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Good writers: Fix this clunky sentence I can't seem to fix

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car dri...
Supple library marketing idea
  04/30/21
"C was seen driving in the X area, with D as a passenge...
pink chest-beating pit gaming laptop
  04/30/21
they do if its an auto case. Contrib or comparative play a ...
Crystalline beady-eyed stock car site
  04/30/21
Your sentence doesn't even say that A and B saw C and D, jus...
arrogant tanning salon chad
  04/30/21
As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car dri...
Know-it-all lettuce
  05/02/21
Quick fixxx
Electric boiling water
  02/25/22
“As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a ...
Ebony fear-inspiring range
  04/30/21
...
heady step-uncle's house people who are hurt
  04/30/21
i thought about breaking it up -- it worse because it puts e...
Supple library marketing idea
  04/30/21
Ah m, okay. For some reason I assumed that D was the main pe...
Ebony fear-inspiring range
  04/30/21
C and D are both involved. I continue to use the term "...
Supple library marketing idea
  04/30/21
"at this time" ROFL
pink chest-beating pit gaming laptop
  04/30/21
Need to clarify at some point whether A or B were actually d...
Crystalline beady-eyed stock car site
  04/30/21
Yeah I just worked with the isolated sentence in question b/...
Ebony fear-inspiring range
  04/30/21
You can do it in another sentence, but it's going to be impo...
Crystalline beady-eyed stock car site
  04/30/21
While driving in the X area, A & B passed a car that C w...
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  04/30/21
...
Zippy pearly filthpig legend
  04/30/21
As A and B were driving separately in the X area, they passe...
vermilion native blood rage
  04/30/21
This suggestion isn't meant to be used word for word, just g...
Emerald Messiness
  04/30/21
...
Supple library marketing idea
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...
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Very clear, no ambiguity, reads like 1st order logic, I like...
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As A and B entered the X area, they looked at each other, an...
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FRIENDLESS FAGGOT BIRDSHIT A was driving some FAGgOt BIRdshi...
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As A and B were sucking each other’s cocks in the XXX ...
soggy base police squad
  04/30/21
i think you nailed it.
heady step-uncle's house people who are hurt
  04/30/21
...
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  04/30/21
i hope everyone appreciates the mental illness being perform...
heady step-uncle's house people who are hurt
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  04/30/21
A and B passed D and C, who was driving.
Slap-happy rehab dragon
  04/30/21
...
Startled National Generalized Bond
  04/30/21
sounds like a riddle
pink chest-beating pit gaming laptop
  04/30/21
i hate this crap As A and B were driving in the X area, t...
mentally impaired theater stage fat ankles
  04/30/21
i wish this works and it sounds nice but it seems slightly o...
Supple library marketing idea
  04/30/21
As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed by D (who...
mentally impaired theater stage fat ankles
  04/30/21
doesn't it need "D's car"
Supple library marketing idea
  04/30/21
it says he was driving, which means an automobile. if y...
mentally impaired theater stage fat ankles
  04/30/21
Why do you need B, assuming A was driving. Don't say B was ...
Crystalline beady-eyed stock car site
  04/30/21
you have to make it more exciting. keep the reader interest...
razzmatazz shrine
  04/30/21
Were A and B both at the wheel?
motley avocado community account
  04/30/21
turns out it was a tandem bicycle.
heady step-uncle's house people who are hurt
  04/30/21
...
Startled National Generalized Bond
  04/30/21
As some faggot and his friend were driving in the restricted...
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The two cars passed in X. In one, A was driving B. In the ot...
Laughsome mad cow disease
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star crossed lovers. reads like brokeback mountain
Slap-happy rehab dragon
  04/30/21
still the best way to do it. He has more than a handful of i...
Laughsome mad cow disease
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...
Ebony fear-inspiring range
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Okay? Wow. Hey. Picture this: Cars A and B. Right? Going thr...
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...
impressive stubborn plaza
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A and B, as was their custom from time to time, were engaged...
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clear location boltzmann
  02/22/22
So, we need to talk about A driving around with B. Here's th...
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400 km/h, 450 km/h, 500 km/h, 550 km/h; A could feel the for...
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I just copied this from a brief.
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Your stuff is the only stuff from here I share w my wife. E...
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attn low attention span poasters read this whole thing pls
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...
floppy becky
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Each of A and B were driving in AREA. They both passed a car...
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  04/30/21
A and B passed a car driven by C, who was transporting D as ...
Mind-boggling Weed Whacker
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two people, a & b, drove past c driving with d in his ca...
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C and his passenger D were traveling in X area. A overtook a...
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As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car dri...
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Haven’t read any of the replies, so someone else may h...
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This was basically gromjoh's poast above except his was more...
Canary Jewess
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...
Puce arousing voyeur
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...
Emerald Messiness
  04/30/21
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writing MFE's, any resources on improving clunky writing? I ...
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Did you try the hydro hack?
Emerald Messiness
  04/30/21
What’s that
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You should drink more water, you're probably dehydrated. Th...
Emerald Messiness
  04/30/21
...
stirring orchestra pit international law enforcement agency
  04/30/21
Just write in the active voice with short simple sentences, ...
provocative haunting factory reset button
  04/30/21
A and B saw C driving in X
provocative haunting factory reset button
  04/30/21
andy and brad were driving around brooklyn when they passed ...
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  04/30/21
great thread
Canary Jewess
  04/30/21
Shitty writing is putting too much into one sentence. A and...
Buff Rough-skinned Gas Station
  04/30/21
A and C, drivers, were in different cars, driving through ar...
razzmatazz shrine
  04/30/21
...
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razzmatazz shrine
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Where are we on this? Thank
Emerald Messiness
  05/02/21
As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car dri...
clear location boltzmann
  02/22/22
OP, does this help?
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i don't think anyone reads shitlaw shitpaper so it doesn't m...
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Zippy pearly filthpig legend
  04/19/26
"and containing D as" -> "in which D was&q...
clear location boltzmann
  04/19/26
Lots of helpful suggestions in this thread but I’m not...
Startled National Generalized Bond
  04/19/26
...
Zippy pearly filthpig legend
  04/19/26


