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Wife found my second phone today, I'm cooked

Pretty much using it for what you think. Stupid emergency al...
marvelous nowag
  07/15/26
“using it for what you think” Arranging hiking ...
misanthropic spruce temple
  07/15/26
say it wasn’t you
exhilarant burgundy water buffalo
  07/15/26
The Shaggy Defense
Slippery University
  07/15/26
...
glittery double fault circlehead
  07/15/26
...
exhilarant burgundy water buffalo
  07/16/26
you found the phone last night and didn't have time to turn ...
Scarlet comical nursing home prole
  07/15/26
no no no no details "idk what that phone is." ...
Hyperactive Spot Liquid Oxygen
  07/15/26
no I disagree. that would only work if there was a plausible...
Scarlet comical nursing home prole
  07/15/26
found it and hid it under a stack of papers in a drawer?
Citrine aphrodisiac range
  07/15/26
lol, fully charged, btw
spectacular friendly grandma station
  07/15/26
idiotic
multi-colored navy garrison gaming laptop
  07/15/26
explain
nude litigator
  07/17/26
Oh I guess I should've added it's my old phone so she recogn...
marvelous nowag
  07/15/26
say you lost your current phone and was setting that up to r...
Scarlet comical nursing home prole
  07/15/26
"you know that dadaist message board where I pretend to...
Hyperactive Spot Liquid Oxygen
  07/15/26
You're retarded if you admit to the capability to open it. ...
crawly indirect expression
  07/15/26
This seems good. But don’t claim vacay pics or somethi...
misanthropic spruce temple
  07/15/26
I'm glad someone chimed in with understanding of whatever it...
crawly indirect expression
  07/15/26
idk he could plausibly have old pics on there that aren't sy...
Scarlet comical nursing home prole
  07/15/26
Actually EPAH is highly suspect when it comes to expertise o...
Adulterous shrine death wish
  07/15/26
This seems like the best idea and way better than the dumbas...
marvelous nowag
  07/15/26
Hopefully you didn't use the same password on it as you do f...
crawly indirect expression
  07/15/26
could be fucked if it has face id and she already tried to g...
Scarlet comical nursing home prole
  07/15/26
This scenario would call for the immediate growth of a beard
misanthropic spruce temple
  07/15/26
...
Scarlet comical nursing home prole
  07/15/26
Hmm. Better safe than sorry. Scribble a fake mustache and be...
crawly indirect expression
  07/15/26
...
Cerebral Orchid Regret Heaven
  07/15/26
...
spectacular friendly grandma station
  07/15/26
...
provocative painfully honest locus
  07/15/26
...
multi-colored navy garrison gaming laptop
  07/15/26
...
lavender locale legend
  07/15/26
...
Fantasy-prone Business Firm
  07/15/26
...
Balding aromatic psychic parlour
  07/15/26
cr
Scarlet comical nursing home prole
  07/15/26
lol doy. Say yea I keep it charged and use it to read xo and...
Vigorous chocolate lettuce
  07/15/26
Trying to recover crypto
provocative painfully honest locus
  07/15/26
...
stirring meetinghouse
  07/15/26
you're chopped, unc
chartreuse bonkers private investor field
  07/15/26
does it make a wet plopping noise when the jew cum spurting ...
Peach Sanctuary Depressive
  07/15/26
Old work phone? "Try" to unlock it numerous times ...
Rambunctious queen of the night roast beef
  07/15/26
This is exactly why they've done away with removable batteri...
crawly indirect expression
  07/15/26
...
Irradiated Hell Round Eye
  07/16/26
Just say it’s an old phone that you were seeing if wor...
Blue hideous casino blood rage
  07/15/26
Can’t you wipe it remotely?
