling pistol preventive strike | 07/09/13 | | Anal affirmative action | 07/09/13 | | Crusty fear-inspiring state skinny woman | 07/09/13 | | Zombie-like twinkling pistol preventive strike | 07/09/13 | | poppy comical internal respiration | 05/31/14 | | 180 institution circlehead | 07/09/13 | | Autistic Pit Athletic Conference | 07/10/13 | | wine range messiness | 07/10/13 | | balding azn jap | 07/10/13 | | wine range messiness | 07/10/13 | | Autistic Pit Athletic Conference | 07/10/13 | | Zombie-like twinkling pistol preventive strike | 07/10/13 | | tantric brunch | 05/31/14 | | Electric clear school cafeteria | 07/10/13 | | Autistic Pit Athletic Conference | 07/10/13 | | Zombie-like twinkling pistol preventive strike | 07/10/13 | | Autistic Pit Athletic Conference | 07/10/13 | | Zombie-like twinkling pistol preventive strike | 07/10/13 | | Curious Old Irish Cottage Stead | 05/31/14 | | Haunting native sandwich | 05/30/14 | | pale flickering heaven | 05/31/14 | | Stirring menage | 05/31/14 | | boyish pearly garrison | 05/31/14 | | brindle station nibblets | 06/02/14 | | pale flickering heaven | 05/31/14 | | burgundy talking striped hyena ticket booth | 05/31/14 | | tantric brunch | 05/31/14 | | tantric brunch | 06/27/17 | | tantric brunch | 05/31/14 | | contagious pocket flask faggot firefighter | 05/31/14 | | impertinent roast beef | 05/31/14 | | Aromatic bawdyhouse | 05/31/14 | | Startling arousing principal's office gunner | 06/01/14 | | Aromatic bawdyhouse | 06/01/14 | | Crusty fear-inspiring state skinny woman | 06/01/14 | | alcoholic swashbuckling university toilet seat | 06/01/14 | | Startling arousing principal's office gunner | 06/02/14 | | irradiated erotic church factory reset button | 06/02/14 | | domesticated gaming laptop | 03/16/17 | | Curious Old Irish Cottage Stead | 05/31/14 | | bateful zippy cuckold trump supporter | 05/31/14 | | burgundy talking striped hyena ticket booth | 05/31/14 | | alcoholic swashbuckling university toilet seat | 06/01/14 | | irradiated erotic church factory reset button | 06/02/14 | | violet volcanic crater meetinghouse | 06/01/14 | | Crusty fear-inspiring state skinny woman | 06/01/14 | | alcoholic swashbuckling university toilet seat | 06/01/14 | | demanding national security agency crackhouse | 06/01/14 | | demanding national security agency crackhouse | 06/01/14 | | Razzle-dazzle gas station | 06/01/14 | | Crusty fear-inspiring state skinny woman | 03/16/17 | | soggy home new version | 06/02/14 | | Brass Fragrant Stag Film | 03/16/17 | | effete indian lodge turdskin | 03/16/17 | | henna coffee pot | 03/16/17 | | Mustard theater stage | 03/16/17 | | rebellious round eye business firm | 03/18/17 | | domesticated gaming laptop | 03/19/17 | | rebellious round eye business firm | 06/25/17 | | rebellious round eye business firm | 03/18/17 | | rebellious round eye business firm | 03/18/17 | | Pontificating excitant friendly grandma | 03/19/17 | | charcoal stimulating step-uncle's house | 06/27/17 |
Poast new message in this thread
Date: July 7th, 2013 11:24 PM Author: Aromatic bawdyhouse Subject: Beta Gotcha!
In response to today's Biglaw thread, ITT we discuss every partner's favorite game:
Partner sends group of associates a draft of a brief that he claims is in "near final" form and asks them to "glance" over it to make sure there are no major problems. Associates respond with "looks good" and maybe a few small typos (abbreviate case names, un-italicize commas, etc.).
Somehow partner comes to realize that one of the case citations misconstrues the case, and sends the group an email about how he is "troubled by the fact that no one managed to catch this very fundamental error. In the future, please be more careful."
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#23565558) |
Date: July 8th, 2013 12:02 AM Author: splenetic base
*sends email outlining 450 changes he would like to document*
*could have just made the changes in 1/3rd the time*
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#23565885) |
|
Date: May 31st, 2014 2:23 PM Author: tantric brunch
"We're trying to keep the bill down, so let's just focus on X for now and not spend too much time."
