ITT: Examples of BIGLAW Beta Gotcha!
| Disturbing Aphrodisiac Church Building Idea He Suggested | 07/07/13 | | Histrionic base brethren | 07/08/13 | | beady-eyed nubile menage partner | 07/06/20 | | contagious bearded ape cuckold | 07/07/13 | | Disturbing Aphrodisiac Church Building Idea He Suggested | 07/07/13 | | Rose Lascivious Mad-dog Skullcap Office | 07/08/13 | | light swashbuckling immigrant institution | 07/08/13 | | Concupiscible Bisexual Market Voyeur | 07/08/13 | | indigo charismatic boistinker | 07/08/13 | | Multi-colored Turquoise Multi-billionaire Center | 03/16/17 | | Disturbing Aphrodisiac Church Building Idea He Suggested | 07/08/13 | | Cracking coral reading party school | 07/08/13 | | aromatic house | 07/09/13 | | Shimmering wonderful stock car | 07/09/13 | | topaz autistic public bath | 05/31/14 | | arousing ultramarine address place of business | 06/25/17 | | sexy filthpig principal's office | 03/18/17 | | Concupiscible Bisexual Market Voyeur | 07/08/13 | | chestnut box office cuckoldry | 07/08/13 | | misunderstood organic girlfriend son of senegal | 07/08/13 | | Bronze vengeful corner associate | 07/08/13 | | sinister aqua therapy | 07/09/13 | | Cerebral Field | 05/31/14 | | topaz autistic public bath | 07/08/13 | | Offensive Heaven Faggotry | 07/08/13 | | Walnut Big Brunch Telephone | 07/08/13 | | Disturbing Aphrodisiac Church Building Idea He Suggested | 07/08/13 | | Appetizing Hospital | 05/31/14 | | Multi-colored Turquoise Multi-billionaire Center | 03/16/17 | | brass haunted graveyard | 05/31/14 | | floppy fortuitous meteor | 07/08/13 | | Disturbing Aphrodisiac Church Building Idea He Suggested | 07/08/13 | | galvanic halford | 07/10/13 | | Multi-colored Turquoise Multi-billionaire Center | 03/16/17 | | Offensive Heaven Faggotry | 07/08/13 | | Exciting crystalline pocket flask | 07/08/13 | | Disturbing Aphrodisiac Church Building Idea He Suggested | 07/08/13 | | Vigorous Hideous Pistol Whorehouse | 07/08/13 | | indigo charismatic boistinker | 07/08/13 | | Bronze vengeful corner associate | 07/08/13 | | beady-eyed nubile menage partner | 08/22/20 | | brass haunted graveyard | 07/08/13 | | Offensive Heaven Faggotry | 07/09/13 | | Disturbing Aphrodisiac Church Building Idea He Suggested | 07/08/13 | | Brilliant Selfie Hominid | 07/10/13 | | Spruce candlestick maker | 07/10/13 | | beady-eyed nubile menage partner | 08/22/20 | | Exciting crystalline pocket flask | 07/08/13 | | floppy fortuitous meteor | 07/09/13 | | Heady Shitlib Pisswyrm | 07/09/13 | | lavender meetinghouse windowlicker | 03/16/17 | | Misanthropic crimson theater legal warrant | 06/25/17 | | adventurous demanding lettuce coldplay fan | 06/02/14 | | Multi-colored Turquoise Multi-billionaire Center | 03/16/17 | | brass haunted graveyard | 07/08/13 | | indigo charismatic boistinker | 07/08/13 | | brass haunted graveyard | 07/08/13 | | Disturbing Aphrodisiac Church Building Idea He Suggested | 07/08/13 | | indecent stag film ceo | 06/27/17 | | dashing stead | 07/09/13 | | scarlet den | 07/09/13 | | aromatic house | 07/09/13 | | Medicated patrolman | 07/09/13 | | Motley Affirmative Action Plaza | 06/02/14 | | comical citrine cuck azn | 07/09/13 | | brass haunted graveyard | 07/09/13 | | fighting indian lodge | 07/09/13 | | Offensive Heaven Faggotry | 07/09/13 | | Boyish Church Dog Poop | 07/09/13 | | odious french round eye skinny woman | 07/09/13 | | Pink Nursing Home | 07/09/13 | | Charcoal high-end rehab | 05/30/14 | | Ivory shrine | 07/09/13 | | Ivory shrine | 07/09/13 | | Swollen Stage People Who Are Hurt | 07/09/13 | | brass haunted graveyard | 07/09/13 | | Swollen Stage People Who Are Hurt | 07/09/13 | | Offensive Heaven Faggotry | 07/09/13 | | Swollen Stage People Who Are Hurt | 07/09/13 | | Spruce candlestick maker | 