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Good writers: Fix this clunky sentence I can't seem to fix

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car dri...
territorial cracking resort background story
  04/30/21
"C was seen driving in the X area, with D as a passenge...
vibrant carmine deer antler tanning salon
  04/30/21
they do if its an auto case. Contrib or comparative play a ...
Wonderful Demanding Hell Rigor
  04/30/21
Your sentence doesn't even say that A and B saw C and D, jus...
Comical filthy rigpig set
  04/30/21
As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car dri...
razzle pocket flask school cafeteria
  05/02/21
Quick fixxx
Bisexual greedy senate prole
  02/25/22
“As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a ...
Topaz Vigorous Hospital Dog Poop
  04/30/21
...
Sinister tank
  04/30/21
i thought about breaking it up -- it worse because it puts e...
territorial cracking resort background story
  04/30/21
Ah m, okay. For some reason I assumed that D was the main pe...
Topaz Vigorous Hospital Dog Poop
  04/30/21
C and D are both involved. I continue to use the term "...
territorial cracking resort background story
  04/30/21
"at this time" ROFL
vibrant carmine deer antler tanning salon
  04/30/21
Need to clarify at some point whether A or B were actually d...
Wonderful Demanding Hell Rigor
  04/30/21
Yeah I just worked with the isolated sentence in question b/...
Topaz Vigorous Hospital Dog Poop
  04/30/21
You can do it in another sentence, but it's going to be impo...
Wonderful Demanding Hell Rigor
  04/30/21
While driving in the X area, A & B passed a car that C w...
Marvelous national
  04/30/21
...
Effete Stag Film Affirmative Action
  04/30/21
As A and B were driving separately in the X area, they passe...
Stubborn fantasy-prone twinkling uncleanness library
  04/30/21
This suggestion isn't meant to be used word for word, just g...
Spectacular center
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...
territorial cracking resort background story
  04/30/21
...
chartreuse roommate native
  04/30/21
...
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...
Sticky theatre
  04/30/21
Very clear, no ambiguity, reads like 1st order logic, I like...
Impertinent cuckoldry gas station
  05/04/22
As A and B entered the X area, they looked at each other, an...
Maniacal Electric Home Tattoo
  04/30/21
...
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FRIENDLESS FAGGOT BIRDSHIT A was driving some FAGgOt BIRdshi...
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...
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...
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As A and B were sucking each other’s cocks in the XXX ...
startling nursing home
  04/30/21
i think you nailed it.
Sinister tank
  04/30/21
...
thriller becky abode
  04/30/21
i hope everyone appreciates the mental illness being perform...
Sinister tank
  04/30/21
...
Fragrant Range Hissy Fit
  04/30/21
A and B passed D and C, who was driving.
Lascivious Stead Sneaky Criminal
  04/30/21
...
Tantric Chrome Bawdyhouse
  04/30/21
sounds like a riddle
vibrant carmine deer antler tanning salon
  04/30/21
i hate this crap As A and B were driving in the X area, t...
Vivacious green lay
  04/30/21
i wish this works and it sounds nice but it seems slightly o...
territorial cracking resort background story
  04/30/21
As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed by D (who...
Vivacious green lay
  04/30/21
doesn't it need "D's car"
territorial cracking resort background story
  04/30/21
it says he was driving, which means an automobile. if y...
Vivacious green lay
  04/30/21
Why do you need B, assuming A was driving. Don't say B was ...
Wonderful Demanding Hell Rigor
  04/30/21
you have to make it more exciting. keep the reader interest...
Flushed elite indian lodge roast beef
  04/30/21
Were A and B both at the wheel?
Odious dull reading party
  04/30/21
turns out it was a tandem bicycle.
Sinister tank
  04/30/21
...
Tantric Chrome Bawdyhouse
  04/30/21
As some faggot and his friend were driving in the restricted...
Flesh Misunderstood Toaster Crackhouse
  04/30/21
The two cars passed in X. In one, A was driving B. In the ot...
geriatric chest-beating cruise ship boltzmann
  04/30/21
star crossed lovers. reads like brokeback mountain
Lascivious Stead Sneaky Criminal
  04/30/21
still the best way to do it. He has more than a handful of i...
geriatric chest-beating cruise ship boltzmann
  04/30/21
...
Topaz Vigorous Hospital Dog Poop
  04/30/21
Okay? Wow. Hey. Picture this: Cars A and B. Right? Going thr...
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  04/30/21
...
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A and B, as was their custom from time to time, were engaged...
Cerebral Ruby Degenerate
  04/30/21
...
deep idiotic site electric furnace
