Wife unilaterally decided to be a SAHM
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Poast new message in this thread
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Date: October 26th, 2017 2:25 PM Author: useless international law enforcement agency
Nah state mandated guidelines are 4:1 ratio and I pay for white women with BS degrees in “child development.” But they just need a sandbox books, oys and outdoor space.
It’s also 3x/week and he chills with grandma the other 2 days. She could do it 5 days/week but he’s a social kid who needed more. Believe it or not, lots of kids benefit from daycare.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3775434&forum_id=2#34534650)
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Date: October 26th, 2017 2:50 PM Author: Contagious Free-loading Theater
what's the game plan? to get her to go back to work or to get her to move?
imo he should get her to move and then get her to go back to work. getting her to go back to work will root them in CA which was dumb for them to do.
she can re-enter medicine. and if she reacted this strongly she's not going back to work anytime soon no matter what he does.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3775434&forum_id=2#34534887)
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Date: October 26th, 2017 1:07 PM Author: concupiscible famous landscape painting
Congrats. Having a true SAHM will be awesome.
You should have a sparkling clean house, fresh affordable food in the fridge and healthy homecooked meals waiting for you. Your clothes should be immaculate. Your child should dominate the kindergarten scene when he/she get there, already reading, already proficient at basic adding and subtracting. Your wife should provide seasonal bonuses, like decorating the house for Halloween or Christmas, etc, with special edible treats included. You should not have to actually sit down and pay any bills or go to the bank. A fresh cold alcoholic drink and a back rub are yours at 530PM.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3775434&forum_id=2#34533967) |
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Date: October 26th, 2017 1:08 PM Author: clear unhinged library
*spits out coffee*
tyft.
OP, your workload will managed to go UP here, btw, because she'll be "so tired" all the time.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3775434&forum_id=2#34533989) |
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Date: October 27th, 2017 11:59 AM Author: dead aquamarine address
I was thinking of this thread last night as I sat in my easy chair with chip crumbs all over the floor from three nights before.
I then went upstairs where wife was watching youtube videos and said very gently, "Hey, sort of messy downstairs, don't you think?"
Wife said, "What part? Those chips!? You made that mess yourself so you clean it up. I cleaned up the kitchen" __the kitchen is literally the only thing she "cleans" but she always leaves out all the dishes and pans from dinner overnight__
I said, "Oh, is that the rule? You clean up the kitchen and I clean up the mess I make? I didn't know that was the rule."
She then left the room, cursing me in another language under her breath, then started to put the kid to bed--which was something I had asked her to do but she said it was my turn.
You interpret. SAHM lol.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3775434&forum_id=2#34541695) |
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Date: October 26th, 2017 1:59 PM Author: Excitant flushed tattoo
Why You Won’t Be the Person You Expect to Be
You Won’t Stay the Same, Study Finds
By JOHN TIERNEY
JANUARY 3, 2013
When we remember our past selves, they seem quite different. We know how much our personalities and tastes have changed over the years. But when we look ahead, somehow we expect ourselves to stay the same, a team of psychologists said Thursday, describing research they conducted of people’s self-perceptions.
They called this phenomenon the “end of history illusion,” in which people tend to “underestimate how much they will change in the future.” According to their research, which involved more than 19,000 people ages 18 to 68, the illusion persists from teenage years into retirement.
“Middle-aged people — like me — often look back on our teenage selves with some mixture of amusement and chagrin,” said one of the authors, Daniel T. Gilbert, a psychologist at Harvard. “What we never seem to realize is that our future selves will look back and think the very same thing about us. At every age we think we’re having the last laugh, and at every age we’re wrong.”
Why? Dr. Gilbert and his collaborators, Jordi Quoidbach of Harvard and Timothy D. Wilson of the University of Virginia, had a few theories, starting with the well-documented tendency of people to overestimate their own wonderfulness.
“Believing that we just reached the peak of our personal evolution makes us feel good,” Dr. Quoidbach said. “The ‘I wish that I knew then what I know now’ experience might give us a sense of satisfaction and meaning, whereas realizing how transient our preferences and values are might lead us to doubt every decision and generate anxiety.”
https://mobile.nytimes.com/2013/01/04/science/study-in-science-shows-end-of-history-illusion.html
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3775434&forum_id=2#34534404) |
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Date: October 26th, 2017 2:17 PM Author: confused site
agreed.
i remember when my first friend from high school got married. a bunch of my old hs friends and i were sitting in the church during the ceremony and my one friend leans over towards me and goes, looks like he's the first of us to get married and will probably be the first to get divorced too.
and sure enough, 5 years later...