Poast new message in this thread



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:48 AM
Author: Supple library marketing idea

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car driven by C and containing D as a passenger.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376133)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:57 AM
Author: pink chest-beating pit gaming laptop

"C was seen driving in the X area, with D as a passenger, by both A and B."

(no one gives a fuck whether A and B were driving or doing a standing 69 at the time they saw these faggots)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376836)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 12:01 PM
Author: Crystalline beady-eyed stock car site

they do if its an auto case. Contrib or comparative play a role potentially. Better to keep it clean.



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376873)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 2:10 PM
Author: arrogant tanning salon chad

Your sentence doesn't even say that A and B saw C and D, just that they passed them.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42377665)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 2nd, 2021 12:40 PM
Author: Know-it-all lettuce

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car driven by C which contained D as a passenger.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42386999)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 25th, 2022 1:42 PM
Author: Electric boiling water
Subject: Quick fixxx

As A and B were driving in X, they passed a car driven by C containing D as a passenger.

EDIT: LMAO at the date

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#44032731)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:52 AM
Author: Ebony fear-inspiring range

“As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car driven by C. D was a passenger in C’s car at the time.”

Would break up the sentences. Your original sentence isn’t terrible though.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376145)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:53 AM
Author: heady step-uncle's house people who are hurt



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376148)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:55 AM
Author: Supple library marketing idea

i thought about breaking it up -- it worse because it puts emphasis on "D was a passenger in C’s car at this time" -- which is a minor detail.

it doesn't really matter whether C or D is the driver.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376159)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:56 AM
Author: Ebony fear-inspiring range

Ah m, okay. For some reason I assumed that D was the main person.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376166)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:03 AM
Author: Supple library marketing idea

C and D are both involved. I continue to use the term "C's car" for clarity

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376201)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:51 AM
Author: pink chest-beating pit gaming laptop

"at this time"

ROFL

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376807)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:54 AM
Author: Crystalline beady-eyed stock car site

Need to clarify at some point whether A or B were actually driving. Or were they in two separate cars, both of which passed C.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376155)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:55 AM
Author: Ebony fear-inspiring range

Yeah I just worked with the isolated sentence in question b/c I didn’t know what the surrounding sentences are like.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376160)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:04 AM
Author: Crystalline beady-eyed stock car site

You can do it in another sentence, but it's going to be important to be clear who was driving in the passing car.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376205)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:55 AM
Author: sickened smoky really tough guy

While driving in the X area, A & B passed a car that C was driving with a passenger, D.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376157)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:57 AM
Author: Zippy pearly filthpig legend



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376168)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:58 AM
Author: vermilion native blood rage

As A and B were driving separately in the X area, they passed a car driven by C which contained D as a passenger.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376174)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:59 AM
Author: Emerald Messiness

This suggestion isn't meant to be used word for word, just generally to give you the right idea on how to handle this sort of thing, please develop as part of an exercise in your own development as a lawyer. Really need to break this into clauses that explain everything.

