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If there's a heaven, shouldn't it essentially be like a porno?
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Date: October 9th, 2015 2:17 PM Author: Onyx narrow-minded shitlib Obviously if it's like spending an eternity in church, I'll be like, "Fuck this, where's the door to hell." But if it's something else, let's say moderately enjoyable, the whole time I'll be thinking, "You know, heaven would be much better if I got to spend all of my time fucking hotties." So it wouldn't really be heaven then, would it? Completely serious question. |
Date: October 9th, 2015 2:20 PM Author: Bat-shit-crazy bipolar institution If heaven ain't a lot like a porno, I'd just as soon stay home. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3012834&forum_id=2#28933976) |
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Date: October 9th, 2015 2:20 PM Author: carnelian swollen church clown (Samuel Clemens) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3012834&forum_id=2#28933979) |
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Date: October 9th, 2015 2:20 PM Author: sinister excitant idea he suggested library (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3012834&forum_id=2#28933983) |
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Date: October 9th, 2015 2:21 PM Author: Onyx narrow-minded shitlib If he thought of this first, I wasn't aware of it. I wouldn't have thought he could get away with saying things like that in the Victorian era. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3012834&forum_id=2#28933988) |
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Date: October 9th, 2015 2:24 PM Author: carnelian swollen church clown He did, in his LENGTHY SCREED, "Letters from Earth" in which he 'revealed' letters purportedly written by Satan to the archangels. Admittedly, it was published posthumously so you weren't too far off with thinking he couldn't get away with saying it.
http://www.online-literature.com/twain/letters-from-the-earth/3/
"I have told you nothing about man that is not true." You must pardon me if I repeat that remark now and then in these letters; I want you to take seriously the things I am telling you, and I feel that if I were in your place and you in mine, I should need that reminder from time to time, to keep my credulity from flagging.
For there is nothing about man that is not strange to an immortal. He looks at nothing as we look at it, his sense of proportion is quite different from ours, and his sense of values is so widely divergent from ours, that with all our large intellectual powers it is not likely that even the most gifted among us would ever be quite able to understand it.
For instance, take this sample: he has imagined a heaven, and has left entirely out of it the supremest of all his delights, the one ecstasy that stands first and foremost in the heart of every individual of his race -- and of ours -- sexual intercourse!
It is as if a lost and perishing person in a roasting desert should be told by a rescuer he might choose and have all longed-for things but one, and he should elect to leave out water!
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First of all, I recall to your attention the extraordinary fact with which I began. To wit, that the human being, like the immortals, naturally places sexual intercourse far and away above all other joys -- yet he has left it out of his heaven! The very thought of it excites him; opportunity sets him wild; in this state he will risk life, reputation, everything -- even his queer heaven itself -- to make good that opportunity and ride it to the overwhelming climax. From youth to middle age all men and all women prize copulation above all other pleasures combined, yet it is actually as I have said: it is not in their heaven; prayer takes its place.
They prize it thus highly; yet, like all their so-called "boons," it is a poor thing. At its very best and longest the act is brief beyond imagination -- the imagination of an immortal, I mean. In the matter of repetition the man is limited -- oh, quite beyond immortal conception. We who continue the act and its supremest ecstasies unbroken and without withdrawal for centuries, will never be able to understand or adequately pity the awful poverty of these people in that rich gift which, possessed as we possess it, makes all other possessions trivial and not worth the trouble of invoicing. |
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Date: October 9th, 2015 2:31 PM Author: sinister excitant idea he suggested library https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ak3z2Pm7Iwg
Twain was a genius. This is creepy as shit. |
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Date: October 9th, 2015 2:20 PM Author: sinister excitant idea he suggested library the apologists will say its not like a porno because all your iggling little desires and nuances will be burned out of you in the process of getting a new body. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3012834&forum_id=2#28933981) |
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Date: October 9th, 2015 2:22 PM Author: Onyx narrow-minded shitlib So we'll be neutered, then? Even an unfulfilled sexual desire is certainly better than no desire at all. |
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Date: October 9th, 2015 2:25 PM Author: sinister excitant idea he suggested library It will be as if filled with the staff of life, the water of life, where such distinctions wont have any meaning. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3012834&forum_id=2#28934033) |
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Date: October 9th, 2015 2:22 PM Author: Big alcoholic idiot kitchen I think in Heaven you are transformed to something not so Fallen as Man, so you won't have the same desires as a man (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3012834&forum_id=2#28933996) |
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Date: October 9th, 2015 2:25 PM Author: Razzmatazz theater stage lmao. "we'll brainwash u to rly like oatmeal and doc review." OH WHAT A PARADISE! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3012834&forum_id=2#28934034) |
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Date: October 9th, 2015 2:26 PM Author: Onyx narrow-minded shitlib (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3012834&forum_id=2#28934048) |
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Date: October 9th, 2015 2:24 PM Author: autistic brethren *gets to heaven*
*goes ass to mouth on Sheena Shaw* |
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Date: October 9th, 2015 2:28 PM Author: Onyx narrow-minded shitlib And if I don't get to have sex, I should at least get to be a federal judge or something, right? Oh, except that heaven has no legal system because there are no disputes. Well, I would get bored out of my fucking mind. I literally get tired of vacations after three or four days because I want to get back to litigating, not flame. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3012834&forum_id=2#28934073) |
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Date: October 9th, 2015 2:35 PM Author: 180 Persian It's the beatific vision bro. You will be cleansed of all impurity.
