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You're listening to XO News. I'm 11th yr biglaw associate...
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Poast new message in this thread
Date: March 12th, 2014 3:19 PM Author: Painfully honest garnet university wagecucks (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2516372&forum_id=2#25177177) |
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Date: March 12th, 2014 6:37 PM Author: slap-happy lemon twinkling uncleanness pit lol, AutoAdmit television http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wPNaJessRtI |
Date: March 12th, 2014 3:23 PM Author: Translucent dashing cruise ship ...and I'm dodo bird, filling in for josh. President Obama has declared a State of Emergency after a bomb exploded and killed two 'people' at Harlem, New York.
Stocks from the big three are up today by an average of 12.3% thanks to all California state bonds purchased by Mark Zuckerberg - the deal includes ownership of the entire California coastline by 2018... |
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Date: March 12th, 2014 4:16 PM Author: Chrome vibrant puppy 180 (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2516372&forum_id=2#25177451) |
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Date: March 12th, 2014 8:34 PM Author: Vigorous death wish corner (unemployed bro entering his 18th hour of posting) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2516372&forum_id=2#25178747) |
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Date: March 12th, 2014 9:33 PM Author: Translucent dashing cruise ship (weird oblong faggot who literally keeps track of all poasters' billing time saved under "poasterswhohavemoresexthanme.xls") (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2516372&forum_id=2#25179190) |
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Date: May 13th, 2014 5:24 PM Author: Yapping Big Gas Station Wrinkle (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2516372&forum_id=2#25554757) |
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Date: March 12th, 2014 3:26 PM Author: Painfully honest garnet university wagecucks ...Russia's President Vladimir Putin continues his 180 occupation of Crimea--a move he continued to defend at a press conference from the Kremlin on Monday. A recent poll of XO poasters rated his alphaness at 176, an increase of 18 points over a similar poll conducted last month... (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2516372&forum_id=2#25177208) |
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Date: March 12th, 2014 4:16 PM Author: Chrome vibrant puppy (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2516372&forum_id=2#25177452) |
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Date: March 12th, 2014 11:11 PM Author: Stimulating alcoholic voyeur preventive strike (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2516372&forum_id=2#25179855) |
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Date: March 12th, 2014 3:30 PM Author: Painfully honest garnet university wagecucks ...The time is 3:30. This is XO News. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2516372&forum_id=2#25177228) |
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Date: March 12th, 2014 3:34 PM Author: Translucent dashing cruise ship ...Now for a quick traffic update: Starting with the West Coast the 5 and 405 are clogged as motherfucking usual thanks to the Caltrans union taking their sweet fucking time on lane expansion. In the East Coast, the 87 and 278 have light to moderate traffic for all bound directions due to high Millenial density and their proclivity to not own cars because the, I quote: "Public transportation has so much culture!"
Thanks and now back to you 11th yr biglaw associate. |
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Date: April 10th, 2014 8:26 PM Author: bistre background story factory reset button Fuck (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2516372&forum_id=2#25362798) |
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Date: March 12th, 2014 4:02 PM Author: Painfully honest garnet university wagecucks SUNY-Buffalo undergraduate student Danny Dooberstein--doobs--has been an XO mainstay for years. Recognized by his furry ginger asshole, facial pallor, and penchant for catechizing XO poasters in obscure subthreads, doobs has developed a reputation unique to XO. We here at XO News were surprised, however, to learn that his behavior on XO has extended to IRL situations at his university when a student at SUNY-Buffalo, Mr. Joel Dorfstein, contacted us about a bizarre incident that occurred during on campus interviews at SUNY-Buffalo's law school. [Dorfstein:]"When we were signing up for OCI interviews, we were surprised to see interview slots available for WLRK because they've never come to our OCI before." What added to Mr. Dorfstein's and other students' surprise was that the interviewing attorney from WLRK was willing to interview any student who asked for an interview. [Dorfstein:] "That really set off alarm bells because--I mean--why would they want to interview everyone? They are the best firm in the country and I didn't think they'd even be interested in the top person here." What Mr. Dorfstein and others didn't know was that doobs had somehow hacked into the OCI scheduling software and added a schedule of fake interviews with every law student at SUNY-Buffalo. When students arrived for their interviews, they found doobs waiting for them with a stack of questionnaires--asking them for details about everything from their love life to their social security numbers and XO monikers. [Dorfstein:] "I didn't really know what he meant when he asked me for my 'moniker,' but I didn't want to look like an idiot on the off chance that he really was a partner at WLRK, so I just gave him my Skype name with a few numbers added at the end. Then I was reeeeally confused when he asked me if I had any *other* monikers. I just said 'no' and hoped he would move on." ... (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2516372&forum_id=2#25177382) |
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Date: March 12th, 2014 4:11 PM Author: Puce vengeful national The North Korean national basketball team has defeated the passengers of Malaysian Air flight 370 coached by Dennis Rodman by a score of 230-7. Kim Jong-un was later quoted as saying that the passengers of MH-370 voluntarily chose to fly to North Korea instead of Beijing because the North Korean air is cleaner. The basketball exhibition he claimed was just another demonstration of North Korea's althetic superiority. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2516372&forum_id=2#25177418) |
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Date: March 12th, 2014 4:21 PM Author: Puce vengeful national We need a slogan.