07/10/13 | | mind-boggling puce gas station | 07/16/13 | | fighting indian lodge | 07/09/13 | | brass haunted graveyard | 07/09/13 | | Exciting crystalline pocket flask | 07/09/13 | | fighting indian lodge | 07/09/13 | | Flatulent bateful pit incel | 05/31/14 | | Offensive Heaven Faggotry | 07/09/13 | | Zombie-like avocado toilet seat piazza | 07/10/13 | | Medicated patrolman | 07/10/13 | | effete newt police squad | 07/10/13 | | Medicated patrolman | 07/10/13 | | Zombie-like avocado toilet seat piazza | 07/10/13 | | fighting indian lodge | 07/10/13 | | Appetizing Hospital | 05/31/14 | | Spruce candlestick maker | 07/10/13 | | Zombie-like avocado toilet seat piazza | 07/10/13 | | fighting indian lodge | 07/10/13 | | Zombie-like avocado toilet seat piazza | 07/10/13 | | fighting indian lodge | 07/10/13 | | tan tripping black woman | 05/31/14 | | cocky travel guidebook | 05/30/14 | | Erotic cheese-eating abode generalized bond | 05/31/14 | | Charcoal high-end rehab | 05/31/14 | | irradiated federal milk legend | 05/31/14 | | Obsidian Geriatric Lay Knife | 06/02/14 | | Erotic cheese-eating abode generalized bond | 05/31/14 | | misunderstood organic girlfriend son of senegal | 05/31/14 | | Appetizing Hospital | 05/31/14 | | Appetizing Hospital | 06/27/17 | | Appetizing Hospital | 05/31/14 | | electric garrison | 05/31/14 | | self-absorbed curious roommate national | 05/31/14 | | Disturbing Aphrodisiac Church Building Idea He Suggested | 05/31/14 | | rough-skinned space genital piercing | 06/01/14 | | Disturbing Aphrodisiac Church Building Idea He Suggested | 06/01/14 | | Exciting crystalline pocket flask | 06/01/14 | | Marvelous gaped mother | 06/01/14 | | rough-skinned space genital piercing | 06/02/14 | | Honey-headed flirting antidepressant drug cruise ship | 06/02/14 | | Multi-colored Turquoise Multi-billionaire Center | 03/16/17 | | tan tripping black woman | 05/31/14 | | titillating insanely creepy toaster hunting ground | 05/31/14 | | misunderstood organic girlfriend son of senegal | 05/31/14 | | Marvelous gaped mother | 06/01/14 | | Honey-headed flirting antidepressant drug cruise ship | 06/02/14 | | Milky Supple Feces Station | 06/01/14 | | Exciting crystalline pocket flask | 06/01/14 | | Marvelous gaped mother | 06/01/14 | | lake glittery striped hyena senate | 06/01/14 | | lake glittery striped hyena senate | 06/01/14 | | Racy parlor prole | 06/01/14 | | Exciting crystalline pocket flask | 03/16/17 | | embarrassed to the bone potus | 06/02/14 | | Irate Olive Area Really Tough Guy | 03/16/17 | | razzmatazz awkward state electric furnace | 03/16/17 | | Pale sex offender | 03/16/17 | | provocative casino mental disorder | 03/16/17 | | beady-eyed nubile menage partner | 03/18/17 | | Multi-colored Turquoise Multi-billionaire Center | 03/19/17 | | beady-eyed nubile menage partner | 06/25/17 | | beady-eyed nubile menage partner | 03/18/17 | | beady-eyed nubile menage partner | 03/18/17 | | Azure Crackhouse | 03/19/17 | | stirring sneaky criminal | 06/27/17 |
Poast new message in this thread
Date: July 7th, 2013 11:24 PM Author: Disturbing Aphrodisiac Church Building Idea He Suggested Subject: Beta Gotcha!
In response to today's Biglaw thread, ITT we discuss every partner's favorite game:
Partner sends group of associates a draft of a brief that he claims is in "near final" form and asks them to "glance" over it to make sure there are no major problems. Associates respond with "looks good" and maybe a few small typos (abbreviate case names, un-italicize commas, etc.).
Somehow partner comes to realize that one of the case citations misconstrues the case, and sends the group an email about how he is "troubled by the fact that no one managed to catch this very fundamental error. In the future, please be more careful."