haunting cuckoldry
  07/15/26
lol that would make it way worse. Just say you kept it aroun...
Vigorous chocolate lettuce
  07/15/26
Good but not good enough if he has incriminating evidence al...
Self-centered Newt Property
  07/15/26
THANK YOU! Cuz why the fuck didn't he anticipate a nosey ...
spectacular friendly grandma station
  07/16/26
ctrl-f "grow a beard" jfc this place is retarde...
cheese-eating dull immigrant corner
  07/15/26
What if you have a beard already?
diverse den old irish cottage
  07/16/26
marry a beard
gerry mander
  07/17/26
Thank god i never have to deal with that nonsense
Titillating lilac national
  07/15/26
Your poasting has been pretty wild and erratic lately, maybe...
provocative painfully honest locus
  07/15/26
he's doing great
cheese-eating dull immigrant corner
  07/15/26
...
Long PlayroomPoon Clown Conniption
  07/17/26
Assuming it's an iphone, can you remote wipe it or some shit...
spectacular friendly grandma station
  07/15/26
under no circumstances can he unlock it
multi-colored navy garrison gaming laptop
  07/15/26
Yeah he’s better off remote wiping it. If she makes hi...
Cerebral Orchid Regret Heaven
  07/15/26
This works with Androids too.
glittery double fault circlehead
  07/15/26
Just say "Disah no wat you tink!"
Nubile menage
  07/15/26
OP i will flood it with messages from my irl # about crypto ...
multi-colored navy garrison gaming laptop
  07/15/26
Actually, just get a burner phone and start sending messages...
glittery double fault circlehead
  07/15/26
...
Irradiated Hell Round Eye
  07/16/26
If you have kids: Wipe it remotely then say: “I&rs...
mildly autistic gaping
  07/15/26
This assumes you have a kid that doesn't have a phone and ne...
glittery double fault circlehead
  07/15/26
text her right now telling her to leave it alone because it'...
Henna bearded theater stage rigpig
  07/15/26
Never let'em know your next move!
spectacular friendly grandma station
  07/16/26
turn it back around on her and claim the phone is hers
unhinged cruise ship
  07/15/26
This could actually work
Cerebral Orchid Regret Heaven
  07/15/26
Fucking love this
crawly indirect expression
  07/15/26
...
cheese-eating dull immigrant corner
  07/15/26
...
onyx coffee pot
  07/15/26
darvomaxxing tp
Sapphire startled area
  07/15/26
Bird Brain Masterman
galvanic aquamarine stage
  07/15/26
...
Long PlayroomPoon Clown Conniption
  07/17/26
...
Hyperactive Spot Liquid Oxygen
  07/16/26
...
magical twinkling uncleanness sandwich
  07/16/26
...
gunnerretttired
  07/17/26
*clears throat* *raises hand* haha u r fukt
Nubile menage
  07/15/26
...
spectacular friendly grandma station
  07/16/26
Second phone is as fake as the "wife" conjured up ...
Peach Sanctuary Depressive
  07/15/26
...
alcoholic french chef
  07/15/26
Dying for an update. Thinking positive thoughts. It&rsqu...
Motley wine ticket booth haunted graveyard
  07/15/26
Need update OP
provocative painfully honest locus
  07/15/26
Hide other phones randomly around the house and claim they'r...
ruddy senate legal warrant
  07/15/26
Lol
Motley wine ticket booth haunted graveyard
  07/16/26
Great thread
Fantasy-prone Business Firm
  07/15/26
...
smoky bat shit crazy juggernaut stage
  07/15/26
even in the face of senescence there are still those among u...
cheese-eating dull immigrant corner
  07/15/26
...
spectacular friendly grandma station
  07/16/26
thoughts & prayers, my brother. wishing for a positive ...
Balding aromatic psychic parlour
  07/15/26
OP is currently sleeping on the couch
glittery double fault circlehead