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Date: March 12th, 2014 4:29 PM Author: Painfully honest garnet university wagecucks This is XO News. Your source for flame. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2516372&forum_id=2#25177547) |
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Date: March 12th, 2014 4:31 PM Author: Puce vengeful national This is XO News. Holy shit, not flame. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2516372&forum_id=2#25177562) |
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Date: April 9th, 2015 2:44 AM Author: Puce vengeful national How did I miss this? 180. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2516372&forum_id=2#27655172) |
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Date: March 14th, 2014 9:41 AM Author: Out-of-control theater incel This is XOXO News.Holy Shit, Not Flame...
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Date: March 12th, 2014 6:41 PM Author: jet seedy base really tough guy XO News: Your jew free news (except for that faggot dbg). (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2516372&forum_id=2#25178237) |
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Date: March 12th, 2014 6:21 PM Author: Sickened bull headed national security agency Time to check in with Johnsmeyer live from the Science Fair. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2516372&forum_id=2#25178135) |
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Date: March 12th, 2014 6:23 PM Author: Puce vengeful national We apologize to Johnsmeyer and we'll get back to him shortly. But first some breaking news. XO News has confirmed that J Shad has been grounded for lying about sending out an email. When asked to comment J Shad said, "I don't know what kind of fish tank I should buy." (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2516372&forum_id=2#25178144) |
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Date: March 12th, 2014 11:39 PM Author: Puce vengeful national We have an update to our story earlier about the J Shad grounding. J Shad wanted to clarify his comment for the record. He said he is looking to buy a fish tank for his house, not his office. He added that if anyone can recommend a good fish tank, or even fish, to please contact him ASAP at his firm. He asked us to stress ASAP. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2516372&forum_id=2#25180090) |
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Date: March 12th, 2014 9:25 PM Author: charcoal gunner dysfunction "Coming up later, Seahawks win the Super Bowl. But first, the big news from the world of naked bodybuilding." (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2516372&forum_id=2#25179136) |
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Date: March 12th, 2014 11:31 PM Author: naked plaza digit ratio Today I complete my 5 part series on ASSBALLS, the controversial STIM that has caused a rift in the IFNB....................
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Date: March 12th, 2014 11:32 PM Author: Boyish skinny woman stag film We turn now to action reporter Boogie Down who is live inside the splash zone at Mister Alpha.
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Date: March 12th, 2014 11:34 PM Author: Translucent dashing cruise ship 84949456 (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2516372&forum_id=2#25180059) |
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Date: March 12th, 2014 11:25 PM Author: Translucent dashing cruise ship (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2516372&forum_id=2#25179970) |
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Date: December 9th, 2018 7:56 PM Author: Turquoise adulterous ladyboy doctorate (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2516372&forum_id=2#37379216) |
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Date: March 12th, 2014 11:30 PM Author: Boyish skinny woman stag film It's 11:31 PM and it's time for who's mad on the ones. Sources report that asians, cumskin dorks, and fedora-wearing atheists are all mad right now. Shrews reportedly are MADDD AS FUCKKKKKKKK and done here after allegations that a 32 year old woman that .....,,.,.,.,.,.,., saw on his lunch break tried to hit on a cupcake cart worker and was shot down.
