I'm a Chinese international that has been dating and then married to a white woman for 10 years.

I intellectually know I shouldn't still be bitter about the treatment I suffered at the hands of AF, since I'm married now, but the pain and resentment has bubbled beneath the surface for a long time. Not for not getting more dates, but for the fundamental disrespect that I've been shown, that I don't even dare show towards animals. My entire life, AF outside my family have treated me as lower than an animal. Lower than dirt, in fact.

I remember in high school where I confessed to a girl and she laughed in my face.

I remember when a college date ghosted me at a subway in Beijing after she agreed to date 2 and we had a great time on date 1. She's still single today.

I remember when a grad school ex from Hong Kong broke up with me over text saying that she was only trying me out, then promptly started dating a guy that looked like Homer Simpson.

I remember my next ex in my job, who was from my home province. At one point, I was texting her some cool stuff I saw, and she literally replied "you can text me less, we have our own lives". A year later, she agreed to host a party with me, then just left during the party we were supposed to host together. I was texting her trying to figure out where she was, even as guests arrived. Comes home next day, claims it was mental health problems. I try to help her through it, she decides, no, she's had enough of me, I'm the toxic person in her life.

Every single AF in my life up to that point has treated me as disposable. Every, single, one. Not a single one treated me as a human worthy of the minimum respect. This was not an exaggeration.

My self esteem was near zero after that breakup. I quit my job, stayed in a cheap single room for months, living off savings. I could not handle life.

I didn't know what was my problem. I was fit, clean, decent hair, work in STEM, fully bilingual. I preferred doing art, reading, writing and singing karaoke to myself over watching TV or sports. I'm a pretty gentle person and love spoiling the women in my life. But apparently, none of it was enough.

Finally, I snapped out of it. I decided, I don't care anymore, I'm gonna try white. Within literal hours, I had a date with a white woman.

Everything AF took for granted, my first WF date thought was awesome. To actually be appreciated for being bilingual, reading books and doing art? Barely even mentions my job, let alone the salary, because she is really interested in me the person? Wow. Up to that point, I had never had so many compliments from a single woman before. Though my first relationship with a white woman didn't last, it also didn't end by me being ghosted, screamed at or a text breakup. It was an amicable parting. We did not share sufficient values. I am OK with that.

I thought that was a fluke. But I kept myself open. I didn't reject any AF.

It just so happened another WF fell into my life, my wife, before any AF could come in.

I don't demand that every AF immediately love me or anything. But to not be treated with the level of respect that they gave to even dogs was heartbreaking. And to this day, I still do not understand why.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5894698&forum_id=2~#50076779)