(three days later)
"How did you not realize we also had to address Y? This is sloppy and incomplete work. I expect a better product ready for me to review by 9:00 am."
(three weeks later)
"Can you resend that doc? I'm ready to review now."
*kills self*
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#25662485) |
Date: July 8th, 2013 11:00 AM Author: Beta aphrodisiac haunted graveyard
Beta Gotcha is a good name for this. Of course it's not just work stuff, it's any casual conversation as well.
- Always looking for some smarmy point to make, ideally one that finds some tiny flaw in a word that the other person uttered. As soon as the point is made, become visibly overwhelmed with smug self-satisfaction and make an exit if possible.
- Come into an interaction with a prepared quip like "well double check everything, given your track record on this project!" This remark in your pocket is like a raging boner (clitoral erection if female) and uttering it is an exciting orgasmic release.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#23567414) |
|
Date: July 8th, 2013 11:38 PM Author: Aromatic bawdyhouse
yeah, don't know where the poster in the other thread got it from, but it is amazing.
"well double check everything, given your track record on this project!"
i lol'd.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#23572603) |
|
Date: July 10th, 2013 10:06 AM Author: Charismatic gay wizard space Subject: So fucking many...
- Nasty senior associate bitch with "mentoring" responsibilities during corporate leadership event. Question: "So you have talked a lot today about motivating junior employees and letting them understand the impact of their work. Could you talk instead about letting them know you don't like them or their work." Admittedly, one partner made a visible fucking gasp.
- Same person also marshaled several secretaries to give unsolicited reviews to people through the formal partnership feedback process, which repeated the same stock criticisms over and over again (the fucking admins were dumb enough to cut and paste her suggestions).
- Finding "errors" in work that are material disagreements of fact within the firm and that may demonstrate little to no knowledge of what the fuck your subordinates do day-to-day, and then seeking a "definitive" answer from some alpha as fuck associate with zero relationship to the question at hand to avoid discussing the matter like an adult.
- Partners insinuating their vacations to St. Lucia etc. are really business in order to make associates feel they are always working, when in reality the business consisted of one round of golf with another partner for leisure.
- Demanding the details of your national holiday / long weekend activities when no one at the firm worked. Proceeds to mention you take a lot of vacation if you say you spent like a night in the Hamptons with your parents (reality: took two real days off in my first two years).
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#23581745) |
|
Date: March 16th, 2017 4:04 PM Author: domesticated gaming laptop
- Nasty senior associate bitch with "mentoring" responsibilities during corporate leadership event. Question: "So you have talked a lot today about motivating junior employees and letting them understand the impact of their work. Could you talk instead about letting them know you don't like them or their work." Admittedly, one partner made a visible fucking gasp.
LOL. Expound, brother.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#32845292) |
Date: July 8th, 2013 11:04 AM Author: 180 institution circlehead
My favorite...
Partner: Send me just a very brief memo/rough draft on X and we'll see if we want to look into this further. Don't spend too much on it.
Me: *Slaps something together in a few hours.*
Partner comes into office 2 hrs later, shuts door, red ink ALL over my memo: This kind of thing really fucking pisses me off. It's like you didn't even read your own work. There are typos and awkward sentences. And it's not very extensive, either. Please do an extensive re-write of this.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#23567435) |
|
Date: July 8th, 2013 11:39 PM Author: Crusty fear-inspiring state skinny woman
lololol 180
or the recent variation I encountered:
"Draw up X. Just copy and paste from Y. No changes. It's the same thing."
The next morning:
"What the fuck is this. I can't tell any difference between X and Y. Where is your creativity? Where is the nuance?"
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#23572605) |
Date: July 8th, 2013 11:41 PM Author: Crusty fear-inspiring state skinny woman
*sends partner draft of a document 2-3 weeks before due date*
*gives partner frequent email and in-person reminders to review the document*
*partner emails at 3 PM on the day the document is due: "I see a typo." It is a 60 page document. There is no further guidance given. Nothing shows up on spellcheck, grammar check, and proofreads by 2 other associates*
*it is a single semicolon that he believes COULD have been a comma, found after 2 hours and 13 emails back and forth*
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#23572637) |
Date: July 8th, 2013 11:46 PM Author: Anal affirmative action
The one that drives me bonkers is when I come to a point where I can do X or Y and both seem pretty good. I think really hard about it and I research the upsides and downsides to both and the I make a decision and choose one way that I think best fits our situation. I literally agonize over what's best.