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#23565558) |
Date: July 8th, 2013 12:02 AM Author: Concupiscible Bisexual Market Voyeur
*sends email outlining 450 changes he would like to document*
*could have just made the changes in 1/3rd the time*
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#23565885) |
|
Date: May 31st, 2014 2:23 PM Author: Appetizing Hospital
"We're trying to keep the bill down, so let's just focus on X for now and not spend too much time."
(three days later)
"How did you not realize we also had to address Y? This is sloppy and incomplete work. I expect a better product ready for me to review by 9:00 am."
(three weeks later)
"Can you resend that doc? I'm ready to review now."
*kills self*
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#25662485) |
Date: July 8th, 2013 11:00 AM Author: floppy fortuitous meteor
Beta Gotcha is a good name for this. Of course it's not just work stuff, it's any casual conversation as well.
- Always looking for some smarmy point to make, ideally one that finds some tiny flaw in a word that the other person uttered. As soon as the point is made, become visibly overwhelmed with smug self-satisfaction and make an exit if possible.
- Come into an interaction with a prepared quip like "well double check everything, given your track record on this project!" This remark in your pocket is like a raging boner (clitoral erection if female) and uttering it is an exciting orgasmic release.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#23567414) |
|
Date: July 8th, 2013 11:38 PM Author: Disturbing Aphrodisiac Church Building Idea He Suggested
yeah, don't know where the poster in the other thread got it from, but it is amazing.
"well double check everything, given your track record on this project!"
i lol'd.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#23572603) |
|
Date: July 10th, 2013 10:06 AM Author: galvanic halford Subject: So fucking many...
- Nasty senior associate bitch with "mentoring" responsibilities during corporate leadership event. Question: "So you have talked a lot today about motivating junior employees and letting them understand the impact of their work. Could you talk instead about letting them know you don't like them or their work." Admittedly, one partner made a visible fucking gasp.
- Same person also marshaled several secretaries to give unsolicited reviews to people through the formal partnership feedback process, which repeated the same stock criticisms over and over again (the fucking admins were dumb enough to cut and paste her suggestions).
- Finding "errors" in work that are material disagreements of fact within the firm and that may demonstrate little to no knowledge of what the fuck your subordinates do day-to-day, and then seeking a "definitive" answer from some alpha as fuck associate with zero relationship to the question at hand to avoid discussing the matter like an adult.
- Partners insinuating their vacations to St. Lucia etc. are really business in order to make associates feel they are always working, when in reality the business consisted of one round of golf with another partner for leisure.
- Demanding the details of your national holiday / long weekend activities when no one at the firm worked. Proceeds to mention you take a lot of vacation if you say you spent like a night in the Hamptons with your parents (reality: took two real days off in my first two years).
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#23581745) |
|
Date: March 16th, 2017 4:04 PM Author: Multi-colored Turquoise Multi-billionaire Center
- Nasty senior associate bitch with "mentoring" responsibilities during corporate leadership event. Question: "So you have talked a lot today about motivating junior employees and letting them understand the impact of their work. Could you talk instead about letting them know you don't like them or their work." Admittedly, one partner made a visible fucking gasp.
LOL. Expound, brother.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#32845292) |
Date: July 8th, 2013 11:04 AM Author: Offensive Heaven Faggotry
My favorite...
Partner: Send me just a very brief memo/rough draft on X and we'll see if we want to look into this further. Don't spend too much on it.
Me: *Slaps something together in a few hours.*
Partner comes into office 2 hrs later, shuts door, red ink ALL over my memo: This kind of thing really fucking pisses me off. It's like you didn't even read your own work. There are typos and awkward sentences. And it's not very extensive, either. Please do an extensive re-write of this.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#23567435) |
|
Date: July 8th, 2013 11:39 PM Author: Exciting crystalline pocket flask
lololol 180
or the recent variation I encountered:
"Draw up X. Just copy and paste from Y. No changes. It's the same thing."
The next morning:
"What the fuck is this. I can't tell any difference between X and Y. Where is your creativity? Where is the nuance?"
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#23572605) |
Date: July 8th, 2013 11:41 PM Author: Exciting crystalline pocket flask
*sends partner draft of a document 2-3 weeks before due date*
*gives partner frequent email and in-person reminders to review the document*
*partner emails at 3 PM on the day the document is due: "I see a typo." It is a 60 page document. There is no further guidance given. Nothing shows up on spellcheck, grammar check, and proofreads by 2 other associates*
*it is a single semicolon that he believes COULD have been a comma, found after 2 hours and 13 emails back and forth*
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#23572637) |
Date: July 8th, 2013 11:46 PM Author: brass haunted graveyard
The one that drives me bonkers is when I come to a point where I can do X or Y and both seem pretty good. I think really hard about it and I research the upsides and downsides to both and the I make a decision and choose one way that I think best fits our situation. I literally agonize over what's best.
