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Posters-approaching/are-30: how do you deal with not wanting a kid vs lifetime
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Date: November 12th, 2017 3:23 PM Author: appetizing painfully honest house consequences?
180 thing about being a man is that you can wait longer, true.
On one hand, I really don't want a kid. Why? Everything from my own parent's divorce, to potential they end up pwned by something genetic, to the fact America is a failing state and the world seems worse off, to the fact that I can probably not afford to give them the "American dream" (a life better than my own), and their mother and I would likely get divorced because when your parent's divorce you are much more likely to do so, and just generally not being mature enough for it.
I'd focus on hobbies, my job, staying in shape, probably being a 180 uncle, charity work. I'd read a lot.
On the other hand, I think about how lonely it must be at like 50-60. If you're healthy--and you should be hitting the gym with all that extra time and in good shape--you have easily 30-40 years left. Your parents are dead. Your friends are all in families and married off. People scattered around the country. It seems all pretty fucking pointless.
I don't know how to reconcile these things.
I can meet a solid gf, but I'm never in love with them, it's just a union of convenience and tolerance. I feel like if it were some romantic notion of love/marriage in the movies, it might not be so bad. Let's not forget the million things that can happen to her (cancer pwned, death, becoming insane, cheating). |
Date: November 12th, 2017 3:24 PM Author: Smoky tattoo just cave and have 1 kid, but only do it in flyover/somewhere cheap or else you'll be paying for it forever (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3794658&forum_id=2#34668976) |
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Date: November 12th, 2017 3:24 PM Author: Rambunctious amethyst national multi-billionaire (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3794658&forum_id=2#34668978) |
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Date: November 12th, 2017 3:26 PM Author: Cerebral Associate Volcanic Crater I think this is the best compromise. Plus you are reducing your footprint. People who have more than 2 kids are selfish af (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3794658&forum_id=2#34668986) |
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Date: November 12th, 2017 3:27 PM Author: Smoky tattoo also, having a kid in flyover is not that bad and can be cheap AF with decent public schools and opportunities for after school activities
the worst choice is to have kids in MFH or whatever - then you are truly financially fucked unless you're making like 700k-1MM a year |
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Date: November 12th, 2017 3:27 PM Author: appetizing painfully honest house if you're rich I think you should have 3-4 kids because you have a little clan and you can afford it; if I were making millions like gatormo and lived in like columbus, ohio or something, I'd have a bunch of kids because why not (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3794658&forum_id=2#34668992) |
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Date: November 12th, 2017 3:29 PM Author: Cerebral Associate Volcanic Crater Because the world population is already out of control and unsustainable. People who have more than 1 kid should at least pay a heavy tax penalty. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3794658&forum_id=2#34669006) |
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Date: November 12th, 2017 3:32 PM Author: Smoky tattoo CR (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3794658&forum_id=2#34669025) |
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Date: November 12th, 2017 3:33 PM Author: cracking station (rubs hands together) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3794658&forum_id=2#34669034) |
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Date: November 12th, 2017 3:54 PM Author: sticky motley trailer park Stfu kike (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3794658&forum_id=2#34669118) |
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Date: November 12th, 2017 4:12 PM Author: Rambunctious amethyst national multi-billionaire (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3794658&forum_id=2#34669192) |
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Date: November 12th, 2017 4:32 PM Author: Snowy Diverse Azn (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3794658&forum_id=2#34669278) |
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Date: November 12th, 2017 3:59 PM Author: Beady-eyed apoplectic potus But white population is declining :( (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3794658&forum_id=2#34669148) |
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Date: November 12th, 2017 4:05 PM Author: sticky motley trailer park Entire world's population will be declining in hundred years (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3794658&forum_id=2#34669176) |
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Date: November 12th, 2017 3:54 PM Author: sticky motley trailer park (Lib) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3794658&forum_id=2#34669113) |
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Date: November 12th, 2017 4:32 PM Author: Snowy Diverse Azn jfc (xo 2018)? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3794658&forum_id=2#34669283) |
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Date: November 12th, 2017 3:26 PM Author: appetizing painfully honest house I can live in the exurbs of a major metro, that's about as good as I'll ever do, and my income will top out at 200-250K, which isn't too bad, but I'll need a double income. And any woman I am going to stay with is not going to be the type that's a first grade teacher--she'll probably be a professional type bringing in another 150-300K depending on the profession. That's enough to have a comfortable life.