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Date: March 12th, 2014 11:31 PM Author: Translucent dashing cruise ship (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2516372&forum_id=2#25180023) |
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Date: March 14th, 2014 10:45 AM Author: Misunderstood senate karate Formerly Muscular Ginger checking in with Breaking news out of the Ukraine: XO Putin has apparently invaded the Crimean region of the Ukraine. All signs indicate XO Putin will likely annex the area with the support of the Crimean people. In a truly masterful political move, XO Putin duped TLS Obama into loaning the Ukraine $1B, which the Ukraine will the use to pay the $1B+ the Ukraine owes Gazprom, the Russian Govt controlled natural gas company.
Tl;dl: XO Putin tricks TLS Obama into financing his annexation of the Crimea.
XO News: we report what Jews decide. |
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Date: March 14th, 2014 10:46 AM Author: motley soggy jap (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2516372&forum_id=2#25187408) |
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Date: March 3rd, 2015 12:55 PM Author: onyx point rigor good work shitposting in a funny thread (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2516372&forum_id=2#27422381) |
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Date: March 14th, 2014 6:58 PM Author: Translucent dashing cruise ship Today's program is bought to you by: Kyle's Assfuckery Industries: "Fuck. My. Ass." (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2516372&forum_id=2#25190011) |
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Date: March 14th, 2014 7:01 PM Author: Boyish skinny woman stag film Are some young women on online dating sites exaggerating the physical fitness required to run a half marathon? XO News investigative reporter David Ben Gurion takes a closer look... (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2516372&forum_id=2#25190040) |
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Date: March 14th, 2014 7:03 PM Author: Translucent dashing cruise ship (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2516372&forum_id=2#25190056) |
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Date: March 14th, 2014 7:48 PM Author: Twinkling Swashbuckling Parlor This just in: the ,.,;.,;…,,,. loses virginity flame is 30% contained (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2516372&forum_id=2#25190365) |
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Date: April 2nd, 2014 12:34 PM Author: Razzle-dazzle yellow striped hyena weed whacker Criminally underrated. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2516372&forum_id=2#25309707) |
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Date: March 14th, 2014 8:13 PM Author: excitant windowlicker round eye After the news, don't forget to watch the latest installment of our award winning newsmagazine: XO Undercover.
If you were shocked at what we found out about the New York City Police Department, you won't believe what orthodox jew women are doing behind Obama's electronic curtain.
XO Undercover, tonight at 11:30. Then stay tuned for 'BateLine's 1937th consecutive examination of titty gifs. |
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Date: March 14th, 2014 8:15 PM Author: Painfully honest garnet university wagecucks (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2516372&forum_id=2#25190472) |
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Date: April 2nd, 2014 10:13 AM Author: smoky marvelous state Reporting from Washington, I'm freddie.
A Chile today is indeed *det* as scorching fires and tsunamis caused by last night's 8.2 magnitude earthquake make Chile evermore detter than ever.
CNN goes off the deep end and into morbid measures as it continues its valiant but futile search for the missing Malaysia Airliner MH370.
CNN Reporter: "CNN wants to you give a re-dramatization of what happens when a jumbo jet is blown out of the sky, seemingly into thin air!" *aims FGM-148 towards an airport*
--Ah hem, this is XO News, National Public Faggotry. |
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Date: April 2nd, 2014 12:34 PM Author: Razzle-dazzle yellow striped hyena weed whacker (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2516372&forum_id=2#25309710) |
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Date: April 13th, 2014 4:29 PM Author: Puce vengeful national Reporting from xo headquarters, this is chilmata with some breaking news. A faceless, anonymous pumo has issued an ultimatum threatening to leave xo for tls unless there is less hate-filled and vitriolic posts. He was immediately called a retard. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2516372&forum_id=2#25377057) |
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Date: April 14th, 2014 1:21 AM Author: smoky marvelous state The pumo made no comment afterward except that: "[He] was done here." (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2516372&forum_id=2#25380127) |
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Date: April 13th, 2014 4:40 PM Author: godawful stirring mental disorder main people when asked to comment, brazini replied, simply, "you jerks. i got pwnd." (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2516372&forum_id=2#25377099) |
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Date: April 15th, 2014 3:58 AM Author: Puce vengeful national Reporting from xo headquarters, this is Chilmata with some breaking news. HBO has hired Trey Branson, author of "Trayvon's Revenge" to write Book 7 of "Game of Thrones" citing George R.R. Martin's writer's block. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2516372&forum_id=2#25385830) |
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Date: May 12th, 2014 11:52 PM Author: Puce vengeful national Live from xo headquarters, this is chilmata with some breaking news. A new meme is born. Less than a week ago, rawdog69 poasted what was otherwise just a clever description of the woman he recently dumped after wasting more than five years of his life on her. Never missing a misanthropic opportunity, the bros at xo quickly exploited the word combination and made it into xo's newest meme. Currently half of the first page is cluttered with threads uttering the phrase.