  02/22/22
So, we need to talk about A driving around with B. Here's th...
Twinkling pit
  04/30/21
400 km/h, 450 km/h, 500 km/h, 550 km/h; A could feel the for...
drab alcoholic coffee pot
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Wow
Twinkling pit
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I just copied this from a brief.
drab alcoholic coffee pot
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...
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Your stuff is the only stuff from here I share w my wife. E...
Wonderful Demanding Hell Rigor
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titcr.
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180
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...
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...
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holy shit
Crystalline concupiscible preventive strike giraffe
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attn low attention span poasters read this whole thing pls
chartreuse roommate native
  04/30/21
how
Lascivious Stead Sneaky Criminal
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Crystalline concupiscible preventive strike giraffe
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High | level | legal work
Soul-stirring Mentally Impaired Den Community Account
  04/30/21
...
Fragrant Range Hissy Fit
  04/30/21
Each of A and B were driving in AREA. They both passed a car...
Glassy church building mother
  04/30/21
A and B passed a car driven by C, who was transporting D as ...
Adventurous Sickened Generalized Bond Fanboi
  04/30/21
two people, a & b, drove past c driving with d in his ca...
Kink-friendly mind-boggling theater queen of the night
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C and his passenger D were traveling in X area. A overtook a...
Beta Brindle Karate
  04/30/21
As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car dri...
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  04/30/21
Haven’t read any of the replies, so someone else may h...
Swashbuckling principal's office
  04/30/21
This was basically gromjoh's poast above except his was more...
thriller becky abode
  04/30/21
...
Crystalline concupiscible preventive strike giraffe
  04/30/21
...
Spectacular center
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drab alcoholic coffee pot
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Crystalline concupiscible preventive strike giraffe
  02/22/22
writing MFE's, any resources on improving clunky writing? I ...
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  04/30/21
Did you try the hydro hack?
Spectacular center
  04/30/21
What’s that
Out-of-control headpube
  04/30/21
You should drink more water, you're probably dehydrated. Th...
Spectacular center
  04/30/21
...
chartreuse roommate native
  04/30/21
Just write in the active voice with short simple sentences, ...
Plum messiness institution
  04/30/21
A and B saw C driving in X
Plum messiness institution
  04/30/21
andy and brad were driving around brooklyn when they passed ...
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  04/30/21
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hyperactive orchid digit ratio orchestra pit
  04/30/21
great thread
thriller becky abode
  04/30/21
Shitty writing is putting too much into one sentence. A and...
Excitant volcanic crater
  04/30/21
A and C, drivers, were in different cars, driving through ar...
Flushed elite indian lodge roast beef
  04/30/21
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Flushed elite indian lodge roast beef
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Flushed elite indian lodge roast beef
  05/23/21
Where are we on this? Thank
Spectacular center
  05/02/21
As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car dri...
deep idiotic site electric furnace
  02/22/22
OP, does this help?
vibrant carmine deer antler tanning salon
  02/25/22
i don't think anyone reads shitlaw shitpaper so it doesn't m...
insane aquamarine rehab
  06/22/22
...
Effete Stag Film Affirmative Action
  04/19/26
"and containing D as" -> "in which D was&q...
deep idiotic site electric furnace
  04/19/26
Lots of helpful suggestions in this thread but I’m not...
Tantric Chrome Bawdyhouse
  04/19/26
...
Effete Stag Film Affirmative Action
  04/19/26


Poast new message in this thread



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:48 AM
Author: territorial cracking resort background story

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car driven by C and containing D as a passenger.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376133)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:57 AM
Author: vibrant carmine deer antler tanning salon

"C was seen driving in the X area, with D as a passenger, by both A and B."

