Date: March 15th, 2026 1:10 PM Author: Gay of Hormuz
In a bizarre press conference Friday, Secretary of War Pete Hegseth declared that Iran now "lacks the capability" to produce a Big Arch, claiming key burger infrastructure and the regime's access to the mysterious burger sauce had been severely degraded. Officials offered no evidence, but insisted any future attempt to assemble the McDonald's sandwich would be met with overwhelming scrutiny.