Date: May 15th, 2007 6:13 PM
Author: .... .
Random Thoughts on Random Hookups
Filed under: Sex, Hooking Up ó Elle May 15, 2007 @ 2:49 am
My blockmate Terra said to someone yesterday that I just donít do Harvard guys (and I mean ďdoĒ in an all-purpose, not entirely sexual sense). I canít deny that sheís right. With the exception of early sophomore fall and the occasional drunk makeoutfest, Iíve stayed away from Harvard undergrads when it comes to both dating and sexing. I just donít like the way college boys feel. Too young, too inexperienced, too disappointing. My most satisfying experiences have been with older guys ó at least four years removed. One exception: I lucked out as a freshman with my first college fuck buddy. Despite being a virgin, he was miraculously savvy in the sack. Iíve yet to encounter such blow-my-mind manual dexterity in the year and a half since.
Is it any wonder that of the guys I have hooked up with, the overwhelming majority are from this yearís graduating class? Itís not as if two-yearís difference means terribly much but the difference, however minute, is enough. At the very least, Iím no oneís first drunken error and the guy has a condom if I donít and he will actually attempt oral sex somewhat successfully. But Iím being completely critical at the moment, generalizing about an entire population, and not exactly offering helpful tips. So Iíll cease.
The reason I write all this is that I recently spent the night with an undergrad who was actually responsive to my needs, respectful, and not entirely awkward come dawn. I left feeling like he was a decent individual, which is not what can be said for 90% of similar situations Iíve been in. It made me wonder why hooking up couldnít always be like this, and especially why hooking up in college, at Harvard, couldnít be like this. From this, I formed the conclusion that there are some universal rules to abide by:
1. Phone calls arenít expected after one-night stands, but acknowledge the other party in public instead of conveniently looking at your shuttle schedule when they pass by.
2. Unless theyíre about to puke on you, let your hookup spend the night. You took them home; itís polite.
3. Do spend the night if offered. Itís polite. (At least pretend that you werenít just over for the orgasm).
4. Straight couples: if the girl insists on going home anyway, walk her even if itís 3 a.m. Just do it. Gay couples: not so sure on the etiquette ó call cab? Either way, muggings are not so sexy.
5. Reciprocate. Especially when it comes to oral.
If everyone would just do stuff like this, it would make the entire hookup scene more pleasant and less awkward.
On a tangent, Iíd also like to take a moment to clear my name. My atrocious behavior last weekend (not reciprocating after receiving oral sex ó and in fact, only kissing the guy) wasnít that bad when considering the context. First, I told him before I even went home with him that I wouldnít ďbe doing a damn thingĒ for or with him so I was already going further than promised. Second, he got off on going down on me anyway. Win-win. Besides, getting oral sex is far from consent to give it. It may not be terribly polite to deny the other party (after all, Iím breaking my own rule), but there is certainly no obligation. Also, this instance is most definitely a first and will not be repeated. Not that he should be holding his breath.