(no one gives a fuck whether A and B were driving or doing a standing 69 at the time they saw these faggots)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376836)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 12:01 PM
Author: Wonderful Demanding Hell Rigor

they do if its an auto case. Contrib or comparative play a role potentially. Better to keep it clean.



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376873)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 2:10 PM
Author: Comical filthy rigpig set

Your sentence doesn't even say that A and B saw C and D, just that they passed them.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42377665)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 2nd, 2021 12:40 PM
Author: razzle pocket flask school cafeteria

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car driven by C which contained D as a passenger.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42386999)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 25th, 2022 1:42 PM
Author: Bisexual greedy senate prole
Subject: Quick fixxx

As A and B were driving in X, they passed a car driven by C containing D as a passenger.

EDIT: LMAO at the date

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#44032731)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:52 AM
Author: Topaz Vigorous Hospital Dog Poop

“As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car driven by C. D was a passenger in C’s car at the time.”

Would break up the sentences. Your original sentence isn’t terrible though.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376145)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:53 AM
Author: Sinister tank



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376148)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:55 AM
Author: territorial cracking resort background story

i thought about breaking it up -- it worse because it puts emphasis on "D was a passenger in C’s car at this time" -- which is a minor detail.

it doesn't really matter whether C or D is the driver.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376159)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:56 AM
Author: Topaz Vigorous Hospital Dog Poop

Ah m, okay. For some reason I assumed that D was the main person.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376166)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:03 AM
Author: territorial cracking resort background story

C and D are both involved. I continue to use the term "C's car" for clarity

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376201)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:51 AM
Author: vibrant carmine deer antler tanning salon

"at this time"

ROFL

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376807)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:54 AM
Author: Wonderful Demanding Hell Rigor

Need to clarify at some point whether A or B were actually driving. Or were they in two separate cars, both of which passed C.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376155)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:55 AM
Author: Topaz Vigorous Hospital Dog Poop

Yeah I just worked with the isolated sentence in question b/c I didn’t know what the surrounding sentences are like.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376160)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:04 AM
Author: Wonderful Demanding Hell Rigor

You can do it in another sentence, but it's going to be important to be clear who was driving in the passing car.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376205)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:55 AM
Author: Marvelous national

While driving in the X area, A & B passed a car that C was driving with a passenger, D.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376157)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:57 AM
Author: Effete Stag Film Affirmative Action



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376168)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:58 AM
Author: Stubborn fantasy-prone twinkling uncleanness library

As A and B were driving separately in the X area, they passed a car driven by C which contained D as a passenger.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376174)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:59 AM
Author: Spectacular center

This suggestion isn't meant to be used word for word, just generally to give you the right idea on how to handle this sort of thing, please develop as part of an exercise in your own development as a lawyer. Really need to break this into clauses that explain everything.

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car driven by C and containing D as a passenger.

WHEREAS A, B, C, and D are human persons domiciled in Jurisdiction Y

WHEREAS X is a certain area in Jurisdiction Y

WHEREAS A, B, and C are legally authorized to operate motor vehicles ("cars" and each individual such vehicle a "car")

WHEREAS on that certain date, A, B, and C were operating cars.

WHEREAS on that certain date, D was a passenger in the car operated by C.

Now, therefore be it resolved, on that certain date, the aforementioned cars traversed on intersecting paths in Area X.

[I assume by "passed" you mean "passed" as in "they passed by each other while headed in different directions," revise if you mean they were going the same way and A/B's cars passed/overtook C's car.]