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car driven by C and containing D as a passenger.

WHEREAS A, B, C, and D are human persons domiciled in Jurisdiction Y

WHEREAS X is a certain area in Jurisdiction Y

WHEREAS A, B, and C are legally authorized to operate motor vehicles ("cars" and each individual such vehicle a "car")

WHEREAS on that certain date, A, B, and C were operating cars.

WHEREAS on that certain date, D was a passenger in the car operated by C.

Now, therefore be it resolved, on that certain date, the aforementioned cars traversed on intersecting paths in Area X.

[I assume by "passed" you mean "passed" as in "they passed by each other while headed in different directions," revise if you mean they were going the same way and A/B's cars passed/overtook C's car.]

Please handle and recirculate, thanks.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376176)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:03 AM
Author: Supple library marketing idea



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376203)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:45 AM
Author: stirring orchestra pit international law enforcement agency



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376392)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:08 AM
Author: marvelous cyan sweet tailpipe



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376526)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:25 AM
Author: Flickering forum



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376657)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 4th, 2022 12:40 PM
Author: pearl property

Very clear, no ambiguity, reads like 1st order logic, I like it.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#44453959)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:59 AM
Author: Transparent Bespoke Heaven Goyim

As A and B entered the X area, they looked at each other, and although none of them said a word, they understood each other perfectly. It was X area after all. Are there any Xs around, they wondered? They passed a beaten-up vehicle with ridiculous oversized chromed wheels with C as a driver and D as a passenger. X's! - thought A and B. C and D did not think anything. They were high.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376178)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:36 AM
Author: impressive stubborn plaza



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376332)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:37 AM
Author: Honey-headed mexican



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376340)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:59 AM
Author: Exhilarant Athletic Conference Associate

FRIENDLESS FAGGOT BIRDSHIT A was driving some FAGgOt BIRdshit car alone(some other NIFmGGA was drivomg alone in another car) they passed ALPHA TURD C , who has MANY DRINKING BUDDIES, SO NATURALLY HAD A PASSENGER (most likely an AZNgirl getting wet for MAMMOTH TURDCOCK)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376183)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:00 AM
Author: soggy base police squad



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376187)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:01 AM
Author: Emerald Messiness



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376195)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:18 AM
Author: Mustard 180 principal's office elastic band



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376249)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:47 AM
Author: talented useless brakes



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376406)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:36 AM
Author: swashbuckling lavender nowag laser beams



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376713)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:37 AM
Author: stirring orchestra pit international law enforcement agency



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376724)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 12:32 PM
Author: Jet-lagged chapel selfie



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42377057)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 1st, 2021 12:19 AM
Author: soggy base police squad



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42380818)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 9:59 AM
Author: soggy base police squad

As A and B were sucking each other’s cocks in the XXX area, C drove by with D cumming in his ass.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376184)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:00 AM
Author: heady step-uncle's house people who are hurt

i think you nailed it.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376191)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 3:36 PM
Author: Canary Jewess



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42378174)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:00 AM
Author: heady step-uncle's house people who are hurt

i hope everyone appreciates the mental illness being performed right now.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376189)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:28 AM
Author: floppy becky



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376669)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:01 AM
Author: Slap-happy rehab dragon

A and B passed D and C, who was driving.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376194)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:37 AM
Author: Startled National Generalized Bond



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376341)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:52 AM
Author: pink chest-beating pit gaming laptop

sounds like a riddle

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376816)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:01 AM
Author: mentally impaired theater stage fat ankles

i hate this crap

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed by D driving with C.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376197)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:05 AM
Author: Supple library marketing idea

i wish this works and it sounds nice but it seems slightly off

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376206)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:06 AM
Author: mentally impaired theater stage fat ankles

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed by D (who was driving with C).