That is the terrible thing about sin, it feels so good.
Like today, I was making eyes at this dude in the supermarket who was just sooo unnggghh *bites hand*. I silently prayed a Haily Mary and it was nbd afterward, but definitely not easy. |
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Date: October 9th, 2015 2:37 PM Author: Onyx narrow-minded shitlib Oh, right, I guess you would even say that sex with my wife is impurity. Litigating is certainly not sin per se either. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3012834&forum_id=2#28934145) |
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Date: October 9th, 2015 2:41 PM Author: 180 Persian Well yes the only valid aim of schtupping is to form babby and you cannot think lustful thoughts about anything either. Even her. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3012834&forum_id=2#28934176) |
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Date: October 9th, 2015 2:42 PM Author: Onyx narrow-minded shitlib Your religion sucks. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3012834&forum_id=2#28934186) |
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Date: October 9th, 2015 2:43 PM Author: 180 Persian I don't make the rules. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3012834&forum_id=2#28934190) |
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Date: October 9th, 2015 2:43 PM Author: Onyx narrow-minded shitlib *Your interpretation sucks. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3012834&forum_id=2#28934196) |
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Date: October 9th, 2015 2:46 PM Author: 180 Persian "But my interpretation was that this wouldn't happen!" he screamed as Satan roasted him on the top side for a while. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3012834&forum_id=2#28934220) |
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Date: October 9th, 2015 2:39 PM Author: Obsidian trip whorehouse the landscape of Christian heaven is pretty outdated. miserable medieval peasants really couldn't imagine anything better than leisurely strolling golden streets listening to harp music. these days most people have experienced long periods of relaxation and therefore know this would be awful (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3012834&forum_id=2#28934162) |
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Date: October 9th, 2015 2:42 PM Author: Onyx narrow-minded shitlib yeah dude, I've been a devout Christian for many years but even this shit by itself is just about enough to put me off the whole thing. The main things keeping me in it right now are momentum, fear, lack of a social life outside of church, uh, and probably some other bullshit. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3012834&forum_id=2#28934182) |
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Date: October 9th, 2015 4:12 PM Author: Obsidian trip whorehouse I do think it's a real contributing factor in decreased religiosity. if people can't relate or really "believe" in your afterlife the whole narrative gets less sticky for them.
Funny that Mormons get ridiculed for claiming the best afterlife option is learning how to be a god and making your own planet to fuck around with. that might be goofy from the perspective of Christian theology but it's still objectively way better at capturing the modern imagination |
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Date: October 9th, 2015 4:20 PM Author: sinister excitant idea he suggested library (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3012834&forum_id=2#28934931) |
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Date: October 9th, 2015 10:59 PM Author: Soul-stirring crackhouse degenerate (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3012834&forum_id=2#28937777) |
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Date: October 9th, 2015 2:47 PM Author: carnelian swollen church clown Scholarship. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3012834&forum_id=2#28934225) |
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Date: October 9th, 2015 11:05 PM Author: Big alcoholic idiot kitchen I don't think that is the actual depiction of Heaven in Christian mythology, just a cartoonish symbol of it much like Satan as a little red devil with a pitchfork. I may be wrong though (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3012834&forum_id=2#28937816) |
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Date: October 9th, 2015 2:44 PM Author: sinister excitant idea he suggested library What Is There To Say | Jack Gilbert
What do they say each new morning in heaven? They would weary of one always singing how green the green trees are in Paradise.
Surely it would seem convention and affectation to rejoice every time Helen went by, since she would have gone daily by.
What can I say then if each time your whiteness glimmers and fashions in that dark? If each time your voice opens so near in that dark
new? What can I say each morning after that you will believe? But there is this stubborn provincial singing in me oh each time.
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Date: October 9th, 2015 2:46 PM Author: motley mahogany cruise ship very original take (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3012834&forum_id=2#28934221) |
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Date: October 9th, 2015 11:03 PM Author: curious range so what you're saying is, and correct me if i'm wrong, that you value physical pleasure, no matter how fleeting and ultimately unfulfilling, over a spiritual ecstasy which would render those physical pleasures obsolete. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3012834&forum_id=2#28937799) |
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Date: October 9th, 2015 11:06 PM Author: Big alcoholic idiot kitchen Tbf, he's probably a Jew (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3012834&forum_id=2#28937825) |