Please handle and recirculate, thanks.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376176)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:03 AM
Author: territorial cracking resort background story



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376203)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:45 AM
Author: chartreuse roommate native



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376392)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:08 AM
Author: Federal skinny woman hominid



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376526)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:25 AM
Author: Sticky theatre



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376657)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 4th, 2022 12:40 PM
Author: Impertinent cuckoldry gas station

Very clear, no ambiguity, reads like 1st order logic, I like it.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#44453959)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:59 AM
Author: Maniacal Electric Home Tattoo

As A and B entered the X area, they looked at each other, and although none of them said a word, they understood each other perfectly. It was X area after all. Are there any Xs around, they wondered? They passed a beaten-up vehicle with ridiculous oversized chromed wheels with C as a driver and D as a passenger. X's! - thought A and B. C and D did not think anything. They were high.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376178)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:36 AM
Author: deranged area foreskin



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376332)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:37 AM
Author: irradiated bat-shit-crazy location



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376340)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:59 AM
Author: Bateful vengeful incel

FRIENDLESS FAGGOT BIRDSHIT A was driving some FAGgOt BIRdshit car alone(some other NIFmGGA was drivomg alone in another car) they passed ALPHA TURD C , who has MANY DRINKING BUDDIES, SO NATURALLY HAD A PASSENGER (most likely an AZNgirl getting wet for MAMMOTH TURDCOCK)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376183)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:00 AM
Author: startling nursing home



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376187)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:01 AM
Author: Spectacular center



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376195)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:18 AM
Author: Flesh Misunderstood Toaster Crackhouse



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376249)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:47 AM
Author: gold lodge boiling water



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376406)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:36 AM
Author: frozen black corner



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376713)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:37 AM
Author: chartreuse roommate native



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376724)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 12:32 PM
Author: Yellow stimulating meetinghouse friendly grandma



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42377057)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 1st, 2021 12:19 AM
Author: startling nursing home



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42380818)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:59 AM
Author: startling nursing home

As A and B were sucking each other’s cocks in the XXX area, C drove by with D cumming in his ass.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376184)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:00 AM
Author: Sinister tank

i think you nailed it.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376191)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 3:36 PM
Author: thriller becky abode



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42378174)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:00 AM
Author: Sinister tank

i hope everyone appreciates the mental illness being performed right now.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376189)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:28 AM
Author: Fragrant Range Hissy Fit



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376669)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:01 AM
Author: Lascivious Stead Sneaky Criminal

A and B passed D and C, who was driving.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376194)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:37 AM
Author: Tantric Chrome Bawdyhouse



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376341)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:52 AM
Author: vibrant carmine deer antler tanning salon

sounds like a riddle

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376816)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:01 AM
Author: Vivacious green lay

i hate this crap

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed by D driving with C.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376197)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:05 AM
Author: territorial cracking resort background story

i wish this works and it sounds nice but it seems slightly off

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376206)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:06 AM
Author: Vivacious green lay

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed by D (who was driving with C).

This is it

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376211)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:07 AM
Author: territorial cracking resort background story

doesn't it need "D's car"

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376216)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:42 AM
Author: Vivacious green lay

it says he was driving, which means an automobile.

if you think specifying what kind of automobile is a key detail then can add that

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376370)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:05 AM
Author: Wonderful Demanding Hell Rigor

Why do you need B, assuming A was driving. Don't say B was driving. Ever. If he wasnt.

As A was driving, they passed ...

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376208)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:06 AM
Author: Flushed elite indian lodge roast beef

you have to make it more exciting. keep the reader interested.

"Where did this take place? In X. And what happened in X? A and B were together in a car. And what did that car do? Why it passed by another car, a car driven by C. And was C alone in that second car? No, no C was not. C was with D. That's right. A and B passed C and D. It's all true."

