Today I launched my plan. I got Sbarro pizza to go for lunch. This provided me with a cardboard 'to go' pizza box that I converted into a turd containment vehicle. I drank a huge starbucks venti house coffee in about fifty seconds, burning the shit out of my tounge doing so. The coffee had the intended shitogenic effect. I went into the bathroom with my sbarro box, squatted over it, and hatched a mean, stinky, mullato log dead center (covering one errant pepperoni). I also stole a spatula from the office kitchen, as I did not want to soil my hands with feces during my revenge.

I left work. I slunk through traffic like a lion in the amber grass, stalking my monkey prey. I planned to scoop up my log missle with the spatula and whip it with wrist action as fast as andre agassi's. Unfortunately, I am right handed, so I knew I would have to whip that motherfucker with my left hand out my driver's side window and hope for the best.

I spotted the bitch on the corner. She wasn't crossing, but she was eating. She had a plate of chicken wings....she was jamming one after another into her mouth, sucking off the meat, and throwing the chicken bone on the ground. It looked like a chicken sacrifice had taken place. She then licked her greasy fingers with her big negroid lips and yelled something to the negroes at the liquor store across the street, clearly her next destination.

I loaded up my spatula and put my window down. Everything slowed way down and I took on a zen like calmness as I cocked back the turd. I whipped it. As it flew through the air, I was heartbroken to see it split into two pieces...there must have been some weak point in my log. I posit that this was the interface between my steak and potato dinner shit and my toast and yogurt breakfast shit; they had simply formed a single log with very different turdodynamic properties.

To my amazement, both chunks of pewp hit their mark. I was at first concerned that I had damaged the fabric of space and time, as this chunk of shyte whipped off of my spatula only slightly slower than the speed of light. The smaller piece went directly into her open, yelling mouth; the second larger piece hit her hard, neanderthal head and pancaked into a massive shit explosion. As she dropped her plate of chicken wings and yelled, I saw her bite down on the turd in her mouth which resulted in shit being squeezed between the gaps in her carie-ridden, rotting teeth.

I hit the gas and flew by her. On the way past I gave her fat ass a good whack with my spatula. I was so thrilled I came home and opened a bottle of Dom Perignon to celebrate.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4583626&forum_id=2#40597658)

turdodynamic properties

Really good stuff here, OP must be an engineer

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4583626&forum_id=2#46981097)