  07/16/26
He’s lucky if it’s his own couch.
Motley wine ticket booth haunted graveyard
  07/16/26
I reposted this on Reddit and it has 8,000 upvotes already
adventurous whorehouse
  07/16/26
...
Cerebral Orchid Regret Heaven
  07/16/26
...
flushed masturbator parlor
  07/16/26
...
Self-centered Newt Property
  07/16/26
"Your bass looks amazing in those plants."
flushed masturbator parlor
  07/16/26
He's leaving us hanging just about the right amount of time....
crawly indirect expression
  07/16/26
Wow lol
marvelous nowag
  07/16/26
Thanks to the poas above who said unlock under no circumstan...
marvelous nowag
  07/16/26
Fuck those motherfuckers. They deprived us of good content b...
crawly indirect expression
  07/16/26
what exactly are you involved in? my suggestion would be to...
Cerebral Orchid Regret Heaven
  07/16/26
You forgot to tell him to seek god
crawly indirect expression
  07/16/26
that's up to him, but he is playing a dangerous game. you ca...
Cerebral Orchid Regret Heaven
  07/16/26
You got pozzed by taking tranny hooker loads while injecting...
razzle incel reading party
  07/16/26
well when you put it that way
Cerebral Orchid Regret Heaven
  07/16/26
...
gunnerretttired
  07/17/26
DESCRIBE her reaction and her mood from your explanation to ...
ebony set
  07/16/26
WHAT would she have found if given full access?
provocative painfully honest locus
  07/16/26
She just accepted that you didn’t have the code? No in...
Fantasy-prone Business Firm
  07/16/26
It was an android with the weird swipe pattern and I’v...
marvelous nowag
  07/16/26
Why leave us hanging on the details now after everyone leape...
crawly indirect expression
  07/16/26
...
provocative painfully honest locus
  07/16/26
...
Kenneth Play
  07/16/26
...
.,.,...,..,.,.,:,,:,.,.,:::,...,:,...:..:.,:.::,.
  07/16/26
...
FizzKidd
  07/17/26
It was his poasting phone
valar vettiri morghulis
  07/17/26
...
Trust If Aryan
  07/17/26
because the whole thing is flame
.,.,.,.,.,...,.,,.,,.....,.,..,.,,...,.,.,,...,.
  07/17/26
Isn't proper protocol to keep it going with "updates&qu...
Fucking Fuckface
  07/17/26
Pumos love to throw cold water on everything
gunnerretttired
  07/17/26
(literal blackpilled drug addict)
.,.,.,.,.,...,.,,.,,.....,.,..,.,,...,.,.,,...,.
  07/17/26
it's true though. you faggots claim everything is flame beca...
little ball of Hebraic rage
  07/17/26
Everything true I've poasted has a bunch of people crying fl...
gunnerretttired
  07/17/26
and then there's consuela, a non-pumo, who does the same thi...
little ball of Hebraic rage
  07/17/26
Consuela is always the first to believe anything (and then s...
gunnerretttired
  07/17/26
we WANT to BELIEVE
Long PlayroomPoon Clown Conniption
  07/17/26
i know gunner IRL and can confirm everything he's poasted is...
little ball of Hebraic rage
  07/17/26
The recent pic of me with the topless stripper who jerked my...
gunnerretttired
  07/17/26
Pretty much as described, I said I charged it up to get some...
Garfieldguy2000
  07/17/26
People want to know more specifics about what they helped yo...
Fucking Fuckface
  07/17/26
Is she stupid? Serious question, like is she the type that w...
gunnerretttired
  07/17/26
Hard-core black pill
Gay Grandpa
  07/18/26
Guy who’s about to get pinned and then overrun by his ...
Emperor CRISPR Chad von Neumann III
  07/17/26
tell her its for your SWMFM side gig
Bespoke Poaster
  07/17/26
This thread was the blackpill I needed to never help a mothe...
Fucking Fuckface
  07/18/26
...
Emperor CRISPR Chad von Neumann III
  07/18/26