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376212)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:08 AM
Author: Odious dull reading party

Were A and B both at the wheel?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376217)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:13 AM
Author: Sinister tank

turns out it was a tandem bicycle.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376233)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:20 AM
Author: Tantric Chrome Bawdyhouse



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376607)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:18 AM
Author: Flesh Misunderstood Toaster Crackhouse

As some faggot and his friend were driving in the restricted area, they passed a car driven by a nigger and containing some other faggot as a passenger. Regards, I hope this helps.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376246)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:26 AM
Author: geriatric chest-beating cruise ship boltzmann

The two cars passed in X. In one, A was driving B. In the other, C was driving D.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376290)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:29 AM
Author: Lascivious Stead Sneaky Criminal

star crossed lovers. reads like brokeback mountain

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376306)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:31 AM
Author: geriatric chest-beating cruise ship boltzmann

still the best way to do it. He has more than a handful of items to hit: location, two cars, who was each driver and who was each passenger, that they passed.

This does it and leaves no uncertainty at all

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376317)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:34 AM
Author: Topaz Vigorous Hospital Dog Poop



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376330)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:35 AM
Author: irradiated bat-shit-crazy location

Okay? Wow. Hey. Picture this: Cars A and B. Right? Going through section X. *makes large "X" using forearms* And boom! Right there, they pass car C. *makes "C" using hand* A car which, at the time, was containing D *unzips pants* as a passenger. *pulls cock out of fly* Any questions?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376331)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:37 AM
Author: deranged area foreskin



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376336)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:40 AM
Author: Cerebral Ruby Degenerate

A and B, as was their custom from time to time, were engaged in that most fanciful of modern hobbies, navigation of modern paved roads in a device propelled by an internal combustion engine, whence, they happened to pass by and through the X area. It was delightful that time of year and a welcome respite from their usual tiresome surroundings. And, as fate or chance, or even perhaps the Muses had it, another fellow engaged in the very same hobby happened by. Of course, known to them, and combustion engine navigators the State over, twas C along with D. Both were fair fellows and known to A and B. As custom would insist they happened both to notice and acknowledge each other, hobbyists in the same pursuit as they were.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376358)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 22nd, 2022 10:09 AM
Author: deep idiotic site electric furnace



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#44008930)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:44 AM
Author: Twinkling pit

So, we need to talk about A driving around with B. Here's the thing: they were in X area, and what's problematic is they passed by C—yes, THAT C. C had a passenger at the time, D. Here's why that's not okay.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376389)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:45 AM
Author: drab alcoholic coffee pot

400 km/h, 450 km/h, 500 km/h, 550 km/h; A could feel the force of the acceleration pressing him against the sport bucket seats of his Turbo Allegra Mk. 2, their soft, well-sourced alcantara cosseting his tightly leather chapped legs, the micromechanical motors within instantaneously adjusting to each minor perturbation in the vehicle's three-axis orientation to keep him perfectly balanced, its SWIFT systems scanning kilometers ahead of them in real-time and predictively modulating the various electromagnetic and anti-kinetic shielding systems in order to protect their passage as they rocketed upward toward the gateway to area X--area X, the Sacred Seat of Cybernetic Heaven, its secrets whispering to the hovels of his birthplace below, beckoning brave boys with the Siren Song: "Come, Unlock Our Treasurehosue of Wonder or Die Trying"; "It's a goddamn marvel--" that was B, his copilot jockey, in the seat beside him--he'd always liked the tech stuff, engineered things were his jig and jive and the natural knack he'd expressed for them had been evident since his Fourth Year when he'd spontaneously programmed a molecular excavator during off time while the rest of the class was at the playground; he and B had been practicing for this for over three years, secretive sessions when the sensor rings slipped from alignment every third week on Sunday for maintena--"we have a fucking BOGEY at 3 o'clock HIGH!" B screamed, interrupting his meditation on the past--the systems of the Allegra were fast, but B was faster and he'd spotted the incoming a split second before the computerized indication of the same: "Warning, SWIFT has detected an intrusion in the third--" he cut off the computer; he knew what he needed to know: C was moving to intercept them in his Outrigger, accompanied by D; they'd planned for this eventuality, both the conflict itself and the psychology of facing your own brother and cousin 45 kilometers up in the air, each precise maneuver tiptoeing on the razor thin edge between life and death, a minute miscalculation capable of throwing you off the wrong side into a fiery midair death--there was something poignant about it, the notion that he could die up here in an instant and to his friends and family in the warrens of Bressville below, toiling through their daily tasks with no comprehension of the enormous aerial pageantry above them, his life could blot out with no greater signifier than a vanishing spot of light in the sky; he banished the thought of this and other things as he shouted in the cockpit "let's smoke these fuckers" and pushed down hard on the throttle, the frame of the Allegra bending, straining, complying with the command as they soared to meet the enemy head on, he and B laughing aloud at the thrill of it all.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376393)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:47 AM
Author: Twinkling pit