Then I give to the partner and he's like, "Why would you do X when Y is clearly the right answer. You need to THINK about these things before you do them."
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#23572686)
|
Date: July 9th, 2013 1:37 AM Author: violent jew
Not the same thing, but this one always bugs me.
*Weekend email, I'm away from computer.*
*Partner or sr assoc emails about a conference call - "Send an outlook invite as soon as possible."
WTF, you are in Outlook sending the email, why the fuck can you not just take the 30 seconds and send out the invite? Should I also wash your hands for you when you use the bathroom? Can I expect an email asking me to open your door when it's time for you to get lunch?
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#23573457) |
Date: July 9th, 2013 1:45 AM Author: Salmon big-titted wagecucks dilemma
One time one of our clients called me (low level associate) freaking out about something and wanting a conference call with partner asap. Apparently partner wasn't answering his calls or emails. I tried him several different ways, by text, email, phone, etc. Nothing. Finally he shows up 2 hours later and I ask where he was. He tells me he was having a "long lunch" with some hot young girl he's seeing. I then tell him what's up with the client.
He gets on the phone and it goes like this:
Partner: Hey, Client, sorry about the delay getting back to you
Client: Where the hell were you all day?
Partner: I'm sorry, i told [Dginobili Unchained] I was at a charity event earlier, but he must have forgot to tell you that. [complete horseshit btw]
me: X_X
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#23573505) |
Date: July 9th, 2013 9:21 AM Author: Citrine weed whacker set
It drives me up the wall when you ask a partner a general timeframe to turn something around and they reply with something like "oh no rush at all, I don't want to ruin your weekend or anything. I'm not some Monster!" Partner chuckles and tells you midday Monday is fine, even though its Friday afternoon and he just gave you 20 hours worth of shit to do.
I have one partner who can't figure out how attachments work. He sent me something to change, no document attached. I email him back saying its not attached and instead of just attaching it he send me and email saying it must be something with my computer, call it support. 30 min later partner emails you again, with the doc attached this time, and then says "we are already behind the ball here so I'm going to need this back in [some unreasonable timeframe]. "
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#23574175)
|
|
Date: May 31st, 2014 2:16 PM Author: tantric brunch
Honestly, I do just to avoid the type of shit you described.
I just finished getting yelled at for copying and pasting some summaries into another summary. Counsel told me to do so. Partner yelled at me for doing so.
LOVE THIS JOB LOVE IT
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#25662465) |
Date: May 31st, 2014 12:19 AM Author: pale flickering heaven
Not gotcha, but infuriating. One junior partner at our firm always has tight deadlines on his projects. "Need this tomorrow" type shit. All the time, it means people work all weekend or work on holidays.
Invariably, the dude will come up to you 3 weeks after you sent him the completed work on the "I need this tomorrow" assignment, and he'll ask if you've finished it yet.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#25660406) |
Date: May 31st, 2014 2:12 PM Author: tantric brunch
I left at 8:30 pm once after hearing nothing from the deal team for a few hours. Wasn't supposed to close that week - we had about two weeks until closing. Nothing frantic that day. Just a normal day at the office.
The senior associate (crazy person trying to make partner) called me 5 or 6 times that night after I left to ASK ME IF I HAD MADE ONE CHANGE. Senior could have just opened the document on the system to check. But no. Senior called 5-6 times instead.
Senior never left a voicemail because that would have meant i would receive an email telling me about the voicemail and I would have figured out senior was looking for me. Senior never sent an email for the same reason. Just called, let it ring, then hung up. 5 or 6 times.
Then the next day senior sent me an email, copying the partner, saying "I called you [x] times last night. Were you still in the office with [other team member] and I?"
Lol.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#25662444) |
Date: May 31st, 2014 4:22 PM Author: bateful zippy cuckold trump supporter
Partner asks me to file a motion in an area I'm totally unfamiliar with, and I let him know that fact. He says they are desperate and also need it ASAP, and I can just rely on two samples that he sends me. He also tells me that to keep costs down I can't do any research, and that the cases in the samples should be fine.
He calls me multiple times that day checking up on my progress. I heavily rely on the two samples, never directly copying but following the format, rewording things and relying on the same case law (which I do look at to make sure it's not obviously bad/unhelpful).