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3775434&forum_id=2#34534568) |
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Date: October 26th, 2017 6:21 PM Author: Pearly angry hall kitty
As I've stated elsewhere in this thread, "marriage" isn't really good or bad, but being married to the right person is great.
I think the right pairing is much more important than the inherent characteristics of either individual (although that certainly matters too).
"Not trying to be an ass"
It just comes naturally I guess
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3775434&forum_id=2#34536464) |
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Date: October 27th, 2017 1:17 AM Author: fragrant fluffy old irish cottage internal respiration
No, this is the ego-fed view of it, amounts to no more than "You have to choose well, like I did!"
What I'm saying is your natural disposition matters a great, great deal. Got lucky and chose a person who will remain statically capable of being your partner in life without tradeoffs that slowly make unhappy? Well done! Just do that!
I'm also not making a judgment on marriage as a net positive or negative in a vacuum. What I am saying is that everyone's homespun advice about what makes a sound marriage is suspect. And the idea that you can predictively choose well is useless. Your ability to sink into married life and find pleasure in it, as well as your partner, is just as critical as 'choosing well.' Some people are simply more capable of monogamy and crave the routine and stability of normal married life. Those people are more likely to have a good experience with it no matter how well or poorly they 'choose.'
Any time somebody on this board questions the sanctity of your domestic bliss you get chippy. No need to protest so loudly when all is well, pal.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3775434&forum_id=2#34539507)
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Date: October 26th, 2017 1:32 PM Author: marvelous zombie-like travel guidebook
Lmao so much to unpack here.
She caused you guys to move to shitty SoCal for HER MY SHREW JOB LIFESTYLE and then wants to quit out of the blue? Also, when did that kid show up? Wow things sound like they're getting crazy. You need to get her in line, asap.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3775434&forum_id=2#34534227) |
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Date: October 26th, 2017 1:36 PM Author: Maroon hell pervert
For the third month in a row, prospective homebuyers in Los Angeles County faced a median sale price of $575,000 in September, according to real estate tracker CoreLogic. That’s the highest price ever recorded in the area.
On the bright side, after four straight months of record shattering prices, the cost of buying is finally holding steady.
That’s not the case in other parts of Southern California; Orange and San Bernardino counties both saw median prices shoot up more than 3 percent between August and September—a very sizable increase in such a short time. Across all of Southern California, the median sale price rose to $505,000, up from $500,000 the month before.
https://la.curbed.com/2017/10/24/16538684/la-county-home-price-cost-to-buy
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3775434&forum_id=2#34534254) |
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Date: October 27th, 2017 11:56 AM Author: Very Tactful Wild Keepsake Machete Casino
"she can transition to full time work if she wants"
LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Brother I don't think u know how women work
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3775434&forum_id=2#34541669) |
Date: October 26th, 2017 2:24 PM Author: Contagious Free-loading Theater
she can re-enter easily in medicine no? don't let it get too long. don't have another. leverage this to move where things make sense.
i used to think lots of women planned to fuck their employers over when they decide to not come back but irl your situation is pretty common (not the moving to Cali part). they were also blindsided. it feels biologically wrong handing a kid under 3 to a non-relative fulltime (it's true frankly).
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3775434&forum_id=2#34534640)
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Date: October 26th, 2017 3:31 PM Author: Pearly angry hall kitty
CharelsXII,
You are doing the right thing by being selective in pursuing (or not) potential mates/life partners.
Getting/being married and forming babbies is 180, but only if you marry the right person.
Sincerely,
Happily married husband/father
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3775434&forum_id=2#34535250) |
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Date: October 26th, 2017 3:54 PM Author: clear unhinged library
Will make a suitable mother. Not all women (and not all good women) are cut out for it in 2017 now that it's all but discouraged for women to prioritize families.
Parents aren't divorced. Good relationship with parents, siblings, and grandparents and speaks to them regularly.
Same goals as you (e.g., having a family, living in the suburbs, and living near aging parents v. moving to London for work and sending kids to $45k/yr schools).
Some shared interests; no directly opposing interests. You love nothing more than going to the opera? Don't marry someone who's been going to punk shows since age 12, because planning weekends/free time will be a major compromise.
Understands money and lives below her means. Ideally is not supported by her parents.