Wow

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376411)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:49 AM
Author: drab alcoholic coffee pot

I just copied this from a brief.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376419)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:15 AM
Author: gold lodge boiling water



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376574)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:54 AM
Author: Wonderful Demanding Hell Rigor

Your stuff is the only stuff from here I share w my wife. Every time, I explain that "It's just lawyers--we get bored at work--yeah, I know, that's what makes it funny--"

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376824)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 1:21 PM
Author: Unhinged mint fat ankles



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42377415)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 22nd, 2022 10:00 AM
Author: Crystalline concupiscible preventive strike giraffe



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#44008886)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 22nd, 2022 9:32 AM
Author: histrionic scourge upon the earth box office



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#44722509)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:51 AM
Author: Effete Stag Film Affirmative Action



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376432)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:05 AM
Author: Tantric Chrome Bawdyhouse

titcr.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376504)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:10 AM
Author: Unhinged mint fat ankles

180

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376531)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:18 AM
Author: chartreuse roommate native



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376589)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:23 AM
Author: thriller becky abode



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376641)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:24 AM
Author: Crystalline concupiscible preventive strike giraffe

holy shit

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376648)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:34 AM
Author: chartreuse roommate native

attn low attention span poasters read this whole thing pls

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376708)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 1:13 PM
Author: Lascivious Stead Sneaky Criminal

how

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42377366)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 22nd, 2022 9:36 AM
Author: Yellow stimulating meetinghouse friendly grandma



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#44722527)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:35 AM
Author: Spectacular center



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376711)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 12:00 PM
Author: racy harsh parlor



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376866)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 12:01 PM
Author: Supple fishy trailer park



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376872)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 3:27 PM
Author: thriller becky abode



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42378128)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 1st, 2021 9:20 PM
Author: racy harsh parlor



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42558237)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 22nd, 2022 10:00 AM
Author: Crystalline concupiscible preventive strike giraffe



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#44008882)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 22nd, 2022 10:05 AM
Author: racy harsh parlor

this is incredible

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#44008910)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 25th, 2022 1:39 PM
Author: Crystalline concupiscible preventive strike giraffe



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#44032706)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 4th, 2022 12:31 PM
Author: Lemon offensive forum athletic conference



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#44453902)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 22nd, 2022 9:31 AM
Author: histrionic scourge upon the earth box office

wow

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#44722507)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 22nd, 2022 9:34 AM
Author: Unhinged mint fat ankles



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#44722517)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 22nd, 2022 9:44 AM
Author: bonkers marketing idea whorehouse



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#44722548)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:49 AM
Author: Soul-stirring Mentally Impaired Den Community Account

High | level | legal work

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376422)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:28 AM
Author: Fragrant Range Hissy Fit



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376672)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:55 AM
Author: Glassy church building mother

Each of A and B were driving in AREA. They both passed a car driven by C with D as a passenger.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376456)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:05 AM
Author: Adventurous Sickened Generalized Bond Fanboi

A and B passed a car driven by C, who was transporting D as a passenger, as they drove through the X area.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376505)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:07 AM
Author: Kink-friendly mind-boggling theater queen of the night

two people, a & b, drove past c driving with d in his car.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376517)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:13 AM
Author: Beta Brindle Karate

C and his passenger D were traveling in X area. A overtook and passed them. B overtook and passed them too.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376555)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:19 AM
Author: flatulent grizzly casino legal warrant

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car driven by C, which contained D as a passenger.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376600)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:24 AM
Author: Swashbuckling principal's office

Haven’t read any of the replies, so someone else may have made the same suggestion, but I’d go with:

While driving in the X area, A & B passed a car containing C (driver) and D (passenger).