Poast new message in this thread



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 5:18 PM
Author: marvelous nowag

Pretty much using it for what you think. Stupid emergency alert went off. I was at work and she was at home and even though I silence it and keep it under a stack of papers in my drawer I guess the emergency alert overrode my settings and it kept going so she found it. Took a pic of the lock screen and sent a pic to me followed up with the 🤔 emoji. She can't get in but she'll probably have me unlock it when I get home. Hopefully no messages have popped up on the lock screen but I have no way of knowing. Best ways to cover this up?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50002437)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 5:40 PM
Author: misanthropic spruce temple

“using it for what you think”

Arranging hiking dates with AHGs?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50002518)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 5:19 PM
Author: exhilarant burgundy water buffalo

say it wasn’t you

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50002440)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 5:39 PM
Author: Slippery University

The Shaggy Defense

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50002515)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 8:30 PM
Author: glittery double fault circlehead



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50002927)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 16th, 2026 1:12 PM
Author: exhilarant burgundy water buffalo



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50004128)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 5:20 PM
Author: Scarlet comical nursing home prole

you found the phone last night and didn't have time to turn it in to lost and found/police

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50002441)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 5:21 PM
Author: Hyperactive Spot Liquid Oxygen

no no no

no details

"idk what that phone is."

"idk how it got there"

"idk the password"

"idk what all these Grindr notifications even mean"

etc etc etc

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50002445)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 5:26 PM
Author: Scarlet comical nursing home prole

no I disagree. that would only work if there was a plausible explanation for how it could have gotten there without him knowing, which most likely there isn't. cleanest is to just say you found it and are turning it in tomorrow. worst that happens is that she goes with him to the police station to turn it in. then he can just go grab it later and say "whoops actually it was mine".

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50002471)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 7:45 PM
Author: Citrine aphrodisiac range

found it and hid it under a stack of papers in a drawer?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50002798)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 7:47 PM
Author: spectacular friendly grandma station

lol, fully charged, btw

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50002809)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 7:53 PM
Author: multi-colored navy garrison gaming laptop

idiotic

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50002824)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 17th, 2026 11:33 AM
Author: nude litigator

explain

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50006238)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 5:25 PM
Author: marvelous nowag

Oh I guess I should've added it's my old phone so she recognizes it. I usually just stick them in a drawer somewhere to collect dust and never use them again, so it's suspicious that it's charged and in my home office.

I could say I was playing around with AI and coding an app or something? That's the best I've got

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50002468)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 5:27 PM
Author: Scarlet comical nursing home prole

say you lost your current phone and was setting that up to replace it as a backup, then you found it again

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50002479)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 5:28 PM
Author: Hyperactive Spot Liquid Oxygen

"you know that dadaist message board where I pretend to have that wacky persona? yeah this is kind of like research for that guy."

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50002484)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 5:33 PM
Author: crawly indirect expression

You're retarded if you admit to the capability to open it. Say you realized that you have SOMETHING on there (vacation pictures? old work files? USE YOUR FUCKING IMAGINATION) that you wanted (extra points if it's vacation photos and you wanted to use them to make a surprise photo reel for her). But you couldn't remember the password and weren't able to get in



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50002496)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 5:38 PM
Author: misanthropic spruce temple

This seems good. But don’t claim vacay pics or something dumb, bc those are all on cloud accounts. Say that you had my contact info on there bc you used to post with that phone, so charged it and turned it on to contact me because [insert a long explanation of a potential legal claim until she stops paying attention] but you couldn’t remember the pin.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50002512)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 5:50 PM
Author: crawly indirect expression

I'm glad someone chimed in with understanding of whatever it is people do with modern media. I don't have any of that shit enabled, so it would work for me

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50002553)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 5:55 PM
Author: Scarlet comical nursing home prole

idk he could plausibly have old pics on there that aren't synced with anything

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50002575)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 10:44 PM
Author: Adulterous shrine death wish

Actually EPAH is highly suspect when it comes to expertise on modern technology

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50003257)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 5:42 PM
Author: marvelous nowag

This seems like the best idea and way better than the dumbass shit I was gonna say in about 45 mins when I get home

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50002525)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 5:53 PM
Author: crawly indirect expression

Hopefully you didn't use the same password on it as you do for your current phone. If you they're the same, change your normal phone's password before going home

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50002566)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 5:56 PM
Author: Scarlet comical nursing home prole

could be fucked if it has face id and she already tried to get into it and noticed

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50002576)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 6:04 PM
Author: misanthropic spruce temple

This scenario would call for the immediate growth of a beard

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50002606)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 6:05 PM
Author: Scarlet comical nursing home prole



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50002609)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 7:37 PM
Author: crawly indirect expression

Hmm. Better safe than sorry. Scribble a fake mustache and beard onto your face and an enormous black eye with a sharpie or a pen if you're in a pinch. Don't volunteer anything, but if she asks, just say you fell asleep at your work desk and one of your bros played a little practical joke. No big deal

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50002786)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 7:55 PM
Author: Cerebral Orchid Regret Heaven



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50002828)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 7:45 PM
Author: spectacular friendly grandma station



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50002801)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 7:50 PM
Author: provocative painfully honest locus



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50002815)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 7:58 PM
Author: multi-colored navy garrison gaming laptop