This is it

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376211)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:07 AM
Author: Supple library marketing idea

doesn't it need "D's car"

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376216)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:42 AM
Author: mentally impaired theater stage fat ankles

it says he was driving, which means an automobile.

if you think specifying what kind of automobile is a key detail then can add that

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376370)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:05 AM
Author: Crystalline beady-eyed stock car site

Why do you need B, assuming A was driving. Don't say B was driving. Ever. If he wasnt.

As A was driving, they passed ...

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376208)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:06 AM
Author: razzmatazz shrine

you have to make it more exciting. keep the reader interested.

"Where did this take place? In X. And what happened in X? A and B were together in a car. And what did that car do? Why it passed by another car, a car driven by C. And was C alone in that second car? No, no C was not. C was with D. That's right. A and B passed C and D. It's all true."

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376212)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:08 AM
Author: motley avocado community account

Were A and B both at the wheel?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376217)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:13 AM
Author: heady step-uncle's house people who are hurt

turns out it was a tandem bicycle.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376233)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:20 AM
Author: Startled National Generalized Bond



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376607)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:18 AM
Author: Mustard 180 principal's office elastic band

As some faggot and his friend were driving in the restricted area, they passed a car driven by a nigger and containing some other faggot as a passenger. Regards, I hope this helps.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376246)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:26 AM
Author: Laughsome mad cow disease

The two cars passed in X. In one, A was driving B. In the other, C was driving D.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376290)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:29 AM
Author: Slap-happy rehab dragon

star crossed lovers. reads like brokeback mountain

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376306)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:31 AM
Author: Laughsome mad cow disease

still the best way to do it. He has more than a handful of items to hit: location, two cars, who was each driver and who was each passenger, that they passed.

This does it and leaves no uncertainty at all

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376317)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:34 AM
Author: Ebony fear-inspiring range



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376330)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:35 AM
Author: Honey-headed mexican

Okay? Wow. Hey. Picture this: Cars A and B. Right? Going through section X. *makes large "X" using forearms* And boom! Right there, they pass car C. *makes "C" using hand* A car which, at the time, was containing D *unzips pants* as a passenger. *pulls cock out of fly* Any questions?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376331)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:37 AM
Author: impressive stubborn plaza



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376336)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:40 AM
Author: olive bonkers university rigpig

A and B, as was their custom from time to time, were engaged in that most fanciful of modern hobbies, navigation of modern paved roads in a device propelled by an internal combustion engine, whence, they happened to pass by and through the X area. It was delightful that time of year and a welcome respite from their usual tiresome surroundings. And, as fate or chance, or even perhaps the Muses had it, another fellow engaged in the very same hobby happened by. Of course, known to them, and combustion engine navigators the State over, twas C along with D. Both were fair fellows and known to A and B. As custom would insist they happened both to notice and acknowledge each other, hobbyists in the same pursuit as they were.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376358)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 22nd, 2022 10:09 AM
Author: clear location boltzmann



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#44008930)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:44 AM
Author: Hairraiser tripping theatre personal credit line

So, we need to talk about A driving around with B. Here's the thing: they were in X area, and what's problematic is they passed by C—yes, THAT C. C had a passenger at the time, D. Here's why that's not okay.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376389)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:45 AM
Author: chestnut flatulent parlor private investor