Has friends and healthy relationships with them. If it's all drama all the time, run.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3775434&forum_id=2#34535458) |
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Date: October 26th, 2017 2:55 PM Author: confused site
i know women who can slide back into say $150k a year jobs.
but law and MBA is also way less schooling and opportunity cost than an MD. and the upper end pay is better for law and MBA than an MD.
each has its own benefits
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3775434&forum_id=2#34534939) |
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Date: October 26th, 2017 4:19 PM Author: Bearded godawful abode
Tommy Turd did it
But women who transition from biglaw associate to biglaw firm admin, HR., recruiting, etc can do it.
Even some nonprofits pay 120k+ to attorneys 10 years out with 30 hour work weeks.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3775434&forum_id=2#34535594) |
Date: October 26th, 2017 2:51 PM Author: Charcoal police squad
A contrarian viewpoint:
Feel blessed that he has strong protective/motherly instincts and would do whatever is needed to care for her kid.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3775434&forum_id=2#34534897) |
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Date: October 26th, 2017 2:59 PM Author: clear unhinged library
cr, maybe some good can be made of this.
Still, he'd have to pay back signing bonus, relocation expenses, they have a lease, he just started a job and would have to leave quickly and then have to explain it, etc. They also can't decide where to move.
This is not the best way to make decisions.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3775434&forum_id=2#34534986) |
Date: October 26th, 2017 6:16 PM Author: chestnut thriller station
So if there is a lesson to be learned here, (1) don't marry a crazy wife, but (2) if you do marry a crazy wife and she starts to do something crazy, fight it?
You've got my sympathy too. Toxic thread
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3775434&forum_id=2#34536426) |
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Date: October 26th, 2017 7:25 PM Author: charismatic sinister mexican
This is not going to end well. The milk is sour. You don't put it back in the fridge. You throw it out and buy new milk.
Get a divorce, but first file a TRO against her. Actually, what you do is you start an argument with her, get her to be psychotic, get her to attack you, call the cops, have her arrested, then file the TRO the very next morning before she does (because she will as soon as she bails out), and serve her with the move out papers.
You will thank me in five years.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3775434&forum_id=2#34536863) |
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Date: October 26th, 2017 7:26 PM Author: mind-boggling pearl field
why the fuck would you agree to the move? grow some balls and put your foot down. appeasing crazy women is never the cr move. as you noticed with the SAHM decision they just push the boundaries further
deciding UNILATERALLY to go SAHM would be such a deal breaker for me personally. Its not about being SAHM but about not even consulting you at all on this big decision. she doesn't look at you as a traditional Husband (household leader) or even a fucking partner. You are being looked at as an associate right out of business school while she is the MD.
So you are at an inflection point. Either completely cuck up or take a stand. your choice
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3775434&forum_id=2#34536875)
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Date: October 26th, 2017 7:39 PM Author: mind-boggling pearl field
SAHM is just the symptom. At the core the real issues are the fact that she seems to have some personality disorder AND she has very little respect for you.
so good luck and maybe just go full cuck for the sake of the baby bcos i just dont see a fully grown adult changing their personality and becoming a new person. it will be a miracle
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3775434&forum_id=2#34536968)
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Date: October 26th, 2017 7:41 PM Author: Drab Heaven
lol at having "a talk".
I'm gonna be blunt with you man, you made a huge mistake marrying this woman and having a kid with her. I have firsthand experience with these types of women, they are raging whirlwinds and no amount of reason or "talking" is going to accomplish anything, You might as well go start a conversation with a black hole.
I can also tell that you're a bit of a pushover and codependent, making you a prime target for these types of marriages. It is too late to sack up and try to "fix" anything because a) she doesn't respect you and b) it isn't worth it anyway. Make no mistake, this woman is your ENEMY and she WILL try to destroy you.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3775434&forum_id=2#34536979) |
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Date: October 26th, 2017 7:22 PM Author: charismatic sinister mexican
Bro, if she ever initiates the divorce, you will 100% get DVTRO pwnd. Not 99%. 100%.
I have seen this a million times. Guys like you would come into my office and tell me, "Nah, I've never hit her or anything."
She will lie her ass off, you will have a TRO on your permanent record.
You need to document these times she has assaulted you, been "psychotic" with dates and summaries that you can give you lawyer to draft the declaration in support of your TRO against her.
The person who pulls the trigger first on this wins the kids. The other one gets supervised visits and loses the house.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3775434&forum_id=2#34536827) |
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Date: October 26th, 2017 7:28 PM Author: charismatic sinister mexican
Bro, the best thing you can do is hit record on your phone in the middle of one of her psychotic episodes. At least capture the audio, the video isn't important.
