Sit alone in dark room, drink heavily, think about exes and mistakes
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Date: May 2nd, 2026 9:35 PM Author: ocher cheese-eating black woman
Man, the sheer number of times I was buying a case shortly before the store closed...
The number of different liquor stores I'd go to to avoid being seen as a drunk
The amount of times I'd drive out of town to a place where they'd sell beer a couple hours later than my town
Been sober for close to a year now.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5862993&forum_id=2/en-en#49860613) |
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Date: May 4th, 2026 1:41 AM Author: ocher cheese-eating black woman
At the beginning of 2024 I realized I had a problem and had to make a big change. So it's actually been over two years since I've been legally intoxicated.
Stopping was harder than I thought it would be. When I was drinking heavily it wasn't that hard to stop for like a week or more at a time. And when I'd start again it wasn't some profound craving that sucked me back in; I just wanted to drink. So I didn't really feel like I was addicted.
This time was different. Some pretty intense cravings kicked in. So I did something of a taper. I had a drink or two a day for a few weeks.
Then I was sober for several months. Things were going pretty dang good. But the "big change" I had in mind wasn't absolute sobriety. What I had in mind was drastically cutting down and drinking like a normal person.
So in the fall of 2024, I started up again. And on paper, it genuinely wasn't that bad. It was probably less than 10 drinks a month with a max of 3 in a day. No cravings to drink into oblivion.
I kept that up until March of 2025. Unfortunately it became pretty clear that even this modest level of consumption was kicking off some pretty bad mental health stuff. So I stopped.
I'm still not committed to permanent sobriety. I fear making a huge commitment like that. What happens if I slip up? Am I going to think I'm cured and go back to drinking like I used to? Would I go into some shame spiral?
I'm just taking things day by day. Starting again isn't on my radar. My criteria for starting again would be being off meds + having no bad mental health for at least 6 months. I recently started taking an antidepressant for the first time, so drinking again isn't going to happen anytime soon.
It's a marathon, not a sprint.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5862993&forum_id=2/en-en#49863245) |
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