400 km/h, 450 km/h, 500 km/h, 550 km/h; A could feel the force of the acceleration pressing him against the sport bucket seats of his Turbo Allegra Mk. 2, their soft, well-sourced alcantara cosseting his tightly leather chapped legs, the micromechanical motors within instantaneously adjusting to each minor perturbation in the vehicle's three-axis orientation to keep him perfectly balanced, its SWIFT systems scanning kilometers ahead of them in real-time and predictively modulating the various electromagnetic and anti-kinetic shielding systems in order to protect their passage as they rocketed upward toward the gateway to area X--area X, the Sacred Seat of Cybernetic Heaven, its secrets whispering to the hovels of his birthplace below, beckoning brave boys with the Siren Song: "Come, Unlock Our Treasurehosue of Wonder or Die Trying"; "It's a goddamn marvel--" that was B, his copilot jockey, in the seat beside him--he'd always liked the tech stuff, engineered things were his jig and jive and the natural knack he'd expressed for them had been evident since his Fourth Year when he'd spontaneously programmed a molecular excavator during off time while the rest of the class was at the playground; he and B had been practicing for this for over three years, secretive sessions when the sensor rings slipped from alignment every third week on Sunday for maintena--"we have a fucking BOGEY at 3 o'clock HIGH!" B screamed, interrupting his meditation on the past--the systems of the Allegra were fast, but B was faster and he'd spotted the incoming a split second before the computerized indication of the same: "Warning, SWIFT has detected an intrusion in the third--" he cut off the computer; he knew what he needed to know: C was moving to intercept them in his Outrigger, accompanied by D; they'd planned for this eventuality, both the conflict itself and the psychology of facing your own brother and cousin 45 kilometers up in the air, each precise maneuver tiptoeing on the razor thin edge between life and death, a minute miscalculation capable of throwing you off the wrong side into a fiery midair death--there was something poignant about it, the notion that he could die up here in an instant and to his friends and family in the warrens of Bressville below, toiling through their daily tasks with no comprehension of the enormous aerial pageantry above them, his life could blot out with no greater signifier than a vanishing spot of light in the sky; he banished the thought of this and other things as he shouted in the cockpit "let's smoke these fuckers" and pushed down hard on the throttle, the frame of the Allegra bending, straining, complying with the command as they soared to meet the enemy head on, he and B laughing aloud at the thrill of it all.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376393)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:47 AM
Author: Hairraiser tripping theatre personal credit line

Wow

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376411)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:49 AM
Author: chestnut flatulent parlor private investor

I just copied this from a brief.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376419)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:15 AM
Author: talented useless brakes



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376574)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:54 AM
Author: Crystalline beady-eyed stock car site

Your stuff is the only stuff from here I share w my wife. Every time, I explain that "It's just lawyers--we get bored at work--yeah, I know, that's what makes it funny--"

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376824)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 1:21 PM
Author: contagious set friendly grandma



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42377415)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 22nd, 2022 10:00 AM
Author: Puce arousing voyeur



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#44008886)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 22nd, 2022 9:32 AM
Author: Maize soul-stirring scourge upon the earth



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#44722509)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:51 AM
Author: Zippy pearly filthpig legend



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376432)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:05 AM
Author: Startled National Generalized Bond

titcr.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376504)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:10 AM
Author: contagious set friendly grandma

180

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376531)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:18 AM
Author: stirring orchestra pit international law enforcement agency



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376589)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:23 AM
Author: Canary Jewess



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376641)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:24 AM
Author: Puce arousing voyeur

holy shit

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376648)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:34 AM
Author: stirring orchestra pit international law enforcement agency

attn low attention span poasters read this whole thing pls

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376708)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 1:13 PM
Author: Slap-happy rehab dragon

how

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42377366)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 22nd, 2022 9:36 AM
Author: Jet-lagged chapel selfie



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#44722527)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:35 AM
Author: Emerald Messiness



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376711)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 12:00 PM
Author: Fragrant shaky ratface



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376866)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 12:01 PM
Author: Trip pungent death wish



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376872)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 3:27 PM
Author: Canary Jewess



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42378128)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 1st, 2021 9:20 PM
Author: Fragrant shaky ratface



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42558237)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 22nd, 2022 10:00 AM
Author: Puce arousing voyeur



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#44008882)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 22nd, 2022 10:05 AM
Author: Fragrant shaky ratface

this is incredible

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#44008910)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 25th, 2022 1:39 PM
Author: Puce arousing voyeur



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#44032706)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 4th, 2022 12:31 PM
Author: Buck-toothed Glassy Jew



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#44453902)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 22nd, 2022 9:31 AM
Author: Maize soul-stirring scourge upon the earth

wow

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#44722507)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 22nd, 2022 9:34 AM
Author: contagious set friendly grandma



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#44722517)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 22nd, 2022 9:44 AM
Author: khaki indirect expression locale



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#44722548)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:49 AM
Author: Charismatic Feces Dopamine

High | level | legal work

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376422)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:28 AM
Author: floppy becky



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376672)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 10:55 AM
Author: wonderful space incel