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50002840)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 10:17 PM
Author: lavender locale legend



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50003202)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 10:54 PM
Author: Fantasy-prone Business Firm



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50003281)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 11:21 PM
Author: Balding aromatic psychic parlour



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50003317)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 5:45 PM
Author: Scarlet comical nursing home prole

cr

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50002535)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 6:07 PM
Author: Vigorous chocolate lettuce

lol doy. Say yea I keep it charged and use it to read xo and watch porn while you take shits.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50002618)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 7:32 PM
Author: provocative painfully honest locus

Trying to recover crypto

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50002777)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 10:00 PM
Author: stirring meetinghouse



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50003147)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 5:21 PM
Author: chartreuse bonkers private investor field

you're chopped, unc

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50002444)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 5:24 PM
Author: Peach Sanctuary Depressive

does it make a wet plopping noise when the jew cum spurting from your fingers hits the keyboard

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50002458)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 5:25 PM
Author: Rambunctious queen of the night roast beef

Old work phone? "Try" to unlock it numerous times and just keep failing. If it's plugged into a charger or she's rlly dumb that can carry you. If it's not, you have to come up with a theory that explains recent use.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50002465)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 5:26 PM
Author: crawly indirect expression

This is exactly why they've done away with removable batteries (if you were married to the government)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50002470)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 16th, 2026 5:11 PM
Author: Irradiated Hell Round Eye



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50004585)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 5:34 PM
Author: Blue hideous casino blood rage

Just say it’s an old phone that you were seeing if worked to sell back to Verizon or whatever.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50002500)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 5:35 PM
Author: haunting cuckoldry

Can’t you wipe it remotely?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50002505)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 7:16 PM
Author: Vigorous chocolate lettuce

lol that would make it way worse. Just say you kept it around as a porn machine

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50002752)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 7:33 PM
Author: Self-centered Newt Property

Good but not good enough if he has incriminating evidence all over it. Which if he's retarded enough to leave his cheatmo shit lying around,

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50002778)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 16th, 2026 11:15 AM
Author: spectacular friendly grandma station

THANK YOU!

Cuz why the fuck didn't he anticipate a nosey wife finding it.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50003845)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 5:38 PM
Author: cheese-eating dull immigrant corner

ctrl-f "grow a beard"

jfc this place is retarded nowadays. grow a beard and you're fine.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50002514)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 16th, 2026 9:58 AM
Author: diverse den old irish cottage

What if you have a beard already?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50003688)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 17th, 2026 1:26 PM
Author: gerry mander

marry a beard

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50006596)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 7:34 PM
Author: Titillating lilac national

Thank god i never have to deal with that nonsense

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50002779)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 7:46 PM
Author: provocative painfully honest locus

Your poasting has been pretty wild and erratic lately, maybe this is the wake up call you need.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50002803)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 7:54 PM
Author: cheese-eating dull immigrant corner

he's doing great

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50002826)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 17th, 2026 6:28 AM
Author: Long PlayroomPoon Clown Conniption ( )



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50005728)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 7:47 PM
Author: spectacular friendly grandma station

Assuming it's an iphone, can you remote wipe it or some shit?

You're absolutely FUCKT if she makes you unlock it for her and there are messages on there.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50002806)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 7:56 PM
Author: multi-colored navy garrison gaming laptop

under no circumstances can he unlock it

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50002833)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 7:57 PM
Author: Cerebral Orchid Regret Heaven

Yeah he’s better off remote wiping it. If she makes him open it in front of her, he may be done here, chopped and cooked.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50002834)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 8:30 PM
Author: glittery double fault circlehead

This works with Androids too.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50002926)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 7:47 PM
Author: Nubile menage

Just say "Disah no wat you tink!"

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50002808)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 7:55 PM
Author: multi-colored navy garrison gaming laptop

OP i will flood it with messages from my irl # about crypto or something if you really want just bump this and ill post a throwaway

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50002829)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 8:33 PM
Author: glittery double fault circlehead

Actually, just get a burner phone and start sending messages like "Bill, where are you? Why aren't you responding?"

Your wife will be confused. Explain that Bill is your friend at work who left his phone with you and you just need to return it. No, you don't have the pw, it isn't your phone. Take it to work tomorrow. Never bring it home again.