Turn it in early the next morning. I get a call and get yelled at for not doing research, because the cases cited in the brief I sent were not directly on-point or otherwise "not good enough." He says that I relied too much on the samples and that I was "basically plagiarizing" and he'd be ashamed if the motion got highlighted by the ALR or something, asking me how it would look for the firm. (WTF?) Someone else was tasked with redrafting the "urgent" motion, and that associate asked me for the samples sent by the partner!
Weeks later, on a separate matter and in a meeting in front of other associates, I got chewed out for this event. It was bizarre but I just stared and pretended I was just a character in a really boring movie.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#25663025) |
|
Date: June 1st, 2014 11:28 PM Author: alcoholic swashbuckling university toilet seat
Your mistake was to rely on this poor advice of "just use the template and do minimal research". That is always code for "let me tell you what NOT to do so you can get screwed later".
Your job was to say "ok" then research the heck out of that area as much as you could using Google or free legal research sources, or CLE (doesnt your firm subscribe to free online CLE??!). Then spend 5 hours carefully crafting an analytical memo that went beyond what was asked for in your assignment.
Thats why they are paying you the big bucks. *smh*
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#25670808) |
Date: June 1st, 2014 1:53 PM Author: violet volcanic crater meetinghouse
I work with a partner on a memo that takes about three days to research and write. He calls me to say it is great, he has no changes, and I did an excellent job. He's not in my practice group and I don't normally work with him, and I am pleasantly surprised by the experience. I don't work with him again because I'm tied up on other projects.
Six months later, I have my annual review. Everything is going fine, until they get to this partner's evaluation. Says that I clearly don't meet the firm's standards, and gives a bunch of specific examples of projects that I never worked on. He clearly had confused me with another associate. I email and call him to clarify, and he never gets back to me. So I have this terrible evaluation in my file, and he can't bother to admit that he screwed up.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#25667756) |
Date: June 1st, 2014 2:11 PM Author: demanding national security agency crackhouse
midlevel shrew - gives me assignment friday night - she felt bad about it, it was unavoidable. she told me to find all communications b/t counsel and client regarding two memos. i ask, "what about the 3rd memo." she says - don't worry about that, we'll treat it as a separate project.
yesterday - knock out the assignment, make clear i'm only doing it for the two memos, ie, "i found 20 docs for memo 1 and 25 for memo 2."
today - did you do it for the 3rd memo?
i respond - no, you told me that was a separate project.
she - sends super bitchy email that makes zero sense about how the interaction was.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#25667850)
|
|
Date: June 1st, 2014 2:59 PM Author: demanding national security agency crackhouse
UPDATE:
we don't even have the emails from the time frame she wanted me to look at.
WHAT A STUPID SHREW.
i am discount double-checking around my apartment right now.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#25668064) |
Date: June 2nd, 2014 2:39 PM Author: soggy home new version
At my old firm:
Partner: *calls me* CCSpecial. I am sending you a director questionnaire (about 30 pages, with 15 or so just full of dense paragraphs). I just need you to swap names. Makes sure there are no dangling headers, etc.
Me: Ok. Got it.
Partner: Let me be clear. Don't spend too much time on this.
Me: Ok. Cool. *Does as instructed. Annihilates orphans and widows. Swaps names. Confirms company name from secretary of state website, etc.*
Partner: *reviews the document* *Calls me to his office.*
CCSpecial. Now, I know I said don't spend too much time on this and simply swap names, but you should have caught these mistakes. Why are we citing regulations of the australian securities and investments commission and FSA? This is stuff you should have caught.
Me: I thought it was good. This is the same document you used previously with X client and Y client? And with the same client, just different prospective directors.
Partner: Other people's mistakes don't excuse your mistakes. This is ridiculous. Now, review the document again.
Edit: I guess it really isn't a gotcha. Just a pain in the ass moment.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#25673774) |
Date: March 16th, 2017 6:17 PM Author: Mustard theater stage
BIGLAW is a PYRAMID SCHEME for a fucking reason. You make hours? You get 4-5 years. Enough to pay off loans and make a little $. Then you leave. Or, if you "win" you get to stay. LOL.
The entire point is to CYA. Partners are sociopaths. Everyone is CYAing. You would/will/do, too. You fuck over the young. Boomers ruined it all.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#32846326) |
|
|