The News

Sex researchers and therapists have long known that women in heterosexual relationships tend to have fewer orgasms than men do. A large new study suggests that this “orgasm gap” persists — and does not improve with age.

The Numbers

The research, published recently in the journal Sexual Medicine, found that across all ages, men of all sexual orientations reported higher orgasm rates during sex — from 70 to 85 percent — compared with 46 to 58 percent for women. Lesbian and bisexual women between ages 35 and 49 reported higher orgasm rates than their heterosexual counterparts.

The analysis included data from eight Singles in America surveys, which are funded and conducted by Match.com annually in collaboration with The Kinsey Institute, the sexuality and relationships research program at Indiana University. The sample included more than 24,000 single Americans between the ages of 18 and 100.

Researchers were especially interested in the question of whether orgasm rates vary by age. Amanda Gesselman, a research scientist with the Kinsey Institute and lead author on the study, said she thought the team might find evidence that the orgasm gap narrows as women develop confidence and learn what they like (and, perhaps, their partners develop skills to help pleasure them).

However, while older gay and bisexual men and lesbian women did have higher orgasm rates, “we really didn’t see evidence of closing the orgasm gap overall,” she said, adding that she hopes future studies will explore the age-orgasm connection further.

“We really, as a society, sort of prioritize men’s pleasure and undervalue women’s sexual pleasure,” Dr. Gesselman said. “And I think that contributes to consistent disparities.”

The Limitations

Emily Nagoski, a sex educator and author of the book “Come Together” — who did not work on the new study — said a limitation of the study was that the survey asked: “When having sexual intercourse in general, what percentage of the time do you usually have an orgasm?” But it did not provide a more specific definition of what “sexual intercourse” means.

Research shows the majority of women require some form of clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm. So if straight women defined “sexual intercourse” as vaginal penetration alone, it makes sense that there was a significant gap in orgasm rates, she said.

A more revealing question might be, “What percentage of the sex you have do you like?” Dr. Nagoski said. “Orgasm is not the measure of a sexual encounter. Pleasure is the measure of a sexual encounter.”

Ultimately, what matters is that people spend time figuring out what makes a satisfying sexual encounter for them — which often includes things like connection, trust and comfort, said Kristen Mark, professor at the Eli Coleman Institute for Sexual and Gender Health at the University of Minnesota.

“There are so many ways to experience sexual pleasure, so it’s important not to equate the orgasm gap to a pleasure gap,” she added.

Dr. Mark said that may be especially true later in life, when factors like the hormonal changes that occur during menopause, a partner’s erectile problems or other health challenges can make it difficult for women to reliably orgasm during sex — but they might still be enjoying the sex they are having.

What Progress Looks Like

At the same time that sex researchers and experts are calling for a more nuanced understanding of what makes sex “successful,” they express frustration at the fact that heterosexual women of all ages are still not having as many orgasms as their partners.

Laurie Mintz, a professor of psychology at the University of Florida and author of “Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters — and How to Get It,” said the study’s findings underscore the need for comprehensive sex education. But that’s not enough.

Women need to figure out what they find pleasurable, and then feel confident and comfortable communicating that to their partners, Dr. Mintz said. That requires an attitude that conveys “I deserve pleasure as much as my partner,” she added — and it also requires a partner who is receptive and open. Dr. Mintz acknowledged that both are easier said than done, calling the orgasm gap an “insidious” byproduct of patriarchal attitudes toward sex.

Women who are unable to orgasm, or who are simply not having sex that feels good, can talk to their general practitioner, Dr. Mark added — though she lamented that it tends to fall on patients, not medical professionals, to initiate conversations about sexual health. And she acknowledged that most doctors get little if any training in sexual health. Still, “it’s their job to meet you where you are and find you the resources you need,” Dr. Mark said. For instance, issues like dryness and pain during sex after menopause — which can make orgasms elusive — are treatable.

But she and other sexual health experts emphasized that there are larger issues at play. Among them, the lingering idea that women’s sexual pleasure is somehow secondary.

“It can be fixed,” Dr. Mintz said. “It’s going to take education, and empowerment, and acceptance of vibrators and lubricants, and using the word ‘clitoris’ — and all of that.”

Catherine Pearson is a Times reporter who writes about families and relationships. More about Catherine Pearson

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5572633&forum_id=2most#47944152)

C

Cascata, CA

Santa Monica

Aug. 6

Times Pick

I dated a man for about 3 years. He insisted I was 'the only woman he ever slept with who did not orgasm from his penis.' Can you imagine? It was very frustrating. And to boot, he was not skilled at oral. At the time, I was very much in love with him and also in truth, I very much enjoyed our sexual encounters. But orgasms? Those were not happening for me -- so I was shamed by a man I loved and I felt guilty simultaneously. Add insult to injury, he told me that after a year, he started to get bored and as he could not make me orgasm. I did what most women do: I faked an orgasm. He was elated. Not only did I fake an orgasm, I faked orgasms for YEARS. Multiple orgasms. Sadly, he never knew. Never noticed my pupils weren't dilated. Never noticed an elevated heartrate. Never noticed any tell tale signs of a real orgasm. He would cue me when he wanted me to have an orgasm, and I would "have" one. He was delighted. I realize now how sad and pathetic that makes me. A woman pleasing a man and completely ignoring her own pleasure, as if I were living in the 1950's. Sad. Well, I'll never do that again. A good lesson. But since then, I've been with some fabulous men who appreciate that I enjoy intercourse and are very skilled at oral and with their hands and I'm able to orgasm easily, I'm happy to report. In other words, it wasn't me. Gotta say, I even feel as if I could orgasm during sex... but not with the kind of stress and pressure I was under with that man.

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MD commented August 6

M

MD

CT

Aug. 6

Times Pick

I can’t believe that today Hollywood still produces heterosexual sex scenes that most of the time show a) both partners having an orgasm at the same time and b) through penetration only. Supposedly Hollywood is progressive. How has there been no radical evolution over time? I feel like there’s been very little change. And movies seem to make a big impression on the mental maps of young people. I think the entertainment business could really make an impact. Please make movies with sex scenes that show women receiving pleasure through clitoral stimulation! It does not need to be explicit. We all know what’s going on when the hand moves down under the blanket… It would also be nice to hear more conversation focused on figuring out what is liked, what works for that person/couple. Our antiquated film industry needs to acknowledge a) most women do not climax with penetration alone and 2) everyone is different and pleasure requires some communication, especially for people having an encounter for the first time/early in the relationship (which seems to be the majority of heterosexual sex in movies).

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5572633&forum_id=2most#47944157)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5572633&forum_id=2most#47944202)

similarly, women self select into relationships with melvins who don't make them cum

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5572633&forum_id=2most#47944213)