Each of A and B were driving in AREA. They both passed a car driven by C with D as a passenger.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376456)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:05 AM
Author: Mind-boggling Weed Whacker

A and B passed a car driven by C, who was transporting D as a passenger, as they drove through the X area.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376505)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:07 AM
Author: Insecure dark party of the first part affirmative action

two people, a & b, drove past c driving with d in his car.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376517)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:13 AM
Author: chrome azn

C and his passenger D were traveling in X area. A overtook and passed them. B overtook and passed them too.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376555)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:19 AM
Author: Shimmering wagecucks crackhouse

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car driven by C, which contained D as a passenger.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376600)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:24 AM
Author: Hateful gay whorehouse

Haven’t read any of the replies, so someone else may have made the same suggestion, but I’d go with:

While driving in the X area, A & B passed a car containing C (driver) and D (passenger).

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376651)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:27 AM
Author: Canary Jewess

This was basically gromjoh's poast above except his was more concise.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376665)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:34 AM
Author: Puce arousing voyeur



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376704)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:40 AM
Author: Emerald Messiness



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376736)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 2:08 PM
Author: chestnut flatulent parlor private investor



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42377648)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 22nd, 2022 10:01 AM
Author: Puce arousing voyeur



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#44008887)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:33 AM
Author: Autistic magenta clown mad-dog skullcap

writing MFE's, any resources on improving clunky writing? I recently jumped from GOV to tech

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376695)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:33 AM
Author: Emerald Messiness

Did you try the hydro hack?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376699)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:40 AM
Author: disrespectful mental disorder idea he suggested

What’s that

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376738)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:41 AM
Author: Emerald Messiness

You should drink more water, you're probably dehydrated. This will, among other things, improve cognitive function and therefore improve your writing. While you're at it also check your posture I bet you're slouching right now.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376746)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 11:49 AM
Author: stirring orchestra pit international law enforcement agency



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42376800)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 1:17 PM
Author: provocative haunting factory reset button

Just write in the active voice with short simple sentences, subject verb object. Not hard

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42377389)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 1:16 PM
Author: provocative haunting factory reset button

A and B saw C driving in X

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42377381)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 1:28 PM
Author: translucent cruel-hearted public bath

andy and brad were driving around brooklyn when they passed carl and dave in their car.

this doesn't define who is driving and who is riding though.



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42377449)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 1:38 PM
Author: amethyst stead

I am gay

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42377484)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 3:36 PM
Author: Canary Jewess

great thread

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42378176)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 3:39 PM
Author: Buff Rough-skinned Gas Station

Shitty writing is putting too much into one sentence.

A and B were driving in the X area. [query: are they both driving separate cars?] C driving D passed them.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42378186)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2021 8:29 PM
Author: razzmatazz shrine

A and C, drivers, were in different cars, driving through area X, and with them were B and D, passengers; B was with A while D was with C; A and B passed by C and D.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42379691)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 2nd, 2021 12:50 PM
Author: razzmatazz shrine



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42387061)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 23rd, 2021 3:44 PM
Author: razzmatazz shrine



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42509184)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 2nd, 2021 12:36 PM
Author: Emerald Messiness

Where are we on this? Thank

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#42386977)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 22nd, 2022 10:06 AM
Author: clear location boltzmann

As A and B were driving in the X area, they passed a car driven by C in which D was a passenger.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#44008916)



Reply Favorite

Date: February 25th, 2022 1:44 PM
Author: pink chest-beating pit gaming laptop

OP, does this help?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#44032743)



Reply Favorite

Date: June 22nd, 2022 9:32 AM
Author: beta out-of-control pistol

i don't think anyone reads shitlaw shitpaper so it doesn't matter. aren't state court judges borderline retarded?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#44722512)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 19th, 2026 12:23 PM
Author: Zippy pearly filthpig legend



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#49827186)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 19th, 2026 12:42 PM
Author: clear location boltzmann

"and containing D as" -> "in which D was", otherwise fine

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#49827205)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 19th, 2026 1:15 PM
Author: Startled National Generalized Bond

Lots of helpful suggestions in this thread but I’m not sure we’ve got it figured out just yet. Let’s put a pin in it and move on. OP: what’s the next sentence?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#49827228)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 19th, 2026 2:57 PM
Author: Zippy pearly filthpig legend



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4823221&forum_id=2#49827363)