You're still fucked because she basically knows what you're up to but it gives you plausible deniability for the short term. I suggest you buy her a VERY big thing of flowers.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50002932)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 16th, 2026 5:12 PM
Author: Irradiated Hell Round Eye



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50004586)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 8:41 PM
Author: mildly autistic gaping

If you have kids:

Wipe it remotely then say: “I’m trying to set this up as a dumb phone for the kids so they can play games/watch videos/take photos, so we don’t have to bring full iPads to restaurants. Can you help me set up the parental controls? It’s really complicated with trying to make sure it can run Prime video/netflix, but not allow them to download whatever they want, and to set screen time limits.” The mention of concern about screen time and content controls should put your wife into birdbrain instagram mom mode and allay any concern about your faithfulness. (I don’t cheat, but this is a common conversation in my house that devolves into a 45 minute discussion about how to lock down devices.)

If you don’t have kids:

Remote wipe and say: “I was trying to reset this to use as a camera for [hobby/recording 4th of July fireworks/etc.], but I couldn’t remember the password so I had to remote wipe it.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50002972)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 8:46 PM
Author: glittery double fault circlehead

This assumes you have a kid that doesn't have a phone and needs one. Mine already has a phone, for example.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50002987)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 8:55 PM
Author: Henna bearded theater stage rigpig

text her right now telling her to leave it alone because it's the phone you use to arrange trysts with your secret lovers

throw her off balance

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50003009)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 16th, 2026 11:18 AM
Author: spectacular friendly grandma station

Never let'em know your next move!

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50003853)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 8:57 PM
Author: unhinged cruise ship

turn it back around on her and claim the phone is hers

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50003017)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 9:23 PM
Author: Cerebral Orchid Regret Heaven

This could actually work

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50003062)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 9:50 PM
Author: crawly indirect expression

Fucking love this

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50003120)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 9:51 PM
Author: cheese-eating dull immigrant corner



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50003126)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 10:05 PM
Author: onyx coffee pot



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50003173)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 10:26 PM
Author: Sapphire startled area

darvomaxxing tp

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50003228)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 10:31 PM
Author: galvanic aquamarine stage

Bird Brain Masterman

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50003236)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 17th, 2026 6:28 AM
Author: Long PlayroomPoon Clown Conniption ( )



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50005727)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 16th, 2026 10:26 AM
Author: Hyperactive Spot Liquid Oxygen



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50003752)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 16th, 2026 1:04 PM
Author: magical twinkling uncleanness sandwich



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50004116)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 17th, 2026 6:52 AM
Author: gunnerretttired (gunneratttt)



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50005744)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 8:59 PM
Author: Nubile menage

*clears throat*

*raises hand*

haha u r fukt

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50003018)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 16th, 2026 11:18 AM
Author: spectacular friendly grandma station



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50003856)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 9:56 PM
Author: Peach Sanctuary Depressive

Second phone is as fake as the "wife" conjured up by a black jewish mafia organization to defraud me btw. Good to know.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50003138)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 10:19 PM
Author: alcoholic french chef



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50003209)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 10:24 PM
Author: Motley wine ticket booth haunted graveyard

Dying for an update. Thinking positive thoughts.

It’s too late and there are better ideas above but OP could announce a drug or gambling habit. Cry. You’re sick and need help, etc.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50003224)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 10:27 PM
Author: provocative painfully honest locus

Need update OP

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50003229)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 10:46 PM
Author: ruddy senate legal warrant

Hide other phones randomly around the house and claim they're for emergencies

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50003261)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 16th, 2026 12:12 AM
Author: Motley wine ticket booth haunted graveyard

Lol

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50003400)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 11:11 PM
Author: Fantasy-prone Business Firm

Great thread

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50003308)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 11:30 PM
Author: smoky bat shit crazy juggernaut stage



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50003328)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 11:34 PM
Author: cheese-eating dull immigrant corner

even in the face of senescence there are still those among us who operate at an extraordinarily high level

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50003335)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 16th, 2026 11:20 AM
Author: spectacular friendly grandma station



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50003864)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 15th, 2026 11:24 PM
Author: Balding aromatic psychic parlour

thoughts & prayers, my brother. wishing for a positive update

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50003321)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 16th, 2026 12:37 AM
Author: glittery double fault circlehead

