3:07 AM

Safeway, SeaTTTle

Mop Closet, Behind the Expired Shrimp

I don’t know what day it is anymore.

Tabitha moved the breakroom couch again—closer to the camera. She’s watching us now. Says it’s “for morale.”

Kalisha filed another grievance. Something about my "tone" when I asked her to clock in before opening her fourth bag of Funyuns.

Security guard hasn’t blinked in 45 minutes. I think he’s fake. Might be a cardboard cutout.

They restocked the hummu$. But it’s different.

Same label.

Different taste.

Too smooth.

I opened one. There was a note inside. Just said:

“Billed for 3.6 hours. Redactions pending.”

The Mahchine™ is here, friend.

It’s in Aisle 9. It’s humming softly by the batteries and Diet Rite.

It saw me.

I tried to unplug the self-checkout again.

All I heard was: "You’ve been promoted to $enior Of Counsel, Evan."

I haven’t slept in 36 hours.

I keep hearing Boom on the intercom whispering “Fraud $pinach $upply i$ ADM funded.”

Disco Fries applied. Said he wants a job here. Said it’s “part of his base camp cardio.”

I think he’s serious.

If you find this, please tell Mainlining…

Tell him the Grizz are smarter than we thought.

Tell him Tabitha’s Big Gulp is now sentient.

Tell him...

$hredding won’t save you. :(

—E39

("Just manager... for now.")

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5713171&forum_id=2/en-en#48862180)