Make sure you yell, "I'm recording this," if you are in a dual consent state.
I've had many clients pull out their phone, hit record, say they are recording, and their spouse keeps on acting crazy.
The key is not sitting on this evidence long. Act fast and file. Bam! Now you have the kids, the house, 95% custody, you file for a move-away back to wherever you want to go. With 95% custody you will win the move away.
If you wait until she gets 50% custody, you won't win the move away.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3775434&forum_id=2#34536899) |
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Date: October 26th, 2017 7:38 PM Author: charismatic sinister mexican
Not many people know this, but you cannot use an illegal recording in a California court to prove anything. There is ONE exception: to defend yourself against a false DV allegation.
I would always advise my clients that were going through a divorce, but still interacting with their spouse to have their phone recording 100% of the time just in case the spouse filed a false DV claim.
Most false allegations surround an actual verbal argument, but the woman will then pick up the phone, call 911, and say her husband just hit her. Usually she is the one who hit him and they just reverse the facts.
A lot of times, the woman hits the man, the man calls the police, the police come, the woman tells the police the man hit her, the police take the man to jail who is screaming, "I'M THE ONE WHO CALLED YOU!" as they are shoving him into the police cruiser.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3775434&forum_id=2#34536964) |
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Date: October 26th, 2017 7:43 PM Author: crimson lay personal credit line
You should seek to have her hospitalized before she kills your child.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Postpartum_psychosis
I am being entirely serious.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3775434&forum_id=2#34536992) |
Date: October 26th, 2017 7:58 PM Author: Demanding Laughsome Location Trust Fund
Didn't you mention previously your wife was azn?
Also, did you not see any of these red flags go up before you married her?
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3775434&forum_id=2#34537079) |
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Date: October 27th, 2017 11:15 AM Author: metal spectacular property
"wanted to get marriied and have a family too."
*clutches monkeys paw*
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3775434&forum_id=2#34541406)
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Date: October 27th, 2017 1:00 AM Author: Motley startled whorehouse macaca
363 POASTS - awesome trigger topic
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3775434&forum_id=2#34539368)
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Date: October 27th, 2017 2:36 PM Author: sticky corner double fault
Real talk: it isn't PPD. It's a permanent change.
You can't understand this until after you have kids, but no matter where a woman falls on crazy spectrum she will incrementally move towards the crazier end of the spectrum after each kid. Maybe it's the horomomes, the stress or the changes to the body, but it happens.
My SAH wife is truly 180, but she went from tenth percentile crazy prekids to fifteenth percentile after the first and twentieth percentile after the second kid. I'm still very happy and wouldn't change a thing, but the changes for her after kids are real.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3775434&forum_id=2#34542969) |
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Date: October 27th, 2017 8:33 PM Author: mewling organic girlfriend
this. My wife makes a third of what I make, but still makes a lot and could easily support herself comfortably.
When she stopped working full time to write for a year the dynamic got much worse.
Any woman worth their shit wants to pull their weight and hates when they don't...
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3775434&forum_id=2#34545243) |
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Date: October 27th, 2017 3:32 PM Author: Green lascivious state mother
that last sentence is so sad
your wife sounds like a real piece of work, but of all the things to be a fucking lunatic over, becoming a mother at the point of losing your own mother is pretty much at the top of the list
being a mother was always going to be hard for her (if this personality disorder stuff is legit); but doing it right after facing her own mothers' death?
yeesh. I'm worried for you both.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3775434&forum_id=2#34543327) |
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Date: October 27th, 2017 3:39 PM Author: Green lascivious state mother
my poast is not womansplaining
if anything is going to make a crazy person go super duper crazy, it's that kind of collision of life events
op should be worried, careful, and extra involved in making sure his child is safe and secure
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3775434&forum_id=2#34543378) |
Date: November 3rd, 2017 9:57 PM Author: Motley startled whorehouse macaca
I love how this is the #1 substantive thread (hardly any blank bumps) for the last six months.
Really triggers a lot of xo poasters.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3775434&forum_id=2#34599988) |
Date: November 3rd, 2017 10:16 PM Author: brilliant startling institution puppy
Best of luck to you. Sounds like an absolutely terrible situation.
Reasons like this are evidence of the benefit of NOMARRY.
What do you get? To spend a shit ton of money on a fucking ring and then have a psychotic woman ruin your life? Fuck that.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3775434&forum_id=2#34600098) |
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