OP is currently sleeping on the couch

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50003418)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 16th, 2026 12:48 AM
Author: Motley wine ticket booth haunted graveyard

He’s lucky if it’s his own couch.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50003420)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 16th, 2026 12:59 AM
Author: adventurous whorehouse

I reposted this on Reddit and it has 8,000 upvotes already

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50003431)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 16th, 2026 8:58 AM
Author: Cerebral Orchid Regret Heaven



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50003599)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 16th, 2026 9:08 AM
Author: flushed masturbator parlor



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50003615)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 16th, 2026 7:52 AM
Author: Self-centered Newt Property



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50003550)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 16th, 2026 9:10 AM
Author: flushed masturbator parlor

"Your bass looks amazing in those plants."

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50003618)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 16th, 2026 9:56 AM
Author: crawly indirect expression

He's leaving us hanging just about the right amount of time. We should have an update by early afternoon if he wants to keep this on track

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50003679)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 16th, 2026 9:56 AM
Author: marvelous nowag

Wow lol

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50003684)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 16th, 2026 9:56 AM
Author: marvelous nowag

Thanks to the poas above who said unlock under no circumstances. I don’t use cloud backup so I did say I was trying to find some old info off that phone and charged it up but couldn’t remember the PIN. Luckily there were no messages that popped up on the lock screen. I guess I need to start shutting this thing off or take it with me all the time.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50003681)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 16th, 2026 10:00 AM
Author: crawly indirect expression

Fuck those motherfuckers. They deprived us of good content by aiding and abetting this moral crime. They should be ashamed as officers of the court

That said, turn it off, but don't take it away immediately. That would be very suspicious now that her "female intuition" is engaged

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50003692)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 16th, 2026 10:22 AM
Author: Cerebral Orchid Regret Heaven

what exactly are you involved in? my suggestion would be to stop whatever it is that you're doing. this close call should serve as an eye opener.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50003746)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 16th, 2026 10:25 AM
Author: crawly indirect expression

You forgot to tell him to seek god

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50003749)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 16th, 2026 10:27 AM
Author: Cerebral Orchid Regret Heaven

that's up to him, but he is playing a dangerous game. you can just look at all the horseshit that i got into back in 2019/2020 if you want to see how not to live.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50003753)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 16th, 2026 10:43 AM
Author: razzle incel reading party

You got pozzed by taking tranny hooker loads while injecting heroin into ur cock and it all worked out for you. NPB can cop a lil strange no problem

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50003768)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 16th, 2026 10:50 AM
Author: Cerebral Orchid Regret Heaven

well when you put it that way

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50003780)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 17th, 2026 8:42 AM
Author: gunnerretttired (gunneratttt)



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50005896)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 16th, 2026 10:56 AM
Author: ebony set

DESCRIBE her reaction and her mood from your explanation to present.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50003793)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 16th, 2026 3:43 PM
Author: provocative painfully honest locus

WHAT would she have found if given full access?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50004413)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 16th, 2026 5:17 PM
Author: Fantasy-prone Business Firm

She just accepted that you didn’t have the code? No interrogation?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50004604)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 16th, 2026 5:17 PM
Author: marvelous nowag

It was an android with the weird swipe pattern and I’ve been an iPhonemo for a while now

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50004605)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 16th, 2026 5:23 PM
Author: crawly indirect expression

Why leave us hanging on the details now after everyone leaped into action to help you? You owe us content

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50004621)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 16th, 2026 8:36 PM
Author: provocative painfully honest locus



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50005117)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 16th, 2026 11:58 PM
Author: Kenneth Play (emotional girth)



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50005550)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 16th, 2026 11:58 PM
Author: .,.,...,..,.,.,:,,:,.,.,:::,...,:,...:..:.,:.::,.




