https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/ttmao9/my_girlfriend_was_sexually_assaulted_and_left_me/

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5911129&forum_id=2#50180421)

She started as my high school friend who I grew closer to after we graduated and we started dating. She was very sweet and although she struggled a little mentally and sometimes needed emotional support from me which I was happy to give, I think she managed herself well and was a very dynamic, good natured person.

Then it happened. I won't share them here, but I know the details of the assault and I was appalled when she told me about it. She didn't want to press charges and I promised her I would always take care of and be there for her when she needed me.

But after that day something changed in her. It was subtle at first, she became very easily irritated and would frequently distance herself from other people, especially me, shutting down all communication between us. I never knew when or why, but if I tried to talk to her she'd get mad at me so instead I just gave her space and tried to support her from afar.

After a while it escalated. She'd say mean, hurtful, vicious things to me. She'd make fun of me about things I had confided in her I was insecure or awkward about. She'd manipulate me and threaten to break up with me if I didn't do things she wanted. When I started trying to put up boundaries, she'd go out of her way to tear them down. When she got extremely angry she'd punch things and often hurt herself in the process, which would just make her more upset and erratic.

Some days she would be nice...overly nice. She'd tell me she wanted to get married and ask me what our kids would be named. Then the next she'd go out of her way to avoid me at all costs, and if I tried to talk to her she'd lash out at me. She went from sweet to sad to angry to terrifying. I felt like I was walking on my tiptoes all the time around her, not sure which version of my girlfriend I was going to get that day, and too afraid to find out.

Then one day it was particularly bad. She shut everyone out, not just me but her friends too. No one had heard from her for days, so I finally went to try and talk to her. I knew she didn't like being asked if she was okay, so all I asked her was if she felt comfortable talking to me at that moment. The outburst of visceral anger that followed still haunts me even now. "It's your fault I'm doing this, you pushed me to do this".

Needless to say, we broke up that night. I was in tears and a mess and believed that it was all because of me. Not even a week later, I learned from her that she had hooked up with a guy, her coworker. The same guy who had sexually assaulted her no less than 2 months ago.

I don't know what brought her to do that, and I never will. I will never fault her for what that guy did to her because it was not her fault at all, she was a victim who didn't ask for anything from him and all I ever wanted for her was to recover and move forward.

But as for what happened between us...I don't know what to think. It feels insensitive and awful to think of myself as a victim too, but after all of the things I was put through in that relationship I feel like a shell of my former self. It was once so easy to express my feelings and emotions to people and now I can't do it anymore because I'm scared of them being used against me again.

Not just that, but the idea that she decided to date him instead is just...unfathomable to me. He assaulted her. He made her cry multiple times, and break down multiple times, once even in public. I can't express how awful it feels to know that someone you loved so dearly decided a person who violated them like that was more important to them than you.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5911129&forum_id=2#50180426)

Better question is, races?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5911129&forum_id=2#50180434)

In any event, your job is to be there for her if she comes back and support her from afar if she doesn't, and understand that there may be some period where it's not clear which of these will be the longterm solution. And stop acting like a victim when your ex-gf clearly is the victim.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5911129&forum_id=2#50180465)