But they don't just want "one" kid, they want 2-3, they want a bigger house, they want want want. |
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Date: November 12th, 2017 3:28 PM Author: Smoky tattoo daycare in major metro area is like 50k a year
that alone is going to fuck you over, esp if she onl ymakes 120k a year pre-tax or whatever
at that point it's not even worth it for her to work |
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Date: November 12th, 2017 3:29 PM Author: appetizing painfully honest house daycare in the exurbs will be a lot less expensive and she (a hypothetical person) would probably be making more than that given the women I tend to date and get along with (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3794658&forum_id=2#34669007) |
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Date: November 12th, 2017 3:32 PM Author: Smoky tattoo i guess, your perspective after u have kids might change
regardless, having a kid in cheap as fuck flyover is pretty easy and manageable |
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Date: November 13th, 2017 10:41 AM Author: Jade boyish hospital This will probably be us (except on a coast). (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3794658&forum_id=2#34675055) |
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Date: November 12th, 2017 3:27 PM Author: pearly hairraiser space I can have a kid as long as my cock works. it's not like 18 yr old chicks start looking gross as you age. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3794658&forum_id=2#34668994) |
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Date: November 12th, 2017 3:28 PM Author: appetizing painfully honest house oh I forgot the daily pressure of never losing your job because then you are fucked as is your family
if you're not a provider it's substantially easier to deal with
and I am convinced this boom-bust model of employment and the economy is the new normal until we die (and beyond) |
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Date: November 12th, 2017 3:29 PM Author: sable mildly autistic trust fund Just have a kid you stupid pussy. Every one of your ancestors for hunderds of thousands of years understood this biological imperative. Are you fucking retarded? Do you think you are special? None of them had it as easy as you. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3794658&forum_id=2#34669005) |
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Date: November 12th, 2017 3:30 PM Author: sable mildly autistic trust fund BTW I’ve had 3 Uber drivers in the past week and the fewest kids any of them had was 5. (One of them had 7, LOL!) You kids will have no problem styling all over these morons. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3794658&forum_id=2#34669012) |
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Date: November 12th, 2017 3:30 PM Author: appetizing painfully honest house none of this is all that compelling it's just someone raging at me for the fact that some dumb people had an extra kid or two to work farms and then the industrial revolution (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3794658&forum_id=2#34669013) |
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Date: November 12th, 2017 3:31 PM Author: sable mildly autistic trust fund Don’t have kids. Don’t need anymore faggots like you on earth. I stand corrected. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3794658&forum_id=2#34669023) |
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Date: November 12th, 2017 3:34 PM Author: cracking station (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3794658&forum_id=2#34669039) |
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Date: November 12th, 2017 3:30 PM Author: floppy brunch gay wizard i believe that creating consciousness is a monstrous crime (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3794658&forum_id=2#34669011) |
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Date: November 12th, 2017 3:30 PM Author: appetizing painfully honest house I'm getting @ that partly in my OP: so the flip side of the Q is how will you deal when you're older (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3794658&forum_id=2#34669014) |
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Date: November 12th, 2017 3:40 PM Author: floppy brunch gay wizard how will i deal with the consequences of not selfishly damning someone to a lifetime of pain and misery in the hope of slightly relieving my own? probably poorly, just like i've dealt with everything ever (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3794658&forum_id=2#34669067) |
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Date: November 12th, 2017 3:55 PM Author: insane razzle deer antler box office (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3794658&forum_id=2#34669122) |
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Date: November 12th, 2017 4:04 PM Author: mint center cumskin (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3794658&forum_id=2#34669172) |
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Date: November 12th, 2017 3:32 PM Author: insane razzle deer antler box office Couple things:
1. My parents divorced and I saw firsthand the dark side of "family" life and the deterioration there of.
2. Loneliness is something you get used to after some time and it just becomes part of you. You learn to embrace it and channel it into other pursuits. It's the same shit that kidhavers do, just not as commonplace. I don't envy the guys who have to go home to a nagging spouse and screaming kids after a long day at work.
3. There is no stability for most people these days. Having kids just so they can struggle to get by in an increasingly stratified world just seems cruel and senseless to me.