(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50005552)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 17th, 2026 6:44 AM
Author: FizzKidd (probably not even asian)



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50005738)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 17th, 2026 7:07 AM
Author: valar vettiri morghulis

It was his poasting phone

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50005748)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 17th, 2026 7:53 AM
Author: Trust If Aryan



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50005817)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 17th, 2026 8:06 AM
Author: .,.,.,.,.,...,.,,.,,.....,.,..,.,,...,.,.,,...,.


because the whole thing is flame

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50005849)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 17th, 2026 8:20 AM
Author: Fucking Fuckface

Isn't proper protocol to keep it going with "updates"

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50005863)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 17th, 2026 8:41 AM
Author: gunnerretttired (gunneratttt)

Pumos love to throw cold water on everything

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50005895)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 17th, 2026 9:28 AM
Author: .,.,.,.,.,...,.,,.,,.....,.,..,.,,...,.,.,,...,.


(literal blackpilled drug addict)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50005960)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 17th, 2026 9:54 AM
Author: little ball of Hebraic rage ((zurich is stained))

it's true though. you faggots claim everything is flame because you can't fathom people doing irl shit irl. you're probably the guy who called my midlife crisis/spiral flame and made up that my wife is "good at computer."

and that's another thing, you'd think you shut-in basement-dwelling nerds would be tech savvy, but you don't realize that you can use the wayback machine to find old poasts here, which is exactly what she did. so you call me out as flame for talking about that when it happened.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50006008)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 17th, 2026 9:58 AM
Author: gunnerretttired (gunneratttt)

Everything true I've poasted has a bunch of people crying flame, and every flame I've poasted has a bunch of poasters credulously believing it.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50006014)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 17th, 2026 9:59 AM
Author: little ball of Hebraic rage ((zurich is stained))

and then there's consuela, a non-pumo, who does the same thing. apparently, according to him, if you have a drug addiction and fuck strange women and blow your life up, you're trying to be zany by making up stories on the web.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50006017)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 17th, 2026 10:21 AM
Author: gunnerretttired (gunneratttt)

Consuela is always the first to believe anything (and then spam it forever), which is hilarious considering he believes himself to be a genius who has figured out the secret inner workings of the world.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50006076)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 17th, 2026 10:10 AM
Author: Long PlayroomPoon Clown Conniption ( )

we WANT to BELIEVE

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50006032)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 17th, 2026 10:12 AM
Author: little ball of Hebraic rage ((zurich is stained))

i know gunner IRL and can confirm everything he's poasted is factual. he can confirm the same about me (minus the homo encounters, i made all those up haha)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50006040)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 17th, 2026 10:19 AM
Author: gunnerretttired (gunneratttt)

The recent pic of me with the topless stripper who jerked my limp pizzwyrn would have been good content

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50006069)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 17th, 2026 9:26 AM
Author: Garfieldguy2000

Pretty much as described, I said I charged it up to get some stuff off it but couldn’t remember whatever pattern I had. She bought it and didn’t question that it was connected to wifi and her mood doesn’t seem to be any different. Kind of an anticlimactic ending but crisis averted for now

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50005956)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 17th, 2026 9:45 AM
Author: Fucking Fuckface

People want to know more specifics about what they helped you protect, if this close call is going to make you shy away from further depravity, if you're actually emboldened instead, etc.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50005992)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 17th, 2026 9:53 AM
Author: gunnerretttired (gunneratttt)

Is she stupid? Serious question, like is she the type that would believe this and forget about it? Because if not she just doesn't want to overreact and make accusations, and is currently polling every woman she knows, maybe even Reddit, who will all tell her what's really going on, and in a few weeks you're going to be ambushed about it.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50006006)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 18th, 2026 10:07 AM
Author: Gay Grandpa

Hard-core black pill

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50008059)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 17th, 2026 10:19 AM
Author: Emperor CRISPR Chad von Neumann III ( )

Guy who’s about to get pinned and then overrun by his wife’s flanking maneuver. She’s going to attack your life and digital footprint from every conceivable direction. There’s no way your opsec is up to snuff

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50006070)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 17th, 2026 9:59 AM
Author: Bespoke Poaster

tell her its for your SWMFM side gig

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50006018)



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Date: July 18th, 2026 9:56 AM
Author: Fucking Fuckface

This thread was the blackpill I needed to never help a motherfucker on here again without an express promise to provide more information as thanks to his bros

We're starving for content, and it's unseemly to withhold

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50008051)



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Date: July 18th, 2026 10:35 AM
Author: Emperor CRISPR Chad von Neumann III ( )



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5883020&forum_id=2)#50008094)