cohabitation before marriage might have been a terrible idea
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Poast new message in this thread
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Date: March 9th, 2018 10:07 AM Author: Aggressive death wish haunted graveyard
"compatibility is about character and values and compromise, not whether one person is a neat freak and other is a slob"
It is both.
"basic day to day shit is superficial and can be worked out if two people have the right values and character"
Yeah, if two people like to live in totally different ways they're in for a rough time.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3913822&forum_id=2#35568440) |
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Date: March 9th, 2018 10:00 AM Author: Excitant lay nibblets
fuck jesus, but this is CR. our ortho jew marital advisors (rabbis, rebbetzins, elders who gave us husband/wife classes) did the same for us. the big one, of course, is observing the laws of jewish marital purity. we also got new sheets (returned the old ones, of course), got new sofas, kashered the kitchen and replaced all the cookware with the kashering (returned them of course) right after the wedding, etc.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3913822&forum_id=2#35568408) |
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Date: March 9th, 2018 3:57 PM Author: Lavender private investor
The biggest was moving. We were ready to buy a house and so waited to do it until right after we were married, and we chose to go to a new community. Nesting into the house and making new friends in our neighborhood helped.
It was also far enough away that we needed to find a new church.
We also started a "date night" since we'd already fallen into an old married couple routine. We've let it go since then, but that lasted for a while and was helpful.
We made a few commitments toward basic relationship maintenance - communication type things - that we started right after we got married, too, and that we hadn't been doing when we were just living together.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3913822&forum_id=2#35571267) |
Date: March 9th, 2018 10:21 AM Author: laughsome space love of her life
Men who are still marrying in 2018 are betas who have concluded they can't do any better and are okay with putting everything they've worked for on the line against an extremely biased family court system.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3913822&forum_id=2#35568538)
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Date: March 9th, 2018 10:47 AM Author: Apoplectic state
"but i'm going to have to leave for a while for economic reasons"
explain
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3913822&forum_id=2#35568737) |
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Date: March 13th, 2018 2:45 PM Author: narrow-minded pearl filthpig
Damn, that sucks.
Sorry to pry a bit, but rather than simply advise ATD I guess I'd have a few questions:
-Is she entering the church for serious reasons or mostly to make you happy? Are you still cohabiting (and presumably boning) at this moment? Do you consider this inadvisable at all if so?
-Why the heck is she so opposed to getting married at 25? That's a perfectly normal age to get married at. No significant life changes are coming past that point save your steady decline to inevitable death.
-Does she know about your impending departure to foreign land? How does she feel about it? Was she just down for some non-marital LDR of indeterminate length?
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3913822&forum_id=2#35596194) |
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Date: March 14th, 2018 9:53 AM Author: hairraiser bonkers mediation theater
idk. i just find it completely bizarre when she says she wants to wait. wait for what?
it'd be different if she had a reason. like maybe she might get a promotion that would require her to expat for a year and she wants to get married when she's back in the US. or if you had been dating for only 3 months and she wanted more time to get to know you better, that would be totally reasonable.
but 3 years dating and you're moving in together? i mean shit, if you don't know by now whether you want to marry the person then you might as well break up.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3913822&forum_id=2#35602318) |
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Date: March 14th, 2018 12:38 AM Author: ruby razzle public bath
my answers might not be very interesting but here we go:
- she has serious reasons of her own, and her social life has weirdly swayed into an awkward position between degenerate liberals and tradcons. cohabitating was a mistake, but, perhaps luckily, we won't be soon. on sex i have a perhaps post-hoc or disingenuous position, but seriously think that the telos should not just be childbearing, but also serious, hopefully permanent unification of two people. obviously it should be done in marriage so that it will be permanent, and i regret my decisions.
- i have no idea. one of her friends is getting married at 29 (the becky mentioned above), so maybe that's making her think it isn't time yet; or, since she is from proletown USA, perhaps she associates getting married young with that; or perhaps she did not plan for the relationship to be marriage-track, as you suggest.
- she knows, and she encouraged me to do it when i initially said "fuck no". maybe she didn't think she was signing up for this, so to speak, and she expected to be in more relationships before she tied herself down. in that case, i wonder if she would have cut out much earlier if we weren't cohabitating. on the other hand, giving her the benefit of the doubt, me leaving is hitting her kinda hard too. maybe she just was not prepared to think about marriage.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3913822&forum_id=2#35601107) |
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Date: March 14th, 2018 1:43 AM Author: abnormal pungent gaping
it's really my best guess
if she didn't like op she wouldn't have spent 3 years with him or cohabitated with him, and she wouldn't have gotten "taken aback/anxious" at the idea of marriage. she would have said "lol fuck no" and gone on her way.
she got anxious because she actually does think she might want to marry him, but she isn't ready for it, and is afraid that if she just says "no" then it's all over and back to square one for her as far as finding a potential mate goes. but she also doesn't want to say "yes" because she doesn't want to give up her youth yet.
optimal path for a chick is to maximize time fucking strange while still young, and lock someone down just before looks start to go downhill. risk is that she hasn't locked someone down before it starts to go downhill. so the game to play is to foster relationships with potential husbands while still pulling tricks on the side. then she can maximize fucking around time without the risk of not having a potential long-term mate when looks start to go south. but op has forced her hand and now she can't have both MY relationship and MY chads.
i.e. she wants to have her cake and eat it too.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3913822&forum_id=2#35601352) |
Date: March 13th, 2018 2:24 PM Author: laughsome space love of her life
Don't get married, bro. It'll likely be the biggest mistake you'll ever make. All relationships fizzle out at some point...whether it's 3 years from now, 10 years from now, 20 years from now or 40 years from now.
It'll happen.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3913822&forum_id=2#35595981) |
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