4. Philosophically I'm a pessimist, and that pretty much isolates me from the vast majority of mankind. I don't really think life is a "good" thing, and if it is nobody has ever done a satisfactory job of demonstrating so. |
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Date: November 12th, 2017 3:33 PM Author: appetizing painfully honest house we should probably hang out, I feel so strongly about everything you said (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3794658&forum_id=2#34669038) |
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Date: November 12th, 2017 3:34 PM Author: insane razzle deer antler box office (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3794658&forum_id=2#34669042) |
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Date: November 12th, 2017 3:36 PM Author: appetizing painfully honest house age/high COL area/job?
just curious what kind of dude you are to compare to myself
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Date: November 12th, 2017 3:38 PM Author: insane razzle deer antler box office Early thirties, NY, SWE
You're not alone bro. Just do you and don't let anybody tell you that you're wrong. Be strong and stick to your principles, that's all you can really do in this life. |
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Date: November 12th, 2017 3:39 PM Author: Smoky tattoo Well, considering you can't even keep a bird alive, I wouldn't recommend having a kid (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3794658&forum_id=2#34669059) |
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Date: November 12th, 2017 3:40 PM Author: insane razzle deer antler box office Hurtful (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3794658&forum_id=2#34669070) |
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Date: November 12th, 2017 3:41 PM Author: Smoky tattoo Not as bad as bird doodette was hurting when she was eaten by a hawk, brother (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3794658&forum_id=2#34669072) |
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Date: November 12th, 2017 3:45 PM Author: pearly hairraiser space holy shit, link (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3794658&forum_id=2#34669089) |
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Date: November 12th, 2017 3:48 PM Author: insane razzle deer antler box office Like a knife through the heart man. You're so hot when you're cruel to me (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3794658&forum_id=2#34669097) |
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Date: November 13th, 2017 2:16 PM Author: Henna Supple Cruise Ship (Rust Cohle) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3794658&forum_id=2#34676763) |
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Date: November 12th, 2017 3:39 PM Author: Hateful emerald gas station degenerate stop thinking about it you can't do it if you don't have a solid partner so at any time you either can or can't. there's actually not much choice unless you want to raise kids with someone you'll likely grow to hate. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3794658&forum_id=2#34669065) |
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Date: November 12th, 2017 3:44 PM Author: racy orchid travel guidebook Not having a kid means fundamentally failing at your one biological objective. the world needs more of me. I'm 31 and will have kids by 34 or so (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3794658&forum_id=2#34669085) |
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Date: November 12th, 2017 4:18 PM Author: Impressive dashing school "biological objective" is probably the weakest argument for having kids. it's only an "imperative" if you choose to accept it. if you don't, it's no longer imperative for you. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3794658&forum_id=2#34669215) |
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Date: November 12th, 2017 3:49 PM Author: Chartreuse cocky stead codepig If you have children, you face the uncertainty of being able to maintain your current lifestyle (a real problem as most of us are on flame-out trajectories). If you don't have children, you may be able to live out your years in relative comfort, move around for jobs, travel to new places, etc. Either way, you'll probably never be happy, but if you don't have kids, you won't know if the source of your unhappiness is failing to reproduce. If you do have kids, you'll be able to pinpoint your general ineffectiveness and shitty decisions as the source of your malaise. |
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Date: November 12th, 2017 4:02 PM Author: Smoky tattoo (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3794658&forum_id=2#34669164) |
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Date: November 12th, 2017 5:20 PM Author: crawly sickened stain heaven but what if you dont have kids and maintain happiness the rest of your days with all the travel, peace and quiet, adventures, changing jobs whenev, exploring creative pursuits and having enough money to buy a boat and whatnot? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3794658&forum_id=2#34669602) |
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Date: November 12th, 2017 4:12 PM Author: marvelous shrine Being old and alone is the fear motivator to give into pressure and have kids. Of course this presumes that your kids don't hate you and you maintain a big, happy multi-generational family. It doesn't always work out that way. That being said, you have to take a serious look at yourself and ask if you'll be OK spending holidays alone or going out for a boring dinner with your sexless partner, at best. Keep in mind this is the end stage for plenty of people who raised families, but they have memories to sustain them as the lights fades.