Then I give to the partner and he's like, "Why would you do X when Y is clearly the right answer. You need to THINK about these things before you do them."
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#23572686)
|
Date: July 9th, 2013 1:37 AM Author: dashing stead
Not the same thing, but this one always bugs me.
*Weekend email, I'm away from computer.*
*Partner or sr assoc emails about a conference call - "Send an outlook invite as soon as possible."
WTF, you are in Outlook sending the email, why the fuck can you not just take the 30 seconds and send out the invite? Should I also wash your hands for you when you use the bathroom? Can I expect an email asking me to open your door when it's time for you to get lunch?
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#23573457) |
Date: July 9th, 2013 1:45 AM Author: comical citrine cuck azn
One time one of our clients called me (low level associate) freaking out about something and wanting a conference call with partner asap. Apparently partner wasn't answering his calls or emails. I tried him several different ways, by text, email, phone, etc. Nothing. Finally he shows up 2 hours later and I ask where he was. He tells me he was having a "long lunch" with some hot young girl he's seeing. I then tell him what's up with the client.
He gets on the phone and it goes like this:
Partner: Hey, Client, sorry about the delay getting back to you
Client: Where the hell were you all day?
Partner: I'm sorry, i told [Dginobili Unchained] I was at a charity event earlier, but he must have forgot to tell you that. [complete horseshit btw]
me: X_X
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#23573505) |
Date: July 9th, 2013 9:21 AM Author: Swollen Stage People Who Are Hurt
It drives me up the wall when you ask a partner a general timeframe to turn something around and they reply with something like "oh no rush at all, I don't want to ruin your weekend or anything. I'm not some Monster!" Partner chuckles and tells you midday Monday is fine, even though its Friday afternoon and he just gave you 20 hours worth of shit to do.
I have one partner who can't figure out how attachments work. He sent me something to change, no document attached. I email him back saying its not attached and instead of just attaching it he send me and email saying it must be something with my computer, call it support. 30 min later partner emails you again, with the doc attached this time, and then says "we are already behind the ball here so I'm going to need this back in [some unreasonable timeframe]. "
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#23574175)
|
|
Date: May 31st, 2014 2:16 PM Author: Appetizing Hospital
Honestly, I do just to avoid the type of shit you described.
I just finished getting yelled at for copying and pasting some summaries into another summary. Counsel told me to do so. Partner yelled at me for doing so.
LOVE THIS JOB LOVE IT
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#25662465) |
Date: May 31st, 2014 12:19 AM Author: Erotic cheese-eating abode generalized bond
Not gotcha, but infuriating. One junior partner at our firm always has tight deadlines on his projects. "Need this tomorrow" type shit. All the time, it means people work all weekend or work on holidays.
Invariably, the dude will come up to you 3 weeks after you sent him the completed work on the "I need this tomorrow" assignment, and he'll ask if you've finished it yet.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#25660406) |
Date: May 31st, 2014 2:12 PM Author: Appetizing Hospital
I left at 8:30 pm once after hearing nothing from the deal team for a few hours. Wasn't supposed to close that week - we had about two weeks until closing. Nothing frantic that day. Just a normal day at the office.
The senior associate (crazy person trying to make partner) called me 5 or 6 times that night after I left to ASK ME IF I HAD MADE ONE CHANGE. Senior could have just opened the document on the system to check. But no. Senior called 5-6 times instead.
Senior never left a voicemail because that would have meant i would receive an email telling me about the voicemail and I would have figured out senior was looking for me. Senior never sent an email for the same reason. Just called, let it ring, then hung up. 5 or 6 times.
Then the next day senior sent me an email, copying the partner, saying "I called you [x] times last night. Were you still in the office with [other team member] and I?"
Lol.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#25662444) |
Date: May 31st, 2014 4:22 PM Author: titillating insanely creepy toaster hunting ground
Partner asks me to file a motion in an area I'm totally unfamiliar with, and I let him know that fact. He says they are desperate and also need it ASAP, and I can just rely on two samples that he sends me. He also tells me that to keep costs down I can't do any research, and that the cases in the samples should be fine.