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376651)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:27 AM
Author: thriller becky abode

This was basically gromjoh's poast above except his was more concise.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376665)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:34 AM
Author: Crystalline concupiscible preventive strike giraffe



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376704)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:40 AM
Author: Spectacular center



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376736)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 2:08 PM
Author: drab alcoholic coffee pot



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42377648)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 22nd, 2022 10:01 AM
Author: Crystalline concupiscible preventive strike giraffe



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#44008887)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:33 AM
Author: umber seedy mad-dog skullcap voyeur

writing MFE's, any resources on improving clunky writing? I recently jumped from GOV to tech

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376695)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:33 AM
Author: Spectacular center

Did you try the hydro hack?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376699)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:40 AM
Author: Out-of-control headpube

What’s that

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376738)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:41 AM
Author: Spectacular center

You should drink more water, you're probably dehydrated. This will, among other things, improve cognitive function and therefore improve your writing. While you're at it also check your posture I bet you're slouching right now.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376746)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:49 AM
Author: chartreuse roommate native



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376800)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 1:17 PM
Author: Plum messiness institution

Just write in the active voice with short simple sentences, subject verb object. Not hard

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42377389)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 1:16 PM
Author: Plum messiness institution

A and B saw C driving in X

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42377381)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 1:28 PM
Author: charismatic public bath

andy and brad were driving around brooklyn when they passed carl and dave in their car.

this doesn't define who is driving and who is riding though.



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42377449)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 1:38 PM
Author: hyperactive orchid digit ratio orchestra pit

I am gay

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42377484)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 3:36 PM
Author: thriller becky abode

great thread

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42378176)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 3:39 PM
Author: Excitant volcanic crater

Shitty writing is putting too much into one sentence.

A and B were driving in the X area. [query: are they both driving separate cars?] C driving D passed them.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42378186)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 8:29 PM
Author: Flushed elite indian lodge roast beef

A and C, drivers, were in different cars, driving through area X, and with them were B and D, passengers; B was with A while D was with C; A and B passed by C and D.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42379691)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 2nd, 2021 12:50 PM
Author: Flushed elite indian lodge roast beef



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42387061)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 23rd, 2021 3:44 PM
Author: Flushed elite indian lodge roast beef



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42509184)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 2nd, 2021 12:36 PM
Author: Spectacular center

Where are we on this? Thank

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42386977)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 22nd, 2022 10:06 AM
Author: deep idiotic site electric furnace

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car driven by C in which D was a passenger.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#44008916)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 25th, 2022 1:44 PM
Author: vibrant carmine deer antler tanning salon

OP, does this help?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#44032743)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 22nd, 2022 9:32 AM
Author: insane aquamarine rehab

i don't think anyone reads shitlaw shitpaper so it doesn't matter. aren't state court judges borderline retarded?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#44722512)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 19th, 2026 12:23 PM
Author: Effete Stag Film Affirmative Action



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#49827186)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 19th, 2026 12:42 PM
Author: deep idiotic site electric furnace

"and containing D as" -> "in which D was", otherwise fine

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#49827205)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 19th, 2026 1:15 PM
Author: Tantric Chrome Bawdyhouse

Lots of helpful suggestions in this thread but I’m not sure we’ve got it figured out just yet. Let’s put a pin in it and move on. OP: what’s the next sentence?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#49827228)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 19th, 2026 2:57 PM
Author: Effete Stag Film Affirmative Action



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#49827363)