http://www.xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2562328&mc=82&forum_id=2#25523653 |
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Date: November 12th, 2014 10:50 PM Author: Painfully honest garnet university wagecucks We've got some breaking news here. It appears that the "McRib" will be coming back to McDonalds. Our culinary correspondent, Bboom, has the story... (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2516372&forum_id=2#26705433) |
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Date: November 12th, 2014 10:54 PM Author: Razzle azn this just in .. we're being told that "libs" are "shit" more as the story develops
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Date: November 12th, 2014 11:14 PM Author: Slippery Comical Faggotry XOXOHTH 1987: dead rabbits / XOXOHTH 2014: dead ovaries
A look at almost 30 years of insane NYC shrews.
A xoxo news special report |
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Date: March 3rd, 2015 12:42 PM Author: shaky sick stage macaca (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2516372&forum_id=2#27422314) |
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Date: March 10th, 2015 11:19 PM Author: Puce vengeful national Reporting from San Diego, this just in. People love NeumannMorgenste.
http://www.xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2827136&mc=5&forum_id=2 |
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Date: April 9th, 2015 2:42 AM Author: Purple business firm fat ankles "The board had become a cauldron of new ideas--for reform and restructuring and improvement--with the brotherhood critiquing and debating and parsing their merits in grand Enlightenment tradition late into the wee, small, candle-lit hours of the night."
Back to you in the studio, Jim.
Sent from my Iridium |
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Date: April 9th, 2015 2:46 AM Author: Puce vengeful national (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2516372&forum_id=2#27655182) |
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Date: April 10th, 2015 7:24 PM Author: Purple business firm fat ankles "In other news .... {clears throat} In other news ... {breaks down crying}"
http://www.xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2851153&mc=47&forum_id=2 |
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Date: April 1st, 2016 5:02 PM Author: cracking goal in life station I don't have to tell you things are bad. Everybody knows things are bad. It's ITE all over again. Everybody's out of work or scared of losing their job. The dollar buys a nickel's worth. Banks are going bust. Shopkeepers keep a gun under the counter. Dindu Nuffins are running wild in the street and there's nobody anywhere who seems to know what to do, and there's no end to it. We know the air is unfit to breathe and our food is unfit to eat, and we sit poasting on XO while some alt-right blogger tells us that today we had fifteen homicides and sixty-three violent crimes, as if that's the way it's supposed to be. We know things are bad — worse than bad. They're crazy. It's like everything everywhere is going crazy, so we don't go out anymore. We sit in Mom's basement , and slowly the world we are living in is getting smaller, and all we say is: 'Please, at least leave us alone in our living rooms. Let me have my Thinkpad and my Pornhub and my Adderall and I won't say anything. Just leave us alone.' Well, I'm not gonna leave you alone. I want you to get MAD! I don't want you to protest. I don't want you to riot — I don't want you to write to your congressman, because I wouldn't know what to tell you to write. I don't know what to do about the depression and the inflation and the SJWs and the crime in the street. All I know is that first you've got to get mad.
You've got to say: 'I'm an XO Poaster, god-dammit! My life has value!' So, I want you to get up now. I want all of you to get up out of your chairs. I want you to get up right now and go to the window. Open it, and stick your head out, and yell: I'M AS MAD AS FUKk, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE! I want you to get up right now. Sit up. Go to your windows. Open them and stick your head out and yell - 'I'm as mad as fukk and I'm not gonna take this anymore!' Things have got to change. But first, you've gotta get mad!...You've got to say, I'M AS MAD AS FUKK, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE! Then we'll figure out what to do about the depression and the inflation and the student loan crisis. But first, get up out of your chairs, open the window, stick your head out, and yell, and say it: I'M AS MAD AS FUKk AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE! |
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