He calls me multiple times that day checking up on my progress. I heavily rely on the two samples, never directly copying but following the format, rewording things and relying on the same case law (which I do look at to make sure it's not obviously bad/unhelpful).
Turn it in early the next morning. I get a call and get yelled at for not doing research, because the cases cited in the brief I sent were not directly on-point or otherwise "not good enough." He says that I relied too much on the samples and that I was "basically plagiarizing" and he'd be ashamed if the motion got highlighted by the ALR or something, asking me how it would look for the firm. (WTF?) Someone else was tasked with redrafting the "urgent" motion, and that associate asked me for the samples sent by the partner!
Weeks later, on a separate matter and in a meeting in front of other associates, I got chewed out for this event. It was bizarre but I just stared and pretended I was just a character in a really boring movie.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#25663025) |
|
Date: June 1st, 2014 11:28 PM Author: Marvelous gaped mother
Your mistake was to rely on this poor advice of "just use the template and do minimal research". That is always code for "let me tell you what NOT to do so you can get screwed later".
Your job was to say "ok" then research the heck out of that area as much as you could using Google or free legal research sources, or CLE (doesnt your firm subscribe to free online CLE??!). Then spend 5 hours carefully crafting an analytical memo that went beyond what was asked for in your assignment.
Thats why they are paying you the big bucks. *smh*
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#25670808) |
Date: June 1st, 2014 1:53 PM Author: Milky Supple Feces Station
I work with a partner on a memo that takes about three days to research and write. He calls me to say it is great, he has no changes, and I did an excellent job. He's not in my practice group and I don't normally work with him, and I am pleasantly surprised by the experience. I don't work with him again because I'm tied up on other projects.
Six months later, I have my annual review. Everything is going fine, until they get to this partner's evaluation. Says that I clearly don't meet the firm's standards, and gives a bunch of specific examples of projects that I never worked on. He clearly had confused me with another associate. I email and call him to clarify, and he never gets back to me. So I have this terrible evaluation in my file, and he can't bother to admit that he screwed up.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#25667756) |
Date: June 1st, 2014 2:11 PM Author: lake glittery striped hyena senate
midlevel shrew - gives me assignment friday night - she felt bad about it, it was unavoidable. she told me to find all communications b/t counsel and client regarding two memos. i ask, "what about the 3rd memo." she says - don't worry about that, we'll treat it as a separate project.
yesterday - knock out the assignment, make clear i'm only doing it for the two memos, ie, "i found 20 docs for memo 1 and 25 for memo 2."
today - did you do it for the 3rd memo?
i respond - no, you told me that was a separate project.
she - sends super bitchy email that makes zero sense about how the interaction was.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#25667850)
|
|
Date: June 1st, 2014 2:59 PM Author: lake glittery striped hyena senate
UPDATE:
we don't even have the emails from the time frame she wanted me to look at.
WHAT A STUPID SHREW.
i am discount double-checking around my apartment right now.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#25668064) |
Date: June 2nd, 2014 2:39 PM Author: embarrassed to the bone potus
At my old firm:
Partner: *calls me* CCSpecial. I am sending you a director questionnaire (about 30 pages, with 15 or so just full of dense paragraphs). I just need you to swap names. Makes sure there are no dangling headers, etc.
Me: Ok. Got it.
Partner: Let me be clear. Don't spend too much time on this.
Me: Ok. Cool. *Does as instructed. Annihilates orphans and widows. Swaps names. Confirms company name from secretary of state website, etc.*
Partner: *reviews the document* *Calls me to his office.*
CCSpecial. Now, I know I said don't spend too much time on this and simply swap names, but you should have caught these mistakes. Why are we citing regulations of the australian securities and investments commission and FSA? This is stuff you should have caught.
Me: I thought it was good. This is the same document you used previously with X client and Y client? And with the same client, just different prospective directors.
Partner: Other people's mistakes don't excuse your mistakes. This is ridiculous. Now, review the document again.
Edit: I guess it really isn't a gotcha. Just a pain in the ass moment.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#25673774) |
Date: March 16th, 2017 6:17 PM Author: provocative casino mental disorder
BIGLAW is a PYRAMID SCHEME for a fucking reason. You make hours? You get 4-5 years. Enough to pay off loans and make a little $. Then you leave. Or, if you "win" you get to stay. LOL.
The entire point is to CYA. Partners are sociopaths. Everyone is CYAing. You would/will/do, too. You fuck over the young. Boomers ruined it all.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2303101&forum_id=2#32846326) |
|
|