This doesn't scare me at all but personalities differ to an insane degree when it comes to this subject. There are familymos here would rather die young than face old age alone. I tend to think I have enough extended family and strong enough social bonds with the people I care about that I will never be truly alone. But that's just as much of an assumption as the family havers assuming everything will work out great 25 years down the road.
Essentially, don't have kids if you're only motivator is FOMO but do have them if you're thinking about it but afraid to pull the trigger due to your risk-adversity. Being afraid to have kids because they cost money or take up too much of your useless time is ridiculous autism-spectrum talk. Perpetuate the human race and take part in the timeless joy of raising a family if you even suspect it's what you want.
I get what you're saying about the world looking like shit in 50 years, but every generation has this anxiety. We're bombarded with ridiculous pop culture images of a ruined planet and because we're a nation of egoists, we think the things happening in our moment are the most important events the world has ever known. Things may work out great and ARE country is likely going to be fine. There has never been a better bet than continued American prosperity and global dominance. It's not a guarantee but LOL at worrying about sending children into the union future when you live in the most peaceful, powerful, wealthy, abundant, secure nation that has ever existed. |
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Date: November 12th, 2017 4:14 PM Author: pearly hairraiser space I want to go to Thailand and spend all my money and save the last $100 for a single heroin hot shot. cr? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3794658&forum_id=2#34669199) |
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Date: November 12th, 2017 4:17 PM Author: marvelous shrine Highly CR. Not every man is a house breed. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3794658&forum_id=2#34669213) |
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Date: November 12th, 2017 4:27 PM Author: pearly hairraiser space i'm scared of being old. I broke an ankle once and felt like suicide at being in pain and hobbled. jfc imagine arthritis. or a stroke and a wheelchair. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3794658&forum_id=2#34669258) |
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Date: November 12th, 2017 5:24 PM Author: marvelous shrine I'd rather be in a chair than have my mind go, which is a far more likely outcome. One of my realistic fears about aging is that I get prematurely riddled with dementia and end up living out my life terrified and confused no matter what my circumstances are Alzheimer's notwithstanding. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3794658&forum_id=2#34669638) |
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Date: November 12th, 2017 5:25 PM Author: Smoky tattoo Bullet to the brain, brother (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3794658&forum_id=2#34669643) |
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Date: November 13th, 2017 12:17 PM Author: Jade boyish hospital tcr (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3794658&forum_id=2#34675616) |
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Date: November 12th, 2017 4:13 PM Author: comical tanning salon hunting ground I feel a strong biological urge to reproduce. I will consider my life a failure if I do not reproduce.
As such, I am willing to suffer whatever negative consequences kid-having will have to my finances and lifestyle. There are poor people having tons of kids (I saw a pregnant woman with 6 kids at IKEA today), I'll find a way to make 2-3 kids work on a $170,000 household income. |
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Date: November 12th, 2017 4:20 PM Author: Gaped Razzle-dazzle Sound Barrier My kids are basically the only good thing in my otherwise bleak shitty existence. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3794658&forum_id=2#34669218) |
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Date: November 13th, 2017 10:43 AM Author: Titillating garrison faggot firefighter cr it makes me FUMING irate when people talk about their kids interfering with their career goals; that is completely backwards (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3794658&forum_id=2#34675072) |
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Date: November 12th, 2017 4:30 PM Author: stubborn trip idea he suggested native I used to be on the fence about kids until I had one. They’re amazing and most shitty, selfish parents only dwell on the hard stuff and it gets a bad name. It’s fucking 180 despite the work. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3794658&forum_id=2#34669274) |
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Date: November 12th, 2017 8:19 PM Author: Avocado Vivacious Hall ITT: a third world man (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3794658&forum_id=2#34670946) |
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Date: November 13th, 2017 12:25 PM Author: excitant bisexual feces friendly grandma Approaching 30? I'm almost 40, kid. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3794658&forum_id=2#34675659) |
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Date: November 18th, 2017 3:04 PM Author: insane razzle deer antler box office (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3794658&forum_id=2#34718062) |
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Date: November 13th, 2017 12:27 PM Author: Nubile Mischievous Meetinghouse Roommate I would like kids but hopefully will never cave to the urge given my TTT suicidal genetics (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3794658&forum_id=2#34675671) |